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First date flubs

Posted by Ria, 26 Dec

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Is your dating resume a series of one-night stands?

Guys ask you out on dates – all the time. You have it all – looks, successful career and outside interests to back that up. Problem is, guys hardly ever seem to call you for a second date. What are you doing wrong?

Making a good first impression is the key to forming a lasting connecting that will last past the first date. And your opportunity to shine is the conversation. What tales will you tell to tantalize that perfect stranger? What should you save to keep him intrigued enough to ask you out again?

Tags: first date mistakes

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  1.   Enigma64 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 09

    Well said EbonyPrinz_s. You go gurl.

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  2.   EbonyPrinz_s says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 09

    Much props to laugh_sailor. It is unfortunate that some women do have an misleading agenda when it comes to dating. Just as women hate to be objectified, men hate being viewed as WALLETS, but it is up to men like laugh_sailor to have the intellectual sense to weeds those women out and not group the rest of us in that category. A REAL woman has the ability to reciprocate the treatment that she has been given by showing her appreciation.(This does not mean sexually) Her gratitude and enjoyment should be shown if there is to be a second date. Ladies we cannot send mixed signals if you had fun on a date then show it, if you didn't then tactfully and discreetly let him know that appreciate the time and effort spent on getting to know you but that it would be misleading to think that there could be more other than a possible friendship. (if there is a potential even for that) Guys don't want to be toyed with emotionally either. I do agree with setting the atmosphere for a first date to an environment where it is conducive to talking and getting to know a little about each other. The ability to talk, laugh and (like nfl24 alluded to ask the right questions) are all key in determining if a second date is possible. And just so the fellas out there know a woman that knows herself is not defined by how much money you have. Women today are more independent and in some cases can make just as much or more that the men. They own their homes, cars, have successful jobs but are looking for the same things that successful men are looking for...someone special to share it with, without all of the drama. What they are asking themselves and some who may be bold enough to ask you directly(lol) is usually "What can you bring to the table in a relationship?" Something for you to consider when approaching a strong woman. It is not always about money and I for one wish that women would stop reducing men to wallets, it is simply not fair to the rest of us. laugh_sailor makes some good points, but there is something to be said about the men that feel on the first date that they need to start shoveling out all kinds of money. (1)Is he a control freak? (2)Is he compensating for some type of insecurity? (2)Is his arrogance evident? (3)Does he think that you are shallow and can easily be bought? (4)Does he value your intellect? (5)Is he expecting something from you as a result of spending the money? Now with that being said, most women are looking for someone with a sense of financial stability, but at the same time someone with a little creativity as well. If you can make the simplest of dates fun and exciting but inquisitive then it is almost a shoe in for a second date. Good Luck

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  3.   laugh_sailor says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    I like discovering commonalities, especially intellectual interests and things we passionately do for fun (of course not sex!). It not only builds feelings of acceptance but builds some really great ideas for future dates. I like to mix the vital process of discovery nfl24 speaks of, to see if there's reason for a second date. A great first date is one in which we have a wonderful conversation and if we click, perhaps share a walk in a park or on a beach. I generally like to keep activities to a second date, when I know we'll get along well. It is also quite important to have an openly accepting atmosphere, in which both can relax and focus on getting to know each other. I have generally been complimented on the creative and enjoyable dates I have arranged; that they are better than an expensive restaurant. I think it's because I try to listen to what the gal likes and incorporate that in our date and focus on actively getting to know each other. There are some places that can never be romantic (Fast food restaurants immediately come to mind.) and it's very important to set a romantic, accepting, chivalrous atmosphere in all aspects of the date. This means not being cheap as much as it requires not spending to impress: It's about getting to know each other, not about a business transaction. Like FrankieRay, I'm nonplussed at some women's expectations that guys ought to spend EXTRA money to make especially a first date special. Generally, it's a turn-off to guys and stresses the date. I weed those women out because: (1) It's domineering and I don't want a domineering woman. (2) It's insulting because she's selling her time with expense. If that's a required price... I don't base friendships on money. (3) I don't know this woman at all - What is there to celebrate with a splurge? Let that come in a heartfelt, spontaneous gesture with meaning. (4) It tells me very clearly that I'm objectified: Reduced to a means to a comfortable life and therefore, this woman is not dependable longterm, through tough times. (5) It tells me very, very clearly that she is at best only secondarily interested in me.

