Are interracial marriages declining among immigrants

Posted by James, 11 Mar

Due to the rise in interracial dating and marriages over the years, Americans have come to believe that more and more people will end up marrying interracially. However, according to a Washington Post report, this aint the case.

Sociologists have started studying how the children of immigrants who have flown into the U.S. in recent years will date and marry. Having looked at census data, the rate of Hispanics and Asians marrying interracially has fallen over the past 20 years. Between 1990 and 2000, the percentages fell from 27 to 20 percent for Hispanics and 42 to 33 percent for Asians … and the downward trend continued to last year.

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"The immigrant population fundamentally changes the pool of potential partners for Asians and Hispanics. It expands the number and reinforces the culture, which means the second generation . . . is more likely to marry people of their own ethnicity," said Daniel T. Lichter, a sociologist at Cornell University.

Bhavna Pandit, a political consultant of Indian descent says that much as people tend to rebel against their parents and traditions, now that she is 29, she actually cares about that stuff and is looking for an Indian man – and those are hard to find in Capitol Hill where she hails.

Apparently, most people of Asian, Latino and South Asian descent in their 20s and 30s who have attended some cultural speed dating events have expressed the desire to connect with someone who shares their roots. But having been raised within the American culture, the point of contention for them is: Would one be happier with an American partner or a recent immigrant?

If this is true, do you think it will affect the 'global village' we envision? Is this a threat to the future of interracial relationships?

110 responses to "Are interracial marriages declining among immigrants"

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  1.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Dear Imarose What am I lying about. I am telling you black men have been driven into the arms of white women. 70 percent of you are single at what point do YOU take responsibility for your dating woes. I am tired of explaining the perspective of black men to black women. They so damn hard headed, what does it take to see that you drive black men away from you. Does it take the statistics to get to 80 to 90 percent! For the record Adam did nothing wrong. The Lord said don't eat from that tree. Adam listened and Eve's ass DID NOT! We don't care about symbols that is utter bullshit. Black men go with receptive women. The damn white man picks white women, Asian, Latin women BEFORE he even gets to a black woman. I don't see any anger over that! A majority of black men date black women FIRST. This is old black women need to stop saying the independent and "don't need a man". Look where it has got you now! White women, Latin and Asian women don't say " I don't need a man" their marriage rates are higher. Take a damn look at yourself! Stop looking for a White Man Bailout. He fed up with your black asses too! This blog I write is to "save black women" FROM THEMSELVES! http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/

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  2.   imarose says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    QUIT LYING Mr. Queens... Lets all take some personal responsibility. The brother didn't drive me into the arms of another culture, it was just something I never had an issue because I was exposed to so many cultures growing up. Black men are not as weak minded as you make them to be. And that may not be your intention,but believe me that is exactly what it sounds like. Ooooh, black women are so this or so that, so let me go over here were I will be loved(said with a whiney voice). That is as poor a statement as "there are not good black men". Listen, black women have been carrying on since slavery, when their men were rip away form them and had to do what they need to do too survive. This is a nature that God himself placed in us,STRONG! There was a time when the black man said he loved that... Now, I'm not saying that we don't need to take it down a notch at times, but it's hard to just turn something off that has been ingrained in you for centuries. We have be just as battered a bruise and you all have bro., if not more so because we are women too, so stop blaming us for what you perceive as a short coming in black men, ....everyone keeps making excuses and it seems to me if you have to make excuses based on others, then maybe you need to examine that! Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake, but they both did wrong and they both got put out of their beautiful paradise. It was once a status symbol for the black man to have a white woman on his arm because she had long straight hair and blue eye and made light skinned babies (there were exceptions), I'm not saying that is why black men do it now, but back in the day, that was the case, and that is why so many black men left black women. So who should be angry now? Who should be bashing whom? Nobody, cause whatever your reason, it's your life too live, cause I'm going to live mine. But, it foul to keep pointing the finger at black women, when there are three more pointing back at black men. This is getting old... really, this is getting old.

