Do some couples regret dating interracially?

Posted by James, 04 Aug 10

Scared InterracialThere are these interracial couples that walk around arm in arm, all smiles, looking into each others eyes … so in love. Most of these couples are on celebrity red carpets beaming and proud of their interracial love, no matter how much we analyze or criticize them.

Much as the above mentioned group is bold about their relationships, there are those couples I have met that seem quite uncertain about dating outside their race. Such couples tend to avoid eye contact especially in communities that haven’t accepted interracial dating.

In the black community for example, you will meet most men and women in interracial relationships averting other blacks and wearing faces that show internal struggle. Some even appear to have this apologetic look on their faces which kinda baffles me. Is it fear? Regret?

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What are you looking for?

I realize people have a choice, when it comes to dating that is. But if you find yourself questioning your interracial relationship, then its time you went back to the drawing board. Why get into a relationship that makes you uncomfortable?

For some, interracial dating isn’t an easy thing. So don’t do it for the wrong reasons. Do it for love and you will hold your head high; without a care in the world; like those celebrities dating interracially.

37 responses to "Do some couples regret dating interracially?"

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  1. Posted: 06 Sep 10

    I dont know about any other couples, but i LOVE showing off, and dating interracial, i never have a regret about it, i get stares and glares, but even if i am by myself a the grocery store i get stares and glares, simply for being black in a dominantly white neighborhood. I am secure in myself and my personal choices, as should everyone. At the end of the day you only live for you and not for ther people, so be proud of who you are, and who you choose to date! <3

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  2.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 10

    I think that African Americans have a harder time dating outside of their race due to racial discrimination. There are exceptions to the rule but overall, white women are allowed to date whomever they want without any one batting and I but see an African American woman with a handsome white man or an African American man with a pretty white woman, it always seems like the African American gets all the dirty looks and that isn't right. These prejudices need to be dispelled and hopefully someday people will overcome it in order for everyone to date who they want without any trouble besides white women. Why should they be exempt? It isn't fair.

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  3.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 10

    I agree with you Deeme. Just because people choose to date outside of their race doesn't mean that people should criticize or denigrate them or hide behind quotes and phrases to put them down for their interracial dating. They should get a life and not judge others who are dating inter-racially and allow them their free speech on the topic. I think everyone would have an easier time in life if they used cirumambulation of communal subjective reality in order to figure out a higher probability of what objective reality is in order to increase the number of Gestalt "Aha" and increase their enlightenment to the point where they can still hold each other accountable without restricting other people's equality as long as it doesn't interfere with your hierarchy of graded absolutism which people have forgotten in their quest for hyper-subjectivism in order to ease their guilty consciences. If people did that, then we would all get along better and interracial dating wouldn't be such a problem nor would many other things.:-) Joseph Moyer

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  4.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 10

    No. All of them were Americanized except for the Japanese one I met in Seminary. The Filipino and three Koreans were totally Americanized except around their families. If you talked to them on the phone, you wouldn't here a single accent but their Korean was still good despite being raised totally in the United States. They all came from divorced families and had a lot of baggage because of it and a lot of them had been abused both sexually and physically. And it happened all here in the United States. And I am still for total interracial dating despite what went on in my past. And I am neutral on facial expressions posted by the other person because I don't know the people that were involved so the reading of facial expressions could be wrong with little data. I have no idea if that person was right about what was going on by facial expressions or not. But as far as the older white guy that was cheating which was actually a different post, women and men that have been in a relationship long enough can usually tell if their spouse is checking out other women. It is a part of getting to know them better and most couples just let it slide and don't bother worrying about it mainly because they are guilty of infidelity in their minds and checking out the opposite sex themselves!! So I trust her judgment on the cheating aspect and still think the couple needs professional marriage counseling to eliminate that problem and have a deeper, more committed relationship both in mind and body. Joseph Moyer

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  5.   dreeme says:
    Posted: 22 Aug 10

    Just because people opt to be circumspect in their criticisms and denigration of others makes it no less palatable. People, all individuals, have rights and they are all equal. It continues to astonish me that people perpetually spend their time submerged in the lives of others, hiding behind quotes and phrases. Dating interracially, or period - for that matter, is no one's business except the people who are directly (not indirectly or vicariously nor those who want to exercise their right to freedom of expression) involved and impacted.

