Black, white & read in America?

Posted by Leticia, 01 Nov 08

Many of you may have heard of or seen the series "Black in America" hosted by Soledad O'Brien and aired this summer on CNN.  It was broken down into categories like Black Women and Family, Black Men and the King assassination.  The topic of interracial dating and marriage even came up.  Do you think that we are making great strides with the mainstream media finally looking at this topic or is it the same old same old, because we're still talking about it?

The program Black in America aired on CNN a couple of months ago.   I wanted to take a little time to marinate on it.  There was so much information and stories that gave you hope that we are going in a positive direction, followed by heart-breaking statistics that wake you up and remind you that there is still so much work left to be done.  If you haven't had the opportunity to check out the show, you can buy it on-line at CNN.com...it's a great investment.

In my close circle of friends I've been heard saying more than a few times that "I don't like kids".  This includes my own.  However, there is not a word or emotion to explain how I feel about people that take advantage, abuse or neglect children.  It's my deepest passion.  The show "Black in America", touched upon the staggering number of young black youth that is dropping out of school, the numbers heartbreaking.  This is what I wanted to talk about, until yesterday.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Yesterday, I returned from a college tour with my best friend and his son.  Two incredibly handsome, intelligent and kind young black men.  We visited two college campuses both HBCU (historically black college/university).  After the tour, as we sat and listened to the admissions person give his pitch, something he said made the two 17-year olds in the room smile and almost made me cry.

He told us that the ratio at his school and so many others like it was 80% female and 20% male.  See, my friend's son smiled because, although math was not his favorite subject, he had no problem understanding how these numbers broke down to his advantage.  I almost cried, because all I could think of was who will these young well-educated women date and marry after they graduate?

Now I get that this is an interracial dating web site and the whole idea is to promote and support dating others in and out of your race.  So, let me make this very clear, although we just happened to be on a black college campus, these numbers are not isolated here.  Yes, the problem is much larger with minorities, but not at all exclusive.

So, what is a solution?  What can we do to insure that our daughters, nieces, mothers even ourselves have a better pool to choose from?  Great question.  We need our men to step up and some of our women to step aside.  Now before you start typing your "hate" responses, let me clarify.  I understand beyond understanding what it's like raising a child without the benefit of their biological father.  The heartache, the struggle, the anger...yep, know it, know it well. What I don't know (despite how many men I've dated or articles I've written about men), how to be a man.  So, this being said, I can't teach my son how to be a man.

I can certainly teach him the fundamentals of what men do (provide, protect, produce).  But, I can't show him by example.  I can though, step aside (a little), and allow him to be exposed to other men of substance (first-hand).  Let him see and hear for himself, let him educate and be educated on how and why he thinks and feels and reacts differently than me and his sister. Most importantly, how to use those differences to make a difference in this world in his lifetime.

It's also about educating our young women about their role in this man-made, man ruled society.  How do we fit in without giving in?  How do we find our equal in a world that only talks about equality but doesn't really practice what it preaches?  Who will the young daughters of our world date when it's their turn?  Hell, who are we supposed to date?

No, education is not the only quality that we need in a man, however, with the economy being as such, we already know that your potential for earning is increased with the amount of education that you have, so it makes sense that we'd want to get as much and be with someone that has the same understanding of this principle.  Right?  You tell me.  How important is education in your mate?  We've all heard the expression "street smart over book smart", I just haven't met the street smart man that is making the book smart moves or money.

This is Leticia, and please don't tell me that money isn't everything, because with more than half of all marriages ending in divorce and the number one reason being finances...it's something to someone.

45 responses to "Black, white & read in America?"

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  1.   Boca says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 09

    Bre...Bre...girl, ending up w this guy will not be settling....it will be failing. U deserve an equal, someone to compliment u. I wish I had the answer (or the guy) for u...but please don't settle. Don't give up either, when u least expect it, it will happen. Keep ur chin up girl!!!!!!

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  2.   Bre says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 09

    I ran into a guy a few months ago who adores me I knew him when I was in the military but I moved away so I never pursued anything beyond friends. I applied for a promotion/transfer and moved to another state. I know in my heart that he would love me, but he has 6 children from 6 women. I was married to the 3rd child's mom briefly, but never married the other ones. He owes back child support his license is suspended he doesn't worked and hasn't since Dec 08 he watches tv all do and wont look for a job. When I said I wasn't interested he said that all I care about is money. I own my own home I have a stable career I am educated and I have one child from my prior marriage. I can overlook allot of things but I shouldn't be expected to be with someone like that just b/c there aren't enough to go around. Its unfair to my child to be with someone like him with that many kids. To top it off I am in my early 30s I am open to kids finally after number 6 he had a vasectomy. Men who have anything to offer have an issue with me being educated and earning more, or they ones who are likewise don't want me. I am open to dating outside my race but I haven't had any luck. I have a sense of hopelessness when it comes to finding a compatible mate

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  3.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 09

    A wise man once said, "Money can't buy happiness but poverty can't buy shi*." Substitute love for happiness and you've got the gist. Another wise man said, "Romance without finance is a nuisance." And that's all I have to say about that.

