Swirling by Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Eyes Wide Open: Tackling Stares From Outsiders

Posted by Christelyn, 13 Jan 14

stares at interracial couplesI recently received a note from a white man who lives in the South, asking my advice on what to do about how to manage his discomfort when he's out with his black girlfriend. Here's what it said:

"I saw your video on Interracial Relationships. As a white guy I always been attracted to black woman. My girlfriend it's the first time she ever dated outside her race. She has been telling me and my family about how she has finally meet her soul mate. To me I just need a little encouragement because living in the south we still get looked and talked about our love for each other. What advice can you give to stay positive."

I responded with this video...

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Surprisingly, I got a mixed reaction from people who watched this video--everything from hand-claps and total agreement to accusations of me being unnecessarily cruel and not understanding what it's like dating interracially in the South.

Granted, I was tough. When I read the portion of the note where the writer said his girlfriend believes he is her soulmate. My concern is that this man's trepidation, hesitation and worry will ultimately hurt this woman; and frankly, being overly concerned about who's looking at you is not a quality conducive to interracial dating, no matter what state, region or country you live.

So what's your take on my advice?

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of "Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed," and operates a popular blog called, Beyond Black & White.

1 responses to "Eyes Wide Open: Tackling Stares From Outsiders"

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  1.   cakelady1 says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 14

    I watched the video and she it might be perceived as harsh, but I think she made some valet points. When you decide to do anything out of what society deems different then there will always be people that are curious and their reactions may make you feel uncomfortable.The guy made a statement "she believes that he is her soulmate" which gives me the indication that he doesn't feel the same about her. He said he loved her but I don't think he loves her enough to see that it is not about people it is about loving each other. My situation is reversed I am the first black woman he has ever dated. We did have the black and white conversation and I was nervous in the beginning; but he showed me how serious he was and how important I am to him. When we are out together we only see each other and if someone were to say anything negative he would be the first person to put them in their place. He is a military man and color is the last thing he is thinking about when is leading his troops. My advice to the guy would be decide if loving her means more to you than what people maybe thinking. I think for men who want to date outside of their race it is important that they do some real soul searching and determine if it is something they can handle for the long haul. I say this because as a woman I love strong and hard and it would be painful to love someone who doesn't have the wherewithal to go the distance.

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