We have seen the rise in of interracial relationships over the past twenty-five years but still there are any people who remain harsh critics of mixed unions.
Before – in the middle of the Twentieth Century – parents of Caucasian women seemed to be heavily against the idea of an interracial relationship. Now, with the Twenty-First Century here, it kinda seems as though African-American are against such marital union … with stories of them being against unions between Black men and White Women.
Do African American women really despise African American men who date Caucasian women?
Hello everyone,
I am a black woman in my 30′s. I was born and raised in this country, but my parents’ generation was not.
Race is a very hurtful issue. It exists in varying degrees everywhere! What’s sad is that everyone is both the victim and the culprit.
It is normal for human beings to want to find similar qualities and things they like about a group people they WANT to like. It is also normal that they look for differences and annoying qualities in groups that they DO NOT want to like. Sometimes people need to have a group of people that they do not like so they can say ‘I am better because I do not have the annoying qualities like so and so.’ Other times people want to have groups they admire so they can compare and say ‘I am good because I am like so and so.’ You know what is funny, you are right. You will find countless examples that will support your choices.
When you take the time to get to know an individual, you find that they have qualities that you will like and those you won’t. Then you have to decide whether or not you will accept them. Next, if you love yourself enough to understand that not everyone agrees with the way you run you life, you then decide if that person can fit into your life.
The point I am trying to make is that I have been hurt and loved by the supposedly ‘evil non-black people.’ Unfortunately, ‘my people,’ black people, which includes my ethnic group, has done the same. They have both hurt and loved me. What I find is that I am better off avoiding the people that will not take the time to find things to like about me and get to know the people that want to get close to me. This back and forth between white is right, white is wrong, black is right, and black is wrong is pointless. Racism exist. Everyone has a group of people gunning for them. It really isn’t personal. Accept it and move on. As a matter of fact, we should call it ‘preferences.’ When it comes to personal and sexual preferences, if you want someone else to dictate who you can have relationships with, that is up to you.
If it is about potential and capabilities, that is a different thing all together. All people are potentially equal. The key word is potentially because not all of us live up to our potential. It is crazy to expect Donald Trump to be a good nuclear physcist just because he has brokered some good real estate deals. But I bet he is better at real estate than either one of us. But he might if he worked at it for the next 12 years. (Nuclear physcist, that is!)
The point I am trying to make is, let people have their preferences. Yow will always find people who just don’t want to know what is outside their little box. And you find that there are people who can not live in their box. And you will find people who do not limit themselves to boundaries.
If a person doesn’t take the time to get to know me, it is really to bad for them. I am gorgoeus, sexy, smart, want big things for myself, have great interests, and a lot of other wonderful things. But if a person doesn’t want to be with me or is to ‘whatever’ to see if the negative social sterotypes and statistics applies to me then that person would be bad for me in the long run.
Not every man HAVE TO WANT me or you sexually or for a relationship. If they don’t want you, stop chasing them. Besides, you probally wouldn’t be happy with them anyway. And there are SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, I am sure you can find somebody that want to be with you and you want to be with them. It is also OK to excercise your right to have preferences.
We are individually responsible for our happiness, security, comfort, success, and acceptance. Is also our responsibility to overcome anything that stands in our way of those things. By the way, when someone finds you attractive and they have given themselves permission to love you, race and other perople’s opinions and actions DOESN’T REALLY MATTER. So if black women want black men, go for black men. Wait until all the black men in the world are gone before you say there isn’t enough. I bet there is a black man out there that is longing for a black woman. But the black women are nowhere to be found. Now why is that? Same goes for everybody else, if your preference is such and such, live life and they will find you while you are living your life.
Sorry for the mistakes and it being too wordy, I have found love more than once and when I am ready to settle down again, the one that wants to settle down with me, will observe me then make his intentions clear.
LOL. Every woman is a Angelina or Halle to some man. Every man is a hero to some woman. Just look for the ones that are AVAILABLE, strong enough and love themselves enough to handle the fact that others might not agree with their preferences.
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The ONLY people who should have a problem with interracial relationships that involve white people are white supremacists.
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Let’s just be real with it. The reason why Black women don’t want to see Black men with another woman from a different race is simple. It’s because deep down we feel that we are being rejected. It also has alot to do with the history of White women being put on pedestals and Black women being taught that we in some ways don’t measure up. Which I think is a bunch of crock. I use to not have an issue when I was younger. Now you see it more and more. To be honest if Black women dated more white men black men would have an issue because it would be like throwing it in their faces. We have had it thrown in our faces for years and years and we are tired. If the shoe was on the other foot, and lets be real, black men would not be happy. If all you saw was black female attresses, singers, athletes, businessmen, and your everyday sister cuddled up with a white man or a man from another race everywhere you look you would start to question. I for one am trying to let those feelings go and I am learning that people have the right to date who they want to date. Whether black men are dating white women because they are easy, can do what they want, or because they genuinely love her. I say sisters for real STOP waiting for Mr. Black and start opening your mind and heart to Mr. White, Mr. Hispanic, Mr. Asian and whatever other race. They find us beautiful too. I say stop waiting. Good Luck
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I don’t know why some people waste their time being upset about something that has no direct effect on them.
My son is married to a white woman and I love her to death. Now, if she had a ‘stank’ attitude like the black woman he was with prior to her, that would be a different story. He’s happy and that makes me happy.
For those that have issues with interracial dating, I say find a hobby and get over it. You have way too much time on your hands.
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Also, when you keep looking at the past, you can never see the future.
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LovelyMichelle, that was lovely.
fire321, As always you’re my girl!
