Black women on interracial unions

Posted by James, 08 Apr 08

We have seen the rise in of interracial relationships over the past twenty-five years but still there are any people who remain harsh critics of mixed unions.

Before - in the middle of the Twentieth Century - parents of Caucasian women seemed to be heavily against the idea of an interracial relationship. Now, with the Twenty-First Century here, it kinda seems as though African-American are against such marital union … with stories of them being against unions between Black men and White Women.

Do African American women really despise African American men who date Caucasian women?

65 responses to "Black women on interracial unions"

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  1.   NaijaBabe11 says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 12

    LOL...seriously??? Never in my life have I gotten angry or hurt by a black man having a preference for white women. For crying out loud, is he not an adult??

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  2.   lala123 says:
    Posted: 14 May 10

    I can tell you as an African-American woman, I used to resent black men for dating white women, but that resentment faded when I found that non-black men find me very attractive just the way I am. There aren't enough of the good black ones to go around anyway (cliche, but it becomes more true with each day). Why should I give up my opportunity to have a family just to raise a "strong black family". I have finally realized I can do that with ANY good man!

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  3.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 07 Mar 10

    @Comment by 876pineapple on 19 December 2008: I have no problem with African American men dating Caucasian women. I prefer dating Caucasian men myself, but for a long time black women Did despise black men for dating white women; reason being, black women have always been loyal to black men, and some still are. But I glad to see black women are finally opening up to dating other race of men. ____________________________________________________ Ok, I'm late as far as responding to this comment, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I think the whole black women being LOYAL to black men thing is nothing more than a BOGUS LIE. I've read this argument being tossed around, and honestly, it's gotten tiresome. Why? Because when black women date black men they're not dating black men because they're being LOYAL. They're dating black men because they're attracted to them, like the way they treat them, and least we not forget, because it's their PREFERENCE. I'm sure when a black woman is with a black man the first words out of her mouth aren't "You know, the only reason I'm dating you is out of loyalty." If a black woman ever told me that I'd be PISSED, and rightfully so, because in one sentence she reduced me to NOTHING. Worse, she reduced me to being LESS than NOTHING. Now I've read that black women were supposely raised NOT to date outside of the race, but how they were raised and what they actually do are NOT one in the same, not by a long shot. History will back that up whether it's Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandrige, Josephine Baker or the numerous other black women who've DATED OUT. Let me say that this is NOT an indictment of black women, but really, at some point the NONSENSE needs to STOP, because as a black man I'm sick of hearing about how black women are the MARTYRS of our community. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Loving vs. Virginia bought to the Supreme Court by a black woman/white male couple? Anyway, I've said my piece and I'm done.

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  4. Posted: 11 Sep 09

    I think you are correct bigeyes....but you must also realize that some people some with preconceived notions that no matter what they are going to have a tough time letting go of......sad fact. One individual statement from a misguided indiviual is going to translate as gospel to some. No amount of evidence to contrary feelings of others is going to change some people's minds. They have the right to have their opinion but the tactics are kind of base/shallow. Peace and Blessings as always tatted2death

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  5.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 09

    I SEE your point Azrayel, I hope SHE does. I completely agree with why you might get the feeling from SOME of the black women in IRs are choosing other races as a way to be spiteful. Now, I'm sure she was only expressing her experience but sometimes we have UNCONSCIOUS feelings that comes out in our words and behaviors but it takes others who are reading, watching and listening from the outside to pick up on what we don't even realize. Peace

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  6.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 09

    Lizzi said: "black men would say to me Baby why would you wanna sleep with a white man! I would say Well none of you wanted to marry me! and why dont you say that to my husband." That's called settling. I pity your husband. What you should have said: "Get the f^ck out of here. And why don't you go say that to my husband". It's like a white woman saying to me: "Why did you marry a black woman?" Then I would say in an incorrect (settling way) "Well, I couldn't find a good white woman, so I settled for a black woman". What I would have really said (non-settling way) "I love my black woman and race is not an issue for me. I fell in love with HER and NOT her skin". Listen, I am sure your happily married. But to say it the way you did, I see you HAVE settled because you couldn't find a black man." "I WOULD SAY WELL NONE OF YOU WANTED TO MARRY ME!" I capitalized this to bring it to light. It translates to: "God! I'm with a white man because I had no other choice. No black man wanted me, so I'll show YOU!" Haha.....it may or may not be true, but I had to use common sense foresight of hindsight translation for this to work. Az

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  7. Posted: 08 Sep 09

    I married a white man and when black men saw us together holding hands on the street they would jump at the oportunity to say to me (but only when my husband was not looking) black men would say to me 'Baby why would you wanna sleep with a white man! I would say Well none of you wanted to marry me! and why don't you say that to my husband.

