Does his dating White women mean he is not attracted to Black women?

Posted by James, 04 Nov 10

black women white womenSome Black men exclusively date White women. Most Black men have openly admitted their attraction to White women. This in most cases is interpreted to mean that they are only attracted to White women… that they can only date White women. But is this truly the case?

Well much as it seems that way, the men could be attracted to women of all races. The only thing is some of these women happened to be White and these men ended up dating them. But does this automatically mean... when a Black man dates White women or non-Black women, he doesn’t find Black women attractive. Does this mean these men don’t find the Nia Longs, Jill Scotts or Halle Berrys of this world hot enough to date them?

People make so many assumptions when they see a person dating interracially. In fact one of the assumptions people make is: If a Black man happens to find some White women (or any for that matter) attractive, he can’t possibly prefer to date Black women. The White women will automatically be his preferred choice of mate over all the hot Black women he may be interested in.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

I have experienced interracial love and I truly believe, just because I happened to fall in love with non-White women doesn’t mean I wouldn’t jump on the chance to date a White woman; if I felt she was the right woman for me. I believe it’s possible for a Black man to find some White women extremely attractive and be completely captivated by Black women.

The assumption that Black men who date White women don't find Black women attractive is one of the things people believe to be true about Black men…that absolutely isn't true. What do you think?

27 responses to "Does his dating White women mean he is not attracted to Black women?"

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  1.   shydude74 says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 12

    it depends if the brothas experience with other women been mostly good,while his experience with black women been mostly bad.then yes more and likely hes not going to find the black woman attractive and will consider her inferior,while the other race hell find superior.

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  2.   Brownb09 says:
    Posted: 14 Feb 12

    I think it all boils down to individual preference...... . well sheerly, for the most part. Of course there are consensus thinking people who let things of no true significance rule out a potential mate. To be honest, I don't care.......I know what I find endearing in a man. Nice response Hodda:-)

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  3.   Hodda says:
    Posted: 18 May 11

    It doesn't mean we as black men are any less attracted to our beautiful sista's at all. It says that what some black men were looking for out of a woman, one of the opposite race just happened to possess that in which he desired, period! The extra theatrics thrown into the picture is irrelevent to anything. Love isn't a perception unless you allow it to be. Love isn't a choice unless you allow it to be. Love is a feeling, and the joy of happiness being the result. If you happy be happy with whomever makes you happy, Truth is the hardest acceptance of any individual in the world especially when their truth turns out to be false. Conscious thinking vs sub-conscious thinking. Allow your minds to grow, and stop feeding it food from the past we've eaten already time and time again. We are every bit of what our past has allowed us to become, nothing more or nothing less. As black men and women, we don't know each other, yet assume we do, and approach relationships on uneven grounds. for instance, Some sista's bringing baggage into new relationships, without dealing with it and letting it go, then a good brother have to pay for the mistakes of bad choices made by my beautiful sista's. So since she never dealt with the issue, walls are put up, which is nothing more than a false since of security. Every black man that approaches her is now "Guilty before Innocent." Ask your self why? Not all my sistas but a lot of them. They don't know how to let go, and truly start new. Consciously they do, sub-consciously they don't. Some black men do as well. Let's get to know each other because truthfully we don't, and some think the easy way is dating outside the race, which is only successful if it's truly done with the right intent behind it. and only that person doing it knows that intent!

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  4.   kissime says:
    Posted: 04 Dec 10

    NOPLAYER - you are absolutely right about it all. Have I told you I've been single for almost 3 years? I hope you never experience divorce...I'm sure you can imagine how painful it is especially when children are involved. I've stayed single for a long time purposely. But I never thought I'd be single this long. Believe it or not, I'm not in a hurry to be in a relationship. But I do miss having the love of a man in my life. And to be honest, if I don't take care to find love I don't think I will-because I am so busy. And I tend to be at a distance when I'm out--it goes right over my head. And I'm very SHY! Yes, I'm SHY! :) ...oh....I can't have male friends. Personally, I've learned from a very young age friendship with men is never genuine. Life has a way of forcing you to understand things you refuse to see. Welcome back, NOPLAYER