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  3.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Dear Tigger What is wrong with "illiterate black girl that loves you?" Just messing with your or am I? I don't know which part of the country you are in. I meet highly educated black women all the time. The problem is they are controlling. Some people think I talk bad about black women. It seems like that because I like to make broad statements to light a fire under a debate. Many times people are just politically correct. I rather just come out and say how you feel. For the record my fiancee is a high school dropout and she is black/puertorican from a rough part of Brooklyn NY. My last girlfriend was a Lawyer. So, I have been on both extremes. No, I have never lived in the projects or would I like to go back there to visit. Again, I really don't like the class warfare. Where we say, ok, this black girl is good simply because she is college educated. To me, it is all about being compatiable. Once we are not compatiable than we can't work out. Also, I have never dated a white woman. I practice what I preach. Tigger makes some good points but I think he doesn't come out and say what dating issues he has had with black women in the past. Many white guys tend to shy away from this for some reason. I personally, never had no real issues with black women. They are just controlling that is all. I ignore it but it happens. The interracial dating issue is a topic that ignites such a debate. Some people agree with me but feel like the way I come across is "not how they would do it". White men straight up say they don't date fat or ghetto women like Tigger hinted too. Let's put it on the table WHY White men hold their standards so HIGH for black women they date? They are too cowardly to answer it!

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  4.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Yeah I had a spamming issue for last several days. Its frustrating as hell sitting on your hands mad. Wanting to say something so bad.

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  5.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    One last small note. The only reason i'm trying the internet dating thing. Is that in the career circles I work. There are very few highly educated and articulate nubian princesses. Which is the type of women I want to spend the rest of my life with. Some people don't realize that all blue collar professionals aren't dum field hands. Many of us just didn't have the finances or scholarship opportunities. To attend a college.

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  6.   imarose says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Okay, I can post not... I had so spaming issue. I posted a comment to Ms. Tatted. Essentially I said, I can't straighten anyone out, namely Mr. Queen. Any changes anyone makes, must be their choice, or it's not real change, it's pretending long enough to suck you in. Which is what black men do! (Just joking, lol I just though I'd try to see who my friend MQ felt when he spouts the general statements) :) Ms. Tat, you know you are a good woman, so don't let any negative words shake you. If you feel Mr. Q's agenda, then you just don't feed that monster. I'm not saying you are right or wrong. In his defense, he alread said he may need to smooth out his approach a bit. Now were I come from Mr. jecre, aspiring to be self righteous and being though of as such, but if that's what floats your boat...okay! By they way, has everyone read the Washington Post article that this article is refering to? Because all that article is saying is that there has been a drop in certain groups over about a ten you span and that a some have come to realize that the American men they date, may not get some aspects of their culture. Most asian cultures hold a deep respect for what their parents say, and what they say goes, no matter how old they are and it's not like that here... So they, are rethinking marrying outside their culture. It would be like and american black woman marrying an african man. Not that it can't be done, but unless you come to an understand of each others cultures, there is going to be problems. Did you know that if you are in the middle east, you can shake hands with your left hand? It's offensive, because you us that hand to wipe... What's your point??? It's important to get some understanding of each others culture. Mr. Q(I had some spam problem because I mentioned you names to much y'all) Mr. Q, I have seen more black men in my time point and make an issue then white men. My brother use to date white girls all the time, but whould get all high and mighty if he saw a when he saw the situation reversed. People take issue about bi-cultural and muti-cultural relationships on all sides, and this is not just a black or white thing! Both act as if we are the only ones who create this dynamic.... Let a korean try to marry someone from china. I like you Mr. Q have never confronted a sellout brother and his white girlfriend or wife, let's not forget them, or are you only angry with the sellout black woman? She is only following the example set by the black man first, so anything you say about use so called sellouts, and I include myself, not because I believe I am, but because I date outside my culture, not exclusively, but I'm not going to disassociate myself. As you say, Tigg should know better than... What do you think he is not telling the truth, or not as enlighten as you hmmm? We all have our own experiences and live out of them many times, evidently, Mr. Tigg's experience hasn't been that bad, because like you, his preference I believe, is the black woman. Or do you have another preference MQ, because you talk about black women so bad, I'm just not sure anymore. Take care all.

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  7.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens, Several things to address here. First I don't care what other white people think I do me!! See if you stop worrying about how black men would see you with a white girl we wouldn't have a problem. Other peoples opinions are just that. I say do you with a white or black women. And just move forward. Second I realize that most of us need two incomes to live an upscale lifestyle. If I were rich, My lady wouldn't need a job. I'm not so this would be the case for me. I have lived in the hood on several occassions. I'm not moving back good lord willing!When my lady has a baby I have set aside funds so she could stay home. As I feel its better for a child to have full acess to a parent when small.