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  8. Posted: 08 Sep 09

    As a white woman I find that there are certain black women that you just cant please. If I told them I date black men they would get pissed and cop an attitude like I STOLE their man. Now, if I were to say I have no interest in black men, I would get the attitude like "what..... a black man is'nt good enough for you ??". Cant win really.And I might add.....In order to STEAL someone it means that someone else OWNS them. As far as I remember the practice of owning people is a moment in time I care not return to.

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  9.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    To answer the actual Blog Question: The answer for me is no. Dealing with societal pressures and dating interracially & publicly is difficult for some couples. Ive certainly had my challenges. My aunt is married to a Caucasian man and couldnt be happier!!! Good Luck Everyone!!! Shotgun007

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  10.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    LovelyMichelle, that was lovely. fire321, As always you're my girl! BLKMANLVR, Because deep down you merely feel that you are being rejected (when you may or may not be), you want to throw something in black men's faces? That's not the shoe being on the other foot, that's just wearing shoes that don't fit you. Face it, you have black MEN that are unhappy with other black men that they are with another race (you evidently didn't read the 4th comment before yours). If you actually think what you say is justifiable, then what should THOSE black men start doing to thorw something in black men's? This shouldn't be a matter of starting to do something for foolish reasons. There is no pure race left on the planet seeing as though we all came from the same place anyway. Whatever color the original couple were, they cannot be classified as any of the classification we have today because they wouldn't look like any of us today. I don't even believe THEY were the same color. The different skin tones, physical features, eye color, and hair textures we all have today prove that. Dating someone should always be a genuine choice, not a vindictive path.

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  11.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    Also, when you keep looking at the past, you can never see the future.

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  12.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 09

    I don't know why some people waste their time being upset about something that has no direct effect on them. My son is married to a white woman and I love her to death. Now, if she had a 'stank' attitude like the black woman he was with prior to her, that would be a different story. He's happy and that makes me happy. For those that have issues with interracial dating, I say find a hobby and get over it. You have way too much time on your hands.

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  13.   BLKMANLVR says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 09

    Let's just be real with it. The reason why Black women don't want to see Black men with another woman from a different race is simple. It's because deep down we feel that we are being rejected. It also has alot to do with the history of White women being put on pedestals and Black women being taught that we in some ways don't measure up. Which I think is a bunch of crock. I use to not have an issue when I was younger. Now you see it more and more. To be honest if Black women dated more white men black men would have an issue because it would be like throwing it in their faces. We have had it thrown in our faces for years and years and we are tired. If the shoe was on the other foot, and lets be real, black men would not be happy. If all you saw was black female attresses, singers, athletes, businessmen, and your everyday sister cuddled up with a white man or a man from another race everywhere you look you would start to question. I for one am trying to let those feelings go and I am learning that people have the right to date who they want to date. Whether black men are dating white women because they are easy, can do what they want, or because they genuinely love her. I say sisters for real STOP waiting for Mr. Black and start opening your mind and heart to Mr. White, Mr. Hispanic, Mr. Asian and whatever other race. They find us beautiful too. I say stop waiting. Good Luck

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  14.   well says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 09

    The ONLY people who should have a problem with interracial relationships that involve white people are white supremacists.

