I came across the video below on the New York Times blog, Economix. And when I read the paragraph:“Maybe online dating sites don’t reveal people’s despicable superficiality; they exaggerate it, because superficial characteristics are the easiest, and some case only available, qualities to search for” I had to watch it in order to understand where behavioral economist Dan Ariely was coming from.
Ariely thinks dating websites assume that its easy to describe people on searchable characteristics such as height, body shape, religious affiliations etc. But in the real sense people are more like wine. He goes on to say:
…When you taste the wine, you could describe it, but it’s not a very useful description. But you know if you like it or don’t. It’s the complexity and completeness of the experience that tells you if you like a person or not. And this breaking into attributes turns out not to be very informative.
Have a watch…
While scanning profiles for these attributes, we remove most people from our potential mates radar. After that, we start looking at other things we have in common that might prompt us to send an email. Question is: Would you contact a person who doesn’t have those “searchable characteristics”? Are we limiting ourselves by using this criteria?
I did a google search for Joseph Moyer and Serenity33 and didn’t see anyone with my picture. I am disappointed though because I though serenity 33 was unique and I have found that people from all over the world have used it but no picture. And I didn’t for anything for studmuffin99. My name though of Joseph Moyer is extremely common that makes me even more sad. I can’t even google to find out about myself!!
Joseph Moyer
PS There are one’s with even Evan in but no pictures. Joseph Evan Moyer really is indeed a common name throughout the states. That is why I would like the exact websites where the duplicate pictures were found messaged to me and I asked godiva61 to privately message it to me since we aren’t allow to post websites on these blogs. I wonder if she will respond since this website says she hasn’t been on for three weeks.
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I am sorry Jeff. I just experimented with clicking on your picture on this blog and clicking on mine and my profile shows up both times. But when I do a member search of you, you don’t show up at all. I think this site must have had it wires crossed of something and I apologize for all the abuse you have been taking because of me. That is freakin weird. Go try another dating site and start fresh my friend. You have my personal email address if you ever want to talk online. But you are going to get grief as long as you remain on here so go someplace nicer for your sake. You deserve a fresh start and I will take the abuse meant for you from the weird crossover.
Sincerely,
Joseph Moyer
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I just also discovered that you can report concern of fake profiles. If those three think me are Jeff or fake, why didn’t they just go to the Report concern section and report our profiles as fake? That makes no sense because I have been blogging on here logging enough that if people think Jeff and I were fake, they should have looked up our profiles under profile search and reported us rather than giving especially me all the hassle on the blog. The matter would have been best handled privately but they chose to berate us both and disrupting the blog constantly even after I had my posts removed that were insulting, instead of reporting us. THAT seems mentally unbalanced to me.
Joseph Evan Moyer
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@serenity33,
I hope that at the end of this post, you will be able to understand me fully so this conversation will have no need to go any further!!!!!!
You mentioned that you went in my profile and it said that the last time that I was here was three weeks ago, okay here’s the deal… you can actually post a comment on this blog without actually going in your profile. Three weeks ago was the last time that I went into my profile, the time before that was May 20, 2010.
My comment on yesterday about the photos was based on what I was seeing at the time on this site, and this site ONLY! Two different names, serenity33, studmuffin99, with the exact same photos. Today I am seeing no photos of the two of you at all! Not once did I make a comment about your’s or Jeff’s profile, which brings me to the next point.
You said, and I’m quoting, “if those three think me or Jeff are fake, why didn’t they just go to the Report concern Section and report our profiles”, end of quote.
a. I made NO mention, nor did I imply or accuse you or Jeff of having a fake profile. Again, I commented on the photos ONLY!
b. The “those” three, if you were referring to me as “those”, please note that my parents did NOT name me “those”!!!
c. If your profile is fake, that’s on you, it is NOT important to me about the validity of your profile, so even if I thought it was fake, which I NEVER said one way or another, reporting a fake profile would be even less important to me!
