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Are women of other races doing some injustice to black women by dating black men?

Posted by Sidney, 15 Jul

"It’s so hard for us to find quality black men... Don't take black men from us. We want them."

That is what Beth Marlowe's black friends told her because she is a white woman dating black men- even though she doesn't exclusively date black men. So she asked them why they don't date non-black men. And almost in unison, they replied: "They don't want to date us." They added that non-black men who wanted to date black women were rare and that they had given up hope in finding serious interracial relationships.

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The sad thing about the above sentiments is that online dating statistics confirm them. Going by dating preferences people indicate in online dating profiles, black women aren't doing great... for some reason, non-black men would rather date non-black women. So this got Marlowe wondering whether she was hurting black women by dating black men.

10 years down the line, she still is dating black men because she doesn't think its right declining to date someone based on race saying:

I imagined trying to explain my reasoning to the next black guy who hit on me at a party: “You’re great. Really... And I’d totally date you except I made a promise to some people not to date black men. No, no, no! Not like that! It’s actually the opposite of racist because the people I made the promise to are also black. So, you see, I’m trying to be nice to black people. But to other black people. Not to you. Not right now.” And then I would, what? Insist that the guy only hit on black women for the rest of the night? Interrupt if I saw him approaching an Asian woman?

Definitely not.

Do you think the dating of black men by women of other races is unfair to black women? I think we should just date whoever makes us happy... whoever makes us tick... with no regard to race. That's what's fair. Let's hear your opinions.

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62 responses to "Are women of other races doing some injustice to black women by dating black men?"

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  1.   Dantheman33 says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 15

    I am white. I joined this site to have some variety and to meet new people. When I date someone race or ethnicity doesn't play a factor, only personality and mutual attraction. That should be all of our attitudes.

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  2.   Wisepoet says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 15

    Agreed stop calling it black and white those are Crayola colors not you ethnicity. We are all human before we are a race.

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  3.   Lacey1972 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 15

    I'm not understanding why millions of people are equating skin color to race. Being black, white, Latino, Asian, Indian, or whatever isn't your race - it's your ethnicity. Your race is Human, and that's what we all are. So none of us are dating outside of our race. As far as we know, there is no other race except for the Human Race.

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  4.   CocaDelight says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 15

    I can only say wow at some of these comments..I was once close minded about dating outside my race..I just couldnt fathom the idea of a white man touching me but Im beginning a new journey in life so I will see. Working on going beyond the physical appearance.

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  5.   crazy_4u says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 15

    During slavery times black women that were beautiful was allowed in the house and often became lovers of their masters. Others lived outside and hatred for those living in the house surfaced when black women were giving birth to mixed babies by white men and the babies were allowed to live because they were of white offspring, but if a black man slept with a white woman either he was hung, his mixed baby killed or orphaned. It's never been about other races doing injustice to black women they've always been viewed by the white man as a queen and received even in some cases some were rapped. The fight has always been about a black man's right to date white or other races because he was the one degraded not the black woman. This is how the word "Trophy" came about because black men finally earned respect by the white man to date white women and it be okay. She is the trophy to him because his brothers were beat and killed to have this right. A black woman is not viewed as a Queen or Trophy to a black man because to him she is only his sista or lover which is why so many are raising their children alone while they run off and scatter in the lands to keep finding trophies because when you got a trophy just like a game you keep getting promoted, attention, favor that you didn't have dating your own.

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    • CocaDelight says:
      Posted: 19 Sep 15

      Thanks for advising how the term "Trophy" came about cause now it makes sense to me...Love the comment

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  6.   crazy_4u says:
    Posted: 15 Sep 15

    I read the post and definitely don't feel any woman of any ethnic is doing injustice to black women by dating a black man. I've never heard such a thing. I've always heard black men complaining about white men taking all their sistas. Supposingly this bashing originated way back in slavery when black men accused white men of sleeping with black women. Black men felt if white men were taking our black sistas they should be allowed to date white women. For years the fight has never been about such. The war on race has always been about black men right to have a white woman. I'm not offended in anyway because some black men black women would never look at or blink twice, but a white woman will be with him how he is. I think that's beautiful and God has somebody for everybody. I think this article is certainly sending the wrong message but being a reporter myself I'd have to say, I think the writer achieved his goal by reading the comments. After all what is a article without comment and debate.

