Black women. Black men. Best frenemies.

Posted by James, 07 Apr 09

couple-argument.jpg

I have to agree there is a large number of loving couples within the black community. That aside, we still have a crisis within black relationships. For eons on end, black women and black men have been at each others necks … still are. They experience this when trying to date, marry and even stay together and most of these attempts end in mutual misunderstandings and mutual blame.

In the book What's Love Got to Do with It?: Understanding and Healing the Rift Between Black Men and Women 77.1% of black mothers tell their daughters negative tales about black men. And those who don’t get the dirt from mommy have on going ‘reality shows’ - their parents’ relationships. And this could be where the urge to strangle or b**ch about every black man that walks by starts.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

But what is more surprising is that people feel interracial dating within the black community is what is causing more of this frenemity. Check out what one blogger asked: “When did splintering off to date outside the race, looking for a successful partner anywhere but within black America, and promoting the myth that black men are "players" and black women are "emasculating" become the norm?”

Splintering off? Is that what people call it when one opts for interracial dating? Let’s not even look that far … I have seen the fires members on this blog ignite just because of black-white dating. Makes me wonder if other communities have this love-hate relationship of their sexes.

So when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? Is interracial dating (black-white dating in particular) the main cause? Really?

279 responses to "Black women. Black men. Best frenemies."

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  1. Posted: 03 May 10

    Malarki5 said: "always trying to shame men in order to control the tone and direction of the debate, arent you, Mz?" ---- ME? I, who very seldom post anything. ALWAYS try to CONTROL the tone and direction of the debates? HA!! Considering the many, lengthy post of nasty name calling attacks that I have seen from you toward some of the women, I think it is really strange that YOU would even fix yor fingers to put a question like that to me. No. I don't try to shame men at all. Nothing is further from the truth. Any man that knows me can confirm that. Now if a voiced distaste to a shameless remark makes one feel ashamed, did I shame them or did they shame themselves? Not once, anywhere have you seen me type ANYTHING against all men in general, because I make it a point not to. Now, you on the other hand: "Ever stopped to consider that with the reputation African-American women have for being so outragiously unfeminine that maybe YOU all should woman up?" I consider myself to be one of the most feminine women you could meet. I'm a lady, and I'm ALL woman. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I don't debate with you. You don't debate you insult and hit below the belt. I have no intention of setting myself up for that. And I won't stoop to the level of some of the exchanges I have witnessed. So no, I'm not in that stereotypical "YOU all" catagory.

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  2.   Malarki5 says:
    Posted: 02 May 10

    MzBrOwNSuGaR said: Gotta love it. What a cop out.. always blame the woman. Always blame someone else. Its pathetic. MAN UP!! Menelik replied: always trying to shame men in order to control the tone and direction of the debate, aren't you, Mz? Ever stopped to consider that with the reputation African-American women have for being so outragiously unfeminine that maybe YOU all should 'woman up'? Really, it's pathetic my "strong, independent" Black sisters! Menelik Charles London England

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  3. Posted: 02 May 10

    LOL, yep tatted2death

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  4. Posted: 02 May 10

    "I wonder if that was directed at me?" If the slipper fits Cindefella. If not why you worry about it? Just like why you worry bout other ppl's love life or lack of one? Tend to your own business.

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  5.   Laurelton says:
    Posted: 01 May 10

    I wonder if that was directed at me? It must be because you all blame black men for everything. You need to WOMAN UP. Man, look for that new album. WHEN TOMORROW COMES FOR SELLOUT BLACK WOMEN

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  6. Posted: 01 May 10

    I think you are asking for the IMPOSSIBLE there, MzBrown....LOL.

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  7. Posted: 30 Apr 10

    Gotta love it. What a cop out.. always blame the woman. Always blame someone else. It's pathetic. MAN UP!!

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  8.   Member says:
    Posted: 23 Apr 10

    Dear Happy It depends on what is a hateful and cantankerous black man is to you. I use to think women "bring out" that side of the black man. Maybe, you are the problem and not him. Good day. I hate cats!

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  9.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 23 Apr 10

    Here Kitty Kitty.

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  10.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 23 Apr 10

    So Mr Laurelton Queens it is better to be in a house; which I paid for, with a hateful controlling cantanerous black man than to spend time with a nice quiet cat????? Thank you, I will keep that in mind.

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  11. Posted: 14 Apr 10

    Comment by RideThisBlackCowboy Well,lets seeIm NOT disparging ALL black women,but lets face it,most are fat,fugly and b***hy. ----- Put yor pic up.. let's see what YOU look like. the nic, " RideThisBlackCowboy"... ain't that some stuff.

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  12.   Donald says:
    Posted: 01 Mar 10

    I don't no what wrong with our black woman. I have pretty black woman want a other woman. I did not under- stand why black man & woman want a woman in man want man. What they dont understand that God make you a man to be with a woman not a other man sex. When a man black tried to talk to a black woman she ignore him in kept on walking down the street. It use to be when talk a black woman she give out her phone number in come close to him.