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  8.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Dear Niecy Let me address the double standard. I get often asked this on my blog why don't I say something about black men dating white women. Black women drive black men to date white women. That is the fundamental difference. Black women date white men out of "spite" and being lonely. I must have said a thousand times but some black women think it is a double standard. It is not a double standard. If you didn't date "black men" that were players or "flashy' then you wouldn't be in the situation your are in now. 70 percent of you are single and that is not just because a black man dates a white woman. I am moving to Orlando Florida May. I actually see more hispanic women with black men. Come to think of it I see biracial women with black men too. In recent years before I became engaged. I have met many biracial women with white fathers. They are still black women too me. Depending on where they grew up biracial black girls tend to date men like their fathers. This whole idea I feel threatened about interracial dating is false. I get more biracial women than I do "a black woman" to be honest with you. My problem with sellout black women is they bash black men to justify being with a white man. We can dictate your life Niecy you belong to black men. Good day. http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/

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  9.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Dear Tigger You makes good concerning this issue. The problem is you left out white people having a problem with dating a black woman. You did mention white men pointing and whispering briefly. I see you getting upset at that. You stated you felt you was a black man in white skin or something to the effect of that. I just gave you a situation that happened at traffic court. It wasn't that serious to me but the career criminal in line had a "problem" with it. If anything the white boy should have thanked me for keeping that "goon" off his ass. Some places you just don't show off. I don't care if people don't like what I have to say. It is the same thing if you went in a gang neighborhood. I would tell you look don't go there they might shoot at you. I have never confronted a sellout black girl and her white man. I don't have any desire too because they have never bothered me. There has been some instances when a sellout black girl was friendly towards my fiancee. I said "go talk to your white man". That is because she stuck her nose in our business like she knows us. Since you have been dating black women since 1987. You know the deal better than me. If it was as great as you said it was. Looking for a black girl with a job wouldn't be a problem. It seems to me it is deeper than that. Tigger come out and say how you feel. What have black women done to you. Let it out! I have to eat breakfast. I will address Air Force Niecy in my next post.

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  10.   drniecey2b says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Tigggerfan, very well said! (applause) So that interracial couple likes PDA, big deal. A lot of other folks do, too. Someone who wants to fight over something like that which is petty is a sign of immaturity. Why can't people just be happy with who they are or what they have and just stay out of other folks business? Mr. Queens, you said you were engaged so you and your finacee' should just go and dwell in each other's happiness and just let everyone else out there do whatever it is they want that pleases them. And since you seem to be so against black women dating white men, what about it being the other way around? Is it just black women dating outside the race that bothers you? The reason I ask is because I know black women who seem to have a problem with black men wanting to date white women and you seem to keep focusing on black women and what we're doing or not doing. When I was living in FL, what I mostly saw were black men with women who were not black. I know it occurs everywhere but I had never seen it so concentrated in one area before. I'll admit at first I did think that the black guys in that area didn't seem to want anything to do with us black women but eventually I was like whatever because I never limited myself to just one race anyway. I just happened to end up dating mostly black men throughout my life because of where I was located and that was mostly all I pretty much ran into. When I was living in FL and on active duty in the air force that had changed. I had dated other races of men and found it interesting. Yes people are going to look and have something to say. Let them! A white friend of mine who's in the military had just returned from overseas and had come in town for a couple of days so he and I decided to hang out. Yeah we received glances from others and whatnot but I wasn't surprised because some of the people here in AL where I live at now, espeically the older ones, are like you who seem to have a problem with people who date or have friends outside their race. Anyway, he and I still had the best time and those other people were just ignored. They can't dictate my life. I'm a grown woman and I can date or see anyone I damn well please.

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  11. Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Tigggerfan, handle your business! Mr Laurelton Queens, sorry you have had such heart breaking experiences. I am glad my brother’s, Uncles, Nephew’s and son see Black women in a positive, respectful and glorious light. My mother, who was a strong, loving black woman, held our family together when my father was too sick to do it and when he was better she stepped aside and let him retake his place. My father was strong enough to honor her for doing what he needed her to do. He NEVER raised a hand to her. He encouraged her and built her up. God forbid if you were the man who spoke ill of her. It didn’t matter if they were right or wrong. You did not disrespect my mama and let daddy find out about it. Black men today have made an art of disrespecting black women. I hope it’s working for you because I want no part of it anymore. Good luck to you.