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  4.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 01 Jul 09

    There is more to an education than earning potential. There is more to love than a credit rating. Maybe the real number one reason why so many marriages break up is because each of the couples involved is looking at what they can get out of the marriage rather than what they can put into it.

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  5.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    "Money" and "love" are two words that cannot truly appear in the same sentence. It is a shame that in these modern times we are trying pretty hard to make the two words appear in the same vein.

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  6.   opium00 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    wow this article is wonderful

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  7.   opium00 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    I love this article, it fits to me

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  8.   alani says:
    Posted: 10 Mar 09

    Money surely can't buy love but it also doesn't put a roof over your head and keep families taken care of. This is how our world works. I'm tired of seeing children raising themselves because mom is at work and dad is nothing more than a fairytale character.

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  9.   GOD2GINO says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 09

    Like i said before;i don't need women who want men for there money or cars,you as a person is fine with me;if not,oh well.oh by the way;money can't buy you love,get that in to your head bye byr.

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  10.   draco1955 says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    I have to agree with Tanesha; but I also believe that when one person is the "breadwinner" - regardless of gender - the other must(!) accept the position of full partnership in the relationship. And that means the person in the better-paid/more successful/call-it-what-you-will position must(!) share all aspects of that position. A good relationship depends on communication, sharing, and support/encouragement. Both persons must(!) do their part to keep the couple working as a unit. Sometimes this does require a public face and a distinctly different private face.

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  11.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 04 Feb 09

    I live in the UK. I am a white single parent of two beautiful girls. Both are mixed race. The older is 17 next month. She is studying hard at college to gain her A Levels. She then wants to go onto university. I am very poud of her. She and I talk at length about why a large proportion of the male black and mixed race friends she had at school didn't go on to further education. My daughter says that some get sucked into the 'gang culture'. A boy she knew at school was shot dead a couple of months ago. He was from a good family, his mum had a university education yet the lure of immediate gratification sucked him in. He was 15yrs old. Other boys have had it drilled into them by family members ,media etc that they will never achieve anything in life so they quit trying. My daughter's father can hardly read or write. He blaims every problem he has had to face in life on his ethnicity. He dosen't accept that he could have tried harder. Luckily my daughter is aware that she may have obstacles put in her way because of her race, but she tells me it will not stop her, but only more determined to be the bes she can possibly be. To summize. I agree that it is more difficult for boys from ethnic minorities to resist the lure of gangs etc. We as members of today's society should look at ways to break this cycle.

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  12.   Tanesha says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 09

    I don't think women should have to step aside just so that men can step up, ever. I think that if men want to be successful in life and have aspirations of higher education, they need to stop making excuses and get out there and make it happen. If I'm able to do it, what's stopping them?

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  13.   Staci says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 09

    I was married for 9 years, to a Marine. I'm an RN. The last year we were together, we made over $130,000. We had 3 cars, a huge, brand new home, and lived in one of the best neighborhoods in our area. But, we just didn't get along and had several other issues. Finances were an issue...who was spending what, who was buying too much, etc. But, it wasn't the main issue in our marriage and if the other things had been right between us, finances couldn't have broken us up...there is that "for richer for poorer" statement in the marriage vows. Money cannot buy permanent happiness, no matter how much or how little there is, and I have always known that I would rather have a trully good man with a mediocre job, who loves me and treats me like I deserve to be treated, who I can respect and be respected by, and who loves my kids like his own, than one who isn't those things but has a lot of money or can "take care of me". I've had those offers...men who wanted to take care of me, who said I could quick working, etc. etc., but I wasn't attracted to them, so it wasn't going to happen. Attraction is key. Is the initial thing that draws us to a person, and yes, some people are attracted to money, but that's superficial and temporary. As easy as it comes, it can go. Someone who is rich today can be poor tomorrow and vice versa. So, that being said, while I am college-educated and my boyfriend is as well, if he wasn't the real man that he is, I wouldn't be with him, money or no money. Because in the end, money can't buy love and it certainly can't and never could buy a real woman like me. College-educated or not.

