Has our attitude about dating outside our races changed? Some writer in Detroit decided to try something different… something new: dating a White man. The attraction was there – good-looking guy with a sense of humor. One thing that was a plus for him was that he was liberal and smart. Being 39, the dude seemed like a viable option. “The older you get, the more open you become to the possibility of love… I would like love to come in a certain form or color. But at the same time I realize that the population of eligible Black men is getting smarter. So I’m open᾿ says the writer.
According to some polls, 45% of black women have been involved in interracial relationships. And as for those who haven’t, it’s not because they lack the opportunities… 70% have been asked out by a white guy. A lady who had watched the movie “Something New᾿ (in which the character falls for a White guy) says that movie was her signal to start chasing and accepting their offers. And she puts it this way: She is now looking for an Ideal White Man instead of an Ideal Black Man.
Most people aren’t fazed at all when they see a Black woman with a White man… Now go ahead and flip the script… Fifty-three percent disapproved of seeing a Black man with a White woman.
Successful black men who choose to “cross over” may draw additional ire because of the perceived notion among black women that Black men who have made it tend to prefer non-Black companions. I think Celebrity couples also play a role in influencing black women’s feelings. Yeah, we’re cool with Halle switching from marrying Black men to dating Gabriel Aubry, a White model. But Kobe, Tiger, Terrence and Taye? Hmmm.
So do black women have double standards when it comes to dating outside the race? Leah who is 36 says while she was strolling with her date who is white, she got some chilling reactions. She got chants from black men: “Sellout! You think you White?”
I don’t know if it was the neighborhood that sees a Black Women and White Men dating as a NO-NO or is it that black men too have their double standards? You tell me.
I’ve had Caucasian lawyers, doctors, business owners, entreprenuers, singles, marrieds, divorcees and the list goes on who approach me out of interest and attraction. I’ll be honest, before I openly dated I would not speak to them (whites on the dating regard). In our community, often it’s said white men only want to date black women out of lust. I’ve seen where that is true. I’ve also seen where lots of black men do the exact same thing with narry a sentiment to hold the woman in true value.
Some years ago a very wealthy realtor in my home town invited me to speak with him over a late lunch as he had shown me a house I truly wanted that was way out of my ballpark, but I felt the house was overpriced (it was). We met and he broke two things down for me. The first was the house could be negotiated. The second was that he was insatiably attracted to me (We had met only on two prior occassions, one being the initial contact to show and the other a reshowing for an offer).
Being that he was a realtor certain personal information had been revealed to him during our business interactions so he knew I was single, unmarried. I was in my late 20′s to early 30′s at the time and single but not unattached. This realtor told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to provide for me and help me pursue the dream of owning that home. He was not only dead serious but also offered to give me the home, the car, anything I could dream..BUT he wanted a commited, monogomous relationship with me. The kicker was he was married and told me he would NEVER divorce his (white) wife. He made that certain.
I was to be second class and “bought”. I couldn’t deal with the thought of my humanity being wasted by some shiny, spinning thing that looked and acted like fool’s gold. Especially something I could surely afford myself, just not his home. Some people I tell this story to say I should have taken the bait. I’d be wealthy by now no doubt (you know the use em and lose em deal).
So I wonder what the author is viewing. Should black women take a white man at any price? Often that is what we are seeing white women doing. Not every “interracial” relationship is about harmony. Many times it’s just about that – race. It sounds like, acts, walks and talks like denegrating “all-you-are-is” kinda talk. I am happy to say most Women of Color see this, have learned from it and avoid such obvious interactions.
I think wanting to be appreciated as women first, ensuring we have the true respect of the man we are with is very important to a Woman of Color. Me personally, I wouldn’t commit to a Black man who was married (not even a famous African American ball player who once asked me as, yes, he too was married), what makes it preferential I become some white guys sex toy? In my estimation that does not make the lack of my self respect and personal dignity any less worthier in my own eyes. The thought these many years later is still nauseatingly unappealing.
On the double standard bit. Honestly most AA women will date within the community until she is held back in almost all she does or is not encouraged as much as she needs. My take only. AA men seem to “use” AA women until they attain the level of success they want and will never consider a black woman ‘suitable’ for all those tea parties they must now attend.
That is unless their celebrity and its trappings fail them. It’s only been my personal accounting to see them then RUN back to their homeland and seek the comforting bosom of the black woman. Only problem he has nothing to offer her except stories about how his white wife was really all those years what he truly did not want.
This is too often the story of AA men in the downward earnings of their later years of income. I am hard hearted and will not date a black guy with this type of story, no matter how loving he is when he’s broke. If white guys ever come out of the closet, they deal differently, they are with you for life. Correct me if I am wrong.
That’s why I’m glad to see a blog like this. So we can all discuss the issues. Get them in the open and out of the closet. Still, I think I am never going to go for someone who purely sexualizes me. Can they see the person beneath the allure and attraction?