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  7.   girlmonday says:
    Posted: 14 Sep 15

    I am very disappointed that this site would offer itself up as a venue for 'talking down' the black women and her attraction - and especially from the point of view of a white woman considering whether or not to do us all a favour by rejecting black men. Personally I have no trouble attracting a black man, but do not want to limit myself romantically. That is why I am here, and this is the last place I should see this type of ignorance. I have dated an equal amount of black and white men, I consider this to be normal and healthy.

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  8.   swtie22 says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 15

    i dnt think there is any injustice made if awhite lady dates ablack guy...its all about the attraction between them .every body has his or her own preferences so let them be happy with their choice they made .... black ladies pliz stop giving adumb ov wat doesnt concern you my dias.... And for the fact that i have said that am also black.... got it !!!!!

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  9.   brianna920 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 15

    Who is this Sidney? I bet you are a black man. I never even heard a black woman say any of these things. Taking what? our baby daddies? Lol jk seriously! Let's change the narrative. Stop obsessing over black women.

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  10.   PixesDust says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 15

    Women of other races are doing black women a favor.Black women are strong and adds to any relationship even outside their race ....

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  11.   insight5ul1 says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 15

    After reading this article and browsing through the comments, I feel I have two cents to lend. First cent; I am a black man who has dated all races, and while there are some specific traits that I adhere to in a woman, it basically has come down to a universal and spiritual connection that has me dating mostly white women of late. I truly believe its an individual thing. I will say however, there is a mob of black women who actually think that there's a shortage of black men out there to date. I use the word mob in the decorous sense of group. In this group, there may be a third to half of them already married or in a relationship with a black man, but they still exude a negative energy when they see a black man with another race. Mind you, I've seen women overlook the short non discreet black man with a white woman, but they hit high and hell water when someone of a Boris Kodjo, Tyson Bedford, or Taye Diggs type is dangling his white trophy from his wrist. This is usually the same woman who would overlook the christian man in the Pew next to them in church who's very available and single. Disclaimer: These descriptive terms are only being loosely used because this is the language I hear from black women. My second cent; There is no doubt, that most races see the black man, no matter the nationality, as aggressive, charismatic, charming, thug like tendencies, swaggadocious, with adonis qualities. So, I can see why it may seem as a shortage if all races are checking for us... But as one female commenter on here said, as a woman, black or whatever, you should not feel belittled by another man's choice or preference, you should check the root of your own self worth. For me, when a woman knows that, that's what makes her most attractive. At that point, she could be green, purple or blue, I'll take the hue of confidence any day.

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    • Valor007 says:
      Posted: 29 Aug 15

      I couldn't agree with you more my brother. There is no shortage of available"Black Men", we are not on an endangered species list or anything like that. As an "African American" man born in the U.S.A., where is it written in stone that I must only date and marry a"African American" woman? I date women of all ethnic backgrounds because I see beauty in all women, no matter what color of paint she maybe!

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  12.   Aeon444 says:
    Posted: 22 Aug 15

    This article was obviously written to incite. It's important for people to recognize that because someone dates outside their race it is not a personal affront. Therefore, don't take it personally. LIVE AND LET LIVE please. We all would be so much more at peace if we embraced this mindset. The only competitor one has is oneself. Be the best you can be in every way. No other race of people belittle one another in such a public venue as Blacks. I don't talk badly about Black men because I love my father, my brothers and son. I don't talk negatively about Black women because I worship my mom, sisters and daughter. We are individuals so don't generalize. If you had a bad experience with a BM, BW, WM or WW that experience does not encompass the whole of a race.