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  14.   cocochica says:
    Posted: 06 Jan 09

    Happy New Year to all! The main problems today are all boiling down to economics. Because everyone is fighting for resources, and those resources are small, we are all at each other's throats. It's about time that everyone in this country realize that there are a lot more things we have in common than not, and start to look at one another as allies and not enemies. Every child needs help, none of them are useless. I applaud Peacestar's efforts with the young relatives that have achieved educational success, and I hope the young one in junior high gets the same opportunity. Young black boys need to know they are as valuable as any other child, and that education is the key that opens every door.

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  15.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 08

    Money : learning to live with what you have is all that life gives Us / Us -meaning all peoples . Being on limited income for many years and prior to that enjoying more than I could spend . Disability regulates how I live , and if I do say so I still make more than I spend . Alas not much , but I made wise decisions on how I spent in the past . There are many places willing to help the less fortunate , all we need to do is Humblely ask , Love Les

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  16.   PeaceStar says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 08

    I am continuing to do my part to help young black men achieve a better life. I have helped two of my nephews go to college, and they both completed 4 year degrees and are working in the fields they majored in, in college. While it was hard for them and they wanted to give up at times. I encouraged them and supported them by phone calls, dropping by the dorms to visit, just listening to them talk, money, food, hugs, and yes I had to threaten a few of the people who were giving them a hard time about staying in school and not hitting the streets for "quick" money. It all paid off for them. I have one minor nephew still in junior high and I am giving him he same treatment. Unfortunately his father does not agree with me about college as the way to go but I am going to continue the fight. So even though the television show was repeating itself at times and did not always show the "good ones". I am not letting it stop me to help where I can. Even when I see the young men in the grocery stores, restaurants, etc... working hard, I ask them what are their plans and I encourage all of them to go to some kind of school to better support themselves and their present and future families. And yes some have enrolled in school, and many of them say thank you just for the encourgement. So for me this fight is worth it to me.

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  17.   KJ says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 08

    I also believe that there is no concrete solution to the predicament that Black women see themselves in. The only thing they can do for now is NOT TO BE PART OF THE PROBLEM (or contribute to the problem, for that matter). I always see articles or message board postings from Black women criticizing or even lambasting Black "men" for their actions/choices. Well in my observation, there are three correlated things wrong with that. I'll start with this first: By their own definitions of what a "Man" is, Black women do not choose to actually date "Men". No, a Black woman will describe down to his shoelaces exactly what she wants in a [Black] "Man"; but in reality, the only ones she even gives the time of day to are the antithesis of that description. I'm sure most of the genuinely good Brothers on this site can attest to that fact. Second: Black women like to assign all of the blame for their predicament on Black "Men". Well again, it is not the "Men" who are the problem. It is the women themselves and the boys and players they CHOOSE to reproduce with who are exacerbating the problem. Think about it, most guys want a woman/-en, right? Well, those players who do nothing and still manage to get women are the examples their sons grow up seeing (which again, is because these are the guys their mom is actually choosing to bring around. So, these young sons grow up seeing these high-school educated (or less) Black guys, working menial jobs, yet managing to get [multiple] women. So they probably figure, "screw college, I can hustle (or whatever) and still have women. This kind of leads into my last thought: Why don't these women teach their daughters to make better choices? It's always interesting when this and other [Black] women say, "I don't know how to be a man. So, this being said, I can't teach my son how to be a man.". Well at the same time, you're not doing so well at teaching your daughters to be WOmen. I mean, SOMEONE'S DAUGHTERS are out there choosing these guys, giving them what they want, reproducing with them (and ultimately continuing the cycle). Right? I mean they're not getting pregnant asexually. Who taught them to expect so little from the partners they choose? All I am saying here is that the problem is NOT solely on the backs of Black males. My friend says it best when he says, [In most cases] "A woman is the Bouncer of her uterus" - essentially, they CHOOSE who they let in or send home. If [Black] women would set a higher standard and actually stick to it, that would leave a lot of broke, uneducated, LONELY dudes to reconsider their life-choices. Some might even begin to change for the better, who knows? All we know today is that complaining isnt helping, and societal motivation isnt helping Maybe taking away something theyre really interested in - and for which they are obviously getting quite a healthy supply of would get their attention. Im not one of those guys, and I dont date Black women; but if I was, and if I did Seeing more and more of my endless supply of sexual partners leaving for greener pastures (Black women choosing to be with other races exclusively or only dating GENUINELY good Black men) would probably strike a chord in me. That is just a theory, but at this point in time, isnt something like this worth trying? Complaining isnt getting anyone anywhere.

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  18.   deb says:
    Posted: 26 Dec 08

    First and foremost, the man bashing has to stop. I am raising a son and three daughters by myself and I think the main reason their father is not involved is that he feels worth-less. Society (and women) have devalued men, especially African American men for so long. Equal rights for women was essential to create equity, but the hateful talk since is not helpful. Society also lets men off the hook when it comes to child rearing obligations. There is no accountability or expectation for men to be active in their childrens lives. I think if more parents got in their grown children's business and asked hard questions and gave input instead of letting them "do their own thing", then divorce and abandonment would be seen as unacceptable options. Education must be stressed, but I know alot of Dad's with great degrees who haven't learned the most important lesson in life....Love God, Love yourself and Love others as God Loves you.