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  15. Posted: 21 Jun 09

    Hello everyone, I am a black woman in my 30's. I was born and raised in this country, but my parents' generation was not. Race is a very hurtful issue. It exists in varying degrees everywhere! What's sad is that everyone is both the victim and the culprit. It is normal for human beings to want to find similar qualities and things they like about a group people they WANT to like. It is also normal that they look for differences and annoying qualities in groups that they DO NOT want to like. Sometimes people need to have a group of people that they do not like so they can say 'I am better because I do not have the annoying qualities like so and so.' Other times people want to have groups they admire so they can compare and say 'I am good because I am like so and so.' You know what is funny, you are right. You will find countless examples that will support your choices. When you take the time to get to know an individual, you find that they have qualities that you will like and those you won't. Then you have to decide whether or not you will accept them. Next, if you love yourself enough to understand that not everyone agrees with the way you run you life, you then decide if that person can fit into your life. The point I am trying to make is that I have been hurt and loved by the supposedly 'evil non-black people.' Unfortunately, 'my people,' black people, which includes my ethnic group, has done the same. They have both hurt and loved me. What I find is that I am better off avoiding the people that will not take the time to find things to like about me and get to know the people that want to get close to me. This back and forth between white is right, white is wrong, black is right, and black is wrong is pointless. Racism exist. Everyone has a group of people gunning for them. It really isn't personal. Accept it and move on. As a matter of fact, we should call it 'preferences.' When it comes to personal and sexual preferences, if you want someone else to dictate who you can have relationships with, that is up to you. If it is about potential and capabilities, that is a different thing all together. All people are potentially equal. The key word is potentially because not all of us live up to our potential. It is crazy to expect Donald Trump to be a good nuclear physcist just because he has brokered some good real estate deals. But I bet he is better at real estate than either one of us. But he might if he worked at it for the next 12 years. (Nuclear physcist, that is!) The point I am trying to make is, let people have their preferences. Yow will always find people who just don't want to know what is outside their little box. And you find that there are people who can not live in their box. And you will find people who do not limit themselves to boundaries. If a person doesn't take the time to get to know me, it is really to bad for them. I am gorgoeus, sexy, smart, want big things for myself, have great interests, and a lot of other wonderful things. But if a person doesn't want to be with me or is to 'whatever' to see if the negative social sterotypes and statistics applies to me then that person would be bad for me in the long run. Not every man HAVE TO WANT me or you sexually or for a relationship. If they don't want you, stop chasing them. Besides, you probally wouldn't be happy with them anyway. And there are SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, I am sure you can find somebody that want to be with you and you want to be with them. It is also OK to excercise your right to have preferences. We are individually responsible for our happiness, security, comfort, success, and acceptance. Is also our responsibility to overcome anything that stands in our way of those things. By the way, when someone finds you attractive and they have given themselves permission to love you, race and other perople's opinions and actions DOESN'T REALLY MATTER. So if black women want black men, go for black men. Wait until all the black men in the world are gone before you say there isn't enough. I bet there is a black man out there that is longing for a black woman. But the black women are nowhere to be found. Now why is that? Same goes for everybody else, if your preference is such and such, live life and they will find you while you are living your life. Sorry for the mistakes and it being too wordy, I have found love more than once and when I am ready to settle down again, the one that wants to settle down with me, will observe me then make his intentions clear. LOL. Every woman is a Angelina or Halle to some man. Every man is a hero to some woman. Just look for the ones that are AVAILABLE, strong enough and love themselves enough to handle the fact that others might not agree with their preferences.

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  16. Posted: 20 Jun 09

    "You are free in your mind if you want to be." The immortal philosopher, Sly Stone. Is any man who is black who chooses to date (go out with, sleep with, marry, whatever)outside of their race NECESSARILY abandoning their race and their children? Is that black man NECESSARILY oppressed by anybody? In what way? Is it anything anyone can rise above? If not, why not? Look comeready - obviously since I'm here, you should have an idea what I think on this issue and I don't suppose it's that important. What do you think about what Sly Stone said?

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  17.   Comeready says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 09

    Jerk or not it is truth and many whites like you don't want to here it, what good is a black man who abandons his race, his children and his mother for the oppressor and their children, it worse than being a oppressor.

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  18.   TheGirl says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 09

    I hate to jump into this conversation so late in the game but I had to comment. Someone on here mentioned that they would like an opinion from a white person, so here I am. I will start by saying that I am 100% white (not even a tan lol) and my boyfriend is a gorgeous dark-skinned Jamaican man. We get the stares and comments, but oddly enough, ONLY from black people. We have seen black women shake their heads at us and black men tell him that he is playing on the wrong side and this and that. Now I want to add that this happens in a rather low-class neighborhood, so I dont want this to seem like a racial thing, when to me, it is more of a class thing. I am not really sure why black people have such a problem with it, if they even do, but I think maybe it just comes across as awkward. I am not toothless, fat and ugly. In fact I am actually really pretty (not to toot my own horn) and I fell for this Jamaican guy because of who he was, not because of race. I honestly didn't realize the issues it would cause until I was already involved. I have yet to meet his mother because he thinks she might have a problem with it, even though both my white parents say they have no problem with it at all. Very interesting. But I think people stare mostly because he is so dark and I am so light that it is very eye-catching. I often wonder if we were to have children, how the racial issues would affect him/her. That scares me. and to the guy on here who said any black man who dates outside his race is worthless...is a racist jerk!

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  19. Posted: 26 Mar 09

    I have never depised blackmen for dating whitewomen, in fact, I never cared...I mean why should I when I prefer and date whitemen?