You stated in your last post “that the matter would have been best handled privately but they chose to berate us both and disrupting the blog constantly”.
When and where is the proof that I berated you or Jeff??? Are you talking about my comment about the photos? If so, how is that berating you? When did I mention Jeff?
Who is disrupting the blog constantly? Disrupting, Constantly? I am not here that often, so the word constantly would not best describe me! Disrusptive and inappropiate behavior here, can not and should not be left at the doorstep of the women only!
Speaking of which, as I was catching up on the comments posted here during my absence, I noticed what I perceived to be inappropiate and disruptive behavior on your part.
Looking into a persons profile is fair game, however, I think it’s inappropiate, and somewhat tacky to disclose publicly what’s in that persons profile. Profiles, I’m assuming, is merely an opportunity for another to possibly getting a better idea about the person. There stands a good/valid reason as to why a person might “tell you later”, they have that right to do so! That right should be respected, as if it were your own, “tell you later”. Common Courtesy should not be forfeited!!!!!! No one should be intentionally put in a position to have to publicly explain why they said “tell you later”! A negative act usually get’s a negative response! Her privacy should have been considered as well, but of course this was not an option that you chose to indulge in, but of course now, she’s the problem and not yourself!
What I do know if I divulge any information from a patients chart, without his/her permission, then I would be violating HIPPA, and there would be consequences, and reactions for my behavior, and as far as I am concerned the same rules should apply here! My bigger question is, why go in someone’s profile if you have no interest in that person, what was the real motive?
Last but not least, I don’t know who Jeff is, I don’t know his intentions or motives for being here, but your telling him that he is going to get grief as long as he remains here seems to imply that Jeff is incapable of having a constructive, healthy dialogue with the opposite sex. Not all men are the same, some men can come to a dating site, and every other aspect in society and actually know how to be in an intimate conversation with women, this really is the norm!
I wonder what would happen if people would take sole responsiblity for their own behavior’s, their own word’s and actions???? In other words, what’s in your heart, what motivates you from day to day?
If you are here to take abuse as you said, then to me that statement alone speaks volumes about your motives for being here, you should want better than to be abused in any shape or form!
I don’t know the details or the questions that you sent me via my profile, but hopefully this will shed a new light and end this discussion. It is in my perception, and mine ONLY, that you are either, not willing, or incapable of having a decent dialougue, at least not with women, and from your comments that you have posted here, that you are one of these men who talk at women, and not to women, which is for me, an absolute turn off for me as a woman!
godiva
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I apologize because I am so used to being attacked by the other two females(I think, I can’t verify it because I never met them)tattoed2death and petitechick. I apologize for lumping you in with the both of them for you aren’t like them. Jeff emailed me and told me he has left and couldn’t handle the drama but we will still keep in touch. He is going to Blackfriendfinder or something along those lines where he can start fresh. And thank you for explaining the dynamics of this site more because I didn’t know you could blog and not be on the site.
And Jeff said something about hackers that like to cause trouble can do things like link profiles and pictures or almost anything because most people keep their security low on their computers and many websites keep their security low enough especially when money transactions aren’t involved that it can be done easily enough by hackers who aren’t after money but just like to cause trouble. I used to be on AOL and in private chats with just one person in chat rooms and people would hack into my chat room which I wouldn’t know how to do and has to do with site security. It is cheaper to keep the security lower and save the more expensive security for financial transactions like signing up for the website using a credit care and I heard even those are being hacked into.
And I am sorry you feel that way about me but my blogs are more intended for general reading and not meant really to talk to women personally as much as my private messages. But you are entitled to your opinion and I won’t argue with you over that but don’t be offended if I find you finding me as a turnoff as totally insignificant to my world view and perception because I have had hundreds upon hundreds of interactions in my jobs and counseling and even relationships that have reinforced me otherwise. That is just my opinion and I tend to go by majority rules in these situations. It is kind of like everyone telling someone that they are smart and one person calls them stupid. Who is that person going to believe. But like I said, everyone is entitled to their opinion as long as it is respectfully presented.
