Dating dangerously

Posted by James, 17 Jan 09

They used to say we want what we can’t have. But when it comes to dating, these days people are going after it and getting it. And the once taboo relationships are now the most successful. Since to your brain, danger and attraction are the same thing, let me share with you how to protect yourself while pursuing the most passionate forbidden affairs.

A Friend’s Ex: (Date at your own risk) You probably are attracted to your friend’s ex because your pal has eulogized his or her virtues so relentlessly that they become the person of your dreams too. You practically have a whole sales pitch for the ex. Now if their separation wasn’t mutual, keep off because you probably will be rejected in favor of your friend. Best way to approach this is to stay away until your pal moves on to a different love interest… unless you want to come off as a scavenger!

A Friend’s Sibling: (Tread carefully) You probably want to date them because they have your best friend’s personality… plus they already know your name. This is one tough boundary to cross especially in the case of male pals. Be prepared to lose a listening board for relationship problems. Ask your pal politely: “How would you feel if I said I was interested in your sister” as opposed to “Dude! Jackie is smoking hot! Can I make a pass at her? ” Go Easy!

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A Close Friend: (Make your move) 61% of men and women have indulged in such relationships. A close friend always has the potential to be all you need: friend, playmate, lover. If you have been the confidant to your friend, she may not be open for it. Men however seem not to care whether they told you their most shocking dating stories. But if your pal starts referring to the two of you as “us” you’re in! Using phrases like “I’ve always loved you” could make your relationship feel cheap. Most women usually feel betrayed when they discover you’ve been sexually interested while ‘playing’ confidant. Just let your pal know he or she is great and ratchet up the intimacy a bit. Keep off speeches. Just let it happen naturally.

A Coworker: (Make your move) Now this is one of the relationships I like to call occupational hazards. The workplace is filled with like-minded individuals our own age who always dress nicely. This is a recipe for deep intimacy and romantic love. Don’t go throwing those puppy-dog eyes at each other across the conference thinking people in the office don’t know. If you split, office eyes and gossip will be on you. Try keeping the office and your romance separate. It’s important to prove to your boss that your office romance won’t affect the entire work environment. And if you break up unfortunately, do that screaming some place else then settle how you will deal in the office. Your jobs depend on it.

An intern: (Tread carefully) You are attracted coz he or she is young, hot, well dressed and convinced you are a lot better at your job than you actually are. Problem is, he or she is a walking lawsuit. Your friendly advances could be misconstrued as sexual harassment. Hold your horses even if he or she is the one slapping come-ons on your face. As soon as he or she is packed up, that’s your green light. Till then, just let the tension build to a passion-packed payoff ... if it ever does pay off.

Your boss: (Date at your own risk) How do you transfer that boardroom mind-set to the bedroom? Now the beauty about this relationship is that the secrecy is such an aphrodisiac. It’s sexy! Now imagine dumping your boss or your co-workers thinking you are receiving unfair attention or appraisals. (Which you are ;-) ). Well, if you have a thing for your boss, do nothing. The tension could work in your favor. If it takes off, you also have to weigh what is more replaceable: the relationship or the job?

A sibling’s friend: (Make your move) Your sibling’s friend usually seems like an easier and safer choice. You may want to find out if your sibling"s ok with merging those two worlds or you may end up ruining their relationship. Much as you don’t need your sibling’s blessings, they could help you seal the deal.

An Ex’s Friend: (Date at your own risk) This is a cocktail of bad drinks that make you feel good, until the hangover checks in. Worse still, you'll have established how developed your creeping skills are. Women don’t handle this situation as well as men do so watch out. If he or she is the predator, the burden of bridging the gap with your ex has shifted on his or her lap.

Your ex: (Date at your own risk) You want this affair because its all about comfort dating … like mac and cheese. You are starving - for sex, companionship – and your ex might be experiencing the dry spell too. Problem is, most couples end up in a dangerous cycle where no one is able to move on. You have reached the end of the chapter… close the goddamn book. Every email or text message is a breach. Keep communication to the minimum or you will never move on.

Social barriers will always heighten curiosity and attraction. Forbidden don't mean impossible. If you feel strongly about the relationship, try it. It could turn out to be the best 'bad' move you have ever made. Anyone been in a forbidden affair that blossomed to true love with no regrets? Do share!

9 responses to "Dating dangerously"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 23 Mar 10

    One way or another it would seem that a close friend is a good bet. Either before or during a dating relationship.

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  2. Posted: 11 Jul 09

    I sence like I'm analysis a prediction

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  3.   draco_1955 says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Good advice in every situation other than the work environment, as sassykae mentioned. In the work environment, you can never get away from the object of your desires should the relationship go bad. And let's keep in mind the supervisor/worker conflict; talk about DANGEROUS!

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  4.   lakesg1 says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 09

    I do not fall into any of the categories that you touched based on. My situation is different. I am a black female who is looking for an east indian spouse. Why? It is my preference, I love their family values,and they are drop dead gorgeous. My problem is many east indian men are attracted to black women but are scared to date them because in most cases they know the black woman will not be excepted by their parents and family, because of the image that society and the media has painted about black people. And they feel black is at the bottom of the dating chain. A white woman would be accepted because she is looked at as being the fortunate american of better class and has a lighter complexion. Im not saying that this applies to all East Indians but it does apply to most. What advice would you give me to assist me in my hunt for a forbidden relationship? If their are any east indian guys who disagree with me please feel free to comment. Contact me if you like.

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  5. Posted: 05 Feb 09

    never date when u know that person is married with children. you can bet they will never leave their spouse.

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  6.   fiel says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 09

    Where are, norm, value and moral?????

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  7.   cbsf says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 09

    "You have reached the end of the chapter close the goddamn book." Words to live by.

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  8.   sassykae says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 09

    It's an interesting article but there are a couple of departure points for me. First no dating at work period, boss, co-worker, intern, etc and the dating the ex. Other than that I think you can tread accordingly and who knows it might all work out.

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  9.   mish098 says:
    Posted: 17 Jan 09

    Does this mean by-passing the racial and cross-culture barriers, too? seems like an amazing transition and the potentail for a new way of life, which we all seek, is huge.

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