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  20.   ShellyPoo says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    First I would like to say that I date all races. I am VERY HAPPY that I've opened up my dating scope to include men of other races because I've met a lot of very interesting men that I would have missed out on if I had kept limiting myself only to Black men. With that said,I think that bdsista hit the nail on the head. I don't think that Black women ever "despised" Black men, but it is VERY hurtful to to a sista when the brotha she has been devoted to treats her like crap and then starts dating a White woman who has less to offer him AND keeps up a lot of drama like a queen. And, to make matters worse alot of brothas who exclude Black women from their dating pool do so for some very superficial reasons. Here are some of the reasons that several brothas I know told me they don't date Black women: -They don't want dark skinned kids - they want "pretty" babies. -White women give them money whenever they want it. -They like White hair better than Black hair. -White women expect them to "do stuff" - White women don't expect anything. Now, these are the most ridiculous of the reasons that I've heard. But I agree with bdsista that it is self-hatred. I went on a date with a very handosme Black corporate attorney (who pursued me). The date was perfect by anyone's standards until the very end when he said to me "too bad you're not White." Not only was I insulted, but I was very confused - HE pursued ME, HE asked ME out on a date. He tried to explain himself, but there was really no explanation he could give to justify that statement. That is when I decided to expand my dating pool to include men from other races. I still date Black men as well, but if I get a sense that they has skin color issues, or they're only interested in me because they think I can pass for mixed, or somthing other than Black (yes, this has happened to me too), then I AM OUT. You should date someone for WHO THEY ARE NOT WHAT COLOR THEY ARE.

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  21.   BeeGabs says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    I'm not bothered by race anymore. In the past, I would be slightly annoyed if I saw a decent black man with a white woman: not aggresively angry, just a nasty little worm in the back of my mind that he should be with a sista. As I've matured and been exposed to people of all types, to me it's more important to be with the person that truly makes you happy!

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  22.   BeeGabs says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    For most of my life, I've been invisible to black men. I dated, married and divorced a black man. He wasn't a thug, drug dealer, etc. He seemed to be a white man in black face (lol). After my divorce, during my 30's, I couldn't pay a brother to date me! White men were far more attracted to me. However, now that I'm in my 40's, it seems to be young brothers have "discovered" me. I'm just trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to do with a 26-year old!

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  23.   bdsista says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Pineapple has it right, it goes to Black women being raised to be loyal to Black men and the concept of raising a Black family. Since historically the survival of Black families has been the mission of Black women. I think the biggest think that triggers the anger of most Black women (not you all on this site) when they see a Black man with a white woman, is related to their experiences with Black men and how many times you will see Black men treat white women better than a black woman who has more to offer. I find it really problematic when a person refuses to date their own race, I don't consider it a preference, I consider it self hatred. On another blog, a guy posted that its a red flag to him when someone says they won't date their own race. That's like rejecting your parents and your family. If you like the opposite sex, then be open to all people of the opposite sex that you find compatible, but Black women are women and will respond to positive loving men.

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  24. Posted: 20 Dec 08

    I have no problem with African American men dating Caucasian women. I prefer dating Caucasian men myself, but for a long time black women Did despise black men for dating white women; reason being, black women have always been loyal to black men, and some still are. But I glad to see black women are finally opening up to dating other race of men.

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  25.   NYCOACO says:
    Posted: 26 Oct 08

    I have read everyone comment some I agree with and some I don't, but I have dated Italian men and was friend with one for 10 years, his attitude towards was different to my ex-husband for 25 yrs. My ex was not nice, but these men was nice to me. I did experience looks from the brothers on the street, more than the ladies. I find more W/H men willing to talk to me than blacks. My first encounter with then is my personality that draw them to me, then there is sometimes the crap they do and can't handle me and leave. I let them know I don't play games. At present moment I am seeing an Italian guy which I met on this site and is very happy with him. We met once and have been talking on line and on the phone until late in the am. He likes me very much and wants us to continuing been friends, then see where it lead to, but I am happy to say go with your heart and things will fall in place.

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  26. Posted: 16 Oct 08

    Those are some very interesting observations, blubronxtail.....I tend to have some of the same issues. I am VERY warm and accepting when I encounter black male/white female couples but the tension is usually so thick you can barely breathe without it being misinterpreted as some sort of jealousy. I still try and be cordial and understanding because on one hand I can relate. Interracial relationship are still somewhat taboo and you just don't know who you might encounter and what internal issues they might have. So yes, ALL interracial couples at sometime or another are going to come off as a bit cautious/anxious about being in public. I have noticed things but I NEVER get confrontational...if anything I just flash a little cat-that-swallowed-canary smile and carry on. NO ONE can intimidate me into to not loving who I choose to love....PERIOD.