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  13.   SexC29 says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 15

    Whoever wrote this article is an idiot! It's untrue and unfair to us as Black Women to be told we're not desirable by any race. Black men love me White men love me Hispanic men love me, I've never had an issue finding a man or keeping one. It's sad how this author portrayed my ppl saying Black men don't want us nor White men. A crock of lies! If Black men didn't want us White women wouldn't have Black men to date!

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  14.   onetreehill says:
    Posted: 19 Aug 15

    That question does not make any sense! Who write these questions?

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    • SexC29 says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 15

      Someone who wanted to stir up drama. WW can have BM. He'll let them deal with the problems BW fave dealing with they triphlan selves. And most WW I see dating BM are taking care of them (giving them money, letting them drive their cars, allowing them to cheat)...all for aggressive sex and a mixed race baby...so please Beth take them off our hands and I'll gladly date your WM cause they give me none of those issues.

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  15.   iiChrissy21 says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 15

    The writer is right. There is a shortage of eligible saying options for black women, regardless of beauty, education or personality. The fact is, black women aren't the standard of beauty in America, that means your average guy would most likely chose an average white women opposed to a stunning black women. Your average white man, if attracted is scared of black women. Black men are known to be hyper aggressive. Also, just a hypothesis I do believe that enough men don't put black women on the same pedestal because we aren't the American standard. That woman is absolutely right most non-black men won't date her. I'm light enough for multiple white men that have even told me, I only like black women of your skin complexion and my complexion isn't the norm. The ideals of black beauty is narrow. In my opinion, in this country blacks will always be heavily scrutinized and black women have 2 strikes, they're women and black. White women should be able to date whomever they want. I have no qualms. The problem is the structure of our society. Black women are possibly mad because it seems like the decent black men with anything going for them want a white women, which is a true mental illness done but systematic brainwashing. I say take em', I don't want them. The black community has too many intra-racial issues.

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    • nissa69 says:
      Posted: 21 Aug 15

      Listen some of that is true but black men will have sex with anything and white men too. we have to stop talking negative about ourselves so what that some of us is lighter than other a pretty is a pretty women no matter how dark or light men of all races like pretty women. I'm a black of a dark skin and i dont have these issues that hear and read. I love white men too and i have found they love us. Come on Black people stop walking with head down. The American beauty is anyone that's is anyone that can turn heads.

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    • grantsurfs says:
      Posted: 25 Aug 15

      You're my standard of beauty I don't live in the United States

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  16.   jazzylady216 says:
    Posted: 15 Aug 15

    A person is not an object you "take away" from someone. It is the choice of the black man what woman he dates. Or my choice who I date. Many European men prefer dating Asian or Russian women for their reasons. I never thought that these men are taken away because I am not entitled to them just because we share the same ethnic background. But I do understand where this comes from. Still, it is between the black women and men to figure this issue out. I will date and love who I want and it is not because of their race.

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  17.   megamil24 says:
    Posted: 14 Aug 15

    Im a black man I only date white woman, I can't understand black woman attitude they have a good man at home and still complaining.

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  18.   Cre1877 says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 15

    As a BW I don't feel that way. I'm going to date whomever I please, as long as he makes me happy. I wish the same for the next lady. To each its own.

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  19.   BlkIris says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 15

    Slavery was an injustice; Trevon Martin was an injustice; White women dating black men not an injustice. It takes two to date. There are many reasons on why there is a shortage of black men for black women to date, significant reasons don't include Amber and Meagan. The premise of this statement is based on the assumption that all black women desire to date black men. Not all black women do, so it is not a loss for all of us. For those who do not, they have their reasons.

