Do we ever learn?

Posted by James, 04 Feb 09

A woman grows up witnessing an abusive marriage between her parents which leaves the whole family miserable. She finally leaves home and meets this guy. As their relationship builds up, she sees flashes of violence in him, maybe even been struck once or twice. She knows she should run, but for some reason she just doesn’t.

We all know the damages of extramarital affairs on all parties concerned. There is the double lifestyle one operates that is just hard to maintain. Living a lie is tough work. The wife on the other hand has a husband by name or the ring on her finger if she still wears it. Poor children caught in between. Its nasty and it leaves everyone wounded and suffering. Yet, premarital affairs still flourish in society and this heinous cycle of misery in marriages continues unabated.

Haven’t we had enough? I think the number of broken marriages and devastating consequences of things like spousal abuse should serve as enough warning for any man or woman going down the same road.

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Why do we blame it on culture, neighbors, society, the other spouse, Satan, while it is at our disposal to save our marriages and relationships? Why is it that even after knowing the consequences of our actions to other parties involved we still go ahead and do them anyway? Is it human to be so fatalistic?

6 responses to "Do we ever learn?"

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  1. Posted: 24 Jun 09

    "DRAMA FREE?" I find it interesting to see how frequently the phrase "drama free" appears in a profile. While I appreciate one's desire to reduce the level of stress in one's life, is it realistic to expect the events of past NOT to shape the future of a human being? Can we choose to wipe away the events of the past? Is it fair to expect that? No one; NO ONE is drama free. We all carry with us baggage - whether from a previous relationship, neglectful or controling parents, abandonment, alcoholic parents, difficulty with kids, issues with siblings, an abusive aunt, a serious illness, or even the loss of a loved one. Each of these life events are dramatic. It may be minor, it may have little impact on daily life, but it's still there, and it still has helped to shape the life of the person you hope to someday meet. Furthermore, the future WILL have drama. If we run at the very idea of drama, we may as well give up and shut down now. Relationships require work, and work involves a certain amount of drama. It's easy to walk away, but it takes guts to face that which is frightening. Should we work to keep things in perspective? Absolutely! Should we keep in mind that a current partner is not responsible for wrongs of the past? Of course! Nevertheless, a person's fears are real, and by discounting them, we disrespect the person and probably reinforces the fear rather than helping to mitigate it. The next time you're tempted to say "drama free" give a little thought to your own life. Think of how the past has shaped (for good or bad) the man you are now. Your very desire for a "drama free" life is probably due to "dramatic" experiences in your own past, therefore, you're being a hypocrite by asking of others that which you yourself are unable to do or give. Embrace drama and then overcome it. Don't run from it. :-) Drama is a great sorter. Some face it, some run away. Those who run keep repeating mistakes or fail to engage altogether. People of substance use drama to grow stronger. Part of being "real" is facing reality, and the reality of life is that it includes drama. Open your mind to what life really is.

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  2.   Dating says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Well said, finally a good report on this stuff

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  3.   kittenrn65 says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 09

    I think for some that are married and cheat is the way to get what is not being had at home. As for the person who messes with the married person, I believe it is about wanting a non-committal type of relationship. Once a person has been abused in a relationship "trust" is hard to get back, so a married person you already know is not going to do anything that draws attention to the both involved.

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  4. Posted: 28 Feb 09

    The cycle of abuse is repeated for many women or men who grow up in an abusive home, whether it be physical or emotional. Abuse is about control, I always thought that it was because the man or woman had an anger problem. It controls your mind and makes you think that "you are crazy" or "insecure". Abuse is well calculated and thought out. No such thing as "you made me do it", that's the denial of responsibility on the abuser's part. There is no changing an abuser because they don't think that they have a problem and its easier to blame someone else for their actions.

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  5.   Rhia says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 09

    i liked this article.. well said (=

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  6.   meanie says:
    Posted: 04 Feb 09

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