It is easier to cast black women as undesirable – too educated, too black, too … you know those names you keep calling them. But have you ever stopped to analyze the stats? Generally, marriage in the US has considerably dropped for every race … not just for the black woman.
The marriage rate for African Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4 percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between 1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent …
So I guess its safe to say that we are all doomed. Lemme look at this critically:
When I look around, I get to see most black women are single … not alone though. Just single. There is a difference. These women are healthy and wealthy and have boyfriends, friends with benefits, partners or whatever you would like to call them. But when it comes to walking down the aisle, there seems to be an issue … especially for the high-powered, financially stable, well educated black women. Something is holding her back maybe …
May be in the 21st century, most sisters are battling with the thoughts for or against getting married. Maybe circumstances have put marriage out of reach. And as Baz Luhrman puts it in ‘Everybody is free (to wear sunscreen)’ :
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
– your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
So just because your race’s stats look much better, or just because you got married, maybe its just luck. I don’t know. Take me for example: When I was in my 20s, I was in no hurry to get married. I mean, who was to do all the travelling, take classes, build my career, date and date and date…? Those were the days when being single was the life and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It was a choice I had made; not to wait for Prince Charming. Now, I do want to get married. And I just can’t seem to get all those men who used to propose to me in my 20s – when I was least interested – to do it now. Maybe the choice to get married is half chance after all.
Forgetting the stereotypical excuses we coin to try and explain why most black women aren’t married; like lack of good black men, black women are too picky or too mean, I need to find out exactly what the black woman thinks about marriage … from her point of view. Others are also welcome to tell us what they think, but count me out if you step on a sista’s toes 
.
Instead of saying black women can’t get married, maybe we should ask: Do black women really want to get married? Are the single ones single by choice or is the choice to get married really ‘half chance’ as Baz Luhrman puts it?
***HAVE A GREAT 2009 FILLED WITH MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINESS – RIA***
From Homestupid via PM:
“The amazing thing about the internet is that I was able to copy your photos and comments about Truckdrivers and send them to Truckstop bulletin boards all along the East coast , these are my brothers and sisters , Enjoy . They do not carry a Bar / they carry cheater pipe to check tires . Happy trails”
LOL. You forget I can do the same to the police. Internet threats aren’t considered lightly.
You think you are the first one to threaten me online?
Get in line.
Sorry, but this moron needs exposing.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
mlt35 I wish more blk men could read your post. It would help bust up this crazy notion that blk woman have wrote them off.
I believe that too many brothers have gotten wrapped up in the negative stereotypes assigned to blk women, ei: they’re angry, too hard to please, cold, judgemental, and the list goes on !
I’ve had many talks with sisters concerning this issue and I notice that most were saying the same thing. They felt that they were getting a bad rap.
What shocked me is most felt abandoned and rejected by their own (blk men) men. I had these conversations with sisters of various educational and career backgrounds.
I wonder did we as men in our insecurity, began to assume that her advancement guaranteed our abandonement?
Did we turn away from these women out of jealousy?
These were some hard questions I had to find answers to. I had to find out how did we go from working together as a team, to becoming competitors?
I really hurt me to listen to our women talk of their pain and their feelings of being left out there by themselves. Lord knows I wanted to try and defend blk men and tell our side of the story but I couldn’t.
I didn’t have it in me. I knew I couldn’t argue because many of the things they were saying about us were true. Not all of us but far too many of us!
That’s when I started trying to learn more about us and share it with our women.
I think every man should have a woman he’s not romantically involved with as a close friend, so he can talk with her and open up.
Trust me it’s not what we say, it’s the things we don’t say, it’s the issues we keep burried inside of us that’s eating away at our soul.
We wont talk about the physical or sexual abuse we may have sufferd as little boys. We’re ashamed to talk of how mama left us on the front porch of grandmama’s house and ran off to live her life.
We wont tell you, that we don’t communicate our feelings because we grew up hearing, ” boy shut up before I knock the hell outta you”.
To many of us, silence is security, what they don’t know, they can’t use against me!
What man will tell you, his sense of self worth comes from his being able to sexually satisfy many women, because it’s the drug that eases the symptoms of his pain but it never gets to the source.
This is not just an issue with blk men, this monster is no respecter of race or class.
I think those that are well off are better at covering it up, because in this world we assume, if you look sucessful, you’re free of issues.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Very well said NP. The Macho indoctrination that many men the world over go through makes it VERY hard for many to seek help or express their emotions when abuse occurs, and it occurs a lot. Just like it does in women.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
No PLAYER.
You have moved me to tears!!! Give me a moment. When I write I rarely ever edit so I am also speaking directly from my heart.
Man oh man are you getting into some deep heart felt issues of all men really, but as we know and can feel because all too often the realness hits very close to home for us all. I, like alot of black women I suspect have felt abandoned and as you say the white guys may ease our pain and fear of rejection by our own as well. Imagine the very same man that we were raised to expect would love, protect and provide turns to preying on their own and being jealous and competitive with their own!!!!!
Imagine what this does to a black womans psyche???
As a defense mechanism many of us have just opted out all together because like you said it is too hard and too painful to limit to just black men for many of us because we feel the anger, and pain from our very own, where non- black men see the woman, her heart and many times do not have the baggage so close to the surface. We all have baggage and issues because we are human.
I completely agree about men having a close woman friend for all men regardless of race and women to also have a close male friend to issue real advise so that we can all learn and grow. I have a male friend for 17 years now and he share his thoughts, hopes and fears and I share my feelings with him as well. It is cathartic to have someone just to listen to you, even if there is no solution but just to listen to us and who cares about us. This is our human side, our real side, our tender side.
Faith for me is the cornerstone of my …belief determines reality ….mantra. Christ is my husband, brother and father until……If I never marry then this was also his design but as Ilanya Vansant says….”In the Meantime”, awesome book, also; 40 days and 40 Nights of Spiritual Healing; A Purpose Driven Life; Prayer of Jabez….;Dr. Phils….Love Smart, awesome; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and the list goes on, but in reality being at home with oneself provide alot of comfort until the right one comes along. The feeling of aloneness and emptiness is subsided with having a life that is healthy and full so that when real love presents itself we are open and emotionally ready and as whole as we can be to get involved and be able to be present and fair to the other person whose life we are merging into. Take classes, read, travel, learn a language, adopt a child, adopt a pet, volunteer at retirement homes, animal shelters, tutor children in your field, become a mentor etc. Life is too wonderful to waste on bad men and relationships. Just live life and abundance in men will find you. I guarantee it. God is the one that is in control of this matter not us anyway….so we need to get out of His way and be obedient and patient and love will be all around you so that you can be selective and choose which partner is best suited for each of us.
