How to stop dead end relationships - before they begin
Listen in as the secret to identifying dead end relationships - before they begin - is revealed as Dr. Wright interviews David Steele, the author of the book "Conscious Dating: Finding The Love Of Your Life In Today's World".
Welcome to the IDC Dating podcast.
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And I think people are living together because they are afraid of commitment nowadays. They do not want to fail. They see the divorce rate and they are just confused about how to make it all work and be successful.
And I do not know about you, but I have gotten involved in relationships and then discovered later that there was something hugely important that was not working. And I did not know it before. So wouldn't it be nice to be clear and conscious about what that stuff is going in. And make a relationship choice aligned with that.
But they are not relationship breakers either. And most people - - if you do not think about this way you might make a relationship choice based on your wants; like somebody to have fun with. But then is that somebody that you have fun with is that a good partner choice for the long term.
And then we have things like a vision, what we really want for our life that we are trying to make real. And then we have a purpose like what we want to do with our life. And our relationship has to align with all of that. So the clearer we are about that, the better choice you make in a partner, the easier it is to make it work.
This is challenging for most singles. They are maybe a bit shy, maybe a bit scared, we would like it if somebody chose us. And we tend to get into a pattern of reactiveness in our life. And it takes a little bit of forethought and a little bit of initiation and planning to be the chooser. To you be the one that takes the action.
Like for example, would it not be great if there is somebody that you have meet that you are attracted to. Let us say that somebody you meet at the grocery store or the post office or at a class you are attending. Would it not be great for you to choose them and go up to them and initiate a conversation and say hi and get to know them and see if they are single? But a lot of singles are scared to death of this.
But I learned in my own personal and working with my clients that you just cannot take somebody you are attracted to or somebody that is interested in you and have them fill that slot. There has to be enough alignment. There has to be enough to work with over the long term.
So saying no to what you do not want, saying - - being the chooser is critical. Because chances are somebody that is attracted to you and wants to be with you is not necessarily good for you in the long term. There has to be a mutual alignment. So it is just essential but it is the scariest thing for a lot of singles. But it is very, very doable we just have - - we just need a few little tools and strategies for how to do that.
And what you put your attention to that is where your energy goes that ends up would be - - what happens in your life. So if you have a positive mindset, if you have a mindset of abundance like I am a wonderful person and all the resources and opportunities that I need or want in my life will come to me.
The law of attraction will help you.
If you are coming from fear "Oh, my God. I am single. I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. And here is this person who is interested in me. I better take what I can get or I am going to be alone for the rest of my life." Well, the law of attraction is going to work against you. It is going to be real because you think it is real.
So this is what I mean by balance your heart with your head, pursue somebody, get involved with somebody you are definitely attracted to. There is the chemistry there. And make sure that all your requirements are met because the strongest chemistry in the world is not enough to make the relationship work long term. It has to be both. Heart and head, chemistry and requirements.
So it is our job as singles to have the best life possible for us. Live our vision while we are single. And then the law of attraction will help us and will find the life partner that is aligned with us. And trust me, if you want a relationship you are not going to be alone for the rest of your life. Relationships happen anyway, we are social beings. This is what we do. So do not let your fears prevent you from being happy while you are single.
Its like if you want to make a million dollars and if you focus on money, that million dollars is going to get farther and farther away. But if you focus on what you love, doing what you love, then sure, you might make a million dollars but you are going to be happy in the process. Similar to finding a life partner. Be happy and have the life you really want. And the life partner that you want will come into your life. And you will find him. You know the movie "Field of Dreams" I love the quote. "If you build it they will come."
So we already talked about your vision and your purpose and living a life you want while you are single. So for example, me, I am a coach and I am a therapist and I find that I have very little in common with people - - with women for example, that are not in the health profession in some way. If they are data entry operators in some big corporation they might be fun but they are not life partner material.
So where am I going to find somebody aligned with me. I might find him in my professional association. It is going to be somebody who is a social worker or a therapist or a coach or something like that. So my plan would involve being around those kinds of people looking for that kind of person in my life. So it is more focused. I am not just going to be surfing the Internet randomly for anybody that will return my emails.
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