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  13.   Member says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 09

    Dear Kano Please do not do us any favors. All I heard was I am going to graduate school, which you haven't finished. Then you claim your sexy and feminine, as if to say, black women are not capable of being that. It's all good you feel so highly about yourself. But educated men are the catch not your ass. That goes for all races of men. That is where you and some white women, Asian, Indian and Latin women "fail" in life and end up with numerous cats in your house. My blog is the LIGHT FOR BLACK WOMEN. The sooner these black women learn this, the better off they will be. I am tired of men on this board not exercising their power. For every man there is a ratio of 5 women to 1 man. So how the hell you are going to dictate your treatment to us. Woman get out of the way if you won't put men first! Just live alone with your cats and stop complaining about men already! I am sick of your ass! (Jumping off my soapbox and closing the door) TATTOO THAT ON YOUR FOREHEAD! Good day http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/

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  14.   kano says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 09

    I'm a young black woman. currently in graduate school, and I consider myself to be both strong, sexy and feminine. I gotta say that I have never had a problem with anyone interracially dating and never will. I have have never been interested in being taken care of because I can handle myself. I am not gonna sweat someone who doesn't want me and can only see me interms of some ghettotized stereotype. To those men who only run into that sort of women isn't it time for you to change your local and focus? I don't know what other Black women are doing but I'm not waiting for one of my "Brothers" to get himself together and realize they need to expand their horizons. There are some Black women out there who got their heads on right and their priorities together, if your not fast enough your gonna lose them.

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  15.   travelgirl says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 09

    I agree and feel that white women are with black men either pursuing or being pursued (not for sincere reasons likes he likes her for the person she is) but for the myth of sex with black men and to use him for money (ex: NFL, NBA etc) There are more than enough white men in the world for them

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  16.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 30 Oct 09

    Hey, Tats. I don't know what's going on. A pink shirt with the contrast and hue altered in Photoshop to make it look red (as if a tight-ass turtle neck wasn't bad enough), plus a search filter change from "male" to "female" so that his posts seem more credible. Transgender maybe? Let's just leave Pruneface to his own devices. He'll get a clue one day! Later, Gal!

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  17. Posted: 27 Oct 09

    too much....LMAO!!!!!....keep'em coming, guys....proving me right EVERYDAY.

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  18.   Member says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 09

    (Throwing a punch at ezrhino2001) I bet I will rock your black girlfriend's world and you won't do nothing about it. You seem to have a problem with other races of women. Well black women is going to mess with us whether you like it or not coward. Who says this???????? "I,am everything you so called strong blk men hate, i am tall , fit , educated , wealthy handsome, Green eyes and natural straight to wavy red hair, hung like a bull and can go all night and my body is hairy the chest and the legs= no naps and the legs aint skinny either and light beige , so really you two guys and any white males on here who do not like my confidence can kiss my beige a____" I will grab your wealthy ass of your car and take your woman. I don't give a fuck if you are rich! I never met a tough guy trust fund baby! Your so rich fly out to New York for your ass whipping!

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  19.   ezrhino2001 says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 09

    You ich are one of the men i,am talking to . the sweater is red . The only thing I like is pink is on a real woman, You were one the guys on here putting down the sisters for being here even though you are on and interracial dating site your self . my comment had nothing to do with ethnicity. It had to do with flat out appearance. So are why you are really on here looking for white females and hating on the sisters is because of some sexual short comings ??? you cannot rock the sisters world ???? well the white or Latino females are going to expect more too, so you may want to stick with , the Asians.Everybody is not able are they !! yall can't live up to that well endowed go all night myth, do not blame me , that your and your parents fault. Mine blessed me well.@tattSo you can defend these weak coming up short/ unable to scratch that itch men apparently the sisters here are intimidating to them, but the rest of us see them for what they really are , little boys who want to but cannot play in a real man's world. @Tatt not all red hair comes from behind a store counter nor from a bottle of dye. If another race makes a sister happy , then go for it and you do not owe the black man or any other race a damn thing either ,you are human being do what makes you happy.Ladies you do not have mess with these broke inadequate down low ,wanna bes and lesbians , just go to my profile and see what a real man looks like.

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  20. Posted: 25 Oct 09

    Hiya, Ich!!!!...LMAO....I caught that too.....the picture WAS up a few weeks ago....wonder what happened...LOL.....oh maybe the red hair dye ran out....LMAO. DAYUM....why are some people so full of it....I guess for my amusement....LOL. "Just when you think it's safe to go back into the water"....lol. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  21.   julius26 says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    Dear lisa i wish you all the best and hope you find a quality man whatever race he may be.

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  22.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 21 Oct 09

    Like I said before, I think this Ezrhino guy just wants attention. Who is he talking about, "strong black men"? Did someone say that recently or in some previous posts? Who hates him or hates people like him? This guy is delusional. And there he goes again with the penis talk. Why can't he just grow up. "Being mixed race , I know you so called real blk men do not like me anyway , and trust me the feelings pretty much mutual there on my part too." Wow, where did he get that from? If anyone ever needed to be called a racist on this site, it's this guy. "Gentleman what is your purpose for being on this site, I would think that it was to hopefully find and date a woman of a different race!" A person could have "All Ethnicities" on their profile. What two guys is he referring to? Are you supposed to be one of them, Mr Queens? Pink clothing, open toe sandals and leg lotions? Where is he getting this stuff from. If I recall, he was the one in a pink turtle neck when his picture was up. " It does not matter if you like it or not but i just told you whats wrong with most black on black relationships . Do not make a good man pay for your past bad relationships or break his savings account to please you." And who's the weak hypocrite? The above exerpt was from his post on August 9th aimed at black women. I wouldn't say that is what's wrong with MOST black relationships, so that claim is unsubstantiated. Also, there is a difference in attacking a black woman and confronting a certain consciousness that just so happens to reside in a woman of the black race. A consciousness that can and does reside in either gender of any race.