Players do not have any idea of the impact their lying, cheating and deception for alot of women especially the weaker ladies who fall head over heels for men and actually believe what alot of men say on face value without testing and monitoring if his words and actions add up. If a woman is real with herself and wants a man to respect her she will have to say no to the majority of men because the majority of men that approach us really, really, really are full of crap. Just trying to say what they think that women want to hear where in reality they are playing mind games and running as many women as they can. Most women take this personally and they should because it is an emotional violation likened to rape. Our brothers are like you said out here trying to prove their manhood at our expense! The manhood they think that we want. The sad reality is for many black men they have set their own daughters up to choose men just like them, that will treat them badly because they have watched you treat women badly and accept this as ok behavior. I bet alot of men never for a moment think about being a role model for themselves first, and their children particularly their sweet daughters. The women that they prey on also have dads just like them who adore their daughters as well. The same daughters that they prey upon!! Crazy to think that all of this foolishness that you put out will not in some way come right back to you, often with insecure and promiscuous daughters.
I can only speak for myself but sex does not make a man. That is a natural human response. Love is what we desire!
Love is what we need. Love is what we are lacking from black men in general. It is sad to say but true.
I have learned from experience that for me it is best to get to know the man over time and as a friend and then let romance blossom if it was ever supposed to in the first place. Many women are afraid of being alone so they accept bad behavior from men. There is a difference between being alone and lonely…..May people who are marrried or in relationships are lonely lying next to their spouse if there is not real and open communication.
I am also a huge believer in the glass is half full…..while we engage and enjoy life opportunites will present themselves to us in Gods time not in our time. We do not want to hear this though, but our mate will appear when God is ready for him or her to appear and IN THE MEANTIME we will go on with life as usual, being positive, loving and kind to others because our time will come…..if we believe.
This is only my opinion and life experience.
Remember….belief determines reality.
Women also benefit alot from your honest, heartfelt assessment of what is real everyday…..believe me we live it.
Women need to begin to measure the responses from men on a weekly basis for example. Make an excel spreadsheet and count the number of men that approach you in a week for example. Note the race, age, situation of the meeting, his opening line etc. Then monitor if his words and actions add up. So, if he says X, can he prove it. If he says Y is he ready to prove it. If he cannot gladly back up his claims leave him alone, he is trying to blind you with what he thinks that you want to hear but in no real way can produce the promises he makes, leave him alone and free up yourself for a real man. He should be trying to court you. Love does not hurt, it is natural and pure and real, when it does not feel right ladies you know in your heart that this fool is trying to test me and /or trying to play you and just let him play all by himslef.
Just a few thoughts.
I look forward to your reply.
Mia
Philadelphia
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Okay.
I gotta ask this.
(it is not an attack.)
(it is not sarcasm.)
In all seriousness.
Are you actually keeping a spreadsheet?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
cdhill
No silly bunny:):):) Just a way to make a point my dear…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
LOL. It will be entertaining for you to try to look for legal action against me. As a lawyer, I will just defend myself pro se. Go tell your man that.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I have to say that in reading these posts (with some effort in some of the cases) I have been through the gaunlet of emotions. I am impressed with the amount of insight, sometimes research, and personal displays of past pain that has been revealed. This is my first time checking out the posts on this site and I just wanted to say thank you to the participants of this one. I will be back.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
And I have to say that I have enjoyed reading the posts as well, except the personal attacks by two members that keep going back and forth. I don’t know why they don’t email each other their messages instead of posting them here. The only reason I can see is they want everyone to see their “one upmenship”.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
That’s cause I blocked him. LOL
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Glock you have a very real point about the umm, negativity. I have chosen to ignore than because I have never attempted to tell a man how to win a pissing contest, lol. However the rest of it has been enlightening to say the least.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
mlt35 I appreciated reading your feed back. You said some of the same things, other sisters had expressed to me. You trully came from the heart.
I would not want my attemp to explain the reasons, for the negative behaviors of some blk men, to be seen as an excuse. There is none!
It was my intent to make it known, that some of us recognize and understand the effects, of such behaviors and how it harms relationship between blk men and women.
I think at times we focus too much on all the negative aspects within some blk relationships.
We would be lead to believe that healthy and loving relationship are not found among blk couples.
The media, books / magazine, movies and songs have done a hell of a job, to shape the perception that we are not capable making eachother happy.
We know positive images about blacks don’t make good news stories, aint it strange that we can get more coverage when we act a damn fool.
Despite the baggage that some of us carry as men, we still attempt to form permanent unions.
We try to be good husbands even though many of us never had that example up close while grewing up.
We try to be good fathers, even if we had no relationship with our own father.
Despite our handicaps we strive to be the men our women need.
You have to give us credit because some of us really put forth the effort to make our unions strong.
Sisters not all of your men believe the, “mad blk woman myth”. We know even at your worst, you’re still the best because you’re ours.
As mlt35 said you’re our mothers, sisters, lovers, wives and friends. We have a bond that’s deeper than any interracial relationship.
I’m not knocking interracial relationships but I’m recognizing a shared history, a suffering, and sacrifice made by our women, on our behalf.
Just know some of us are reaching out to you, yeah you’re disappointed and you feel let down, but inspite of it all, you still love us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your pain is real, your fe
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
It is funny how the assumption is that all ( majority )black women are born in a poor environment and after achieving a higher level of employment have some how now climbed into another social circle….some of us …..were born into the higher social circle and are open to dating men in all social circles ( white, black, latino, etc.) provided we have simliar relationship goals. In reality many times alot of black women come from higher social circles than white men as well.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
That’s another one of those foolsih assumptions.
Many blk women tell me being beautiful, educated and professional is a curse at times.
It’s like you catch it from both sides. Your own men are mad at you and men from other ethnic groups are intimidated or jealous of you. It’s like, you can’t win for losing.