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  27. Posted: 16 Oct 08

    Hey I love this topic but I'm curious as to why it's only going in one direction "Black women having a problem with a Black Man dating a White woman"?. I have dated all races and I must admit I haven't been with a black man since I was 16. I'm originally from NY and I love all races. The funny thing is that I have seen black men with white women and it doesnt bother me at all. Actually I'm really happy to see them and usually smile because it's an expression of my own interests and tastes. However I have noticed that either the white woman they are with tries to really get in my face or even the black man tries to show me. They may bump me or try to talk loud to get my attention. The funny thing is they are usually not attractive at all. The black man is usually hideous and the white woman is usually someone that would be looked over by other white men. So ugly is with ugly.. why would that bother me. Usually they'll see me with a hot white male and that's when the attitude really shows up. I usually smile at them to show my harmlessness and acceptance of their happy union but that smile is never reciprocated or instead invokes rolling of the eyes or someone looking at me up and down. Now think about it a white man and a black woman walking past a group of black men. It's almost as if you feel like you're going to be stabbed or beaten to death. I have noticed men I've dated almost scared that they will not make it home alive just by being with me. Or usually a group of black males will yell out rude and racial comments just to make a statement. It's horrible. In worse cases they may beat you down. Atleast I have heard of this happening before. I'm shocked that this wasnt turned in the opposite direction because it's alot more dangerous when a black man sees a black woman with a white man. My mother has gone throught the same thing or worse. I even had a man who was going to fight me and my man on a train just because of our union. Ask this of any race. Usually the men of the race that see their women with another race are the one's that get upset. They may sleep with women of different races but let one of their sisters come home with a race other than their own and all hell breaks loose. Ohh and if you've watched the lastest Chris Rock Special he touches on that topic too. He jokes on how a black woman will date hot white men but black men are not picky at all. That they'll date any white woman. I'm not saying this is true but I have yet to see a really handsome black man with a gorgeous white woman in real life. Maybe in entertainment or the media but not in passing. I feel be with who you want to be with, that's kinda why we're all on this site.

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  28.   ellec says:
    Posted: 22 Sep 08

    For me it is not that I oppose it so much as the attitude of black men who date white women. When they see a black women tehre is a look of almost guilt and the white woman looks as if they are either jealous or entitled. I believe if we have made these choices as somone stated in their post earlier, then embrace it to the fullest.

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  29.   alexx78 says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 08

    WELL, I AM DEFINATELY GLAD TO SEE THAT WE CAN FINALLY TALK ABOUT THESE ISSUE OPENLY. AS A BLACK WOMAN I HAVE DATED WHITE, LATIN, ITALIAN, CAMBODIAN AND BLACK MEN, AND IN MY EXPERIENCES MEN ARE MEN. I HAVE GOTTEN SLACK FROM MY OWN PEOPLE FROM TIME TO TIME, BUT I WAS RAISED AND EXPOSED TO MANY RACES, AND ALSO HAVE MY OWN PREFERENCE. I DO NOT DEFINE MY PRIDE IN MY PEOPLE, HERITAGE AND CULTURE BY WHO I DATE, NOR DO I TAKE IT TO HEART WHEN SOME PEOPLE WITHIN OR OUTSIDE MY RACE AGREE OR DISAGREE. I HOLD NO ISSUES TOWARDS BLACK MEN DATING WHITE WOMEN, ASIAN ECT.. THOUGH I DO RECOGNIZE AND RELATE TO THE FACT AS A BLACK WOMAN WHEN YOU SEE A BLACK MAN WITH A WHITE WOMAN, SOME OF US DO QUESTION WHY? THERE ALOT OF BLACK MEN WHO DATE WHITE WOMEN FOR MANY DIFFERENT REASONS, FOR INSTANCE IN MY OWN FAMILY MOST OF MY ADULT MALE COUSINS DATE,MARRIED OR PREFER WHITE OR HISPANIC WOMEN.THEY HAVE ALL BEEN RAISED BY STRONG EDUCATED BLACK MOTHERS, MY ISSUE IS THAT WHILE THEY CAN DO THEIR THING, THEY CAN'T SEEM TO HANDLE I MYSELF DATING A WHITE MAN, AND HAVE COME DOWN ON ME WITH STATEMENTS LIKE,THEY ONLY WANT TO USE YOU, YOUR TOKEN BLACK DREAM, A FETISH ECT.. I STAND UP FOR MYSELF, BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS THERE OWN PERSONAL ISSUES WITH RACE, SOME MIGHT COME FROM DISAPPOINTMENT AT YOUNG AGE, LACK OF A BLACK MALE ROLE MODEL ECT.. WHATEVER THE REASONS MAY BE. I REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYONE'S ISSUES OR OPINIONS TO KEEP ME FROM BEING HAPPY IN LIFE AND LOVE. I KNOW WHO I AM AS A WOMAN FIRST, WHO HAPPENS TO BE BLACK WITH A MIXED BACKGROUND OR HERITAGE. I AM PROUD OF WHO I AM AND WORK ON MYSELF EVERYDAY, PERSONALLY, SPIRITUALLY ECT.. SO I TRULY BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE HAVE THEIR OWN PATHS TO FOLLOW AND WISH THEM THE BEST IN LOVE, LIFE AND HAPPINESS.