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  20.   DarrenStar80 says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 15

    If Black men are off dating every race under the sun, why do some Black women just sit around and moan. Plenty of guys of all races want Black women and it's time they just went and got a good man,no matter his race.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 06 Sep 15

      DarrenStar80, What you said is so true. I am a BW and I have always been attracted to and dated men of other races. I think that BW don't date out as often is because of the Black community seems to harder on BW who date out than BM especially when it comes to dating WM. Believe me I have heard it all but at the end of the day the heart wants what the heart wants and my love belongs to a loving, kind hearted man that just happens to be White and it is the best relationship I have ever had.

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    • CocaDelight says:
      Posted: 19 Sep 15

      Finally got that DarrenStar80

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  21.   KatC85 says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 15

    Hey if other ethnicities of women want black men then they can have them!!

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  22.   cj111777 says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 15

    I have no comments but truly enjoyed reading all these comments while waiting for my customers to return to the party bus. Lol

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  23.   Akreazz says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 15

    I Say NO! First, If black women only want to date black men. Then, that is their choice and their lost. This is a new day and era. And, if some ethnic groups want to stay stagnant. It's no one's fault, except the individual's fault. There are black men in America and throughout the world. Black women have no excuses, period. And, I am a black, widow, senior woman, who knows this.

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    • nissa69 says:
      Posted: 21 Aug 15

      Thats right. I agree. This totally funny but i try talking to black women all the time and they want to be stuck on a black man.

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    • CocaDelight says:
      Posted: 19 Sep 15

      I really needed to see this...thank you

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  24.   fl105 says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 15

    What race are you? HUMAN That's the beginning and the end ...or should be

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  25.   fl105 says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 15

    "Don't take black men from us"....so what, u gonna date ALLLLLL of the black men....that drives me nuts!! How many men does one woman need to be looking at?

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  26.   Open722 says:
    Posted: 02 Aug 15

    LOL..This is a sensitive topic.The issue with black men & black women go back centuries.Not going to get into it here.Bottom line in 2015 is everybody do your own thing. Nobody is obligated to their own race or gender.

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  27.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 15

    I am a BW and I have never had a problem dating anyone and some how I do not believe that any BW actually said that to her.

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    • Snowsakura says:
      Posted: 03 Aug 15

      I am a white woman who dates black men and on several occasions I have had black women tell me not to date black men. Women I know and don't know alike. Obviously I ignore their rude advice, but it is frustrating that there are people who think that white women are stealing black men from them. The black men I have dated didn't date me cuz I was white, they dated me cuz we had stuff in common. Even now, I am in a two year relationship with a black guy and it's pretty serious, but some people don't like it.

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      • nillah says:
        Posted: 05 Aug 15

        I believe we are free to love anyone

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        • luur says:
          Posted: 15 Sep 15

          Only black women think its OK to date any race not white Indian Chinese women know where they belong we are a lost nation we are not proud of what god made us that is y black is being cursed by unsistas coz when they visit they being pushed away

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  28.   Sunryze says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 15

    I need no permission from any 'race' to date anyone. I may want to seek the blessings of their parents, siblings and would ideally want to gel well with their closest friends, but a race? Ridiculous. Date who you like says I, and don't dare tell me who I can and can't. That's my call.

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    • Amybless says:
      Posted: 07 Aug 15

      Dats cool love ur comment. Cos its same here

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    • Breezing1 says:
      Posted: 17 Aug 15

      Sunrise Love your comments. I have noticed men of other races shy away because of what others may say or think. What a turn off to BW. But a confident man is attractive to women of all races.