I bet that has to be fustrating as hell?
mlt35 I think the reason sisters still give relationships a chance, is because they can talk about their disappointments and not keep it bottled up on the inside.
I find that these women still want to get married and have not giving up on love, yeah some have began dating interracially but most express the desire to marry blk men.
Thats one of the things I love about our women, they love us inspite of ourselves!
If only more of us could get it together or at least make an effort !
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
NO PLAYER
I agree!!! Well said and I feel you that as black people many of us find one another and meet and marry in spite of media hype to show negative stereotypes etc.
Many black women who also date outside of our race have not totally given up on black men but have added all men to the dating pool to increase the options of meeting and marrying our Mr. Right. Of course, I agree with our commmon bond but life is too short to limit opportunites especially on love.
Thank you for pointing out that though there are challenges between black men and women there are also many positive relationships as well. My parents for example have been married for 45 years.
I am happy to be a part of an open discussion on relationships between men and women because alot of these issues touch all groups irrespective of race.
I applaud men who try their best to open up to their women about feelings and share from the heart. It is difficult sometimes for women as well but if we keep trying and striving to be better at relationships then as a group we are all positively affected.
Thank you for being one of the black men who is reaching out to us to let us know directly that you still love us……we love you too. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are awesome!!!! I do not know about any other blog members but I have had conversations with at least 5 other people about this topic outside of this blog…. so indirectly the positive affect of open, positive, communication like this between black men and black women is spreading especially if other members on this blog are also engaging in positive converations about it outside of this blog.
I enjoy reading all of the positive messages here.
Remember….belief determines reality.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
NO PLAYER
You are my hero again today!!!
When are you writing that book my dear???!!! Any ideas for titles?? Maybe some of the women from the blog and site could send you our suggestions for book titles or offer to be apart of a focus group for research material. As you may know pursuing a doctoral degree is actually writing a bound book on your declared dissertation or book topic that have many similar book preparation steps for anyone writing a book. We really can all learn from one another,,,,if we share freely in love.
I want one of the first 10 autograped copies o.k., boy are you a credit to all men, not just black men!!
Seminars, interactive workshops, you could really be on to something….thanks for being a maverick….grrrrrrrrrr:)
Remember….belief determines reality!!:) You made my weekend.:)!!
M
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
MLT35
It’s my goal to write this book with the next year or two. I don’t want to rush this book because I want this book to be of great substance.
My life is crazy at the moment because my job as a Dept. of Defense Contractor has me living and working in Germany, sometimes deploying to the Middle East, I go to the states for periodic trainning, plus I maintain a home in Mississippi, right outside of Memphis.
I’m a country boy by heart and I love being out in the country if only for a few weeks throughout the year.
The idea to write a book came from me keeping a diary, yeah it’s very therapuetic and it’s a self treatment for emotional constipation. LOL LOL
“Yall know we crazy”
You’re laughing because you know I’m telling it right. I’m laughing along with you. LOL
Talking to so many brothers, I find that we share so many of the same issues and I wonderd how would it affect our women if they knew some of these things.
For example this morning, while walking my dog, I saw this brother walking his son to kindergarden,as I do most of the time and you can see and feel the love and admiration between them.
Today, out of now where, I started feeling scared and vulnerable and I started thinking to myself, I want, “MY DADDY” !
Keep in mind I’m 37 years old, damn near 6ft and weighing close to 240 pounds, with three children of my on but I found myself wanting and needing my father.
Whewwwwww !
The bond between a boy and his father is so crital to his emotional developement, that if not established and re-enforced, his developemnet is arrested.
Sisters need to know that many of us suffer from “Deprivation Dwarf-ism”
For those who may not know what this is, I’ll try to explain it.
Years ago a a group of orphaned new born babies were part of an experiment. They were split into two groups.
While they were both feed the same food, at the same time, one group was deprived of human contact.
The group of babies that were held, caressed touched and kissed, developed better than the other group. They weighed more, had thicker bone structure and had better motor skills than the other group.
My father passed June of 2007 and we became closer over the last 10 years or so, but our relationship had been strained by his being absent emotionally from my life during my developing years due to my parents divorce.
Sisters need to know these things because some of them sufferd from not only having absent fathers as little girls but now they find their men emotionaly absent.
My goal is to get us to talking and to help tear down some of these misconceptions surounding our relationships.
I’d title this book along the lines of: ” Something I’ve Needed To Tell You, But Never Could” !
As mlt35 suggested, I’d hope workshops and group session would come as a result of our feeling comfortable with sharing, not just my thoughts or the thoughts of blk men but all men.
I’m accepting of that fact that, interracial dating an marriage is here to stay, so we maay as well learn how to tolerate eachother.
I hope with just a little exposure I can assist in building up your tolerence.
Have you noticed, most nurses or doctors prior to giving you a shot will tell you, “ok you’ll feel a little pinch, as if your arm wont hurt afterwards, man, do’nt they lie!!!
Sisters trust when I tell you, this hurts me more than it hurts you !
So roll up your sleeve and turn your head!
With love,
James ( Your half-ass crazy brother )
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
You know it is interesting that everyone is so concerned about the welfare of the black woman and how she chooses to deal with, handle or not handle men (of any race).
NoPlayer, Steve Harvey has been threatening a book along a similar vein for a while now. I say threatening because I see the potential for harm in one-sided diatribes explaining an entire subset of American culture to another. Where is the mutual communication? Yes, some of us as black women grew up father-less, penny-less and harmed but not all of us.
Some of us fall for the okie-doke not because we feel for our men but because that is simply not an event for which we ever had to prepare. I am blessed to have both my parents willing to sacrifice to send my sibling and I to private school and to do everything they can to provide and care for us. Should I not be entitled to someone of a similar background? How can I rejoice in the love that was given to me when the person with whom I want to share it, does not know the meaning of it? And is it my job to make sure that he gets a chance to experience it? Why should that responsibility fall on me?
I think that may be why we BW are expanding our horizons. Some of us are tired of trying to figure out the messed up circumstance that has become an ilk in the fabric of our race. Some of us finally got the message God sends as waiting for one who is equally yoked.