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  30.   yryrizaaol says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 08

    The way some of the black men write their answers here, it sounds as if the white women are getting the raw deal. Try learning how to write in English, especially since it's the only language you know, if you want to even consider that knowing it.

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  31.   severs6 says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 08

    a friend hes white man and he lost his white lady and she get all and now hes with a black woman and i have never seen him this happy, and now thay have there kids , and are doing well ,as for me im a native and i dont date whites i can be freinds only , and thay are so different then the sis, if could come to my home i could show you what im sating right out my window and can go to noe and some days she well talk to me and the next not say a nothing to me even if i say hi, but when she need some thing she comes to me then and when it time to pay i dont see her know you know why my people dont like them

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  32.   allura58 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 08

    I have come to the conclusion that it is chemistry, character, and commitment to a person that counts the most. My question that I have not been able to get an answer to is this. One man did admit that earlier in his life it was fear that prevented him from marrying a black woman.The question is why is it that early on in a white man's life, he marries a white woman, has children, his home, etc. Then after the marriage is over, the wife gets the house, he comes to the realization that he has always been attracted to the black woman and finds them the most sensual of all. Now he has no home, children are gone, and he resorts to his passion and self realization of wanting only a black woman. Meanwhile , now he has few possessions, no home, not too much to offer a black woman that is wife material. I hope I can get an answer.

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  33.   Michele50 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 08

    I have read most of your comments and they all have valid points. I am a single black female and I'm new to the internet dating. I have been approached by more white men than black and it's ok. We can't be upset because of who people are attracted too. I have never really dated white men, and I do want something new. I would love the experience. I lived in California for seven wonderful years and they are more diversed there for more interacial relationships. My daughter is dating a white man now, and she said she will never date another black man ever again. So to each his own. What ever floats your boat. I have noticed that the reason why a lot of black woman are not dating is because they only want to date a man because of what he has, or his bank account. Or you have to look like a thug. Except the person for who they are and don't try and change them. Stop giving them so much drama, my God it's ridiculous and ladies learn how to love yourself first before you try and love someone else. Thank you for listening. Michele50

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  34.   MiamiQ says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 08

    I come from an African American family who have married Caucasian, Puerto rican, Iranian,Cuban, Buddhist, Muslim and whomever else our family prefers to marry or date. We have learned to love and accept ourselves and one another transcending all differences. We don't have time or energy to be haters. Its all about the love.

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  35.   Ginuwine_ty says:
    Posted: 19 Jul 08

    I hear what you're saying Comeready but I can't feel that. I'm not sure what part of the country you're from but it's not like that all over. I lived in the East coast and yeah, it was pretty much the way you're speaking. I moved out West and it's all good out here. I wish the rest of the country was like that but like life it gets better over time. I have no issues with my balck community out here. People are people and color/race is something your born with. It shouldn't dictate you worth or the lifestlye or who you belong to. America has it's issues and I pray, most of them heal themselves before my time is up and my kids grow in a better world when color is only mentioned in a box of Crayola 64 crayons.

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  36.   comeready says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    comeready here, I was fascinated by the variety of responses to my comments. I appreciate the openmindness that some people spoke with, I realize that my thoughts are and can be considered extreme; people become afraid to express what they really feel because it not popular opinion or not considered politically correct so we swallow our truth. Black men who date outside of their race are worth so so much less outside the race than in. Absolutely they are worth more to the white women and their children that they are supporting, sure; but to the black race they are worthless or nothing at all.

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  37.   Ginuwine_ty says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    Sunsmiler....Omg!That was the best way to put all of this to rest. Comeready, I feel your pain, but like Sunsmiler said, there is no pure race but human. Just because someone shares your skin color doesn't automatically mean that you have to be with them. Love is....well love.

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  38.   Linda says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    I dont understand how people can judge anyone by the color of their skin. I am white female from sweden almost in my 50ths. Before i married I date all kind of men because of who they where not picking them because they where dark,red,light,white or what ever. If the vibes are right and the other person treat me right go for it.It is people who is ignorent and dont know better who has a problem with it. I married a man from Puerto-Rico we have 3 beutiful children and no problems at all. Loving someone do not have to do with race or color. It just make the world beutiful. And so much more interesting,but in the States there is alot of hate sometimes.