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  12.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    First off respect is earned not given. As most white men already know. Its almost always a brother yelling across a room or parking lot to a sister. Stay black or don't sellout out. When shes seen out with a white man. When the inverse situation is seen most white men point and whisper. Why is it that a white man is showing off?? Why can't he just be flirting or being playful in love. Some people are turned on by public affection. I'm one of them for the record. If it was white couple or black couple would they have been showing off? I think not! Your closed mind and elevated testosterone levels, make anything you don't agree with a problem. This is why black men are an endangered species. If a fight would have broken out would there have ben any winners?? You know that awnser right? One less elegible black man to date. Maybe its time to re-evaluate how you see and treat black women. All they want is a strong secure man and most aren't gold diggers. Had it been me in the court house and I was insulted. I would have had no recourse but, to clown and let the chips fall where they may. No women wants a pussy. Fighting isn't always a solution. If I have no choice I will take or give a beating for my special somebody!! No pouting later win/lose. As I said sir respect is earned not given. I'm not a player and don't desire to be one. Call me what you want. I want one full service, goofy humored, extremely flexible, freak at home to explore and play with forever. As long as she has a job, is cute, smart, and a total lady in public. I say winner winner, chicken dinner!!

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  13.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    LOL jecro Pisces are nice. Very focused and know what they want. Nothing wrong with being self righteous. I guess we all are in some way. I once saw a crack head get mad at alcoholic. That is the nature of people. In response to Destiny, black women are controlling point blank. I haven't met a black woman that wasn't a little controlling. Some are passive aggressive about it, but they do want control in their relationship. Some want control so bad they even cry. What the fuck are you crying about. You can't control a man, you can only let a man be a man!

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  14. Posted: 17 Mar 09

    Wow, I am in control....of my life. I always tell a man I am dating that there are times and things that he can handle better than I can and there are times when I can handle a situation better then he can. I have taken from my mom and dad, "I don't care who does it as long as it gets do. Yes, there are controling Black women and there are controling White, Hispanic, Asian, Eskimos, Native-Americans, Indian, and African women. The difference is when the label is put on women of other races and cultures they are strong but Black women are always controling. I am tired of the double standard, but to each his/her own. I need to control my life and finish this paper.

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  15.   jecrego1972 says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    LMAO! If you do, Mr Queens, then count me as the first to buy it. Just depends on the subject material. I have been with women, and yes, two of those were African-American, and both I did not love, nor were they girlfriends of mine. So to answer that question: Y-E-S! I'm a Rat (Chinese Zodiac), Pisces (Greek Zodiac), so I'd say I'm pre-disposed to being self-righteous, then if that's a crime; then pronounce me guilty as charged.

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  16.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    testing

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  17.   Member says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    Dear Destiny and jecre I am sorry you disagree with some of my statements. I don't apply my observations to personal cases destiny. I can see why you might be upset. As for jecre you come off self righteous. Have you slept with a woman you did not love? Have you had multiple partners in your lifetime? Nothing I say is baseless or without valid reason. You refer to me hinting that African American women being sex starved wenches. I don't use words like sex starved and wenches. Perhaps, that is what you think about them. Then you turn around and say "yea you need to be strong and not some puppy on a string". WHAT???? I think your talking out of two sides of your mouth. The rest of your comments were on point, and I do agree with some of it. I am glad with can disagree without being violently disagreeable. I will still stick to my statements concerning women. Of course, I will have some black women that take things personal. Tigger you listen to me and you will understand the black woman. They will do anything to exert their control over you. You have to be "heavy handed" like jecre mentioned. There is no other way. I should write a book.

