Comments on: Do we ever learn? http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/ The community that fuses fun and romance Wed, 08 Feb 2012 06:59:05 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: 1sweetblonde http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-29713 1sweetblonde Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:00:09 +0000 /fyooz/do-we-ever-learn.htm#comment-29713 "DRAMA FREE?" I find it interesting to see how frequently the phrase "drama free" appears in a profile. While I appreciate one's desire to reduce the level of stress in one's life, is it realistic to expect the events of past NOT to shape the future of a human being? Can we choose to wipe away the events of the past? Is it fair to expect that? No one; NO ONE is drama free. We all carry with us baggage - whether from a previous relationship, neglectful or controling parents, abandonment, alcoholic parents, difficulty with kids, issues with siblings, an abusive aunt, a serious illness, or even the loss of a loved one. Each of these life events are dramatic. It may be minor, it may have little impact on daily life, but it's still there, and it still has helped to shape the life of the person you hope to someday meet. Furthermore, the future WILL have drama. If we run at the very idea of drama, we may as well give up and shut down now. Relationships require work, and work involves a certain amount of drama. It's easy to walk away, but it takes guts to face that which is frightening. Should we work to keep things in perspective? Absolutely! Should we keep in mind that a current partner is not responsible for wrongs of the past? Of course! Nevertheless, a person's fears are real, and by discounting them, we disrespect the person and probably reinforces the fear rather than helping to mitigate it. The next time you're tempted to say "drama free" give a little thought to your own life. Think of how the past has shaped (for good or bad) the man you are now. Your very desire for a "drama free" life is probably due to "dramatic" experiences in your own past, therefore, you're being a hypocrite by asking of others that which you yourself are unable to do or give. Embrace drama and then overcome it. Don't run from it. :-) Drama is a great sorter. Some face it, some run away. Those who run keep repeating mistakes or fail to engage altogether. People of substance use drama to grow stronger. Part of being "real" is facing reality, and the reality of life is that it includes drama. Open your mind to what life really is. “DRAMA FREE?”

I find it interesting to see how frequently the phrase “drama free” appears in a profile. While I appreciate one’s desire to reduce the level of stress in one’s life, is it realistic to expect the events of past NOT to shape the future of a human being? Can we choose to wipe away the events of the past? Is it fair to expect that?

No one; NO ONE is drama free. We all carry with us baggage – whether from a previous relationship, neglectful or controling parents, abandonment, alcoholic parents, difficulty with kids, issues with siblings, an abusive aunt, a serious illness, or even the loss of a loved one. Each of these life events are dramatic. It may be minor, it may have little impact on daily life, but it’s still there, and it still has helped to shape the life of the person you hope to someday meet.

Furthermore, the future WILL have drama. If we run at the very idea of drama, we may as well give up and shut down now. Relationships require work, and work involves a certain amount of drama. It’s easy to walk away, but it takes guts to face that which is frightening.

Should we work to keep things in perspective? Absolutely! Should we keep in mind that a current partner is not responsible for wrongs of the past? Of course! Nevertheless, a person’s fears are real, and by discounting them, we disrespect the person and probably reinforces the fear rather than helping to mitigate it.

The next time you’re tempted to say “drama free” give a little thought to your own life. Think of how the past has shaped (for good or bad) the man you are now.

Your very desire for a “drama free” life is probably due to “dramatic” experiences in your own past, therefore, you’re being a hypocrite by asking of others that which you yourself are unable to do or give.

Embrace drama and then overcome it. Don’t run from it. :-) Drama is a great sorter. Some face it, some run away. Those who run keep repeating mistakes or fail to engage altogether. People of substance use drama to grow stronger.

Part of being “real” is facing reality, and the reality of life is that it includes drama. Open your mind to what life really is.

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]]> By: Dating http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-29712 Dating Sun, 15 Mar 2009 07:02:50 +0000 /fyooz/do-we-ever-learn.htm#comment-29712 Well said, finally a good report on this stuff Well said, finally a good report on this stuff

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]]> By: kittenrn65 http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-29711 kittenrn65 Sat, 28 Feb 2009 16:01:32 +0000 /fyooz/do-we-ever-learn.htm#comment-29711 I think for some that are married and cheat is the way to get what is not being had at home. As for the person who messes with the married person, I believe it is about wanting a non-committal type of relationship. Once a person has been abused in a relationship "trust" is hard to get back, so a married person you already know is not going to do anything that draws attention to the both involved. I think for some that are married and cheat is the way to get what is not being had at home. As for the person who messes with the married person, I believe it is about wanting a non-committal type of relationship. Once a person has been abused in a relationship “trust” is hard to get back, so a married person you already know is not going to do anything that draws attention to the both involved.

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]]> By: stronglady23 http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-29710 stronglady23 Sat, 28 Feb 2009 15:59:37 +0000 /fyooz/do-we-ever-learn.htm#comment-29710 The cycle of abuse is repeated for many women or men who grow up in an abusive home, whether it be physical or emotional. Abuse is about control, I always thought that it was because the man or woman had an anger problem. It controls your mind and makes you think that "you are crazy" or "insecure". Abuse is well calculated and thought out. No such thing as "you made me do it", that's the denial of responsibility on the abuser's part. There is no changing an abuser because they don't think that they have a problem and its easier to blame someone else for their actions. The cycle of abuse is repeated for many women or men who grow up in an abusive home, whether it be physical or emotional. Abuse is about control, I always thought that it was because the man or woman had an anger problem. It controls your mind and makes you think that “you are crazy” or “insecure”. Abuse is well calculated and thought out. No such thing as “you made me do it”, that’s the denial of responsibility on the abuser’s part. There is no changing an abuser because they don’t think that they have a problem and its easier to blame someone else for their actions.

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]]> By: Rhia http://www.interracialdatingcentral.com/fyooz/do-we-ever-learn/comment-page-1/#comment-29709 Rhia Tue, 10 Feb 2009 05:42:25 +0000 /fyooz/do-we-ever-learn.htm#comment-29709 i liked this article.. well said (= i liked this article.. well said (=

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