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  39.   severs6 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    im love all not just one race if eny one would be like that shoud be the indians and you dont here them ,saying a lot of bad thing and i not like tht at all im black foot and white more black foot then white,AND I CARE FOR ALL , AND WE NEED TO GET A LONG TO LIVE AND BE HAPPY IN ARE LIFE I LIKE TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL KEITH

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  40.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    Sunsmiler that was very heartfelt, and comeready I feel you on some levels I just thought the worthless part was a little harsh. I mean as a performer anything in my community I do is free. I offer my considerable talents to any organization trying revitalize any form of our life freely. So I do feel you on the community part, as far as dating somebody has to be very charming for me to even honestly acknowledge them outside my race.

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  41.   Sunsmiler says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    Comeready, I read your post in June, but did not respond initially. Your comments were direct, heartfelt and eloquent, but I honestly felt that your message did not warrant a response. After reading the other respondents' messages, I reassessed my thoughts of you and your opinion/outlook, but respectfully realize that some of our viewpoints are different. You (and others) have made some interesting (and unfortunate) comments about the black family (and lack thereof in terms of percentages). I can not speak for all black women, but (as a black woman) it does hurt to see "our" communities suffering (financially/economically, emotionally, educationally and in other ways). I do my part by volunteering and strategically working within the educational field in "urban" schools. I realize that we all have a responsibility and proactively we can take part in the solution, but not to our detriment. Basically, what I mean is, I will give of my time, money and energy (hard work) to make a difference, but leave me the hell alone when it comes to my personal life and the person(s) whom I choose to date. Even if the statistics were different and there were loads of educated, cultured and confident black men I would STILL choose to date men of various shades...why? I was brought up in a Jamaican West Indian family (mixed with various backgrounds) and throughout my numerous travels there, I have always been exposed to a multicultural environment. When Jamaicans marry Jamaicans that have Chinese, Caucasian, Indian and African descent, we don't say that is marrying "outside" of the race...it is simply marrying another Jamaican. Although I was born in this country (America) I can not understand the ignorance of all skin colors to have friends and date those that only resemble you. Remember, globally this mentality does not exist to the extent you describe. When it come down to it...WE ARE ALL MIXED. NO ONE IS PURE ANYTHING, but human being. With that said, I am still cognizant of all the "isms" (racism, sexism, homophobism, ageism, etc...) globally. Please mind your words when spewing negativity (i.e. worthless men). You appear very hurt and/or personally unhappy and your pain is being directed in a way that should represent the eloquent, caring and concerned person you really are. Some people have commented that they don't see race or skin color)... I do. Being brought up in this country and the institutionalizing of labels and the "isms", it is nearly impossible not to see it. It is how we deal with it that matters. Thank you all for listening and sharing and most of all thank you Comeready for "putting yourself out there" by encouraging dialogue among us.

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  42.   severs6 says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 08

    im mix and i have been with all of them . and i dont see the color has eny thing to do with love ,if god put us all here to love each other, to be happy in life so why is it bad, i love all colors.i was with a black lady and love her , she past a way and i could seen me with her for life keith

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  43. Posted: 10 Jul 08

    I am really loving this site, it's the first time I've seen so many people talk about this kind of thing, I wish more "white" people would give opinions on these kind of topics, haven't seen it too much in here. First thing is first for all of you who can not string together a coherent sentence together should think twice about putting up your opinion because your credibility is quickly dismissed, you know who you are. Truthfully speaking I don't have too many friends who date exclusively within in their race. I was fortunate enough to grow up in an environment where I saw many people dating other people of all ethnicities. I don't understand why what another person finds attractive is so threatening to someone else its not like if I wasn't dating the person they saw me with that I would be dating some more acceptable to a complete stranger. I as a "black" man find all types of women attractive but for me as a individual some of my interests are more enjoyed by people who are white and that's how I decide who I date. Common interests, some of you might think that your skin tone defines you and that's your choice but I choose to define myself by my actions. Thats why I put the racial terms we have grown up with in quotation marks because its not real. Its all a social construct that we keep on passing on from generation. Did anyone here even notice race as a child, I bet not, its not until an adult taught you about it that you noticed it. I know with those of us classified as "black" we are a lot more racially aware because we are reminded of it more so than other people on this planet but I do think we can choose. Its like if someone calls you beautiful or ugly, its not real for you until you own it and I for one choose not to own it any longer. We are people plain and simple, the most genetically similar creatures on the planet. We can live off each others organs, blood, even bone marrow so why can't we see past the limitations of our forefathers?

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  44.   e-dub says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    Dear Group; No person is "worthless" that implies that person is no more then a walking talking cockroach and isn't entitled to any human diginity.