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  19.   diva says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 08

    merry christmas and may god bless us all and bring joy to all .Hopefully stop some of the racism from those hearts full of love,peace and love to all .

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  20.   Robert says:
    Posted: 24 Dec 08

    In my opinion the reason that a lot of marriages do fail is because of money. You need to talk to your perspective spouse before you get married and talk about finances. Let her know what your goals are and sit down and work on goals together. You may not achieve your goals but at least you have opened up a line of communication. If you can't talk to your spouse about anything, then your relationship is doomed to fail. Marriage, although is about love, it is also a business relationship. The sooner people realize that the better off everyone will be. It doesn't matter if the person is black, white, asian, latino etc.. (I'm black by the way), if you can't talk to a person in your own race, you sure won't be able to talk to someone outside of it. Just putting my 2 cent out there. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all!

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  21.   lavel says:
    Posted: 13 Dec 08

    I am a understanding guy and my beliefs that money being the root in a relationship is definitely wrong.I believe in trusting myself and having my own.Why depend on someone to help you through a finacial ordeal?If you are in relationship with someone then love should be the root in the relationship. Suppose you are in a relationship with someone who have a lot of money.Will it make you a happier person? Money is the root to bad things and in this present time it is. If you were in a relationship with someone who have money and they left you then what would you do?

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  22.   Carol says:
    Posted: 05 Dec 08

    Just wanted to wish everyone a Very "MERRY CHRISTMAS" Enjoy your day with Family & Friends. Stay Warm... ~~~bigmom815~~~

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  23.   jpro says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 08

    When people ger real and that not too often we weill face and accept the fact that race still matters in this nation. While race matters and I am not sure that will ever change the IR will remain a problamatic relationship. What we are willing to do or where we are willing to go for our personal satisfaction has little to do with the larger reality....In this nation race still matters and so do the issues and circumstances that are a product of race and racism in America. Tollerance is the word not progress and there is and has always been those that were wiling to cross the racial divide and those have for the most part lived in their own sense of denial, as well. If we are to challenge the reality of IR we must first challenge its truth and its reality. RACISM is alive and well and still the greater challenge to people harmony and IR in this nation and beyond.

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  24.   falalala says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    As long as the "doctored" version of history, where things like King being a martyr, or that he even wrote the words he is praised for, is all we are willing to look at, nothing will ever change. Until people can handle the real truth of what was, all just word games.

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  25.   mourine says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    bravo for your good piece of work, one word that has been used fro centuries and still continues being used is black ,i dont like this word being used to reffer to ppl i hate the word,i was proud of being an african untill i started living in europe 2yrs ago,and i hate this word that was used by slave masters , being still used by the african comuties as well, why should we africans just wake up und use our own identity, i was just waching the news when Obama was reffered to the first black american president, i dont see any colour in him that looks like black, mixed race could have been the case. here in germany if an Italian and a german produces an offsprin then it is reffered to an (italian-german), in other words both sides of the identity are used, only when an Afrikan, and the german have a child itll be called black,and so is the case everywhere i guess , why?

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  26.   Sandra says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    All of these issues need to be talked about. a conversation may not end agreeably, but as long as we talk multi cullurally and remember that one person does not speak for all, we can begin to see things from another perspective. i am 57 and enjoy dating interacially. I like having choices.

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  27.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 08

