Forsaking the sex and the city lifestyle

Posted by James, 18 Mar 08

Ever felt like everything around you just screams SEX!!!!!?

Well if you really think about it, where do you find the Cosmo magazine these days? Next time, take a trip to the grocery store and you won’t miss one at the checkout. And this is perhaps the least sexy place on earth. But then again, the grocery store is mad sexy … where do we get those strawberries we feed each other during foreplay?

Well this is our world now. I remember once, I hooked up a buddy of mine with a 30 year old hot chick. And when she confessed to being a virgin, he got disgusted. Can you believe this guy? Suddenly, we constantly ridicule virginity! What is disgusting about a woman who still has her V-card?

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In this age where sexual mores are laid down by the ‘greatest inspiration’ Carrie Bradshaw of 'Sex and the City,' those that strive to attain a love that goes beyond sex are the rebels now. The rebels are pursuing Chastity - “that virtue by which we are in control of our sexual appetite rather than it being in control of us,᾿ as Mark Lowery, associate professor of theology at the University of Dallas puts it.

The thing is we always leave the door open, so that the option of sex is available. Nowadays people have sex before marriage thinking that it will bring us closer to our partners. Question is, does it really? Or does it effectively cause us to put up emotional barriers? Well, from my own experience, all the sex I have had has even failed to help me be able to sustain a committed relationship.

But this Sex and the City era, how do the supposed joys of sexual freedom to use or be used, to separate emotions from sex and sex from commitment, make one truly free? Where is the joy in that? We allow other people to touch our bodies but not our hearts. We always take the shortcut to intimacy.

But, is sexless dating a good idea in this world of “you have to take a car for a test drive …᾿ mentality? Is it possible to take the risk, forsake the sex-obsessed culture and let someone touch your heart?

Well, if you are fed up with this Sex and the City lifestyle, if you are fed up of using others and being used, then seeking chastity is the best way to go.

5 responses to "Forsaking the sex and the city lifestyle"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 10

    I agree with the premise of the post that one should sake the sex and the city mentality and as a marriage counselor, I have found out that sexual compatibility is the least issue that needs to be worked on especially between two virgins getting married. There are far more issues involved that can ruin the marriage than sex and that having sex is the easy part. Getting along with each other in everyday situations and life crisis' when sex is satisfied is another. I was engaged for five years when I was young and got pressured into sex and regretted it for the rest of my life as she cheated on me and left me. The five other ones that came after wards I didn't have sex with and our incompatibilities came out much quicker as they all cheated on me with someone who would have sex with them before marriage. So I agree with celibacy until marriage and also getting married due to compatibility other than sex. The odds of the marriage lasting will be much higher and hopefully won't end up being another sad divorce statistic or single mother statistic. Joseph Moyer

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  2.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 10

    When I was young and dumb and full of...ah, myself (and the media images of romance and love), sex was a must, a given, a had to be. And the sooner the better! As the years went by though I realized that sex too early confuses the relationship and that sex with love is WAAAAAAAY better anyhow.

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  3. Posted: 10 Jul 08

    I think this another interesting topic, I don't think having sex before marriage defines a bad relationship, the people involved in the relationship and how mature they are define it. I had a relationship with a girl who I had sex with the day after I met her, it was an amazing experience, very loving and supporting. After we broke up, due to her moving for work and me still being in school, I was having a lot of casual sex and found myself in a lot of uncomfortable and less than desirable situations so I decided to be celibate. I have been celibate for about 20 months now and I have to say that has made no difference in the women I have met or how well the relationship does. I am a firm believer that when you meet the right person for you things like popular convention about sex won't be so important, if you're into someone and they are into you that's all that will matter. Ladies you can agree with me on this because I have definitely noticed that when you are into a man no matter what his actions tell you, you are into him and no one can tell you differently. Us men are a little trickier, we are very afraid of emotional commitment because letting ourselves feel let alone being open about it wasn't socially ingrained it to us like it has been for you. I remember being a kid and being told don't cry, don't whine, don't talk too much, these are all female traits and if you act like this then you are gay. For a lot of us especially black men this was our households, being tough not emotional. So with that being said its very hard for us identify a connection without some type of physical trigger like sex. I know it might be hard to hear but men and women are different, we might want the same things like stability and family and love but we go about it differently. I think finding a true connection just takes patience, there is not right way to find love if there were no one would be on this site we'd all be in love relationships, so forget what you think you should do and just enjoy the moment and let the rest come to you just be safe and responsible.

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  4.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    Yeah a women who holds out and doesn't act like a nympho is certainly more attractive in my book

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  5.   penny1265 says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 08

    Way to go!! I didn't think men like you existed anymore. I pretty much have given up hope of ever meeting anyone because I'm not interested in being taken "for a test drive" and that seems to be a prereq these days.

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