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  23.   Member says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 09

    (Picking up my drink) ezrhino2001 Who calls somebody "Mr Strong Black man"? The only thing you will give a black woman is diabetes because you "sound sweet". You claim you are so wealthy but can't even write a coherent sentence. Listen trust fund baby. Stay off the court with the big boys. I am sure you get your share of black women who like effeminate men like you. I have no problem with mixed race men. We all know you try to be like black men. You even call us "Mr Strong Black man". I happen to like that title. Then you started talking tough to white men. Listen half breed black men will personally put you on your ass "fit or not". Some white boys will give it to you too. Then you are telling women to avoid black men and white men. Listen go back to looking in the mirror and fixing your hair. Black women and white women do not want a "metro-sexual" trust fund baby. I worked hard for everything I have "half breed". Look for that new post "STICK UP BLOG BOYS". Oh yea tell your black girlfriend if she needs a real man she can always call me. OW! http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/

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  24.   ezrhino2001 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 09

    Let's address this one at a time, first of all Mr.Strong Black man. My dad was not black and much better looking, so there goes your ego right there and neither was my Mom .Your Dna could not have produced me.My hair is straight and eye green and no skinny legs here either ladies, chances are you so called strong blk men my penis is bigger than yours, so you have no advantage over me. You can be mixed with other races not just blk or white so the thinking is narrow minded. Next no attention required on my part no picture here, really not that active here, Being mixed race , I know you so called real blk men do not like me anyway , and trust me the feelings pretty much mutual there on my part too.Since you guys are on and interracial site obviously you hope some lady of a different race will date you but you have a problem with the sisters being here, you yourselves have proved my points. Actually i date a blk woman and she apperciates a real man for change, who does not ignore her because her skin is darker.Its apparent what I said was true because you too guys reacted to it . The angry blk man does not scare the mixed race man it never has so you can put that B.S away. I,am everything you so called strong blk men hate, i am tall , fit , educated , wealthy handsome, Green eyes and natural straight to wavy red hair, hung like a bull and can go all night and my body is hairy the chest and the legs= no naps and the legs ain't skinny either and light beige , so really you two guys and any white males on here who do not like my confidence can kiss my beige a____ . I make you grab your woman's arm when I,am near.I,am The ladies pet, the man's of any race regret. So who said they somebody like them produced me , think a damn another thought because I look exactly like my Dad who was mostly American Indian and German and my mom is German. So go ahead be jealous because the sisters and the ladies of the other races seem to like /love me. You guys can go back to your ear rings, pink clothing , open toe sandals and leg lotions. One question if you 2 guys have and issue with the sisters dating men of another race, why are you here on this interacial dating site looking for women of other races ???? what weak hypocrites !!!! put that in your damn pipe and smoke it. Sister avoid these to down low guys no manhood there !!!

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  25.   Lisa says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 09

    What? I love my black brothers and wish to date one but where I live, it seems the majority of the black men are interested in everyone else but his black sister. It does not matter if a woman is black, white, or mexican. Race will not determine is she is a gold digger. I am stepping out of my race to date but it is not because I want to. I want to be happy and have companionship just like other women. I wish black men and women could come together as one people and just stop hating one another. Love you all. Lisa

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  26.   Member says:
    Posted: 18 Oct 09

    I never addressed the Louisiana case. Apparently, an old white judge felt that if he married an interracial couple it would affect their children. So he denied them the right to get married. That is kind of interesting he is so concerned about biracial children. He can always donate to "Feed the children" since he is so concerned about minority children. He can always adopt biracial kids since they are so troubled. This guy is a coward trying to hide behind children. Just say you dislike interracial dating. HOWEVER, do your job without using your personal beliefs to violate a couple's rights. Of course this is against the law. It is more bizarre that he actually thought people agreed with him. I may be against interracial dating but I don't believe in discrimination or "denying anybody" the right to love someone of another race. It's only a big deal because the white women is educated and going for her Master's degree. If she was white trash, I doubt anybody would care. If it was a black woman with a white man, you really would never hear the end of it! Good day to everyone

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  27.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 09

    EZrhino2001, OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!! A REAL MAN! I want to scream in celebration! Here's another feather for some to stick in their hat, did you ever consider that those who are mixed race have a right beyond the basic interpretation of one "race" and another "race" mixing? Is it rediculous for that very couple in Louisiana (wonder why there has been no direct thread speaking of this very NEWSWORTHY topic from James or the other moderator) to even be denied to marry simply based on race? Apparently her now husband is obviously a person of mixed genetics, lol! He is only "black" according to America. In other cultures such generations ago of mixed genetics are still called Caucasian. Just ask the Black Irish, Ethiopians, Erittreans, Black Russians and the Spaniards. Oh, I must not forget the Aborigines down under who are direct carriers and descendents of the African Pygmy's genetic code of the Congo region. Now how original can you get concerning Africans if one's genetics come directly from the Congo! Still they are racially categorized as White! This is what makes me laugh at !ANYONE! who thinks they can put a human under a knife, cut open the skin and call the name of anything else other than HUMAN, LMAO! The same goes for those "purist" who say they're preserving our what?...According to them they must keep the choke hold on Women of Color lest we run off with whitey, lol! Well too late for my family, we crossed the race barrier generations ago! BY CHOICE!! So I guess that makes me totally removed from purist attacks, lol! My purity strains target Our RIGHT to be HUMAN. I marry, see, do and talk to who I want. I believe the same with body and mind. People's political agendas create race relativisms. Human hearts want to create a way and means not political diatribes! Thanks Bunches EZrhino your encouraging words won't be forgotten.