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  45.   ginuwine_ty says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    Comeready, I wish I could agree with you but I can't. Worthless? Really? I date who wants to date me. I don't see color. I see a woman. I like women and why should I care what color she is. What? To please you? I don't think so. If a beautiful black woman came and hollered at me I would holla back. I don't pick and choose,I have standards and if she doesn't meet those standards, just like any other woman...they gets no love over here. The world is mixed way before we started to recognize it. So what if our kids are mixed they have two or three cultures to have. they aren't stuck in a box and labled. They can experience the world with all the drama a single has had to. I have two beautiful kids(Black,white and asian).Are you tripping on Mariah Carey, Halley Berry, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitv?

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  46.   almondjoy11 says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    I don't agree with all that comeready stated, but I will agree that there's a "watering down" of the black culture when (some)interracial children are raised as "mixed" or "biracial," not identifying with either race. These are not ethnicities. Anyone heard of the federal five? Look at any job/college application. More often, the children are raised to identify with one culture and /or are confused because their outward appearance says otherwise. There is usually a preference to relate to the race that is socially more acceptable. Look at Tiger Woods. Who ever heard of coblanasian? He's Black! This has a lot to do with racism and the fact that blacks were historically mistreated in america (MLK was assassinated 40 yrs ago-not so long ago. He made interracial dating more accepted). Many (not all)Black men who date outside their race would have to be honest with themselves to admit that they may have some issues with their own identity if they ONLY PREFER to date outside their race. I know BW who have dated BM, WM and HM. I'm an equal opportunist. Man is man. As an independent, black woman with a nice career, I'm "open" to dating other races, even though I haven't done so. And will admit that it is very difficult to date black men when you throw class/ income/gender preference into the equation, but those are significant factors that limit the number in the dating field and color isn't one of them. One of the previous response said it best, "Love is colorless."

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  47.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 29 Jun 08

    Comeready I whole heartedly disagree with the last line, A black man that dates anything other than black is not worthless. I spent about 24 years of my life only dating black and don't get it twisted it was great. I'm a traveling Spoken Word artist and the one time I went to my home venue, and took a Claire Danes lookalike, no toothless or fat and greasy, maybe a little artsy. The sisters were in an uproar, but I noticed the only sisters with a problem was the ones who wouldn't give me the time of day before. Now it's an issue and they're saying what's wrong with me, "nothing besides they didn't pay me any mind until I brought Bethany around". That's the flip side to white girls taking all the good black men. Did you want or value them when they were trying to talk to you. I was established before dating a white, Educated, Own business + touring Poet, decent credit, so a white women doesn't make you a man if you were already one before meeting her

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  48.   comeready says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 08

    okay first things first, several of the ladies talked about how smart, talent, beautiful ( I assume they mean physically that they are) and other positive charcateristic when pondering why they are overlooked by black men,do we really think that the problems lie with ourselves (as so many would like to believe)? What is the black man standards when choosing a women to date,look at the white women black men are dating and that should and your question, fat, greasy, toothless and just plain nasty looking so it not about black men standard of beauty, cleanliness or smarts they are apparently quite low. Second point, black women keep saying "I really don't care" well you just ought to, look at the stats, quickest rising population of prisoners black women, fastest rising population of drug users black women, aids black women and so on, a sistah can only take so much before she loses her mind, no king no kindgom things crumble. It not just about us a individual women it about the profound, devastating impact that black men abandonment is having on the race as a whole, we are a disappearing people, it not about sex, companionship, it about black men racing their own black children by the way in the US what race of children are being adopted most outside of their race more than any other BLACK CHILDREN. So we are literally losing our culture, its value, not much is being put back into the race as a whole to revitalize it. It not about anger, hatred, jealous as some many would like to reduce it to it'S about a lost people. How can you say it doesn't matter, when black men are raising and providing for white women and their children and our own are without. It amazing when black men especially those that has 900 children, get with a white women and all of a sudden they are the guy from father no best, he it a the library, the y, riding bike, throwing balls no 40 ounce in site ( ya'll not trying to hear me) so you can continue to play all open minded and politically correct if you want to, but a black man that dates anything other than black is WORTHLESS!

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  49.   poetlove says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 08

    I have certainly undergone some new things since the last time I was on here. I recently became friends with lots of hippies and their concept of peace and love is kinda breathtaking. I'm not into the whole psychedelic drug thing, but there's commune's where the only time race is mentioned is who can make it from apple tree to apple tree fastest. With that being said it takes more than one trip or community to erase the years of pain and affliction caused due to race, but we can only take one step at a time

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  50.   e-dub says:
    Posted: 20 Jun 08

    This question can be broken down into a couple of parts: 1) Black Women who opposed to "race" mixing. I'm not sure how realistic this is in the good ole USA but to each their own. 2) As perceived snub of black women. Then it becomes a matter of intent was it just one of those things that happened in which case a-okay. However, if it was I won't date black women or any women who has to straighten her hair that comes under the head line of just asking for it.

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