    There are certainly socio-economic-psychological reasons why there is such a high percentage of Black men in jail and such a low percentage in college. Some of them are historic and some are ongoing. Those are horrific numbers and facts. And while "progress" has been made in a lot of areas of race relations, I believe that in those areas things have gotten worse. The question of any kind of reparation is extremely complicated. Who is responsible and who gets reparated? White people weren't slave owners. Slave owners who were White were. My people (and the people of most of the O'Briens and Kilpatrick's) were never the culprits. We were too busy being starved, exploited and murdered by the British back in Ireland to be over here doing the same to Black slaves. And once we got here, we were tricked into fighting the Civil War on both sides and facing discriminatory hiring practices that said "Dogs and Irish Need Not Apply". It was only by creating police forces and fire departments (and often the need for each)that Irish could make a living at all in this "land of opportunity". Oh and let's not forget the factories where men, women and children were brutalized and exploited just as we were in factories on the "old sod". Nearly every other immigrant group has a similar story and the majority arrived here after the abolition of slavery. Those who benefited to any great degree from the institutionalized nature of slavery kept their money and kept getting richer by keeping the plantation mentality alive in the South and elsewhere, running roughshod on the human, if not always legal, rights of, most notably Blacks, but also anyone who got in the way of their greed. They may not be the exact same people who benefited from the S&L scandals of a while back or the golden parachutes more recently, but they are ideological cousins. So let's sue them. Bailing out any of them is of no interest to me. The government has no money except in that we are ALL the government and all of our monies go into everything from the Iraq debacle to righting the sinking ship of the auto industry to pork barrel legislation that benefits only the constituents of well-connected legislators. Money is not a viable solution anyway. So what is? I think a good start was made on November 4th. A Black man was elected President. Maybe that will help bring more attention to some of the positive role models who have long been there to follow for Black men (and Whites as well). There has never been an Italian President, a Polish one, a Jewish one or one (with the exception of two) whose ancestors come from anywhere but the British Isles. This is huge! The promise of the present and the future is a valuable tool toward creating young men "worthy" of our college-educated and hopefully equally worthy young women and taking their proper and promised place in this country. Reviling the past is not. Aspiring to hit the lottery of athletic prowess or even just hitting the lottery is not a life plan, unless you have the particular genetic predilection and available coaching which is required to win that game. There are so many models of so much more, but how many folks can identify Robert Flemming, Jr. as easily as Michael Jordan? Working hard and getting an education and finding your own niche in what is available is a much better plan (And both of the above mentioned men did just that). I believe it is on all of us who are role models to step up and model our roles for our own kids and for kids who have less savory parents, male or female. Taking responsibility and being someone who can be admired and looked up to is the responsibility of each one of us. When the easier but less ethical path reveals itself, we need to step past it to the road of right. Are you ready and willing?

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  28.   Clint says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 08

    We're not making enough progress. There are more 'races' than black and white. Some in this country are too focused solely on 'whites' and 'blacks'. I find it sad that dark-skinned people outside the US are not 'black' while those within our borders are.... And what of Asians? Serbs? Pols? I hope I'm clear. peace

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  29.   Mia says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 08

    Hi, As a single Black, educated female, well travelled who desires a compatible mate, it is frustrating and not hope filled that there are few black men that attract me as being suitable husbands. Not as human beings, we are all worthy, but as my husband I agree that black men need to step up to being committed, prepared, providers and protectors of their women, otherwise we will continue to date outside of our race by both choice and necessity to fulfill the hole that the overwhelming majority of non-educated black men cannot fill. They need to stop playing games, cheating, lying and golddigging and take their place in Gods eyes as head of household not mommas boys and losers trying to get over and drag women down. We need to be strong and have faith in God that he will bring us quality in a man if we expect quality and NOT accept junk from men. The majority of them are about junk, so sit back, get your life ready, read Gods Word and be ready for when the right one does find you!!! God Bless, M. T.

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  30.   Member says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 08

    Bajiie: We're not averse to dating other than black men, but we wonder about the black male aversion to black women. JL: The majority of Black men that ARE married ARE married to Black women. From whence do you get your info?

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  31.   Member says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 08

    Whenever inter-ethnic dating/marriage is discussed in mainstream media, all the focus is on the "Black man or Black woman in the relationship"....as if the underlying question is "why did these Blacks leave other Blacks and decide to date/marry a white person?!" I've yet to read one article written by a white journalist that investigates "why a white person decided to date/marry People of Color...and NOT another white person." Even in these forums where everything should be discussed, frequently 99.99% of the topics seek to convey the message that "something is wrong with Black men and women" OR "Black women need to date outside their 'race." Well how in the world can a Black woman date outside her "race," if white, Latino, Asian, and other non-Black men hold racist and stereotypical views of Blacks in general?! Although I already knew this, but on Oprah one day this past week the topic was "Beauty Around the World." When they showed Japanese women, they talked about how the Japanese prefer a "porcelain skin texture" or very white-looking. Is a person that holds the belief that "porcelain skin is their idea of beauty" going to marry someone of a darker group?! Nope! Are Latinos who check the "white box" on Census forms, thinking that having such a designation will give them privileges, going to date/marry someone of a darker hue?! Nope! But rarely, if ever, have these issues been addressed in these forums...because the focus is ALWAYS on "something is wrong with Black men and women"...and I'm getting tired of these one-sided "discussion starters." Lastly, why would any critical-thinking African American believe that CNN was going to present a fair analysis of Black America...when they have never even come close to that in the past?! CNN billed the show as "a breakthrough." "Breakthrough" for whom?! Who was their targeted audience?!