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  28.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 09

    Hey, Tats! What's up? I think Ezrhino just wants attention. I've read his posts before. While all opinions are welcome, I don't believe any of his were that insightful. " these small penis , immature little boys to their own hands." Just how old is this guy to talk about a man's penis and immaturity in the same breath?

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  29. Posted: 17 Oct 09

    tsk tsk tsk.....why is all the ignorant crap so dern amusing???....LOL.....sorry, folks....It's one of my guilty pleasures....you know you enjoy it too....sometimes...LOL.

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  30.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 09

    LOL Working hard that's all. I busted up my left knee playing basketball last week. LOL Loose booty. Yea I keep an eye on you. It would even better if you could cook Caribbean food. Be back going to eat "cream of wheat". White boys don't know anything about that. What they know about "soul food". Baked Macrooni and cheese, greens, cornbread and neckbones. Oh yea, Jamaican food. Na, they don't know anything about that. I am out

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  31. Posted: 17 Oct 09

    LMAO.....I spoke to soon.... hiya, l. queens....your less than subtle reference to me was cute.....how have you been???? Still fantasizing about me and my "loose booty", I see....LMAO.

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  32.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Oct 09

    Hold up half breed homey I know that is not directed to me. If it wasn't for the original black man "like me" you wouldn't have been born. Why don't you direct your anger to the Judge in Louisiana that told an interracial couple he can't marry them because he is "afraid of children like you". That is the real enemy. I don't bash black women. I wake up them up with tough love. To many of them are loose booties and you can "tattoo" that on your forehead! Have a nice day

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  33. Posted: 17 Oct 09

    wow......looks like Mr. EZrhino's comments might have shut this one down.....LMAO.

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  34.   Ezrhino2001 says:
    Posted: 10 Oct 09

    My above email is aimed directly at the brothers putting down blk women for being on this site and no one else , my above blogs still stand as my prospective.

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  35.   Ezrhino2001 says:
    Posted: 10 Oct 09

    I ,am a mixed raced man so define me as black if you wish , not and issue. What i see here on this interracial site amazes me for the black men putting the sisters down on here . Gentleman what is your purpose for being on this site, I would think that it was to hopefully find and date a woman of a different race! So you are not comfortable enough in your manhood when a sister wants to date a man of a different race , i would say what a prejudiced hypocrite but not strong enough , just plain ingornant little boys !!!! with double standards very un- fair . ladies date who you want and leave these small penis , immature little boys to their own hands. Maybe the other race females you guys seek will be more tolerant of your none masculine B.S.

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  36.   triccinicci says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 09

    Made it through my interview and got the job!!! I'm still going strong with not one wink of sleep as this topic kept me up all night thinking and rethinking. I don't run into the issues I hear a lot of Men and Women of Color speak of. Several of my sisters and I have dated other than African American men. Others met and married the results of the conviction of their hearts. There have been two divorces and one remarriage out of 6 of 8 siblings. The only one giving a clue to anything like based on race is a sister who married an Afro-Canadian. This man's siblings ALL married interracially with him as the only exception. One of his motivations for marraige was her deep and abiding beauty as well as the fact she and he are of the same hue of deep mahogany. They even resemble one another facially. Don't have details on why they split, but it was after the birth of their one and only child. He specifically married my sister because he wanted a child that looked like him. Not physically, but in racial qualifiers. Dunno, but two years later the all abiding love was zilched and he tried very strategically to secure full custody. This is just a hunch, but personally I think he will marry long term a Caucasian as this is what the rest of his siblings have done. I think he may be concerned later to have to fit his daughter into the overall family (His sisters married white men and his brothers married white women. All have children. As they are very dark people their children appear to be mixed. So does my niece - long story, tell you another day.) even though both of his parents are born and raised in England and are of African lineage. Maybe it was just the American in her as to why my sister and her husban could not reconcile. But it goes without saying not all of us are arguing over race in the most negative sense. Personally, I would never marry someone for their race Black or White.

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  37.   triccinicci says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 09

    Hello Tim, My name is Nicole. I did not sleep and my interview begins in 90 minutes.

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  38.   triccinicci says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 09