Joseph Moyer
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I’m sure the powers that be will delete the above as well. As I really do believe what Poster midnite said.
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I really do not know why my comments were removed. That guy spewed so much hatred and such that I assumed he would be banned but for some reason it was my words which were deleted.
Maybe you’re rightPetiteChick. Anyway it is weird that a guy who hates so much can roam here free but we, who are genuinely interested about these issues and such want to exchange ideas and thoughts are censored. Really weird. Are there any other sites like this?
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And Jeff said something about hackers that like to cause trouble can do things like link profiles and pictures or almost anything because most people keep their security low on their computers and many websites keep their security low enough especially when money transactions aren’t involved that it can be done easily enough by hackers who aren’t after money but just like to cause trouble. I used to be on AOL and in private chats with just one person in chat rooms and people would hack into my chat room which I wouldn’t know how to do and has to do with site security. It is cheaper to keep the security lower and save the more expensive security for financial transactions like signing up for the website using a credit care and I heard even those are being hacked into.
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Do tell! Tell us more since you are such a kind and gentle therapist looking out for us online dating folk. This is NOT HARD TO fathom!
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Not where I’m a paying member at this time, Sam! This is but ONE reason I left.
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Godiva, I really have to thank you. It has been many hours since I read your post and the part about not having to be on to post was the most informative. I see even better how you can be anonymous and not be held accountable for what you say on blogs all the more. You can have NO profile and post blogs and say WHATEVER you want and the people on the site are too busy with all the blogs to delete all the misinformation that is spread and rumors and lies because like I said, they have a ton of blog entries and they are concerned more with more obvious and illegal slanders than people accusing each other of false identities or being someone from the past etc. no matter how false they are. So if I wanted to, I could as be as anonymous as those individuals.
But I see this now more clearly as a test from God on how much I am willing to put up with in His name. Jesus was slandered and accused of being other people than He was and He was totally insulted as well as physically abused until in Crucifixion. I will not give in to temptation and strike back at my accusers and slanderers anymore. I won’t hide behind anonymity and NOT be held accountable for who I am by posting while not logged on or get rid of my profile for protection. Everything in my profile is true as is my name so I have nothing objectively to be ashamed of. I will stayed logged on when I post and do things the way I have been doing them minus dealing with my accusers and slanderers who throw stones as me. I am just removing my picture because, Godiva, like I said earlier, one believes what one is told by the majority of the people in one’s life. I have never had anyone but you and the other two individuals on me who seek to hurt me through their lies and slanders. You three are the only ones out of hundreds of women I have met that have made that accusation and you never even met or dealt with me in person. These other hundreds of women have as well as guys and I am inclined to believe their perspective about me. BUT, I have been told all my life, especially by women, that I was ugly. I am even worse since my disability crippled me on my lower spinal causing severe pain the rest of my life and needing a cane to walk and I can’t feel my feet and ankles anymore. So I am removing my picture so no one has to see my ugly appearance anymore and just keeping the rest which is the true me. Thanks very much Godiva for the Gestalt Aha(form of psychology) and bringing things into clarity. As for those that persecute me, I shall pray for them because I think their emotional pain outweighs the intense physical pain I am experiencing every day of my life and need my prayers more than I need to be prayed for for I am at true Maat.(Egyptian word) And I will do what the website individuals said to do is to ignore them and not let this become like kindergarten(there exact words!!;-) and just ignore them.
Thus we have more proof that anonymity and lack of accountability on internet dating websites does bring out the superficiality that is already there and my view is it doesn’t have to. You can be open and honest about who you are and not be that way.
Thus speaks the real Joseph Evan Moyer who refuses to hide his true identity.:-)
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WOW…..this is truly amazing….LOL.