Lastly, my preference for men is not just established on the basis of Mr. White (white, black c’est le vie). It is established on the sole basis of Mr. RIGHT. It’s not completely a co-inkid-ink that Mr. Right is White, but I think it is due to the demographics of whose available and really more of, who is willing to live, do, see and be in the reality of life. It’s my right to choose and I do.
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“BUT he wanted a commited, monogomous relationship with me. The kicker was he was married and told me he would NEVER divorce his (white) wife. He made that certain.”
“If white guys ever come out of the closet, they deal differently, they are with you for life. Correct me if I am wrong.”
Still married + a monogamous relationship with another woman. That’s not monogamous. He’s with his wife for life yet attempted to score a concubine. That’s what he did after coming out of the closet?
Um… yea. You’re wrong.
“AA men seem to “use” AA women until they attain the level of success they want and will never consider a black woman ’suitable’ for all those tea parties they must now attend. ”
You see? That’s what happens when a bitter woman writes a book, has it adapted to a Hollywood screenplay starring some pop diva at the zenith of her career, and what do you have? Women who believe “Waiting to Exhale” is a story by which they need to base their lives or force themselves to find some way the film can be applied to them. Right, Angela Bassett not suitable for a tea party. O-kay?!? Black women beating up her husband’s white mistress? Merely shock value and a downright incitation to discord amongst women of different races over a man.
Isn’t that something? Men make movies about explosions, talking robots, sports, comedy, politics, and naked chicks that don’t piss us off. Women write books and movies about senseless emotional conflict and liberation from something that was never really oppressing. They need hugs. So many of them put their Barbie dolls, jumps ropes, and Easy Bake Ovens away too soon.
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Here is the contact information for anyone wanting to take the time and effort to make this a safe site to place their comments and views on. Personal attacks, name calling, incitation to hatred, race baiting, etc.
Since there is or I have not been made aware of where the web admin contact info is thought it best to help myself and others by posting the information here:
Address
c/o Chellaul Corporation
1135 Terminal Way
Suite 209
Reno, NV, 89502
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Email Contact by email
Toll-free Phone Contact by phone
Fax +1 775 996 7271
It says they are available 1pm til 9pm M-F
As well, believe me when I say you do not have to put up with such attacks. I hope this blog is not so foolish as to think it ok that a person can continue a romp of discord against members just answering blog questions. Here is proof below.
“Various institutions in the United States and Europe began developing codes to limit or punish hate speech in the 1990s, on the grounds that such speech amounts to discrimination. Thus, such codes prohibit words or phrases deemed to express, either deliberately or unknowingly, hatred or contempt towards a group of people, based on areas such as their ethnic, cultural, religious or sexual identity, or with reference to physical health or mental health. There has been an increase of prohibition of terms regarded as “hate speech” based on socio-economic class in the United States, same goes to regional slurs and comments in Europe. But for many North Americans and western Europeans, hate speech has become unacceptable (at least in public), immoral and sometimes, it is taboo to use certain words or discuss certain subjects they fear may be offensive or illegal. In some contexts it may also be offensive or illegal to challenge the rights of individuals based on any or all of the above criteria. Hate speech codes are rules intended to ensure an atmosphere free from harassment and intimidation, conducive to a learning environment…Many academics have criticised these policies, arguing they are an impediment for free and uncensored discussion on controversial topics.” For the full article see:
Shttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hate_speech
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Ich
That was real deep. I learn something new everyday. The whole scene with Angel Basset smacking the white mistress in his JOB MEETING. That was real crass and low class.
He told Angel Basset that he didn’t want to be with her.
Her ego just couldn’t accept it.
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Dear Tricc
Nobody does hate speech here. If you don’t tell your personal business you wouldn’t be open to criticism. That is not hate. That is an interpretation of your story and someone questioning it.
Ich said your white man wanted you as a concubine. Now you are throwing a tantrum and running to the owners of the blog lol.
Freedom of speech includes leaving a public blog if you don’t like what is said.
Give me a break lol.
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Dear Ich
Tricc story was going well until I noticed something. That is why she snitched so fast to the blog owners.
Look at her statement concerning the wealthy white men she allegedly said “she never got involved with”.
“Some years ago a very wealthy realtor in my home town invited me to speak with him over a late lunch as he had shown me a house I truly wanted that was way out of my ballpark, but I felt the house was overpriced (it was). We met and he broke two things down for me. The first was the house could be negotiated. The second was that he was insatiably attracted to me (We had met only on two prior occassions, one being the initial contact to show and the other a reshowing for an offer).
Being that he was a realtor certain personal information had been revealed to him during our business interactions so he knew I was single, unmarried. I was in my late 20’s to early 30’s at the time and single but not unattached. This realtor told me in no uncertain terms that he wanted to provide for me and help me pursue the dream of owning that home. He was not only dead serious but also offered to give me the home, the car, anything I could dream..BUT he wanted a commited, monogomous relationship with me. The kicker was he was married and told me he would NEVER divorce his (white) wife. He made that certain.