    I forgot to mention the title of the poem is "Risen Star". As well, I want to take a moment to thank each and all for the blessing of being counted amongst you. I especially want to send Love to: My Black Sisters for being, yes, Strong in the face of adversity. Walk Tall Sisters, the time is at hand. There is a great example who the world is watching. She has found favor in the eyes of the world and illuminates us in her comings and goings. My Black Brothers for being one of the first to walk beyond Hate into the Arms of Love at a time when you felt none recognized your still great appetite to love and nurture. Thank you for having the desire to mend the path home to see your BEAUTIFUL and WISE Mother and DESIROUS, ENRICHED, LOVING, DEDICATED, SUPPORTIVE, EDUCATED, WORDLY, HUMBLE and INTELLECTUAL Sister. She is your helper and uplifter. She is your conscience and guide loving you through the destruction of the maze. My NON-Black Sisters for recognizing our beauty and for permitting us to recognize yours. Many of you do exceptional jobs loving the children from the fathers of our cultural heritage. Keep loving them so as they grow they can build Love within themselves and share it with the world. Finally, My NON-Black Brothers, especially those of you from the Caucasus Mountains (Trivia: *Who knew there were people of Color in the Caucasus Mountains centuries ago?) who stand today not in fault or need to pay the debt of your forefathers. Nevertheless we owe loyalty to help rebuild anything and all people undeniably torn down. Simply because your forefathers gave you the very tools to HELP build back up. Turn hate into LOVE turning away from the lie and towards the TRUTH. When you see me, Every Woman, walking down the street remember I Am Woman in need of a GOOD Husband, GOOD Son, GOOD Brother, GOOD neighbor and he, my sweet, just might be you. Done with my shout outs, lol! Now for those of you who enjoy history as much as I, here's a bit on the Russian Poet Alexander Pushkin. I found this on a website one day and thought it'd be great to place on here. I think this thread could use a little 'historical perspective'. I hope you agree. Note: The Ibrahim mentioned in the second paragraph below is Ibrahim Petrovich Gannibal, The Blackamoor of Peter the Great. He is also the great-grandfather of the infamous poet Alexander Pushkin. The quote is a female member of his family or a closely knit tie to his family. Her insight shared proves that many concerns are ages old and adversity will probably never win but diversity is deliverance: "'....he (Peter [read, Pushkin, the poet) wished to make examples of them and put (Russians) to shame by convincing them that out of every people and even from among wild men - such as Negores, whom our civilized nations assign exclusively to the class of slave, there can be formed men who by dint of application can obtain knowledge and learning and thus become helpful to their monarch.' To a divine rights monarch like Peter whose relationship to a nation of serfs was entirely paternalistic, a child as a personal gift or possession could only be regarded as one of his own kith and kin. Indeed, at the eight-year old Ibrahim's baptism, the Emperor himself was his godfather, while his godmother was the Queen of Poland." And finally on the * point above, from research I did earlier this year and the astute and recorded research in the quote beneath, proof positive: "Interestingly enough, the Gannibal was not the first black noble family of Russia. Because the name itself, "abach" means Abysissinian, the princely house of the Abachidze has long been known to be Ethiopian in origin. With the rise of Paata to political prominence in the early 17th century, they intermarried with and became lineal ancestors of the royal houses of Imerithia and Georgia of the Caucuses." Georgia is the region in which the Caucasus are located in Russia.

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  39.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 09

    "if its with your own race I commend you for you are definitely a unique entity and that is what the Black Family is a rarity. Its sad to say (because we look so good together)" Finally, another comment about how black men and black women are still best friends. I thought I was going to be the only one. Great post, Reality! It just so weird to me how, with all the negative comments being throw around amongst black men and black women in other threads, this should be the place to do it... if anywhere. Yet this has fewer posts than the others. As long as it had been going on, this topic came around as sort of a metting room for us, but not many came. They all chose "Why some Black women only date White Men", Why white men love the black woman", and "Black women have no option" to express their grievances. Then many got offended because the topic "White men are least attracted to Black women" comes up and brings all of the proposed solutions the problems raised in the afore mentioned topics to question. I must agree with a previous blogger when she said: "...should have my behind in the bed" HA! Okay, knock it of Ichibod. I'm going to work. Have a great day everyone!

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  40.   triccinicci says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 09