I have faith that there are more people out there who grew up as I did and know that the supreme call in life is to better your children and I also know those people are of every race and creed. However; because I live in this society and it is still overwhelmingly skewed in the favor of one race versus others than those numbers are skewed as well. Should I be “tolerated” because I choose to er on the side of mathematical probability instead of historical rhetoric? Should I have to apologize because I am NOT messed up? Come on, at what juncture do we as human beings say, “Yes all this messed up crap happened to me and affected my past but I will not allow it to affect my future.”? When do we stop blaming mommy, the daddy that wasn’t, the sucky environment and every other social liberalism and just move on? At what age do you lose the capacity to blame everyone else for internal impotence?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Dawnshye
“I think that may be why we BW are expanding our horizons. Some of us are tired of trying to figure out the messed up circumstance that has become an ilk in the fabric of our race. Some of us finally got the message God sends as waiting for one who is equally yoked.”
Please, feel free to expand your horizons and never limit yourself ! Seek the best that life has to offer.
The messed circumstances that some of you are tired of trying to figure out, within OUR RACE are not just limited to OUR RACE.
Don’t believe for a second whitemen, asian men and hispanic men don’t have similar ISSUES that rear their ugly heads and interfer with their relationships.
” I am blessed to have both my parents willing to sacrifice to send my sibling and I to private school and to do everything they can to provide and care for us. Should I not be entitled to someone of a similar background? How can I rejoice in the love that was given to me when the person with whom I want to share it, does not know the meaning of it? And is it my job to make sure that he gets a chance to experience it? Why should that responsibility fall on me?”
Your were blessed to have the background that you have but having someone of a similar background, is no guarantee that they will be able to reciprocate the love that was given to you.
It’s nobody’s job to do anything, that they don’t want to do. You give ” YOUR LOVE ” to the one that’s proven he’s worthy of it.
Backround ( as you have described it ) has nothing to do with a man’s ability to appreciate and love a woman. Men from the worst backgrounds are capable of loving women.
True love does not seek it’s own.
Being “equally yoked” from a Biblical stand point, if I’m not mistaken, has nothing to do with race,education, profession or income. It means being of the same belief or faith.
If I’m wrong, somebody help me ” GET RIGHT” !
” At what age do you lose the capacity to blame everyone else for internal impotence? ”
With all due respect, what you may call blame, others might call it diagnosis, trouble shooting or looking for the cause behind the effect!
If I’m suffering from high blood pressure, I want to get better, I want to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for improving my health but prior to doing that, I need to know how I ended up with high blood pressure in the first place.
” I say threatening because I see the potential for harm in one-sided diatribes explaining an entire subset of American culture to another. Where is the mutual communication? Yes, some of us as black women grew up father-less, penny-less and harmed but not all of us. ”
This book is nothing more than me and other men like me explaining how we feel about various issues that impact our relationship with our women.
I don’t claim to speak for ALL BLACKMAN, just myself and those that have giving me their input.
Where’s the mutual communication?
It’s the post that you just added to this blog, along with hours of heart to heart conversations with blk women of various backgrounds and not to mention the women closest to me ( my grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters and my own daughter ) !
I trully appreciate your input and hope to hear more of your point of veiw.
James
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Great post Dawnshye and No Player!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Backround ( as you have described it ) has nothing to do with a man’s ability to appreciate and love a woman. Men from the worst backgrounds are capable of loving women.
With all due respect I have to disagree. Although human beings are blessed with the great ability to learn; without having previous knowledge of a subject, how do you expect to know?
I have never said that this “nature versus nurture” argument is reserved for “us”, however I refer to the roughly 200 some-odd posts made before mine that led to your posts of emotionally handicapped (and assumingly guiltless by reason of that) BM and your kind offer to assist women in learning the id with the man. Look every one has things in their lives that has led to scars and more than likely a skewed view of the world surrounding them. Like a lot of others I was blessed but not unscathe; but my question is when does one choose to learn from their past? Their upbringing? Their very existence and instead of allowing it to be a hindrance to their future be a propellant?
I know wonderful people (black, white, hispanic, asian) who have taken the knocks and bruises in life and not allowed it to shade their future. I volunteer with cancer patients and the strength I see reflected in the eyes of young people who have been all but given a death sentence is inspiring…then seeing resignation on the faces of others who live the excuse; well that is sickening.
It’s nobody’s job to do anything, that they don’t want to do. You give ” YOUR LOVE ” to the one that’s proven he’s worthy of it.
I ascribe to my earlier comments where one fully expects other human beings to be capable of the emotion. The disconnect comes into play when one or another party is not privy to “events” that may have been devoid of the feeling or the feeling was twisted to be ugly. Men are as they are; it is never a woman’s place to learn them. Boys are malleable, men are not to be. That was what I was alluding to but feel free to interpret as you see fit.
With all due respect, what you may call blame, others might call it diagnosis, trouble shooting or looking for the cause behind the effect!
Like your high blood pressure, a diagnosis leads to change…is that what you are witnessing today? I ask the question for a very real answer because I think that if we had all these enlightened, thoughtful and forward thinking PEOPLE, then this conversation would be moot.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
NO PLAYER
Thank you again for your enlightened view that as we started some hundreds of blog posts ago are meant to foster dialogue and positive communication between men and women and particularly black men and black women.
Nice book title idea….. Another thought for a book title could be …”Lets keep talkng til we get it right “( An open dialogue between men and women).:):).
As for the comment about feeling the need to want your Daddy is real cool too. Not many men can open up and share the way that you have shared. It is refreshing to see a man who has started down the road of self- discovery and able tap into real, natural emotions….real sweet:)
We all want our dads at different times…..for no reason at all. Ever written him a letter expressing your feeling at the time? Obviously he is no longer with us, but maybe it may help you to feel better or have some closure to what ever it is that you are feeling. Many times WE do not even know.
Ladies:
Life has taught me not to be so quick to disregard another’s feelings. They are real whether or not WE get it or feel it or understand it.
Glad to see women jumping on the bandwagon of the topic at hand with some opinions after a couple hundred blogs.
No Player
Germany is one of my favorite countries! Hope that you enjoy it there. Munchen, Lichtenstein, Rhine River, stoic riverside castles, Hoffbra house, Dacau, Romantic Road, October Fest, man is that a nice memory:). Dankie.