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  6. Posted: 22 Aug 10

    @serenity33...I bet you most if not all of the Asian women you dated had lived in Asia most of their lives right? Please confirm. I totally agree with professorgal about " its pretty ridiculous to make assumptions about the internal struggles of complete strangers based simply on facial expressions you see and then give your own interpretation." It could just be a coincidence that they just had a facial expression when you saw them or maybe thats just their permanent facial expression. What I find strange is that I've seen alot of black men with their "white women" or whatever race they maybe still turning and checking a "sister" out when they walk by. Maybe I'm over thinking lol...dont jump on me now but interraccial dating is by choice.

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  7.   kaymia says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 10

    wow......im thinking the exact same thing as GreanEyz. Some people r really hilarious. Great article.

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  8.   M0729 says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 10

    I've never regretted any interracial relationship I've been in. I admit that in the past I've wished I wouldn't catch as much flack about them as I have (from strangers, never friends or family). It's a shame that some people still refuse to respect other's right to date whomever they choose regardless of race.

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  9.   brownspot says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 10

    I was married for 7 years with a white woman from NL and i have a beautiful daughter of 4 years old, though we are not together any more because her mom will not leave us alone and gradually she caved in and started to run our house with her rules,and that was when i said i had enough and many unhealthy things happened in any case i thank God for everything,she knew i Believe in God a christian to the core and she did'nt have problems with it at first but later it became a forbiden thing still i did'nt make any problem out it because my Bible did'nt say i should cut her off if she did'nt believe for she is saved because i am for we are one.but it won't stop me from dating and getting married again to my white soft lady,though am still searching.

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  10.   Vanessa7 says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 10

    I date interacially, and there is no difference. As far as what other people think, I don't care. When I am with my mate I don't pay attention to what other people are looking at, if their looking at all. I'm too busy looking into the eyes of the man I love to notice. Love is a privledge, and especially to find the one that compliments your life. So what does its matter what race they are, as long as you love them. At the current time I'm not in a relationship, but would be, and have been more than proud to be on the arm of the man I love, regardless of race. Personally, I think people need to get over this black, white thing or racial thing, whatever. We are all the same in the eyes of God.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 21 Aug 10

      Brownspot. I can totally empathize with you and your trouble because of your Christianity. I was engaged to one for five years and had five other girlfriends after that and the last five were Asian and they cheated on me and left me for someone was not Christian. They claimed they were Christians at the time but they didn't take Christianity seriously and didn't live it out so we fought over it all the time as they wanted to live a hedonistic and unChristlike life and being Pastoral Counselor who has gone to Seminary, I devoted my life to the Lord and to Christ. And if I had just given up my Christianity, I could have been married by now but I have found that no true marriage is a happy one if only one of the partners are devoted to Christ. So I really feel for you and the Bible says that should not be unequally yoked so if she was given you trouble about you Christianity and devotion to it, I say she wasn't really a Christian. Of course there are intrinsic Christians and Extrinsic Christians and only the intrinsic Christians are true Christians. You did the right thing and I feel your pain. I hope you find a good Christlike white woman that can share your beliefs and become truly one with you in Christ in a healthy and happy relationship.:-) Joseph Moyer

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  11.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 10

    I agree with leeaaa that it doesn't matter what the race is and that love is color blind. I have dated in and outside of my race and I think it is totally based on the individual involved that you are dating and that race shouldn't make a difference. Joseph Moyer

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  12.   Salli says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 10

    No, I believe that who ever makes YOU HAPPY,then the only things that matter and that person had any issues oh well not my fault.