    I have an interview in the morning and should have my behind in the bed, but I just had to weigh in on this conversation...I've seen it a few times and didn't want to get into it. Mostly for the same reasons I, being from the Southwest don't want to visit the homelands of my father's people in the deep South. I just can't take the pressure of all the channeled energy there. When I was a little girl, my parents taught us about the world by taking us into it. We traveled a great deal. When relegated to home, my father would bring us many gifts from the Far East upon his return. Beautiful Asian dolls, gold bracelets and jade chopsticks with hand crafted inscriptions in gold were just a few. When we lived in Europe my parents would ensure we visited different cities and gained exposure to the sights, sounds and experiences afforded us. We visited the castles and markets, had much discovery and loved the freer, non-American lifestyle. Mom would take my youngest sisters to the zoo with friends or join us for a field trip through purest of snow by train, whose carpet was stained the color of pomegranate red. We'd visit some special place like Kriss Kringle Mart in The Black Forest. There were days the tailor would come to outfit the older girls or a shopping trip would be arranged for the purchase of school clothes. My parents were very popular because everyone knew both my father and mother would help anyone and everyone. No matter their color, creed, nationality, religion, race...No matter their station in life. My parents hosted many beautiful parties on the weekends. My mother, in the prettiest and latest styles, was the most gracious and exquisite hostess. My sisters and I would sneak down the stairs to listen to the adults telling their tall tails of wonder...the music and laughter trailing up to where we huddled trying to be unseen, but yearning to be close to the evening's soire. At these gatherings every color and nationality would be seen, both mixed and unmixed, but all in acceptance. Sometimes formal, sometimes informal, but the best music of our generation, my mother's wonderful world class cuisine invitingly offered with my father's deep knowledge of the finest spirits...all made an inviting evening any intelligent person would want to be in the company of. My parents did not spend their time deriding us or hiding us from the world. They taught us how to live in the world. How to have kindness, dignity, hope and to not be of the world but above it. And though we had a blessed life, my parents balanced it out for us. With a measure of discipline most American's would rebel at (not to say we did not, we had our moments), but it almost went without saying, "To whom much is given, much is expected". They never forgot our birthdays (Though every year I grew, I was convinced they would), holidays for sure, and how to give abundant love. They were not perfect and made mistakes too. But, of all of this - the clothes, travel, rewards, languages, gifts, toys, lavishings undaunted - in all of this. The greatest thing my parents ever did for us was to teach us our history. To tell us who we were and where we came from. That has now become who we are and where we are going. My father had a thing for learning and of course my mother as well. He would make competitions to motivate us to learn. Yes, he would pay us, but it worked. "Funfzig Mark zur ersten person, die erlent, flieendes Deutsche sprechen." Translated: "$50 Marks (German monetary bill) to the first person who learns to speak fluent German." The competition was on. My twin won. I just learned. Deals were made, the spoil divided (that meant we went to the baker and the candy maker and had aching bellies later). That's the way it was. You see, with our history learned we were free to explore and widen the depth and base of what knowledge we had been given. We weren't made to constantly encounter the one specific thing about ourselves that anyone else could know or see as though that were our specialty and all we consisted of and all we were ever to know or be allowed to know. No, it was far greater. Our parents started with an oral history. Always teaching us where Eygypt was therefor insuring our minds could not be poisoned by Western Civilization's textbook lies. In fact in high school my sister and I had to teach the African portion of WORLD HISTORY to the entire class because our very handsome, very educated, married-to-a-Caucasian-woman World History teacher did not know this. Of course, he, like many, had learned his history from school books and an entire educational system which denied, replaced or refuted any contribution to mankind as a whole by people of Black African ancestry. He nor his wife, who she and many others as well, had been brainwashed into believing greatness WAS in Eygypt, therefor Egypt must not be in the tainted environs of Africa (The WHAT?) - The Dark Continent. We struggle because many of us have forgotten, others have never been taught the very essence of our CONTRIBUTION. There really is no argument amongst the African American woman and man. What we have is the strange chemical reaction when you take one element of the human genome and try to make it fit the repository for a being who has no hereditary standing, historical place or value in humanity (As in contribution because contribution is an element of actual survival. From then till now, every degree of the human race must contribute or mankind would not continue). By placating us with lies designed in Europe's Dark Ages many deceits have been spun. Those deceits need to be undone by our choosing. They must be undone through the Diversity of Love not the Adversity of Hate. We all know the story, we just forgot the specifics. By telling us our women are loudmouthed and forceful, when in truth they have been raped and denigrated. By telling us that women in our culture hated her own seed into humiliation and spiritual castration, when her love was manipulated away from him and forced into a darkened cave. By telling us our children are unaccepted, unenviably stupid, so the silver thread is cut early and those children now suffice as coal to drive the engines of the prisons and NOT the universities. By manipulatively cautioning the African American man and woman into enemy stances we often gladly accept because the lie is easier than the Truth. Can anyone tell me the benefit of hate to humanity? Just one. Even those who engineered this cannot stand on the conceived notion that hate works. Besides that hate is an economic tool devised to drive markets. Because people are not microchip computers (yet, teehee) when hope dies not only Black will disappear but so will NON-Black (When drugs were introduced by the CIA to destroy the prosperity beginning to show in the inner cities, they eventually crept into the NON-intercity. FACT! The CIA has since apologized)! What we can do is ask ourselves, each of us, where did we come from, where are we going? You began in a beautiful place before the dawn of what is called civilization. As a genetic group, Africans know more science and language, developed more systems and sequences than any other beings on the planet. Can I share a secret? One of the reasons we accomplished so much is because we, from long ago, have always been many shades, dialects, cultures, knowledges, diversities and ethnic strands to begin with. We weren't interracial, we were INTRAracial. ___________________________ Now some of you have run into me and several of us tend to disagree, but before we tear each other down, can't we just find some common ground? If you could remember what I can see, long days before we were you and me, if time could turn its hand again and we returned where we used to stand. You would know how God loved us so, enfolding us in then telling us to go, we were to share with all what Love we knew and when we did this world grew. Brother and Sisters don't forget we are the Masters of All, The World in our hands before our Great Fall, there is farther to go and farthest yet before the Glory of Old reaches its pinnacle yet. You see if we let go now our glue will be undone, then what's to be of the Love we have sunned to all the people the world over our Light has shined, the history reveals that Light is Divine. It is a weight we've carried sometimes upon our back, but to much is given the blessing's return far richer than that, the pain we felt disdain and more but no man puts asunder the Greatness stored. So smile greatly even let the reason be small for the Gift you carry lets the WHOLE WORLD walk tall. It is so clear who was here first and we shall not finish last but the treasure and mystery lies within for you to grasp. Abide in this - Hope - and learn to Love - All - never forsake the knowledge of who you are, Stardust and light, reflections of the past, Love for humanity illuminates the Risen Star at last! ~H. Elocin Nomael _______________________

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  41.   Reality says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 09