Anyway……nice to see that a 6 foot, 240 lb. man can express his emotions…..I want my mommy……just kidding:):):) Hope that you are smiling also. I lived abroad for 5 years also and can relate to living in 2- 3 time zones, several currencies, celsius, euro, deutchmarc, metric yeahhhhhh. I am beginning to see why you are like a hyper male of sorts.
Anyway, enjoy…….
Chat with you soon!
Remember….belief determines reality.
M
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Dawnshyne, thanks for your response.
First let me state that there are serious challenges within, not only blk relationship but in American as a whole.
Look at the divorce statistics. Pre-maritual conselling is big business now days and the business cards of good divorce attorneys are handed out along with marriage certificaites!
Ok, I’m pushing it a bit ! ” LOL ”
I’m sure both of us agree that marriage, as an institution in this country is in bad shape.
“your posts of emotionally handicapped (and assumingly guiltless by reason of that) BM and your kind offer to assist women in learning the id with the man.”
Please don’t confuse my ACKNOWLEDGEMENT of the problem, as an attemp to EXCUSE the problem.
Acknowledgment is the first step towards solving a problem.
Well, what’s the problem ?
As blk men some of us, NOT ALL OF US, are having problems establishing or maintaining loving relationships. Ok, now we’ve admitted that there’s a problem, lets see how we can get to the heart of these issues.
Believe it are not, SOME of us want healthy relationships with our women, so we’re doing away with the finger pointing and making excuses as a reason for not making needed change.
Some of us can open up better when talking to other men about issues of the heart but it does no good if the women that most of us want, never hear it.
I’m only trying to get men to talk to women and the mere fact you and I are talking and not attacking eachother, is proof that we seek to understand eachother.
When we attemp to understand eachother, even if we disagree, we don’t become condemning and judgmental.
Just knowing that you see my point of veiw worthy of a response, is reason enough to continue reaching out to you, instead of turning away from you.
Dawnshyne if more men and women would try to do, what you and I are doing, relationships and marriages wouldn’t be in the condition that we find them in.
So, let’s keep talking !
James
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Believe in Love and you will see it come True , Love Les
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
@ No Player, dont’t you think it is passed time that bm get their acts together.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
@ No Player, dont’t you think it is passed time that bm get their acts together.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
@ No Player…dont’t you think it is passed time that most bm get their acts together.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Ann or fvb? There’s no need to beat a dead horse.
Many of us know we’ve falling short and thank GOD many of us are talking and working towards finding solutions to the problems we face.
I find it encouraging that we can sit down and really open up about the things that effect us.
Often times men are so competitive and driven that we don’t form the friendships that allow us to express what we feel.
Many of us have forgotten the power of THE CONGREGATION, the coming together and the drawing of inspiration from the unique gifts that God has given to each of us.
You can tell the condition of THE MAN, when you look at the condition of THE WORLD around him.
What shape is THE WORLD in around you ???
The disrespect of women, the abuse of children, the disregard for family life and the disrespect for the union of marriage cuts across all racial lines.
It looks as if more than BLACK MEN need to get their acts together !
You can’t even think of changing the world until, you change yourself, so you work on you and I’ll continue to work on me and hopefully, together we’ll go out and do our part to help clean up this mess!
Best wishes,
James
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I totally agree with NOPLAYER . It is rediculous to blame a race , a class or a sex of people . First look ar ourselves , examine the way we look at others through our own eyes and if we act negatively / change to a positive way of acting . I am able only to speak about a small part of the world in which We live . Seems every town within 60 miles of our house has its’ own new prison . Housing Criminals of all colors and cultures – needless to say it costs people more to house and feed them than the majority of familys of people earn in a years time . Is this not a problem of great importance to all . My father taught me years ago that it was a Richmans War and a poormans fight . Let’s look to our new gov’t as promise has been made for change and made serious changes within ourselves if that is what is needed also . We all need to work together if anything shall get done .
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
NO PLAYER
Good to hear that you take the criticism and not take it too personal:):)
We are all here to learn and grow……right:):)
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
mlt35 I didn’t see it as a strike at me because our issues are out there for all to see.
Me and some guys at work were talking and asking questions as to how things got to this point and I remebered reading on a church’s billboard in North St. Louis, ” It’s Easier To Raise Children, Than Repair Adults” !
Next to GOD, a person has no greater friend than a mother but without a father having a strong influence in a childs life, that child will not have proper balance.
Once again we’re back to the men!
You can’t replace a father no more than you can replace a mother, both are vital to a child’s developement.
“And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the admonishment of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
While we were talking few admitted that they were afraid of young blk men. Never in our history have we ever been afraid of our own sons.
The children that many of us produced and left out there alone have now grown up angry at the world and some of them are killing us !
How do you help put a stop to this madness ?
You must start with RELATIONSHIPS, first with yourself, then with your mate and then with your children ( should you have any). Then and only then will you be able to start cleaning up this mess.
This whole article was about why many blk woman are not marrying or married.
It’s my own belief ( mine and mine alone ).
The condition of the men that blk women would normally select mates from, have impacted their decisions to marry.
Now interracial dating is an after option, and I say that because most blk woman as girls, dream of marrying someone that looks like them.
I just knew as a little boy, me and Thelma Evans ( “Good Times” ) were ment to be ! LOL
So, once again we’re back to the men.
Sad to say it, when we catch a cold our women often end up with pneumonia !
James
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Hi NO PLAYER.
I could not have re-directed the crux of the problem any better…..and you being an African American man are more than qualified to re-direct the blog back to the topic of why black women are dating non-black men ……but as you see no other blac kmen have felt o.k about participating…of course they all know, and live the same reality everyday as well as why soo many of their black women are seeking love outside of our race….because of social issues which you mentioned, we dont have time to heal a man’s soul and help to make him whole emotionally alot of times. Life itself is challenging and to add a man who is unhealthy emotionally will make your life and a relationship with him toxic and unhealthy no matter how much we may love him. He has to take steps first to recognize and admit that there is or have been problems with lets say dad or lack there of and subconsously pass insecurity lack of confidence etc,onto the woman that he says he loves. Do you see the problem. Love alone cannot fix this. 2 people have to come together emotionally whole or at the very least be very self aware of your own issues, take ownership of them and when you connect with a man or woman let them know what challenges that you bring into the relationship and hopefully both people can communicate, open up emotionally and let the other person into your heart and life and maybe have chance at happiness.