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  5.   kissime says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 10

    NOPLAYER, When it comes to shopping for heels, narrowing it down to one is never an option. I have shoes that are too small or too big for me because they're so pretty -I just can't leave them in the store all lonely-so @ the end I always end up giving them away after admitting the cause of blisters. It's a good thing I'm not in denial about clothes--I've seen too many women looking like overstuffed-cooked busted sausages (not everything tight is sexy) or the women wearing moo-moo dresses from the 60's--walking around looking like my grandma (oh, she thinks she's a little fashonista- with orange lipsticks. & refuses to wear her glasses) I love you grandma! love the pink moo-moo in the middle of winter :) Anywho, dating is not fun. I never thought at my age I would be dating. I'm not a competitive woman so that's one of the reason I'm single also. I've done some self psychoanalysis (the answers wear not my fault-just like my grandma & her moo-moo) OH GOSH! I know you're telling me the truth and you're trying to help. But the whole process of elimination makes me feel URG!! I also hate the fact so many sees dating as a game. I'm beginning to enjoy just being on the blog more than actually looking for a mate. I think I get more pleasure out of communicating through writing more than actually talking on the phone with fools who apparently do not read my profile. But they've manage to make me think they've read it & we exchange numbers....and I'm like, what the Heck!!! I don't think a lot of men understand the importance of me having a child. I can understand how a lot of people stay with the father or mother of their children regardless of how unhealthy the relationship may be because they're afraid of what type of a person would be involved if not their current mate. Not that I think it's the right thing to do. But I can certainly understand the sacrifice. But to be honest, I think a lot of men just does not know or want to take initiative in courting women. I'm not saying there aren't good reasons for some. Just my opinion.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 04 Dec 10

      @ kissime...... I agree dating can be fustrating. Sometimes I wonder is it best to stop looking for love and let it find you or should you push on, full steam ahead? When I decided to just slow down and just concentrate on trying to be as happy as possible while I was single, thats when I found the lady I'm married to. I had female friends and I went out on dates without pursuing anyone and thats when it happened for me, I think when you leave yourself open to meeting and engaging people without expectations thats when love seems to creep up on you because Lord knows at that time meeting someone and falling in love was the last thing I wanted or needed. I think people in general have forgotten the art of courting eachother, in this day and age of instant everything, from oatmeal to credit, no wonder people think love should come fast and easy. If I found myself divorced and back on the dating scene I wouldn't want to be there too long because I don't believe in these long drawn out relationships where we have to date for two or three years before we can decide to get marrried or not. If we cant decide if we have what it takes to spend the rest of our lives together in less than a year and a few months then maybe we're not meant to be together, it's just that simple, eitheir we can take that "next step" or one of us has to step back! I'm feeling ya!

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  6.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 10

    @KISSIME... I'm implying once two people are dating and taking the time to get to know eachother thats when it's best to really make him know that you want to be with him. Keep in mind while dating most people are probally seeing one or two others and they're playing "process of elimination", it's like when you shop for heels, you're after not only the right look but you're looking for the right fit, so you'll try on a few pairs and narrow it down to one. Men are no different than women, we want to know that we're wanted and desired and if we're looking for a serious relationship, we'll select the woman that shows that she's the one that wants us the most. I'm not saying go out and run a man down and throw him in the trunk of your car while sceaming "I got cha and your gonna love it!" LMAO I mean if you feel that he's the one and you have feelings for him open your mouth and let him know it, you cant take for granted that your going out with him and spending time with him seals the deal, it means so much more when you say it and it leaves no room for him to misunderstand your intentions. My father also taught me not to run after a woman he said, " the more you chase her the faster she'll run, so slow down, walk and talk with her and she'll respond alot better than you running after her and hounding her. I guess he was saying it's all about balance, not saying too much but just enough, not moving to fast but steady and not showing too much but enough to keep her curious. Dating is a numbers game and you have more women looking for a good man to settle down with than you have good men looking for a woman to settle down with so you have to be proactive.