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  18.   jecrego1972 says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    I'll give Destinysdiva the 'Amen' she richly deserves, woman of all shapes and sizes aren't looking for just sex. In most case, they're looking for love and support, sex just comes with the territory and should not be a haphazard wrestling match nor bargained for with trades and such. As for Mr. Queens, your idea, sir, is entirely outrageous and baseless. You seem to have it in mind that African-American woman are sex starve 'wenches' are for just a good time. True, you need be strong and not some 'puppy-tied-to-a-string' Johnny on the spot type guy. But being heavy handed, well, that'll get you nothing in the long run. The article, however, just shows a trend in the way people are thinking now, and due to the economy, who can blame them? Face it, we are changing, but to what? God only knows. Plus, throw in these ignorant jerks who run the state and local governments who are seeking ways to bar immigrants from ever coming to our shores, and things only get worse from there. The idea of equality has now become nothing more than a punchline in a bad joke told by Jay Leno and friends on the late night shows. mean, for Jumping Jupiter's sake, they're building a wall along the Mexican-American border. If that's not bad. I don't know what is. It comes as no shock to me to seeing the trends of the eighties and nighties coming to an end. However, I think this will be short lived.

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  19. Posted: 16 Mar 09

    Look I do love sex, when it is with the man I am with. The problem with you and other men who think like you is you take one sister who has acted a fool and you pin that label on all of us. When I have sex with a man it is because I care for him. Tigggerfan don’t listen to him if you want a true woman. The reason most black women date men of other races is because of this bull crap. Mr Laurelton Queens, I have always been loyal to the man I am with…period. Being kind, loyal, and respectful is not a problem. What you are describing is.

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  20.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    evidently some of my comments were offensive or something, because they have been deleted....

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  21.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    I had written some wonderful remarks about how I can't straighten anyone out... people who change makeup their own mind to change. And how if you believe Ms. tatted2death that Mr. Queens has that agenda, why would you feed that and Mr. Queen admitted he may need to mellow his form a bit? I said a bunch of other things and ended by saying.... Y'ALL DON'T MAKE ME QUOTE RODNEY KING, CAUSE I WILL! But they deleted it for some reason. Such is life!

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  22.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    I had replied to tatted2death, a long time ago, but it seems it was deleted for some reason....I'm going to try again. Hold UP! First, let me say, I’m not here to straighten anybody out… Nobody can straighten anybody out here, the quicker we get that, the smoother things will go. Now if a person makes some change, it’s because they chose to not because I don’t have that kind of power, (If I did, I’d be married and not on a dating site). Like I said before, I’m not sure who started it, and I don’t really care, but I’ve seen plenty of name calling from everyone and it would seem like we would all grow weary of it. I am not trying to defend Mr. Queens actions, but it would seem to me tatted2death, if you believe that his agenda is (and I’m not saying you are right or wrong), to divde us and tickle his fancy, then why would you feed that monster. We all have our reasons for why we think we do what we do and then beyond that is often a deeper reason. I’ve got much love for everyone no matter what culture or back ground or who you are. If I’ve said anything that may have seemed divisive, that was not my intent. You know that you are a good woman right? Like I said before there is no one here that causes the sun to rise or set or has a heaven or hell to put me so when the name calling starts, I know that’s not my name. I don’t have a thing to prove to anyone so I can see what everyone is saying some I agree with and some I don’t and then share what I believe is the truth and hope that I’m understood. I understand where you are coming from and can see why you would be provoked by Mr. Queens words, but both have made some good points in between the arguing… Y’ALL DON’T MAKE ME QUOTE RODNEY KING, ‘CAUSE I WILL.. PEACE

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  23.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    Hold UP! First, let me say, I’m not here to straighten anybody out… Nobody can straighten anybody out here, the quicker we get that, the smoother things will go. Now if a person makes some change, it’s because they chose to not because I don’t have that kind of power, (If I did, I’d be married and not on a dating site). Like I said before, I’m not sure who started it, and I don’t really care, but I’ve seen plenty of name calling from everyone and it would seem like we would all grow weary of it. I am not trying to defend Mr. Queens actions, but it would seem to me tatted2death, if you believe that his agenda is (and I’m not saying you are right or wrong), to divde us and tickle his fancy, then why would you feed that monster. We all have our reasons for why we think we do what we do and then beyond that is often a deeper reason. I’ve got much love for everyone no matter what culture or back ground or who you are. If I’ve said anything that may have seemed divisive, that was not my intent. You know that you are a good woman right? Like I said before there is no one here that causes the sun to rise or set or has a heaven or hell to put me so when the name calling starts, I know that’s not my name. I don’t have a thing to prove to anyone so I can see what everyone is saying some I agree with and some I don’t and then share what I believe is the truth and hope that I’m understood. I understand where you are coming from and can see why you would be provoked by Mr. Queens words, but both have made some good points in between the arguing… Y’ALL DON’T MAKE ME QUOTE RODNEY KING, ‘CAUSE I WILL.. PEACE