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  32.   mimi says:
    Posted: 22 Nov 08

    All I know is I'm sick and tired of hearing black people (I'm black by the way) complain about racism. People like Al Sharpton and Rev. Jackson annoy the crap out of me. They look for every oppurtunity to point out a racist white, when in most cases, it's not even the case. It's like if a white person accidentally runs over a black man, he MUST HAVE done it because he's BLACK--"Racism"! I mean Come on, give me a freakin break! Sharpton, Jesse, and people like Paul Mooney are the biggest racists there is! I'm not saying racism doesn't exist, but I'm not going to go looking for it. When your *looking* for somthing your bound to find *somthing*; but it isn't necisarily the truth.

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  33.   Al says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 08

    While the importance of education can not be brushed aside. And while I would advise it as opposed to not having a college education, it isn't the ticket to economic freedom. And while you make a good point about many marriages ending over finances. You miis an important point. It isn't about how much money a couple has, but how different 2 people choose to manage what they do have. I got married young, without a college education, but always new the value of hard work and determination. my wife on the other hand was very proud, and rightfully so of her college degree and the salary she earned because of it. Three years into our marriage I started my own business and was soon making a six figure income with my high school education. Strangely enough she was not impressed as it dwarfed her income. I went back and earned a college degree in the coming years. My income always soared way above here lucrative salary. needless to say we had money issues that brought our marriage to a premature end. Strangely enough, it certainly wasn't about not having enough money. We had money in abundance. i think it had more to do with our values as they relate to money. So your theory about finances is flawed. On a side note, I look aqt this site not so much to date someone of another race, but to have the freedom to date someone of any race, including my own.

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  34.   Kyle says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    Chanticleer, What have you got against paragraphs? :)

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  35.   bajiie says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    Letitia, I liked your article. The CNN piece left me with mixed feelings. I like Soledad and respect her work as a journalist, she avoids sensationalism and tries to focus on the issues. However,instead of trying to do everything in one programme, they should have really divided it into four hour-long spots where every topic could have been done proper justice. But one has to wonder whether CNN saw it worthy of such an extended examination. It attempted to examine issues on a very surface level, because they wanted to include all the topics; but these are very deep and profound issues. Maybe now that CNN and Soledad opened a forum, other news agencies will be willing to invest more time. The statistics on the pathology affecting black males are staggering. That topic alone required its own show. As a single woman with an advanced degree who is not married, it's important to understand why the black men out there seem to prefer to marry interracially rather than me and my girlfriends. We're not averse to dating other than black men, but we wonder about the black male aversion to black women. Just issues to ponder.

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  36.   Lifewithyou says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 08

    People are people and as soon as some people learn this, the world will start being a better place. So what if we look different,all people have the same basic charecteristics. To me a pasty skinned white woman just doesn't appeal to me as much as one with some color to her skin. Just as some people like a slender person,still there are those of us that prefer a person with a LITTLE extra weight. Love is blind,it can't see color, just as age is only a number!

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  37.   ren says:
    Posted: 18 Nov 08

    Leticia, I don't think you've written anything that hasn't been written before, so let me try to in response: 1) First, I'm not sure finances are the #1 reason people get divorced, though it's definitely a top reason why couples fight. I think the inability to be faithful is the biggest issue we face in American marriages, as well as jumping into relationships/marriages--these are top reasons marriages don't last. I think finances are important, but I don't understand why black women insist that men make as much as or more than they do. Frankly, something's got to give, and the fact that it often doesn't with black women is the reason why so many of us won't have men to marry after college...not necessarily/just that not enough black men attend college. Not every black woman is going to land a hot, rich, well-educated, from-a-good-background black man. It's time to be realistic about this. 2) I do question why this article is on an interracial dating website, as the tone and implication of it is black men not having "suitable" black men to marry. That's fine as a topic, but then the site is one of the "solutions," i.e. interracially date. 3) I don't know why black women keep talking as if not finding a man is some huge crisis facing the black female species, the black race and ultimately the human race. As a black woman, if I heard that most schools have double the number of black women as black men, my first thought would be something like "how would I make sure my young black male family members get a good education and don't go down the wrong path in life?" I would not be crying about my having a hard time finding a black male or other black women having a hard time finding one. I understand that some people think nothing's more important or meaningful in life than finding love, but I just think the way black women get about men is relatively trivial. But as I said, some of it is being realistic about what's available to you, what your standards are, who you eliminate for what reasons, etc.

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  38.   Matthew says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 08

    If we're going to bring this up, then lets be real: by and large U.S. society will follow the same ole social norm that is propetuated by the TV mediums. So the motion picture and advertisement industries must diversify; this is a major factor. Yes, I see a fickle of change, but until the all white commercials and/or tradionals roles disappear, it is just talk.