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  13.   leeaaa says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 10

    I have dated interracially all my life. I never regret that I date out of my race, but when I think, I am Native and English so what race am I??? I am me and I date who makes me happy and that is a beautiful Black Woman. Yes it does depend on where you are at, but come on it is 2010, our president is Black and White as well.... I also believe at the end of the day it is really a preference and love is color blind!!!!

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  14.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 10

    Well those often come with the territory Greaneyz. I can agree that there shouldn't be direct insults but if someone is speaking honestly and statistically, then get angry at the study, not the person who quoted it. And lectures comes with intelligence and wisdom. Didn't you ever go to Graduate school or college? You learn the most through lectures and I respect those who lecture than half-baked comments and opinions that aren't thoroughly backed up by logically arguments and those tend to end up being lectures. So I don't mind lectures, even one's that I don't agree with. At least it shows the person put a lot of thought and effort into what they were going to say and I respect wisdom and intelligence the most over physical beauty and materialism. And wisdom and Intelligence are separate concepts even though some people lump them together which they shouldn't because they are different. And as far as sermons, I studied for my graduate program at Seminary in Pastoral counseling so people like me or other people who take their morality seriously to the core of their being, you are naturally going to hear sermons from because they can't separate their religion, spirituality, or morality from their views which is a good thing as long as they are understanding towards different viewpoints. But I do agree with you, all blogs on this site could do with more respect for each other as well as no personal insults. But sometimes you can't win. I compliment guys on another blog and an African female calls me gay!! I am just being positive in my thinking so maybe you should go and talk to individuals like that who make personal attacks without even being provoked!! Joseph Moyer

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  15.   cyrilg says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 10

    Is it true that (at least in the USA)BWWM marriages have a divorce rate that is half that of WWWM marriages?

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  16.   GreanEyz says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 10

    ...Im confused. Why is everybody being so ugly? The glass is half empty AND its half full! When I read comments like this, I further ponder my own wisdom. I thought the blog was provacative. Thats all. Would it be too much to ask for people to share origninal, inspired thoughts without tearing anothers ideas to shreds? I was intriqued when I clicked on here, however I didnt intend on reading a lecture, a sermon or an insult. If this is the only way you know how to communicate, please spare us.

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  17. Posted: 10 Aug 10

    "wearing faces that show internal struggle" ??? I do social science research, and I have to say it's pretty ridiculous to make assumptions about the internal struggles of complete strangers based simply on facial expressions you see and then give your own interpretation.

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    • djstime says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 10

      Right...maybe they just need to use the bathroom or just smell a really funky person...lol

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  18.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 10

    I agree, people should be able to in a relationship of their choosing. About Black/white relationships, you would know better than I.;-) I hope things get better for all those couples. Joseph Moyer

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  19.   thrlmccoy2 says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 10

    First let me say as Prof Blk Male of 56yo that I feel that people should be able to in a relationship of the choosing. But, I have notice in the city I live people in IRR showing great love and than there those who are regerting. I have friends who are in IRR and I see both sides. I even have a co-work whose having issues because she is the product of IRR. She is married to a light skin BLK man and I can tell she is NOT happy. I can see everyday on her face as to how sad she is. She wants a very dark skin man. I have coworker who is marry to a BLK woman, and his wife has that look in her face of regret. I can see a sad look in her face.

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    • djstime says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 10

      Brother, this makes no sense...why would a dark skinned man be any different?...that just makes no sense at all...maybe she needs to look at what she values as a man period and decide...sometimes we tend to create problems in our heads that are not real just to qualify a different emotion or desire...