Ladies (godiva and petite)….I implore you DO NOT respond to this character anymore. People can hide profiles, pictures and the like but TRUE MOTIVEs and an individual’s TRUE NATURE come to light EVERYTIME. This whole “GOD-COMPLEX” thing (comparing oneself to JESUS??….REALLY??…LOL)and wanting sooooo badly to be some sort of martyr. YUP….classic NARCISSIST (“blog legend” anyone????LMAO). Anywho, IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF A CERTAIN PERSON WOULD PEAK UP ABOUT THIS SITUATION, as to not have this all be about “those evil black women” jumping on and “attacking the poor defenseless white dude”. I truly don’t expect him to do so and I respect that…..but at least one other person knows the real deal here and that is not just the “crazy TWO” (that would be you and I Petite….LOL).
Peace PEOPLE
tatted2death
P.S. Petite, don’t you find it kind of odd that this character (serenity/studmuffin) knows soooo much about “hacking” and creating false indenties online???? Didn’t you just go through something like this here?????hmmmmm???? I truly wish people would get some different hobbies….LOL.
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Just wondering how many different people TRULY get on websites JUST TO “STUDY” the members……the many different tactics they must have to employ to accomplish their “mission”.
AGAIN LADIES (and SISTER-sam…lol) ignore this crap. His sad attempt to use some sort of “arm-chair” psychology is beyond the desperation that “some” have claimed we, as women of color, are exemplifying by simply by dating who we choose. ANYONE following and believing his madness is terribly misguided. It’s best to leave that sort of tom-foolery alone. Let him talk to himself here…..(which he seems to enjoy….LMAO). A “soap-opera” is not as entertaining with only ONE chararcter. Although when that one character plays an “evil twin”, I admit I get a chuckle or two….LOL.
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Well you have one point correct, you won’t have to worry any more about me on this blog because I have said everything I possibly can think of on the blog topic so there is no reason for me to write any more on this blog without going off topic. So I have nothing else to say on this topic so bye. Have fun.
Joseph Evan Moyer
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I can only speak from my own experience. I have found that most of the men who contact me are superficial on so many levels. They are also a little stupid. They don’t expect me to point out the fact they are superficial nor do they expect me to judge them on the same criteria they judge me. They expect me to be a deep insightful horny 40something….. while they are shallow horny 60something. So do I have a great faith in on line dating???? Not really.
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I am sorry that you have to endure that. But not all men are that way. I have found that being a true intrinsic Christian makes the odds of the guy being a horny 60 year old much less. And you are doing nothing wrong. A lot of the problem is stereotypes with divorced at your age. The are expected to be horny because that is often when they are at their sexual peak so you get stereotyped wrongly and I truly am sorry for that.
But you did a fantastic job of addressing that in your profile and I am truly impressed. You speak a lot of truths to counteract that stereotype and I admire that as a Pastoral Marriage Counselor. I wish more women would post profiles like that and help break the stereotypes of women and women doing online dating. Thanks for the blunt honesty in your profile and I hope your experience goes better in the future because you did everything you did to prevent those kinds of guys. Look out for guys who will still stereotype though based on dancing. There is nothing wrong with liking to dance and my 65 year old mother still loves to dance like a school girl and I think it is cute and doesn’t diminish her accomplishments(which are many)as a human being or a woman.
Joseph Moyer
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Great faith in online dating? I wouldn’t go that far. I do see it as a viable option though. Meeting someone online or offline both require that you take the time to get to know them to be sure they are who they present themselves to be.
@Happy_Girl…I agree 100% regarding the double standard many men seem to have when approaching someone online.
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I agree that I don’t have much faith in online dating in general but us special needs individuals who for some reason are really fussy in one capacity or another often have to resort to online dating to weed out the undesirables that don’t fit our criteria. I am fussy about their psychological health and development and their wisdom and intelligence quotient. And without kids who doesn’t want to have sex before marriage. That is very hard to find in real life so I give online dating a chance in the hopes of finding that one in a million female that meets my criteria. I know it may be an exercise in futility but its better than not trying at all. If you have lower standards and just want someone hot, then it maybe better to just see who is in your immediate environment if you can and just stick with what you can find.
Joseph Moyer
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