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  39.   Chanticleer says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 08

    This is the problem: O'Brien and her charges missed the boat on the REAL issue Part II Not Black Enough in America 2007-2008 (110th Congress) H. Res. 194: Apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African-Americans. "Today represents a milestone in our nation's efforts to remedy the ills of our past," (Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, D-Mich., chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, on the floor of the House of Representatives). The Condescending News Network (CNN), off the heels of its ground breaking diatribe on Negroes, Black in America, was so giddy and busy patting itself on the back for getting 13 million people to watch that they seemed to have forgotten to mention one of the most important stories of the past, oh, 150 years. And before we get started, Im calling it like we see that word in the dictionary; as in lazy, shiftless, ignorant so CNN as nigger definitely qualifies. From the minstrel faux hip hop introductions to the wasted dialogue, whatever good intentions the channel might have had (besides selling commercial spots) was jettisoned out the back door (never the front door you do want us to know our place, dont you?) by the casual omission of this event. Where were the discussions and resident experts then? Why wasnt this little item newsworthy? So we dont misunderstand each other, Im not just laying this at the feet of CNN. Every flipping newspaper or radio station across America couldve had this on its front page or trumpeted this through the airwaves; but given the time frame,McCain would get bumped before flip flopping again; Obama would get tongue tied (Damn, yall cant you wait until I get elected before yall start some stuff?) and people would have to honestly forthrightly -- talk about race in this country. But that wasnt happening here. If you had C - Span, and were watching when it actually happened, the room was sparse, and the tone was far from solemn. No fireworks here just a hand job a dab of AstroLube short of ejaculation. African - Americans were given a formal apology for slavery and Jim Crow segregation laws on Tuesday, July 29 by the U.S. House of Representatives, acting on a resolution spearheaded by Tennessee Democrat Steve Cohen and over 100 co sponsors. Five states: Alabama, Maryland, New Jersey, North Carolina, and Virginia (which was the cradle of the Confederacy and had more recorded numbers of slaves than any other state) have previously issued apologies for slavery; but those statements were more like, Well, we know we deliberately screwed your lives up. We purposely broke up your families while conditioning you into believing you were inferior, knowing if conditions were reversed, we couldnt take half the stuff we did to you fools (especially since we enjoyed it so much and felt justified in doing it!); but, you know -- we wasnt going out in that hot sun to pick that damn cotton! For free And we are fearful that one day you will rise up and try to jack us up for what our ancestors did. Why the hell do you think we invested all this time and trouble to maintain a permanent underclass? We didnt just kill and co opt the Black Panthers, SNCC, Malcolm, Martin, Medgar, Marcus, Fannie Lou and Sojourner for practice until we got it right! Its the Truth! Were low lifes but, we feel really bad about what happened. So if we take this tack, I can see where it wouldnt have been that big a deal since theyve been there done that in the aforementioned locations. But that leaves 45 other states where it would be if they knew. In New York, the Daily News offered a few paragraphs on its Editorial page, under the heading, A Very Sorry Apology, chastising the media for its lack of interest. Quoth the News: It should have been a monumental moment for reflecting on the national soul, but it wasnt; the House of Representatives managed to cheapen a resolution repenting of the great American sins of slavery and segregation. The House the Peoples House actually apologized for centuries of oppression to African Americans. Bet you didnt know that, did you? Theres no reason you would know. Congress demeaned the making of history. By treating an apology for slavery as if it were the renaming of a post office; with as little solemnity and interest. Well, the only thing sorrier than that editorial was the fact it wasnt on your front page, either! How about the Washington Post or the New York Times? These leaders of liberal lip service so quiet, you can hear a rat pissin on cotton! Or, for that matter, any other major daily, weekly or monthly newspapers front page across this country. The same media beast that howls with delight when Brittney Spears flashes her hoo-ha or Paris Hilton makes money off of being a walking blond joke, could offer nary a grunt when presented with real news, pertaining to not just Black folks, but all Americans. CNNs commercials would tell you otherwise. So would MSNBC, Fox News, ABC, CBS, Headline News, Countdown, first down, second down who gives a damn? And dont think weve forgotten the so called Black Press, either; well get back to you, BET and friends The reality is all this mental masturbation done on mass medias version of the down low was to obfuscate, obliterate and eradicate the notion of reparations. You know, like I acknowledge my ancestors did some Dick Dastardly stuff to you people but I aint giving you a damn dime. The legal ramifications of such an issue are on simmer and will come to boil in the near future, with or without acquiescence from the government because the same 24/7/365 beast that feeds by the nanosecond is also under the same eye in which it hunts its prey; itself fearful of becoming fresh road kill along the information superhighway. Ironically, Cohen, whose districts population is overwhelmingly African American (Memphis) did not include reparations in the resolution; it does mention rectifying the lingering consequences of the misdeeds committed against Jim Crow. Never mind that B.S.doubletalk reparations, first; then well talk. Its very easy to feign contrition after the fact. Im Sorry The American government, through Congress, has formally apologized to Japanese-Americans (the Nisei) for their internment during World War II, awarding every survivor and their kin $20,000 each. They also apologized to native Hawaiians and their kin for overthrowing their kingdom in 1893. On July 1, Canada Prime Minister Stephen Harper used its countrys Day of Independence to offer a formal apology to its native (First Nations) people for generations of injustices through destroying their culture by killing the Indian inside their children. Damn, cousin just like Black folks here. Everybody sing, Its a small world after all... Earlier this year, Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd apologized in Parliament to all Australian aborigines for what he called for laws and policies that "inflicted profound grief, suffering and loss". According to BBC News, Rudd, again in a chilling comparison to African Americans during slavery, singled out the "Stolen Generations" of thousands of Aboriginal children forcibly removed from their families. As noble a gesture as it seemed our Brothers Down Under werent doing a walkabout on this B.S. They knew what time it was when Noel Pearson, a native leader, told the Australian newspaper, Black fellas will get the words; White fellas will keep the money. The idea of compensation for them was shot down early somewhere between Im and sorry. I know what the sight is about, but that was the issue that missed the boat (so to speak)and until we wrap our heads around that one, the secondary and tertiary issues need to wait...