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  20.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 10

    Me? I don't even know how to start a blog. And I don't know how to post pictures like that. Some guy named James posted this blog and a lot of others. I personally never saw that move terrance. And I have no problem with anyone dating any race including white men dating black women. So go bug who ever posted the blog. Sorry if you thought it was me. No black women are interested in me or else I would have dated them if they had the right personality because I go by individuals and their personality, not the color of skin. Asians were just attracted to me which is why I talked about my experience about them. No black women on this site even talk to me even though I have emailed very many of them. I have black male friends but the black women won't give me the time of day so that is why I suggested one of the only woman that talk to me which is an Asian. Again, sorry if you got that impression. Joseph Moyer

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  21.   acebenice says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 10

    i find it peculiar that this site would bring this subject up and then show a black woman and a white man and it just happens to be from the movie "terrance". are you author or do you have a problem with white men and black women. it is not a problem with black men and white women. leave us alone

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  22.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    And oh, one story I forgot. I was at a steak house down south and I had a similar incident happen when I was with my Korean girlfriend, So Hyun. Like I said, before, I fit in a little too well down south because of my looks and was well accepted by southern white people especially the guys. So and I were just getting done eating and ready to go and somehow this local started up a conversation with me like I was his long lost brother.;-) I often wore a very nice cowboy hat at steakhouses and he liked my hat and wondered where I got it from. So we started talking and I was being friendly and polite. And then the subject turned to eating steak and then he brought up out of the blue that you have to look out about them Koreans because they eat dog so you shouldn't eat at a Korean restaurant which I have eaten at tons of times because as much as I like Japanese food, Korean food is my favorite except for the seafood dishes. I was thinking to myself, "Hello, I am with a Korean female right here!!" But I figured he couldn't tell one Asian from another and was just ignorant about that so better not cause a scene. I just gave him a weak smile and said "Well my girlfriend is getting impatient, we had better go." He probably thought she was Chinese because there were a lot of Chinese females in that town because it literally had five Chinese restaurants, two Thai restaurants, one Japanese restaurant, and one Vietnamese restaurant but no Korean restaurants. It was a college town and college towns loved Asian food for takeout, at least that one did. So was glad that I didn't cause any trouble for the same reasons as the above blog. She did say they do eat dog on exceptionally hot days in Korea because it was supposed to remedy the heat or something but that she had never personally eaten dog to her knowledge. But I never felt uncomfortable dating her despite the ignorance down there about Asians. Joseph Moyer

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  23.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    As far as the topic is concerned, I personally never felt uncomfortable dating other races than my own. When I was down south, I dated a Japanese woman from Eastern Mennonite Seminary that we were both going to for our Pastoral degrees. We had no trouble and never felt uncomfortable although the local white southern population wasn't that supportive. When Yukari and I went shopping one time at a grocery store because she was an excellent cook and I loved her Japanese cooking, one of the stock clerks hummed that Asian song rather loudly that is associated with Asians. I think it originally came from the song "Kung fu fighing" that used to be so popular years ago but it was obvious he was making a remark about her and our relationship. I personally felt like walking over and punching him out but I didn't want to be disruptive since it would have upset Yukari since she was a peaceful thing. I asked her quietly if I should do anything to that guy since I am protective of the women I date, and she said just ignore him. Being that I was such a big strong guy back then, she said it would be his word against mine if the cops took us to jail for fighting and he would probably win because he had a southern accent and the cops were notorious prejudiced also against Asians in that town. But I never felt comfortable dating anyone from another race and they never felt uncomfortable with me even if there was prejudice around us. I have noticed Racists tend to leave you alone if they see you can protect yourself well. Joseph Moyer

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  24.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    Excellent idea. Just ignore me and pretend I am not here. We finally have something to agree upon.;-) Just ignore me and all of us will be happy.:-) Finally someone with a good suggestion.:-) I won't even defend myself against all your nasty remarks.;-) Just ignore me.:-) Joseph Moyer

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  25.   anonymous26 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    I got a great IDEA!!! just ignore this guy, kind of like when a child is trying to get negative attention, because he doesn't get any attention at all. This is his sad little way of making himself feel important.. he was probably someone who got bullied in school or abused as a child and now he's acting like the bully on interracial dating . He's not worth responding 2, not 1 more second of my precious time!! toodles

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  26.   Chelle77 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    Do some couples regret dating interracially? Sad to say but yes, I think some do...biggest factor I would say is where you live. I'm from the south and it can be frown upon however when you make up your mind that love knows no boundaries then that person can walk and not care what the people say. When you know that the person loves you for who you are and he stands beside you no matter what then there is no room for regret. At the end of the day its how that person makes you feel and whether or not you can be without him that will determine where your heart is. Some may regret it, I don't. As long as he treats me good and has my back. I'm glad about it.

