Do unconventional love tricks bring couples closer?
Ever gotten in a stupid fight with your spouse just to get attention? Raise your hand if you tell blatant lies like “Hon, you are still as sexy as the first time I met you” just to boost your partner’s self confidence. Oh… and don’t get me started with the flirting that makes your blood rush ;-)
All these are big no-nos in relationships as per conventional wisdom. And yet we still do these things. The thing is, these supposedly bad love tricks might just be thing your relationship needs. (I can't believe I just typed that.)
Lets start with the flirting; gateway to cheating, right? Some people believe innocent flirting with someone other than your spouse has great benefits. As relationships progress, couples get used to each other and become complacent. But flirting with other people brings out the long gone ‘wow’ factor … it reawakens sexiness and self confidence in many individuals. According to psychologist Yvonne Thomas, the key is to share these benefits with your spouse by channeling that sexy energy and using it in the bedroom.
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And if your spouse witnesses this happening, even better. "A little jealousy is like a wake-up call… It reminds you of how lucky you are to have what you have." says Ted Huston, Psychology professor at the University of Texas. HOW-EVER, if you wouldn’t do it in front of your spouse just because it would be crossing some trust boundaries, or find yourself constantly longing to see that person you exchange flirtatious looks with, then don’t. That is asking for trouble.
Compromise, compromise, compromise! Well, how about being selfish every once in a while … doing things 100% your way today and 100% your partner’s way next time? No one has control over how much their partner gives in a relationship. At the same time, no one is a mind reader. So instead of waiting for your partner’s compromise, getting a lil grabby every now and then may save you frustration and disappointment. If a game he wants to watch coincides with your favorite TV show make him TiVo it or go to bar. Grab some of these things for yourself instead of getting angry over what you are not getting from your partner. It will make you happier in the long run.
Fighting is healthy - and I am not talking about the non-stop arguing. Fighting doesn’t mean you are not meant to be. Surprisingly, never having fights can be as bad as constant fighting. Sweeping things under the carpet can build up so much resentment for the other person, which is detrimental to a relationship. Think of fighting as throwing the dirt out. You only have two choices – verbalize disagreements or bottle them up and harbor resentment which will eventually tear you guys apart.
We are not all the same. So fighting brings out our differences, likes and dislikes. Make sure, while you disagree with your spouse, do it with respect. You may not reach a consensus but at least a solution on how to deal with your differences will be clarified.
Much as storming off in the middle of an argument is rude, it is actually very healthy when an argument reaches that fevered pitch – you are repeating yourself, not solving a thing and your voice is getting louder and louder. When a couple reaches this point, they start digging up things that happened eons ago and it is in these moments of anger that couples say hurtful things to each other – things they will later wish they never said. Storm out! This doesn’t mean you abort the fight altogether. Come back and discuss these things when both your minds are clearer.
Tell that white lie. It’s sometimes better than the truth. “My ex was a terrible lover.” “I don’t find that guy attractive. He aint my type.” Yes! These kind of lies, you BEST tell. When it comes to relationships, honesty isn’t always the best policy. Well, it all comes down to our motives. If you are telling a lie to protect your spouse’s feelings, or reassuring your love for them, I think that’s fine.
However, keep off lies that are like minefields – smoothing things now then exploding in your face later. Not only will the truth be exposed but also the deception … which won’t be good for future trust.
So long as you are doing these relationship no-nos as a way of preserving feelings within your relationship - in this case, the love you have for one another - I think we can look the other way.
Would you condone such unconventional love tricks in your relationship?
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