    Love concurs all. Can't you see what's happening here folks. As I read all the post its the same old thing---BLACK vs WHITE. I'm so sick of it, so the antidote is interracial relationships. Can the white/black race survive this? Probably not. Soon the Elimination of both races that were once and still are taunted with hatred, inhumane treatment, an unrectifiable history, self hatred, and taught bad habits , will generate a new beginning and just maybe we can all get along! History has tarnish the Black Man and Black Woman. It has broke down our men, taken away their pride, stepped on their dignity. It has and still is beating our Black men down. It has taught our men how to escape, and our women to survive without. Some stay strong and take the beating in order to persevere; others punk out and give up. So How can two elements (when put together) like this survive the pressures that are thrown at them daily, each strong in his/her own character. Yes, we have a few that did weather the storm and we (as a race with the spirit of unity) almost made it but a new generation has weakened all of our efforts and accomplishments and we are back to where we started from. I'm not saying the answer is to run to the nearest white man or white women but only to let love prevail where ever and if its with your own race I commend you for you are definitely a unique entity and that is what the Black Family is a rarity. Its sad to say (because we look so good together) but life goes on,and change can be good. I being a Black mother love to hear "I cant see myself fixing my mouth to bash, demean, and degrade the BEAUTY, STRENGTH, INTELLIGENCE, and POWER of black women Because I would be insulting my mother, whos a strong black woman." It fills my heart. Just remember you are not insulting your mother or any other Black Woman if you choose the other culture or race as long as you keep the respect and in the practice of respecting one will not bash, demean, or degrade. Also stay true to yourself. So in answer to the original question when did this frenemity between black men and women actually begin? How are we to explain these heightened levels of tension and conflict between them? What could be the root cause of this turbulence? ANSWER: History is the disease, love is the formula and interracial relationships are the results. Testing is in process!!!

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  42.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 09

    Thanks, Tyrant. I was laughing so hard after I type "Tell it to Oprah." It was kind of wrong. She didn't say anything that bad. I really just started picking on her for no good reason. Shame on me. Pretty funny exchange back then.

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  43. Posted: 13 Sep 09

    more of the same.....the blind leading the clueless......LOVELY.

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  44.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    Queens: Let me know when your manuscript is complete. I want to check it out. Thanks and peace

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  45.   Member says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    Let me interject here Seems like people here like "dancing around the real issue". I am on the clear extreme concerning the traitor ways concerning black women. I make no apologies for it. They can date white men but they rather run their mouth about "how black men treat them". I repeat, we don't focus on what black women are doing until they "mention black men in a negative way". Oh yea, their delusional lies bother me too. How the white man is going to rescue them from a "mixed income neighborhood" to meet their white parents. The story is always positive of course. One black girl told me her white boyfriend's grandfather gave her his WW 2 Medal of honors. I asked her "what you did with it". She said " Oh I lost it" but Billy understands. Man you lose my grandfather's war medals. You would got a can of whoop ass on the spot. I would say bitch go find it, I don't care how long it takes! I don't see white women do this shit to white men on such a large scale. Let me touch on another thing. This is what pisses me off. They keep saying their a "shortage of good black men". Like they know what "good" is. If they knew what a good man was they wouldn't get the backlash they are getting. There is a shortage of good black women. Take away the obese delusional black women, the "career students" that complain there is no good men after they had their noses in their college books up until 35 years old. I am happy you got your degree but stop it. You wasn't focus on no man until you got desperate. Then you got the "single mother" black women. They want you to be a step daddy to their "bad ass" children. You ever seen a white man with a black women with "bad ass children". I do hear black women with their manicures talking about " Billy took me on with my kids". I have yet to see evidence of this. If black men are fed up with them. How long will it take white men to see the "light" on them. My final thing with white men dating black women. Get a backbone, stop letting them walk over you. Yea it ok to say "stop yakking to your nappy headed friends all the time". You don't even got to be politically correct. You don't say "Uh honey can you make some dinner". You say "your ass been here for how many hours", I come home from work and you ain't make dinner. That way you cut out her excuses when she says " I ain't a maid". Man you ain't maid but I could have been single and HIRED A MAID! I plan to finish up my manuscript. "The Guide for Black and White men to understand black women". Oh yea, I did a post on this Black woman Author. She wrote an article called "MEMO TO BLACK MEN: GROW UP. I was livid ya dig. She admits she is 40 years old and dated a white man (never worked out) and rambles on about "unity with black men and women". You want unity but you want black men to GROW UP! http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/ I am gone.

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  46.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    Finally, someone who makes sense in here. I found your words very encouraging tyrant, and I commend you for speaking the truth with honesty. It IS sad, I've said before it IS sad to see blacks pinning each other in a choke hold to get their points across. I don't really know the 'true' intent of everyone in here, but I am glad to see that you would never bash a black woman. I wouldn't do it no matter how many bad relationships/experiences with white women I may have experienced. That would be preschool behavior for me to do, and summing all the comments in this 'entire' blog of the ignorant, you stand out to me, personally, as someone genuine. I have made some ignorant comments before, but I always come back to apologize and admit the childishness in me at times. I apologize for the things I have said before, but because I realize how stupid and asinine I sound. Sometimes we all get heated in the moment and say things we don't mean. I wouldn't apologize if I 'really' meant some of the degrading and preschool comments I have made. Unfortunately, this entire blog has comments forever entwined with NO apologies. And the beckoning of engagement breathes unrest.

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  47.   julius26 says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    Right on tyrant To many people in IR relationship say love is colour blind but it is not because you has chosen one race over another so love cant be colour blind. There is nothing wrong in having a preference but black people must stop slagging each off to justify their preference.

