Bashing your husband slowly kills marriages

Posted by James, 28 Jul 10

Husband bashingSome habits that destroy marriages have got nothing to do with infidelity, partying, staying out late or the typical bad behavior. And bad-mouthing your husband is one of them.

This habit is like bacteria that are resistant to medication; it can slowly infect a marriage to its sudden death. The thing is; it usually starts as an innocent avenue of venting out. Then your friends start fueling the bashing by bad-mouthing their husbands too and before you know it, husband bashing becomes your favorite past time – taking over every shopping spree - basically every conversation you have with your friends.

The thing with bad-mouthing husbands is there is always someone who is going through the same things you are and sooner than later the husband-dissatisfaction club gets bigger and bigger.

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What are you looking for?

This habit is very infectious both to you and your friends. And if you think about it, as the law of attraction implies; you attract what you put your attention on. In this case, bad-mouthing the hubby plays this law out to your detriment, and before you know it, you end up getting more of what you don’t like about that husband of yours on your hands than you can handle.

Words are very powerful creators. You get what you speak. You get what you focus on. Being in a husband bashing club won’t make things better. In fact, the advice you will get by being in these clubs might alienate your husband further. Not all relationships are the same. So how your fellow basher deals with her dissatisfaction might kill your marriage. Plus not everyone wishes the best for you.

Beware of what you speak of your husband and the advice you get out of it.

7 responses to "Bashing your husband slowly kills marriages"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 10

    Wow tropic. That is a incredible example of how male bashing destroys marriages. To hear about it statistically is one thing but to see someone who's family was torn apart by it personally brings a whole new level to it. Sounds like very much that your ex didn't appreciate a good thing when she had it. You went above and beyond the call of duty that I have seen many men go today in marriages. When I worked at the rape shelter, I saw women that went back to deadbeat alcoholic men that beat them and/or would rape them in their marriages and beat their kids. And did all of that and she still male bashed you? I wish your wife could have worked at the rape shelter to realize how good she had it with you and then maybe she would have really appreciated you for the good husband that you were. Heavy. Joseph Moyer

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  2.   tropik101 says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 10

    This is a definite cancer of relationships. My contribution to this is on a more personal level. My (now ex) wife got into such a club and I didn't understand the ramifications of it until years later when the exaggerated stories and outright lies actually got back to me. What was sad is that this group of women fed off of each other's negativity. All the while, I was the type of husband that helped with cooking, cleaning, taking care of our young child - heck I even dropped out of grad school so my spouse could attend college for her degree while I took care of things at home. So for her to "fit in" in this group she manufactured stuff that was either not true or created gross exaggerations. It hurt like hell and is a big part of why we are not together anymore.

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  3.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 10

    Right on Ichibod. I totally agree with you. But NJBello, I think you are being too naive. I don't think you would springboard into bashing back. But it is true that Husband bashing is many women's favorite past time and part of it is the grass is always greener on the other side, mentality and women aren't as logical as men in this capacity. If you study group dynamics like I have, you will see that the group synergy for group maintenance is prepotent and the group can be influenced by one strong leader who gets the group think into believing her and leading astray the other members of said group. Also when in a group, women tend to be more emotional and irrational than if you talked to them by themselves. Men are the same way in different areas when in groups, just not as far as relationships because women are naturally more relationship oriented than men. Of course I am speaking broadly and there are exceptions all around on everything I said but generally speaking, the averages are in my favor for what I have said. And since it isn't based on logic, there is no reasoning with them plus women are telling personal things and complaints that they often don't want their husbands to know so guys often won't ever know what their wives are not happy with them about. They will never bring it to the husband's attention and it is only spoken amongst the group of women. Plus, little things can get blown out of proportion when women are husband bashing and it is encouraged by the Alpha female in the group and the rest of the group. Also it is hard to find the perfect man. One guy might be great at repairs but late all the time and the wife is unhappy with that and tells the group while another wife as a husband that is punctual but terrible around the house for fixing things. Then all the imperfections of the husbands get lumped into one anti-husband and the women talk about the perfect man who does and has everything and that man doesn't exist but in the heat of the group conversation with the synergy floating strongly, this logic is forgotten. No, I wish it were easy as just talking it out but women get especially defensive when confronted with things of this nature which leads to more problems. So Husband bashing is a real problem that men have to be aware of and not so quick to look for and easy solution to. Women and Men when confronted by their spouses will often tell them what they think they want to hear and nothing gets resolved but it is kept inside. So it is a rather complex problem to diffuse and many things need to be done in the relationship to counter it which I don't feel like talking about now because I am sure someone will ask for the solution sooner or later and then I will say something.;-) Joseph Moyer

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  4.   NJBello says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 10

    Oops. a couple of typos there: past time and Springboard.