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  29.   bkrsdzn013 says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 15

    Ms. Marlowe should probably and possibly invest in some new friend's, honestly. If her so-called friend's spent more time actually pursuing their 'own' relationships and stop worrying about Ms. Marlowe's, they would have someone. And how about just being happy for "YOUR FRIEND". Why not pay more attention to a person who treats you well, instead of their race. Hell, we're ALL Black when the lights gomout...lol! How about this, stop blaming other races [of women or men] and take a look what you may and/or may not be doing. Find the nearest mirror and talk to YOU!! Take ownership of your shortcomings and stop playing the victim, placing the blame on someone else and make the necessary change. It's just that damn simple! Beth cannot help whom approaches her. That or those particular men like what they see, and it is BETH MARLOWE at that moment!!! Lmao...part of me said ignore this but the other part won out, 51% - 49%, to comment! Never sacrifice yourself or your happiness for anyone else['s], especially someone who "claims" to be a friend. And above all else, DO NOT apologize for finding love. #STILLSHAKINGMYHEADATTHISONE G.

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    • Mosiah7 says:
      Posted: 01 Aug 15

      I wish I could give bkrsdzm013's post more than just one like. I agree that women of other races aren't doing an injustice to black women by dating black men. Personally, I wish I could meet my own Beth (or Becky, lol) in Atlanta where I live. Besides, I don't see how a black woman on this site can say women of other races are doing some injustice to them when they are also on this site looking to date interracially themselves.

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 06 Sep 15

        I agree. I am a BW and I have no problem with WW or any other woman for that matter dating BM. I say date/marry who you like. I am personally more attracted to WM and men of other races. And Mosiah I hope that none of the BW on this site are having a problem with it because we are on this site to date interracially overselves.

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  30.   2Ambitious says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 15

    Absolutely not! Seriously, if you are willing to sacrifice your potential happiness with a man that cares for you, because you are being 'considerate' of your (so-called) friends, you may want to rethink said friendship with such "friends". It is great that Ms. Marlowe is trying to be considerate, but her friends clearly are not. If your friends want you to avoid dating a member of their own race (who may not even be interested) that seriously sounds like a 'selfish' issue. You should not have to 'avoid' dating someone in whom you are interested so your "friends" have a better probability of potentially dating someone that shares an ethnic background. The friends seriously need to widen out their scope, perhaps then too they can find a person based on character instead of mere external characteristics.

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  31.   sonyasolo says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 15

    No! Personally, I am not interested in black men. To many did not have a father in the home when they were growing up and do not know how to treat women. Black women are strong women! There are good and bad people in all races.

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    • loyal4lfye says:
      Posted: 10 Aug 15

      Who cares if you don't date black men, it's not like men are beating down your door to have you anyways. I love women of all colors but honestly it seems like bw are the only women on earth that refuse to adapt to what their men want. But then complain when bm date other ethnicities!!! Get with the program, drop the masculine persona and maybe more bm would want you!

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      • SexC29 says:
        Posted: 20 Aug 15

        You sound ridiculous and you don't know this woman or her struggle. Maybe that's why you don't have a picture posted. Girl don't believe whomever wrote this comment. They are obviously ignorant and lack self esteem. Your mom grandma sister aunts etc. are BW so don't portray self-hate. FYI...not all are aggressive argumentative or whatever just the ones you ran across!

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    • oldsoul_30 says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 15

      @sexc29 yet as i scroll down the comments i see you arguing on every post with anybody that doesnt feel how you feel lol youre dounle standard is funy

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    • oldsoul_30 says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 15

      Loyal4life said something stereotypical about black women and you say hes ignorant and has no self esteem. Yet this woman said she dont date black men because of stereotypical reasons and you say "you dont know her struggle!" Why is it ok for black women to constantly bash black men, yet say something about a black women and its world war 3.

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  32.   AfroBaldMan says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 15

    No you are not doing an injustice to black women by dating black men and I think it is a stupid position that can't be defended on any grounds other than being racist. It is a racist position of black women to have issues with white women dating black men. Very attractive in shape black women don't have an issue dating anyone. My sister and her college friends are proof of this. Lots of black women refuse to deal with their short coming and adjust to the real truth. Many men including black men don't want big overweight women or women with attitude issues. If you can't accept what men are looking for then you need to be alone...PERIOD

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