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  7.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 10

    If he exclusively dates WW only then it wouldn't be wrong to assume that he's not attracted to BW but if he dates women from various ethnic groups then it would be wrong to make that assumtion. You can find BW attractive all day long but if you cant or don't know how to relate to them and make an effort to date them you'll end up with just an attraction but know interaction Who a man is attracted to is one thing but when it comes to selecting a mate he'll more than likely choose the woman that goes out of her way to make it known that she wants him, plan and simple. Just my two cents

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    • kissime says:
      Posted: 02 Dec 10

      NOPLAYER - OMG!!! So that's why I don't have a man...oh gosh!!! I hardly go out of my way to make a man know I want him. I am serious-not joking @ all. I was the best wife (my ex-husband told me so-& tried to get our lawyers to talk me into staying together) & girlfriend once a man shows initiative & select me...otherwise, I'm too busy starring @ the stars. I'm usually very interested. But I was taught to not chase men. My parents are so old fashion. I guess I don't know how, or maybe feel weird about it. But honestly, I do go out of my way to make my man happy. But that's only once the relationship is established. OMG! OMG! OMG! I'll try a little harder :/ : /

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  8.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ ASAP20 As a black woman I can accept your preference and I am glad that you shared your true feelings.

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  9.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ TDH69 You make some excellent points. It is certainly possible for me to find a white man that I can relate to and have things in common with too. In fact, I have found this to be true. Sometime it is also possible for people from different backgrounds to appreciate the differences a little more rather than resenting them.

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  10.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    The question is "Does his dating white women mean he is not attracted to black women": My thought is that it depends on the preference of that particular man. There are some men who prefer white women and are not attracted to certain women unless they fit this category. Then there are men who perhaps only date white women because they just haven't felt that strongly about other women enough to take the risk of approaching them or perhaps have simply never had the mutual opportunity to date women of other races. It takes two you know. My final thought is that I don't concern myself about men who do not prefer me, only those who do.

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  11.   Friendly13 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    @ fenway2k You said it so well, "... who you date should be based on your mutual attraction, not skin color."

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  12.   jess161824 says:
    Posted: 29 Nov 10

    i have dated both black and white and find im more attracted to white men, but that doesnt mean im not attracted to black men. For the most part i think white men treat women better and character and personality is the number one turn on in my book, hence my attraction.

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  13. Posted: 24 Nov 10

    Oh, I just wanted to say...race matters. Am I judge based on how I look or where I came from? Yes, but no fault of my own. It is the person who is seeing me. You have to learn how to see me before you can read me.

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  14. Posted: 24 Nov 10

    These are all generalizations I think. You can't judge someone based on a "group" today. People should focus on the "individual" and their personal experience. I'm 28, masters degree, 4 years since I had sex and may be longer because it is good to practice sexual health, no children. I may not marry until I'm 40 and just adopt because there are so many children without a family because my career has become my focus. Who will I marry? I don't know but I have a clue based on my list of likes and dislikes in character...not color.

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  15.   thickness27 says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 10

    TDH69 honey that is balogna and I do not know what world you live in. Any race has a special bond (man/woman) because they share CULTURE. So, naturally they assume their mate is more understanding of their background, issues, problems, etc. For example, a Chinese woman may be able to better relate to another Chinese man rather than a Hispanic man. So, although we should not limit ourselves to one race, we often prefer the same race because it is what we know and are comfortable with. Sometimes you do have to step out of that comfort zone. Most black women know the games and lies alot of black men play. So these black men seek a victim that will be a doormat not hip to the game. We do not assume, we just keep our guards up, and righfully so. True other cultures may have a guard but in a different way. Other races of women simply have not had to endure the hardships as black women have. Black women have been denied freedom, right to vote, reproduction during slavery, have had to be a rock for the black man, are now alot single parents, and worry about HIV that black men are transmtting. So please excuse Black women for having our guards up.