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  40.   Niknikki says:
    Posted: 17 Nov 08

    Ron - this is interesting because I didn't see the program that way. Instead, I saw the program as a look at this issue - a pulse check of where we are in the America concerning race. Perhaps they felt it would be good to talk about it now because of the Barak Obama nomination (he had not been elected president at the time). I thought it was good to see, but it wasn't really anything new or that I hadn't heard. I do think that black women should consider exercising all of their options. Love comes in all colors. Unless a black woman has a strong preference otherwise, she should be open to the fact that there are other men that she can be happy with.

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  41. Posted: 16 Nov 08

    One of the first steps we need to take if we want to see a better future for America, is to eliminate people who dislike kids. Of course, you were never one yourself. Don't you know that the kids ARE our future? You worry about insuring that our daughters, etc. will have a better pool to choose from, but you're already prejudiced against everyone they will have to choose from. Why is it that more black men aren't going to college? This is the fundamental question, and you ignored it completely. If they don't want to go, who are you to force them against their will? I don't try to make you do things you don't want to do. I think a little more tolerance is in order here.

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  42.   ron1035 says:
    Posted: 16 Nov 08

    the programme you referred to could have been positive but i thought it had a hidden objective coming as it did when president-elect Barrack Obama was in the midst of a bruising election campaign.i felt the programme was meant to smear not only his image but that of african americans and therefore make him unpopular with voters.

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  43. Posted: 15 Nov 08

    Good point Micheli... I don't think anyone has a concrete solution nor do I think there will ever be one. Unfortunately, this isn't just a problem in black america, it is an epidemic that has hit every race. I do know that until all women, black, white, multi-cultural began to realize their worth and quit allowing men who are basicall worthless run their lives into the ground it will be a never ending cycle. Women and Men should instill confidence, pride in accomplishment and the need for higher education in order to achieve success into their children as well as morals and values which include respect for others. I have done so with my son and I am very proud to say this year he had his first serious "girlfriend" and her father told me he didn't think anyone but himself could treat his daughter with the respect my son has shown her. He is also a member of the National Junior Honor Society and realizes that education doesn't stop after receiving a high school diploma and so far has chosen friends who are likeminded with their goals. This gives me a sense of pride in knowing he will be a productive man and hopefully will find a woman who has the same values and will instill them into their children. There is hope, but it may take a while to break the cycle!

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  44.   Yolanda says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 08

    Leticia, please continue with your articles because we do need to hear of the reality and deal with it. Reading about it help us to see and then understand it. Thanks again

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  45.   Micheli says:
    Posted: 09 Nov 08

    you are right, leticia. men need to step up, and women need to step aside for those men who can. unfortunately, the pool of men who can seems to be a forever shrinking pool, especially in the black community. so what do we do? if only the answer were so black and white. how do we stop children from having children and producing ppl inept at taking care of business? how do we keep underpriviledged children safe and in school despite the ever growing challenges of their environment? how do we stop weak-minded women from sacrificing everything to weak-minded men? From where I sit, throwing money at the situation isn't always a cure cuz I've seen ppl collecting unearned checks like they had a right to them, and demanding more! Anyway, I do not have a concrete solution to what ails black america. But I want to make this point. What ails black america ails everybody, and no tv show can possibly encompass all the intricacies that shape a ppl.

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