I was to be second class and “bought”. I couldn’t deal with the thought of my humanity being wasted by some shiny, spinning thing that looked and acted like fool’s gold. Especially something I could surely afford myself, just not his home. Some people I tell this story to say I should have taken the bait. I’d be wealthy by now no doubt (you know the use em and lose em deal).”
Essentially, the white man allegedly said he wasn’t going to leave his white wife for her. Now why would a man say that and he only met you twice? Allegedly, you never got involved with this wealthy white man right. How does that conversation get to the point that his wife is even mentioned concerning “leaving” her for you?
I have gone out with women but rarely do we get to the point of me supposedly leaving anyone for her. That would take months hypothetically speaking. Basically what your saying this wealthy white men fell “head over heels” for you in the first meeting.
See this is the problem and just a warning to white guys that date intellectual black women. Half of what sellout black women say is not “totally true”. They will always “spin it” to make themselves look better than they are.
Her reaction is what made me post again. She ran and called the “blog police”. I didn’t even say she was lying. I just think there is some serious “holes” in this story. Look at the key part of the sentence she says.
” He wants a serious monogamous relationship with me”. UH wealthy white man spanking her ass and she put it on him. But couldn’t get him to leave his white wife. She might have felt “dirty” after awhile. Then she cleans it up at the end.
Of course just my personal opinion.
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By the way, what does single but unattached mean?
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So she being a concubine:
Does that mean she’s a gold-digger?
Or she is seeking a higher social status?
Or he is just using her as a sex slave?
Or she possibly wants children without marriage.
Pretty crude if you ask me.
I will refer to Mr. Laurelton Queens term sellout here:
It seems plainly written in bold inscription across her forehead.
She deems herself as a ‘higher’ order now that she associates with a white man.
She is looking back at the black men in here from the top (of the social ladder), and staring coherently with blatant pride of which shows her weakness.
I would be disgruntled too…
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For Comments and Complaints:
Address
c/o Chellaul Corporation
1135 Terminal Way
Suite 209
Reno, NV, 89502
USA
Email Contact by email
Toll-free Phone Contact by phone
Fax +1 775 996 7271
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Dear Ich
Single and but unattached means sleeping with a man but “waiting for something better to come along”.
Again, my problem with her story is she met the man twice. Then it jumps to him “giving her everything” just to have her as his mistress. Then she stresses she “knew” he wasn’t leaving his white wife.
You know all this information after two meetings. This guy most be the boldest white man in America. “OR” there was some “fooling” around going on.
I just don’t see a wealthy guy being that disrespectful unless “you were down” with the arrangement. If you are supposedly so “sophisticated” how did “the mistress talk” come about?
Just another “one sided story” with holes in it.
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I forgot to put the actual numbers to contact for Comments and Concerns regarding ethics in this blogs postings. Issues can be Reported to Chellaul Corp:
Call: 1-866-484-0626 Between 1pm and 6pm Monday – Friday
Intn’l: (+1) 866-484-0626 1pm and 6pm Monday – Friday
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i love white boys!
i only date white boys….and you know why..its because i am attracted to them, the few times am attracted to a black boy, he only wants white girls..so i guess we even out..
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i need a good looking white man, who is financialy ok, also very romantic .
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@mayp
But you should choose by the look, the way he is, things you have in common or whatever but not by financial matters.
I only know things like that by the nigerian golddiggers we have in Austria, not a nice thing.
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One of the things that I got out of watching something new was that it shows how so many of us women want a man to validate us. I feel like this, I could be missing out on a man who really loves me by limiting myself to men that fit in a round hole or a circle whole. I may be a circle but the man who will love and adore me may be a triangle. In other words, he may be exactly the opposite of what I expect. Now I am not saying that we should not have standards, that would be stupid. But, I feel that we should not look for validating attributes. For instance, my man is the CEO of some important company and he makes six figures. I want to be the damn CEO and make six figures. If he is a gardener,and he loves me that could be a good thing. What good would it do me to be married and validated by a man who has a fancy position and sleeps around and embarrasses me infront of his friends. Like the move Diary of a Mad blackwoman. The main charactrs successful husband did just those things. Then when the right man did come along she couldn’t accept it. She even stayed in a bad relationship far too long because of the validation she felt it had. But she did not have her husbands heart because he had standards too. She just sat at home all day figuring out how to spend the idiots hard earned money. See there are two sides to every story. Does that justift the meanness of what he did. No. My thoughts on the matter.
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If I’m truly looking for love it would be ridiculous to limit myself by eliminating 13% of the population based on melanin.
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It is amazing that a post about black women out-dating. still attracts black men who put down black women. You point to a almost 20 year old movie when black men have been calling us b*thes and whores in rap music and constantly dress up like black women and act out the most egregious stereotypes for decades? Black men are outmarry at a rate 2 1/2 times the rate of black women. Please go find the non-black women of your dreams and keep you hatred of black women to yourself!
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It amazes me as well, eshowoman……hypocritcal mess, it is.
Peace
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Just what does the term sellout mean anyway? Sounds like something they said in the 60′s. Ridiculouus.
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