Of course many of us assumed that we would meet, fall in love and marry someone that looked like us….but unfortunately in todays world this is not reality for many of us. I love good black men, but will not accept foolishness nor play the games that many of our brothers have learned as if they went to receive an advanced educational degree on how to get over on, manipulate, use and abuse their very own women, but if someone tries to treat their daughters, sisters or mothers the very same way they are prepared to defend…..isn’t this insanity in action……?
Remember….belief determines reality.
M
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Two of my favorite people NO PLAYER and MLT35 have put it down quite well. It is about wholeness. I must be willing as Bishop Jakes says, to deal with the “enemy” in-ner me.
Only you know your issues and only you can be the first to address them with God’s help. Agree, after a certain point, most adults don’t have time fix other adults. Our pride tends to get in the way, and we end up resenting the person trying to help us. Love thyself is the greatest rule of life. It is only then, you can extend yourself and enhance the life of someone else.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Ladies you are so right, you can’t repair men or make them whole, no matter how much you love them, you just can’t do it.
I know it’s hard because by nature women are very maternal and they what to nurture and comfort those they love.
As mother you can only do so much and a time comes when you have to stop mothering your son and let his father or some other male figure take over.
Ladies the one thing you can do for a man is inspire him.
It’s all about you! Don’t you know?????
The power is with you.
Look at how we as little boys tried to impress you by acting tough, brave and strong. If I’d charged one dollar for every bag of trash I’d taken out for a woman as a kid, I’d be a rich man! LOL
Ladies there’s something about you that drives us to do the things that’ll win us your affection.
A good woman with the right spirit can motivate a man like no else can. M e personaaly, woman have made the biggest impact on my life within the last ten years.
” Well James if that’s so, why I’m I catching all of this hell from men! ”
” Where did I go wrong! ”
No my friend, it’s where did WE go wrong?
Ok, let’s go back to when you and I were around 12 or 14 years old. You and I had a relationship that was pure and platonic. It was intimacy at it’s best, sex had no part in this because we were not having sex at that time, we were just kids.
We could talk about our problems, our dreams and there was a felling that we trully loved eachohter.
But something happened!
What?
The discovery of your sexuality and my attraction to it!
When you physicaly developed and found out that guys would do things for you just to get close to you, you change on me.
When I developed an attraction to you, I no longer saw you as that little girlfriend of mine, I saw you as a woman that had something, that I wanted.
What happen was we both learned the art of manipulation, ” using what you got, to get what you want.”
I began to measure my worth by how I could attract you and keep you, the sexier you were the better I felt about myself. My friends looked at me in a whole knew light because of you.
When I lost you to someone you thought could or would do more for you, that’s when I started to believe that maybe, good guys don’t finish first.
So I had to learn this game of manipulation if I hoped to attract you. I couldn’t trust you so I felt I had to get over on you, before you got over on me!
Sad to say it, this game didn’t stop when we became adults, we just refined the technic even more.
We got degrees, joined fraternities or sororitites , established careers, and a long list of other things to help us advertise what we had for sale.
Now I’ve grown angry at you, I feel that you’ve let me down, you’ve turned your back on me and it’s no secrete that you feel the same way about me.
What happened to us, we used to be so close ?
Ok snap out of it!
I took this trip down memory lane because I know I’m not the only one that’s been there. I mentioned this because when you think back on it, this was the turning point for relationships between alot of men and women.
This is why I say the disappoint and the hurt is on both sides and you can’t fully place blame on either side because we’re both acting a condition that’s affecting not only relationships on this site but the country as a whole.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I don’t know if I agree. I am 24 years old and I dream of getting married to the man of my dreams and having children. I know plenty of single black women who want to get married but find it diffcult to find a good man. These tend to be my friends that do not want to date outside their race!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
erinfl14 it may be hard to find a good man but he’s out there some where, believe it or not.
Sometimes you have to THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
Often times we set our requirements a certain way and we stick to them but that may be the very thing that’s hurting your chances of finding that special someone.
I started dating women that I ruled out at first, single mothers and older women and it really made a difference.
I know a guy that married a women he was pen pals with while she was in prison and now they’ve been married 5 years and have two kids. They’re doing good and they’re happy.
Years back I would not have considered these women as possible romantic interest but now I find single mothers attractive because most are unselfish and caring.
Older or mature women, or the ones I’ve meet are comfortable in their on skin and they’re open for love.
I’m sure a woman that has served time in prison wouldn’t be judgemental or stuck up.
I stated these example so show that love can be found if only we STOP LOOKING and START TO SEE.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
It takes a Good man to make a Good woman feel wanted and when you become this Good man , she will show her appreciation of your actions . I Believe for a couple to see what changes in Personal Attitudes are possible do come from being together in their everyday conversations with each other , because each wants to make the other Smile / This I will call part of becoming an Adult . Marriage is the joining of two people who have the Desire to grow together in Life . As opposites Attract is what I have always heard . Finding fault in anyone before / you have taken the time to get to know them is part of ones own Faults . We have been forged bye history [ it was not always Nice ] – has it now became time to Forge our lives by the Future and Enjoy the History that we are creating .
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Wow! I have read most of the blogs very interesting comments.
.
I will say this though statistics aside, meeting a person willing to settle down and accept you for who you are is much more difficult than it was in the past. Chivalry is gone it’s like men have forgotten how to treat women and women do not demand neither require this of their partners. Another thing the choice of who you want to date and eventually marry is your business. If an AA woman prefers a white man like most of the women on this site seem to be then so be it, whatever reason drove that desire is really not up for debate. Because our reaction to things in life stems from an experience and the governing factor is a deep desire not to experience the same hurtful and painful experience. Or simply put the heart wants what it wants
Is this a good interracial online dating site?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Hello James,
Long time no hear! Great to hear that you are keeping the communication lines open between men and women.
Hello VA_songbird and homesteader also.