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  48.   TYRANT says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    @ ichibod Tell it to Oprah. Maybe you should have read more, a lot more before you posted your runny discharge of a comment. The topic is valid. The comments have been valid. You are just dying for the attention that your dad evidently didnt give you, which is evident by attempting to sound angry at a topic that you obviously dont understand. The people who stated that this wasnt an issue, are talking about interracial dating in general and not the topic at hand. Trust me. Ive read all of these post and have been apart of it since the beginning. Learn some history about your race and what we have been through, sista girl. It has nothing to do with living in the past, its about correcting our present for a brighter future in sptie of our past. And all those, a person should love who they want, Love has no color, and we all bleed red blood comments have no place in a blog about the rift between black men and black women. As I said on April: these topics are getting very old. Many of them start with some white persons opinon, then some black womens beef with that white persons opinion. Followed by the typical lame , Love has no color, we are all the same, comment. After a little of that garbage, more crap that has nothing to do with the topic, then a black man comes to the white person defense, and maybe a counterattack from a guy who just wants his flirt to beef chick accepted, and then the heat is on and you never see another comment from a white person for the rest of the blog. Just back a forth, black men and women not getting along in a blog asking why black men and women dont along. I called this out long ago and what have you seen? Why must someone put down another to justify their actions, I have no idea. You sure dont. Thats exactly what we are here to discuss. TYRANT: You are so right, this issue NEEDS to be discussed because not only has this problem exist, its evolved into a PLAGUE thats infecting a lot of black women and men. People can say that it has no place on an interracial site, but thats simply NOT true. Sadly, a lot of the IR relationships are fueled by either black women who hate black men or black men who hate black women. Dont take my word for it, all you have to do is visit any message board that deals with the subject of interracial dating and youll see black men and women slugging it out with GUSTO. What sickens me to no end is the fact that both sides consider it a badge of HONOR to not only bash each other, but degrade and demean the very features that make us black and beautiful. Im so DISGUSTED with the saying Love has no color that if I hear it one more time Im going to go on a shooting spree. Love may not have a color but preference does. I dont care how interested I am in dating women of other races I cant see myself fixing my mouth to bash, demean, and degrade the BEAUTY, STRENGTH, INTELLIGENCE, and POWER of black women. Why? Because not only would I be insulting my mother, whos a strong black woman, but Id be displaying my STUPIDITY for all the world to see.

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  49.   85kguy says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    I can explain that easily!! 1. Not all professionals are limited to one locale anymore. Teleworking is here at many companies. I am and my colleagues are full time teleworkers. We work with world-wide counterparts who also used to be limited to a desk job. 2. Men and women have tried here and wind up like the blog (friend/enemies). Most are not from the region where they worked and built up their careers. It is a great disadvantage in acceptance of what is available and requires unsatisfactory compromising for most all men and women here. 3) Regional assimilation is about more than a layer of race, even when you are of that exact local race. Your worldly daughter may (I say may) have assimilation compromise problems in relationships in narrow-minded Texas. I have seen women and men from Chicago go single forever here. 4)People are not satisfied with "dating". They want to move beyond that stage with some decent measure of haste. That is just not in front of any of the people here on this website and part of why they are here. 5)People here are part of a stream that pushes them with a strong current toward opportunities here that take them to either other regions of their home area or other regions of the nation altogether. The farther your career goes the less compatible you are with the locale of your level of success. The goal is to get out of the stream and into stability and personal fulfillment and happiness. As a black or a white here it is about not accepting the compromises that our economic life puts on our personal life. Your son and daughter may be both in the USA. But Miami and North Texas are two totally different regions, influences, and peoples. Even the spanish population in each area is not the same culture. One is predominately Mexican and the other is predominately Cuban. For all here. The local options are unsatisfactory compromise for the most part. That is part of why they are using this medium in the first place.

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  50.   Austrian says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 09

    Dearest 85kguy, Unfortunately I already left Hungary, so you will not reach me there. As my nick name shows, I happen to be a WORLD CITIZEN. Presently I am looking at mass graves in Bosnia - excavated just recently. This reminds us, 'humans' have yet not learned. Please take a new breath and try to understand that I am not here to hurt anyones feelings, especially not the wounded souls of Black people. English, being my second language, may be more complex than I thought, as what I say is not twisted and manipulated for the first time. I have full compassion with Blacks. I do not dare claim to be able to walk in their shoes, never will I be able to!!! With all the knowledge and compassion, lets not forget that there is and has been WHITE TRASH. Which shows, it takes more than 'just to be white', to make it in life. One thing I can do - show my honest, warm feelings. There have been plenty of people who were open enough to receive them. You appear to be an educated, handsome man, who has a somewhat bitter smile on his image. I am convinced, if we met and faced each other, your positive attitude would come to the surface, and you would start relaxing. Certainly the harm which was done to U.S. and other countries' Blacks can not be emphasized enough. Nevertheless, this is probably not the best place for it, if you are really serious about finding a nice girl. Portraying yourself as positive, will attract more women. If you actually consider interracial dating, there are some decent, stunningly beautiful Eastern European and German women I could introduce you to. On the other hand, why reach out so far, if these blogs are crowded with highly educated, warm hearted, mind blowing beautiful BLACK WOMEN and some of less color.

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