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  4.   BeReal4me says:
    Posted: 07 Dec 08

    AMEN, Ladyt60

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  5.   ladyt60 says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 08

    I FEEL U SHOULD B URSELF ON THE FIRST DATE STRAIGHT UP, IF THE PERSON DOESN'T LIKE U SO WHAT IT'S NO THE END OF THE WORLD. I DON'T THINK SLEEPING WITH THE PERSON IS THE WAY TO GO EITHER BUT, WHATEVER B UPFRONT IF UR NOT INTERESTED THANK THEM FOR DATE, AND GO UR SEPARATED WAYS. SOMETIMES IT TAKES A SECOND DATE TO FIND OUT, UR MORE AT EASE ON THE SECOND. THAT'S JUST MY OPINION. MUCH LUV 2 ALL

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  6.   party1 says:
    Posted: 19 Mar 08

    A first date is similar to a job interview!Your presentation of yourself lets the other person know how serious you are.Its not all about a tux or limousine,its about being prompt,polite and be yourself not what you think they want you to be.Your chances of success by using honesty are much better than trying deception or arrogance

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  7.   lazylove says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 08

    Amazing Frankieray, I agree that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they dress, whether they are on time, their conversation and where they look (what does that mean). Education for me is important...are you sure YOU dont need a dictionary? Not trying to be mean just that first impressions should not always be the last, dig a little deeper than the foods we eat what we wear, because behind all the exterior could be a successful women trying to find someone as successful as she is. Maybe she is just frugal, because she is a single mother and would prefer to give the best to her kids and do without except for the times when on a date. A date is a treat and one should treat it just as that. Cheers

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  8.   FRANKIERAY says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    Oh sorry P>S> who would want a woman that did give it up on a first date LOL

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  9.   FRANKIERAY says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 08

    hi I just joined the group and well pic is not up yet. i have never not had a second date. what surprised me the most were the ladys that replied her and said or talked most about money and not having any or them getting any? or what he did or did not spend on a first date. ladys being a man that has money sometimes we dont pull out the gold busness accounts or order the dom. just to see what the lady is about. it amazes me how many ladys go for the lobster on a first date. when ya know thats not what they order out with friends???? now not that i mind because i can afford it. but ladys men are not stupid. expecially a secussfull one. but all in all i find first dates amazing, what you can learn from someone from the way they dress, wether there ontime. there conversation, where they look, ect. im fortuniate that i have a way of kind of knowing by a ladys conversation online wether i would date her or not. and im a very very easy going guy. p.s everyone has a dictionary maby just another way to find out about someone??? ok getting hooked on phonics. lol Frankie looking forward to our first date. P.S. the lobster if FABULOUS this time of year

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  10.   nfl24 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 08

    In my opinion I think you should put the most important things to you on the table. Whether you are discussing the weather to discussing you may want a family in the future. We seem to always restrict ourselves to only talking about certain subjects and then later find out the person you are dated on the first date is not the same. So I say be the person you want your partner to see you as and let the chips fall.

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  11.   kathugga says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 08

    Lol, I agree that can be a turn off, as would being told about a woman's previous boyfriends, but I have to ask, why do so many women ask about them if they don't really want to know? (btw, the only time I am curious about a woman's prior love life, is if she has been married and why she isn't now, same as she is probably going to ask me, so we seem to think alike here lazylove--otherwise I could care less).

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  12.   lazylove says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 08

    There are so many dos and donts, but the biggest turnoff for me is when a guy talks about other girls he has dated. Ojo boys if it isnt your ex wife you are talking about then we dont care to know, we are not so dumb to think you havent dated but it is none of our business what or who you have done since you have seperated. Be kind and considerate and you win big points. Cheers!!!

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  13.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 07

    I think Fala is a cheapskate in wolves clothing

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  14.   fala says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 07

    As if you didn't already know that Mossimo!

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  15.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 07

    Had a few flubs myself....would rather end it sooner than later if the chemistry is not there. Note to self: Fala does not like a cheapskate

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  16.   deeann says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 07

    HerelamBaby...the same can be said to the men. Am all for world peace; but, southern smiles? A smile is a smile and a rose is a rose; but, empty pockets means you are not getting any!

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  17.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 07

    Well...I say men are very visual...so look good and keep the chit chat up...a lot of men are shy...even though they won't admit it. Southen smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  18.   fala says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 07

    Here's a hint - don't pull out a coupon when you go to pay for dinner on the first date - that's a second date killer!

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  19.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 27 Dec 07

    I wouldn't give it up on the first date just to get some guy I don't know to call me back! Maybe that's the problem, and I am not desperate. Wait until the right guy comes along. He'll be worth the wait, and I can confirm that this is true. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

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  20.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 27 Dec 07

    This one should be interesting...

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