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  16.   TDH69 says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 10

    There is a perception that works both ways, black men and women think that a they should first refusal over each other ..eg: Black guys should be only dating black women because the women have some kind off special insight into how he thinks or behaves ..the only thing that black women and black men truly have in common is their colour , and to very brutal it aint enough to form a meaningful relationship. Both sexes can be criticised for being lazy and making assumptions based on skin colour , where as a white man or woman not knowing all the in and outs will at least take some time to find out what is it that I like and prefer as a man and not just a black man. We have to look beyond the colour and do what's good for a perspective partner and not indulging our friends and families. Dont forget there are no prizes to see who can be true to their colour but not themselves. Very simple folks date someone who you are attracted too. If you guys dont get chosen, dont worry it's not personal..may feel like it but it isn't . Happy hunting everyone

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  17.   thickness27 says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 10

    Who CARES? If a man wants to date me, he will aprroach me. I do not care who black men choose to date or why they do so. Black women explore other options. Some black men will always blame the black woman or put her down. They treat black women as bottom of the barrel. This tells me something about their character and the women in their family. The white woman can have them. Go Tiger Woods!! lol

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  18.   ASAP20 says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 10

    I Agree with fenway2k. I'm attracted to a lot of white women. Not as much black when women but there are some black women I am very attracted 2. I would prefer a white women because I find them to be more accepting but If a women is attractive I don't care what race she is. I think that being way to shallow.

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  19.   edna says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 10

    And don't say it again that women are women becos that's not true. Black Women's skin scent,skin sensation, curves, movement, doings etc.. is very different from White Women. Also White Women's skin's scent, skin sensation, curves, movement, doings,etc.. is very different from Asian Women. The same way Asian Women is different from Hispanic Women. The hole word knows that Black Women have the best shape on earth. And most of them are very beautiful, and attractive. As i said b/f on my previous comment, and i will say it again THERE IS NO Black Man who is not attracted to Black Women. Those Black Men who dates other race, might have their reasons. But surely the reasons is not that they are not Attracted to Black Women.

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    • Godfather454 says:
      Posted: 30 Nov 10

      Amen Edna....I got on this site and another site (POF) to "quote on quote" broaden my dating horizon, but I just can't. Bottom line is that I love Black Women...and I do mean with no equivocations. I love her simple smile, the smoothness of her skin, the wiggle in her walk, the nape of her neck, her incredible sexiness, the way she makes love to me, and how she smells. I love the drama that we create cause making up is the bomb, and oh yes "I love the booty". :-) So for you Brothers who choose something different, that's your choice to make cause God only knows that you've earned that choice. But what I'd like to suggest is that you take a second look cause she waiting for you... Anyway, I mean no disrespect to my non-black females and its not to say that if Kim Kardasian pushed upon me that I would blow her off, but what I'm saying is that there's a lot to love in a Black woman believe it or not, and "that I should love only which is part of me". (The Last Poets - circa 1968)

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  20.   edna says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 10

    I belived that there no Black Man who will not be attracted to a Black Woman. He might preferred to date other Race simply out of curiosity, they are the only one available for him, or According to what one black brother said in one of the old Topic, You Say Hello and She Act Likes She Knows Your Intention Already, Saving of Energy.

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  21.   Cynamyn82 says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 10

    Well, this could depend on the guy. He is not obligated to be attracted to black women, just because he is black. The same goes for black women who are only attracted to men outside of her race. If he is only attracted to white women, or attracted to all races of women, that is his business only. I would have to agree with kissime though, a beautiful black woman is not hard to find. The examples given are proof.

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  22.   fenway2k says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 10

    I've dated them all, black, white, hispanic, jamaican, asian, aussie.... Sorry to burst your bubbles people, but women are women, and who you date should be based on your mutual attraction, not skin color. But what do I know?

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  23.   kissime says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 10

    Whom ever one is naturally attracted to or prefer is the one most likely will be pursue. Unless location prevents. I personally prefer white men, but I know when men of other races are handsome-but I'm not at all interested. Some conform base on fear. I say Vive L'amour. However, though I think Halle Berry is a beautiful woman. I know she's biracial & not 100% black. I'm sure a beautiful black woman is not hard to find. Nia Long or Kerry Washington & Scarlett Johansson would be appropriate

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  24.   Navyguy2222 says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 10

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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