Attraction is more than just sex

Posted by Jordan, 25 May 15

“Attraction starts before we even open our mouths.” - AJ Harbinger

The Cheat Sheet:

  • What's The Art of Charm definition of attraction?
  • Your perfect partner could be online right now...

    What are you looking for?

  • Why the first 60 seconds are critical to attracting a woman.
  • How to make people gravitate to you.
  • AJ's suggestion for getting a great suit without spending a fortune.
  • What is the one physical feature humans look at on everyone else?
  • And so much more…
  • When you think of attraction do you immediately think of sexual attraction or physical attraction? You're not alone if you do! But that's just one component, there are three more pieces of the attraction puzzle.

    On today's toolbox episode we talk about why attraction goes beyond the physical, what those four components of attraction are and how to maximize them.

    More About This Show:

    One of the topics we get asked about most at The AOC is attraction and how to become more attractive to women. On today's show we're specifically discussing the four channels of attraction: static, dynamic, self-presentation and circumstance. There are specific ways to maximize each area to maximize your attractiveness in any setting.

    1. Static.

    These are the things about you that you cannot change: your height, your eye color, sometimes even your build. You aren't going to wake up tomorrow looking like Brad Pitt but you also don't need to carry around those extra 30 pounds.

    The key here is to maximize these areas by getting adequate sleep, eating right and exercising. When you take better care of yourself it will show.

    2. Dynamic.

    You've probably guessed it: dynamic is what you can change about yourself. This is your body language, your energy. If you're feeling happy your body will show up. If you're feeling confident your body will show it. And you can control your emotions and change them, your body will follow.

    One thing we do at our boot camps is the power posture. This means standing in a victory pose for 90 seconds. Do it and watch how your mind shifts when you do. Make it part of your morning routine for maximum impact.

    3. Self-presentation.

    This is your style and your grooming. Your self-presentation is how you get to show the world a bit about you, who you are and who you want to connect with. If you're a hipster let your fashion say so. If you're a rocker show it.

    And be sure your fashion is appropriate for your body type, get your clothes fitted if needed. A tailor can do wonders for your self-presentation and is worth the extra effort.

    4. Circumstance.

    This is your surroundings and your location, it's both the place you choose to be and where you choose to be in that location. First and foremost be selective about where you go (check out Third Place Toolbox episode for details) and who you're with.

    A way to maximize your circumstance is to go out alone, and we give you the specifics on how to do so. One thing to note is when you're out on your own stand at the angle of the bar. More people will be waiting in line there and you can strike up a conversation with them.

    Those are the four channels of attraction! In this episode we also discuss additional ways to maximize each of them, how to know if you have too much or not enough energy and why you want to be Kumar when you're out at the bar (and leave your Harold side at home).

    Check it out on this edition of The Art of Charm, and then come back for our next toolbox episode on what to say to further that attraction! Till next time... Stay charming!

    Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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