James,
How is the book concept coming? Please bring us up to speed…..:)
M
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
mlt35 , Tis ‘ I that am write Ting a Novel . This site is the inspiration point that started me on this Venture . I have Learned alot that will go with the Flow of my title ” Other Peoples Business as I see it ” . A book written about the civilization of Men and Women from far away places . Who in their own ways are all similiar in everyday Life . Patterned after the Lack of colors , With the exception of the Cover which will be my Favorite – Bright Yellow .
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Laugh_sailor, thank you very much. You hit the nail on the head and drove it righton throug the board. All I can add is my own personal experience: Last month, I asked a black woman I’ve dated for 5 years to marry me, but she said, “Not right now.” The rest of her answer, unsaid verbally, was, “I haven’t finished sowing my wild oats yet and I want to see how many young black studs I can have sex with even though they can’t support me and don’t have half the brains I have.”
And VA SongBird thinks women mature faster than men? I’ve never seen any evidence of it.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
” Tell The Truth and Shame The Devil ”
Yesterday I was on the receiving end of a verbal beatdown from four sisters at a friends house.
Somehow we ended up on the topic of blk relationships and they tore into blk men from the start. These women showed no mercy, I mean they went for throat.
I tried my best to listen and see things from their stand point but all I came up with was blame and more blame. The generalizations were sickening, a few nuts defined all blk men as far as they were concerned.
As always during these types of debates I admit to the short comings of alot of our men and confess our sins because it’s true that we’ve made a mess of things.
I asked what role did BLK WOMEN play in this mess and these women looked at me like I was the Anti Christ.
Ok’ lets deal !
After 1975 a large majority of blk males were reared by their mothers mainly due to divorce but for other reason as well. Alot of these men were raised without a father in the house.
If you want to talk about how sorry and lazy blk men are, let’s ask the question, who raised them?
If blk women want someone to blame for the condition of the men, that many of them would look to marry, take a good look at the women who raised them.
Hell, I’ll use a woman from my on family. My aunt has ruined her son. She spoiled him from day one and his two older sisters didn’t make things better.
Nothing was to good for her baby, she made life too easy for him. He can’t deal with disappointment, he gets fustrated too easily, he is selfish as hell and he likes to manipulate women.
He’s 27 years old and he goes after older lonely women, these women are his sugar mamas. They feed clothe, house him, and makes his car payments.
I doubt he ever worked a job longer than 4 months before he quit or got fired. He knows he can fall back on his mama or these silly women.
Where did he learn this shit from ? His father didn’t teach him this. When his step father tried to break him of his self centered ways and teach him responsibility, his mama came to his rescue.
I know of a few cases where men have left the home because their wives allowed their children to play a game of divide and conqure.
Is it any wonder why these men don’t want to work a job and they want a woman to take care of them?
As a mother if you’re maxing out your credit cards to keep your son dressed in the latest fashions but you wont make his sorry ass get a job, what are you teaching him and how are you grooming him to be the man that some sister would want by her side?
Lord knows alot of our men are in bad shape but blk women have to bear their fair share of the blame for this as well.
My friend’s ex wife is doing this to their son and he’s begged her to let him raise their son but she say’s he still needs his mother.
This boy is 12 soon to be 13 and he still needs his mama? Woman get real! She knows my friend will put a foot to this boy’s ass and force him to straighten up and she couldn’t bear the thought of her baby being unhappy.
You would think, as many blk men that don’t want the responsibilties of being a father, when you find one wanting to take charge of a wayward son, women would step aside to let a father do his job.
Ladies I want to hear from you because this is a serious issue that we must confront if we’re to even think of cleaning this mess.
This issue has an impact on why some blk women are not married.
Lord knows I’m not attacking blk mothers because I know the double load you carry on your back, so don’t feel I’m ” going there ” because I’m not.
I want to hear from you !
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Sorry to piggyback, NoPlayer, but this struck a cord with me.
I am not a mother but I concur with you about the sorry state of affairs with respect to single parent households. It is not simply black households either, I hazard a guess that there is not a woman on this site who has not had to deal with a man incapable of making decisions or standing on his own because life has simply come too easy for him and this was done at the hands of his parents….not one; both. The way I see it, it takes two to tango and while a woman may spoil, coddle and baby, most times there is a man allowing this behavior to occur; either by his absence or by tacit agreement (I am not counting men who are unable to be present because of death). For instance, has your friend filed for custody of his son? If she is breaking his spirit as a man; wouldn’t you agree it is his responsibility first and foremost to the child to fight for it?
Like I said, I am not a parent so I could be off base. I look forward to what women have to say.
And while we are on the point…
To be fair there are women of the same ilk but for some reason (generalization warning) men seem to revere instead of reject that as a trait in a woman. Why is that? Why when choosing a mate; a man will choose someone seemingly totally dependent upon him, someone looking for someone to do what her parents did and take care of her? How can she teach your children something she has no concept of which is independence? How can she participate in raising a strong, viable member of society when she has no experience to that end?
Popping popcorn and waiting patiently…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
NOPLAYER, I was a single mother of 3 two daughters and a son, and he was my baby too. Not all of us are like your aunt or your friends ex-wife. I would give anything to have my son back here with me. When he became 11 he wanted to live with his absent father. I didn’t have a problem with it, because for much as I loved him and taught him everything a Mother could possibly teach her son, I couldn’t teach him how to be a man. I let him go live with his Father; I think you mentioned we have a tendency to smother and baby our sons, well NOPLAYER, my “BABY” was only with his Father for 7 mos. and he was gone. The entire 11 yrs. he lived with me, he never had anything more serious than a skinned knee, but after 7 mos. he lost his life with his Father all because his Father thought he was being a “good” Father by letting my son go and do anything.
So, not all of us want to keep our sons from their Fathers. The question is; are the Fathers capable of really being a good Father?
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Dawnshyne – I knew I could depend on you for some instant feed back! LOL
The situation with my friend and his ex-wife is she’s doing the same thing my aunt did with her son, my friend said his son’s mother still makes his bed for him and cleans his room.