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  5.   NJBello says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 10

    If I had any friends who bashed their wives, that wouldn't be a springbaord to me doing the same; especially if there isn't any major problems in my marriage. If they do it, I don't agree that "before you know it husband bashing becomes your favorite pas time"., If I were around women who bashed their husbands,I'd look ask them if I could sit down with your husbands and hear their side. Some people have no tact. Never bash anyone gender; especially in a group.

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  6.   Ichibod says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 10

    This was an awesome piece. Ihave to say, this whole husband bashing is so infused in or culture. Movies and sitcoms showing and attractive woman married to a fat, bumbling, good-for-nothing husband who needs help with simple thought helps to fuel this phenomenon. The Honeymooners, The Flintsones, Married With Children, King of Queens, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Grounded For Life, etc. There is definitely a sort of "club" mentality that goes on. Men don't do this sort of thing. If one man is going through something with his wife of girlfriend, it's a quick "I know what you mean", a couple of (in unison) near verbatim women quotes that we've all heard our women and even mothers say in given situations, and then it's on to whatever we set out to do, all BS aside. We don't hold pity parties or hold onto our grief until another man is grieving. Some groups of women are only friends on the grounds that they have beef with their significant others. Otherwise they would have nothing in common and no reason to speak to one another. Misery loves company. People must realize that this type of behavior affects marriages, relationships prior to marriage, and also men and women who have never even met each other. What's attractive about a woman who degrades men? I feel sorry for their sons if they have any.

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  7.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 10

    I totally agree with this statement. Too many women bad mouth their husbands and it helps lead to the destruction of the marriage. A study was done on prostitution and you would be surprised at what was found. The actual sexual part was often little to none and the husband going to the prostitute wanted kind words of encouragement said to them to make up for the low self-esteem they were feeling from all the bashing they were taking from their marriage. And the funny thing is most of the prostitutes we much worse looking than the husband's wives so it wasn't a looks thing that made them want to go to the prostitute. Also, the same goes for affairs. Most men have affairs with women who give them encouragement and compliments over the bashing of their wives and again, very often the women were much worse looking than their wives so it wasn't a sexual thing but an emotional thing. Good examples are Tiger Woods who slept with women who were often many times uglier that his very attractive wife but she was verbally abusive towards him and even physically abusive when she found out about his affairs. The same goes for Prince Charles when he was with Lady Diana. He cheated on her with an older and much uglier person than Princess Diana and it was her constant bashing of him that helped destroy their marriage. Those are but two examples. Smart women know that even handsome men will succumb to their charms if sweet talked and complimented as opposed to a very attractive woman with a very poor attitude. That is why there are so many couples where the men look much better looking than the women they are with but they are happy because the woman knows how to please her man with boosting his self-confidence, sweet talking and even some mothering at times because many men especially ones raised in single homes, crave a mother figure. So that is where the saying comes from that there are two types of women. The ones that are just good for sex(the very attractive ones) and the one's you marry and take home to mother(the less attractive, nurturing female.) Good communication can help stop this phenomena and also spending lots of time with your partner doing things you both enjoy that bring you closer to each other, other than sex. That is why so many marriages fail because of the bashing being a factor, and there are so many single mothers(the more attractive females that are only good for sex and then you eventually leave them for one you take home to mother which is almost 80 percent of the women on this site that are 21 or older) and because the marriages or pairing of unwed individuals are based on lust and looks consciousness and a gold digger can almost expect to be dumped and or cheated on because the sex grows old after awhile since it is basically sex for money. So the male looks for companionship elsewhere with someone who is more nurturing and someone they have more in common with that is much less attractive than the gold digger. So I really agree with this article big time and know how hurtful words can be in a relationship when women bash because they often can't fight back physically so they are very clever and astute and know where the man's weaknesses are so they know how to push his buttons to hurt him as bad as if he had gotten beaten up. I saw a lot of that working at the rape shelter. The wives and girlfriends didn't deserve to be raped and/or beaten but they did a lot to provoke the male by knowing his weaknesses and how to hurt him intimately like no one else could and the male didn't have the self-control to not react violently back towards the female. So this is an article worth heeding and paying attention to and learning from. Joseph Moyer

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