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  27.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    I am sorry you feel that way and that you feel that you feel I am devaluing your views. That was never my intention and I don't think everyone shares your view of me since I only see you attacking me consistently and occasionally one other female. But I don't see any males attacking me that I haven't worked things out with and am on good terms with now. I don't think there is anything I can say to please you so just have pity on me for being so narrow-minded and practice the spirituality that you claim you follow and the peace that you claim that you have towards others. Just give me peace and don't take offense at what I am saying and just think how you want to about me. Just pity me in your eyes and stop harassing me if you truly want me to have a blessed day. Thank you kindly for any consideration. Joseph Moyer

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  28.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    Again you are following me around and being a hater towards me. Don't you have anything better to do than follow me around from blog to blog and insult me? And I thought I lead a boring life. Go bother someone else and stick on topic. Thank you kindly for your consideration. Joseph Moyer

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  29.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 10

    You might laugh at what I say but if more people listened to what I said on dating, maybe there wouldn't be so many illegitimate children out there and single moms. But then you would know anything about that, right?;-) Joseph Moyer

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  30.   anonymous26 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 10

    blah blah lol...

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    • djstime says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 10

      Ok so thre you have it folks..interracial relationships are the reason we have so many "illegitimate children out there and single moms". Lord help us...FAIL!

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  31.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 10

    I don't regret dating inter-racially and agree that it should be for love and compatibility of two individuals personality's and that race shouldn't be a factor. Date who you are compatible with in views and hopefully someone that compliments your strengths and weaknesses but still has commonality of interests and goals that there won't be much friction in the relationship. But a minor nitpicking point you mentioned James that I totally disagree with is that celebrities do not get married inter-racially because of love or hold their heads high because of it. They do it because they can since they are rich, powerful, celebrities.;-) They can do whatever they want even if they are criticized(as long as it isn't illegal like dog fighting) because like reporters have been saying all along, there is no such thing as bad press.;-) And statistically speaking, celebrities have been shown to have a higher divorce rate than non-celebrities. It is said that it is partially because they are too busy to really work on their relationship being celebrities and is has also said that they marry for the wrong reasons like getting more press because it stands out more, or it furthers their career or various and sundry other shallow reasons. There is a price to pay to be a celebrity because of all the time you have to work towards it almost fanatically unless you are lucky enough to be born into from having celebrity parents and you are only as good as what you put your time into. If you spend all your time acting, your life will become an act and you will lose touch with your real self. Unless you are a celebrity because of your good deeds or views like Gandhi was, you probably invested most of your life in something other than self-enlightenment and seeking of the deeper truths in life. You can't help but be more shallow. You may be the best athlete or actor or musician but you had to bust your hump to get to that position which also doesn't increase your interpersonal skills except for how to manipulate others but nothing of true altruism. Sure many give money to charities but it is but a drop in the bucket compared to what their total worth is financially. Like Jesus told the story in the Bible about the rich man who gave a sack of gold to the church for everyone to see how pious he was but it was but a mere fraction of his wealth and thus God did not honor it while the poor lady who only had three cents and gave all that she had, God honored that instead despite the fact that it was only three cents. The former is celebrity giving.;-) So I don't think celebrities generally speaking marry inter-racially for the right reasons and it is the common person with the healthy inter-racial marriage that we should look to as our role model for good inter-racial dating and marriage. They are highly more likely to do it for the right reason as opposed to celebrities and even many of them do it for the wrong reasons other than personality compatibility. Joseph Moyer

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  32.   anonymous26 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 10

    i dont personally

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  33.   anonymous26 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 10

    nope

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