When he didn’t get selected for the soccer team, to help him deal with his disappointment she went out and bought him some expensive video game and told him he don’t have to play with no soccer team.Instead of telling him, ” son stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out there an keep practicing until you get better and keep trying out for other teams until you make a team but don’t quit!”This woman was “over doing” what mother’s do and that’s comfort their children, if she keeps this up this boy will turn into one sorry ass adult.This is the reason my friend is upset with his ex-wife. He did fight for custody because over spoiling a child doesn’t make a mother un-fit.Dawnshne your question, ” why do some men look for women who are totally dependant on them? “I’m sure most men don’t want a women that depends on them for their every need, this woman would be a burdon. Men tend to avoid women who are too needy ( emotionally or financialy).You have men who like their women to be a little needy, just enough to let them know that they’re important and they do play a role in her life.I like a woman that’s not good at repairing things because thats my area of expertiece and I like that she’ll call on me to keep things in working order.
Sad to say it, you do have men that will use a woman’s dependency on him as a means of control. If he supplies her every need, then she has no more power than a child, in reality.I have control over my daughter because I feed, clothe and house them, so due to their dependency on me I have a right to excercise certain ammount of control over them.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Excuse my last post, I somehow lost my spacing.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I was making a point that life will be hard on your sons as adults, maybe alot harder than you ever were and by over protecting them and spoiling them you handicap them.
When boxers get ready for a fight they hire sparring partners to give them a taste of what it will be like during the real fight.
Combat drill instructor expose soldiers to the conditions of combat so when the rela thing hits them it will not be a shock to them.
The realities of life has many of our men shell shocked, if you would. Because they were not exposed to some of the realities that awaited them in adulthood as children.
As a result many can’t deal with reality so they look for an escape through drugs, excessive sex and other means to get away for a few minutes.
I know parenting is a two person job but I’m saying to women that have for some reason or another found themselves doing this job alone, when it comes to your sons, don’t overly mother them so when they leave your home they go out looking for another mother as grown men.
When you listen to blk women complain about blk men what are some of the things they say, ” he’s childish, lazy, don’t want to work, he’s selfish and he gets mad when things don’t go his way”!
These are child-like behaviors being acted out by so-called grown men. Somewhere along the way these child-like tendencies where not curtailed as the they grew older.
As a mother you have to teach these boys of your what’s acceptable and what’s not and you groom him as if he was the young man that you would want to marry your daughter.
Give him a small does of what awaits him when he leaves your home. Teach him to manage his money, make him be responsible for his actions, make him be respectful of women, make him clean up behind himself.
Do whatever you got to do to prepair him for whats out there because if not he’ll more than likely look for some silly woman to take over where you left off.
Black woman have enough of this
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
Toree18 I’m sure some of us can be good fathers but some of us forget that you have to protect boys from themselves. Boys are inquisitive by nature and they have a little dare devil in them so you have to keep them busy doing something constructive.
Lord knows I’m sorry to hear of your loss and I say these from the heart.
I was making a point that life will be hard on your sons as adults, maybe alot harder than you ever were and by over protecting them and spoiling them you handicap them.
When boxers get ready for a fight they hire sparring partners to give them a taste of what it will be like during the real fight.
Combat drill instructors expose soldiers to the conditions of combat so when the real thing hits them it will not be a shock to them.
The realities of life has many of our men shell shocked, if you would. Because they were not exposed to some of the realities that awaited them in adulthood as children or young adults.
As a result many can’t deal with reality so they look for an escape through drugs, excessive sex and other means to get away for a few minutes.
I know parenting is a two person job but I’m saying this to women that have for some reason or another found themselves doing this job alone, when it comes to your sons, don’t overly mother them so when they leave your home they go out looking for another mother as grown men.
When you listen to blk women complain about blk men what are some of the things they say, ” they’re childish, lazy, don’t want to work, selfish and they get mad when things don’t go their way”!
These are child-like behaviors being acted out by so-called grown men. Somewhere along the way these child-like tendencies where not curtailed as the they grew older.
As a mother you have to teach these boys of yours what’s acceptable and what’s not and you groom him as if he was the young man that you would want to marry your own daughter.
Give him a small does of what awaits him when he leaves your home. Teach him to manage his money, make him be responsible for his actions, make him be respectful of women, make him clean up behind himself.
Do whatever you got to do to prepare him for whats out there because if not he’ll more than likely look for some silly woman to take over where you left off. There’s enough of these types running around as it is!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I agree with you NOPLAYER to an extent. I can only speak from my own experiences. I knew a man exactly the way you described above, he thought he was going to be physically, and financially dependent on my income and needless to say he’s still in New England living with his Mother where I met him and that’s been at least 10 yrs. ago.
I chose to raise my children as a single Mother, because I divorced their Father when the youngest was still in diapers. See, I don’t believe in staying with a “piece” of a man just to say you have one, I’m not a piece of a woman. Plus, I didn’t want my children growing up nervous because they had to listen and watch me and their Dad fighting and arguing all the time, it wasn’t worth it to me.
As far as over coddling/babying my son, he was 9 yrs. old and had a job as a newspaper carrier. Every morning; rain, sleet, or snow he was up at 4;00 am loading up his bike to go throw his newspapers. So, I really don’t think that was a future sign of him being lazy and triffling. Alot of his little friends would still be asleep at 4:00 am, and they wouldn’t think of getting a little job before or after school.
I wouldn’t have even thought of raising my children to be dependent on anyone; my daughters are included. Both of my daughters are grown and have their own families, and neither one of them are lazy and dependent on their husbands. That’s where I don’t agree with you NOPLAYER, I think that rule should also go for girls. Teach your daughters to be independent and not to have to rely on a man to take care of them. It’s great if they can find a husband like you described above, but realistically the odds are against it. Daughters need to be taught to be self sufficient also. Our Black girls already come from good stock, their fore-mothers were strong women__so half the battle for them is already won. All the mothers now have to do is refine it.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)
I encourage all my sistah’s…black, white or other wise to pick up a copy of Steve Harvey’s book. Prior to reading that book some of my comments may have been miss directed. Now I feel we have to take responsibility for that fact that “black women” aren’t getting married. Although there maybe a percentage of black women that make the choice not to marry, there is a larger percentage that want to get married just like other women from different races.
I was involved in two long term relationships…one of which resulted in a child. At the beginning of both of those relationships I was certain it would end in marriage. Needless to say neither of them did because I didn’t have the courage to ask for what I wanted…I settled. I allowed both men in my situation to make empty promises and basically play house. I never understood why until I read the book.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0 (0)