BLKMANLVR,
Because deep down you merely feel that you are being rejected (when you may or may not be), you want to throw something in black men’s faces? That’s not the shoe being on the other foot, that’s just wearing shoes that don’t fit you. Face it, you have black MEN that are unhappy with other black men that they are with another race (you evidently didn’t read the 4th comment before yours). If you actually think what you say is justifiable, then what should THOSE black men start doing to thorw something in black men’s? This shouldn’t be a matter of starting to do something for foolish reasons.
There is no pure race left on the planet seeing as though we all came from the same place anyway. Whatever color the original couple were, they cannot be classified as any of the classification we have today because they wouldn’t look like any of us today. I don’t even believe THEY were the same color. The different skin tones, physical features, eye color, and hair textures we all have today prove that.
Dating someone should always be a genuine choice, not a vindictive path.
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To answer the actual Blog Question: The answer for me is no.
Dealing with societal pressures and dating interracially & publicly is difficult for some couples.
I’ve certainly had my challenges.
My aunt is married to a Caucasian man and couldn’t be happier!!!
Good Luck Everyone!!!
Shotgun007
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As a white woman I find that there are certain black women that you just cant please. If I told them I date black men they would get pissed and cop an attitude like I STOLE their man. Now, if I were to say I have no interest in black men, I would get the attitude like “what….. a black man is’nt good enough for you ??”. Cant win really.And I might add…..In order to STEAL someone it means that someone else OWNS them. As far as I remember the practice of owning people is a moment in time I care not return to.
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I married a white man and when black men saw us together holding hands on the street they would jump at the oportunity to say to me (but only when my husband was not looking) black men would say to me ‘Baby why would you wanna sleep with a white man! I would say Well none of you wanted to marry me! and why don’t you say that to my husband.
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Lizzi said:
“black men would say to me ‘Baby why would you wanna sleep with a white man! I would say Well none of you wanted to marry me! and why don’t you say that to my husband.”
That’s called settling. I pity your husband.
What you should have said:
“Get the f^ck out of here. And why don’t you go say that to my husband”.
It’s like a white woman saying to me:
“Why did you marry a black woman?”
Then I would say in an incorrect (settling way)
“Well, I couldn’t find a good white woman, so I settled for a black woman”.
What I would have really said (non-settling way)
“I love my black woman and race is not an issue for me. I fell in love with HER and NOT her skin”.
Listen, I am sure your happily married. But to say it the way you did, I see you HAVE settled because you couldn’t find a black man.”
“I WOULD SAY WELL NONE OF YOU WANTED TO MARRY ME!”
I capitalized this to bring it to light. It translates to:
“God! I’m with a white man because I had no other choice. No black man wanted me, so I’ll show YOU!”
Haha…..it may or may not be true, but I had to use common sense foresight of hindsight translation for this to work.
Az
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I SEE your point Azrayel, I hope SHE does. I completely agree with why you might get the feeling from SOME of the black women in IRs are choosing other races as a way to be spiteful. Now, I’m sure she was only expressing her experience but sometimes we have UNCONSCIOUS feelings that comes out in our words and behaviors but it takes others who are reading, watching and listening from the outside to pick up on what we don’t even realize.
Peace
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I think you are correct bigeyes….but you must also realize that some people some with preconceived notions that no matter what they are going to have a tough time letting go of……sad fact. One individual statement from a misguided indiviual is going to translate as gospel to some. No amount of evidence to contrary feelings of others is going to change some people’s minds. They have the right to have their opinion but the tactics are kind of base/shallow.
Peace and Blessings as always
tatted2death
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@Comment by 876pineapple on 19 December 2008:
I have no problem with African American men dating Caucasian women. I prefer dating Caucasian men myself, but for a long time black women “Did” despise black men for dating white women; reason being, black women have always been loyal to black men, and some still are. But I glad to see black women are finally opening up to dating other race of men.
____________________________________________________
Ok, I’m late as far as responding to this comment, but I’m not going to let that stop me.
I think the whole black women being LOYAL to black men thing is nothing more than a BOGUS LIE. I’ve read this argument being tossed around, and honestly, it’s gotten tiresome. Why? Because when black women date black men they’re not dating black men because they’re being LOYAL. They’re dating black men because they’re attracted to them, like the way they treat them, and least we not forget, because it’s their PREFERENCE.
I’m sure when a black woman is with a black man the first words out of her mouth aren’t “You know, the only reason I’m dating you is out of loyalty.” If a black woman ever told me that I’d be PISSED, and rightfully so, because in one sentence she reduced me to NOTHING. Worse, she reduced me to being LESS than NOTHING.
Now I’ve read that black women were supposely raised NOT to date outside of the race, but how they were raised and what they actually do are NOT one in the same, not by a long shot. History will back that up whether it’s Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandrige, Josephine Baker or the numerous other black women who’ve DATED OUT.
Let me say that this is NOT an indictment of black women, but really, at some point the NONSENSE needs to STOP, because as a black man I’m sick of hearing about how black women are the MARTYRS of our community. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Loving vs. Virginia bought to the Supreme Court by a black woman/white male couple? Anyway, I’ve said my piece and I’m done.
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I can tell you as an African-American woman, I used to resent black men for dating white women, but that resentment faded when I found that non-black men find me very attractive just the way I am. There aren’t enough of the good black ones to go around anyway (cliche, but it becomes more true with each day). Why should I give up my opportunity to have a family just to raise a “strong black family”. I have finally realized I can do that with ANY good man!
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LOL…seriously??? Never in my life have I gotten angry or hurt by a black man having a preference for white women. For crying out loud, is he not an adult??
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