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  24.   imarose says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 09

    …First, let me say, I’m not here to straighten anybody out… Nobody can straighten anybody out here, the quicker we get that, the smoother things will go. Now if a person makes some change, it’s because they chose to not because I don’t have that kind of power, (If I did, I’d be married and not on a dating site). Like I said before, I’m not sure who started it, and I don’t really care, but I’ve seen plenty of name calling from everyone and it would seem like we would all grow weary of it. I am not trying to defend Mr. Queens actions, but it would seem to me tatted2death, if you believe that his agenda is (and I’m not saying you are right or wrong), to divde us and tickle his fancy, then why would you feed that monster. We all have our reasons for why we think we do what we do and then beyond that is often a deeper reason. I’ve got much love for everyone no matter what culture or back ground or who you are. If I’ve said anything that may have seemed divisive, that was not my intent. You know that you are a good woman right? Like I said before there is no one here that causes the sun to rise or set or has a heaven or hell to put me so when the name calling starts, I know that’s not my name. I don’t have a thing to prove to anyone so I can see what everyone is saying some I agree with and some I don’t and then share what I believe is the truth and hope that I’m understood. I understand where you are coming from and can see why you would be provoked by Mr. Queens words, but both have made some good points in between the arguing… Y’ALL DON’T MAKE ME QUOTE RODNEY KING, ‘CAUSE I WILL.. PEACE

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  25. Posted: 15 Mar 09

    I sure am glad that imarose and dr niecey took the time and effort to straighten you out a bit, Mr. Queens. But I am fully aware of your issue and agenda as it pertains to this website, therefore I suffer you no more. Calling names and making attempts to further divide women of color are weak at best. The only thing you have suceeded in accomplishing here is HIJACKING every thread that tickles your fancy....like this place was made for you and your personal stance or something....CONGRATULATIONS. I hope that does something to lift your spirits....it seems that you have some void that may never be filled. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  26.   imarose says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Hey Mr. Brother Laurelton! I hear what you are saying and agree with you that sometimes we have a mindset about what we want, how our mate should look, act and such, but then we meet that person who is much or everything we were looking for wrapped in a different package or even someone we were looking for at all but somehow we work! I've had that happen. I think a couple of things contribute to the disfunction of male/female relationsships. One is the fact that women, especially brown women have had to fight so long to gain "equal" rights and the farther we get into the work force, the more women get confused about who they are as women. Not that we can't work and do our thing, 'cause the Poverbs 31 woman did it all, but she still maintained her womanhood! I heard a woman the other day say "I had to be the mother and the father!" and while I understood where she was coming from, my first thought was, "I'm sure you are a great mother, but you could never take the place of that young man's father" That's not her role hard as she worked, that is just not a woman's role. The other thing is that we have made the word submissive a curse word. We submit to something or someone everyday, the law, our boss and even our friends when they make suggestions to go somewhere we don't want to go, but we go anyway. But when it comes to the most important relationships, engagement and marriage, then there is an issue. Submit just means to yeild...We as women are saying, I don't want to submit to any man! From my perspective, if you are in a relationship with someone you know has your best interest at heart because he loves you more than anything and you both share you hearts about matters that concern the both of you, noone should have a problem with submission! People get the word of God all twisted and some men and women think submitting means being ruled over, but if you read it all, the first thing it says is, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (THAT MEANS EVERYBODY) then it says wives submit... to your husband.... right before it says, "Husbands love you wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" It goes on to talk about how Christ makes the church holy and pure and the He turns around and presents the church back to Himself without spot or blemish, through the Word! THEN it says, in the same way, husbands should love there wives because if he loves her this way, he is loving himself. That to me is a powerful ministry and should make it easy for women to yeild, but so many have got it screwed up, men and women alike! I know Judeo-Christian value are looked down on in many circles, but if we got the right perspective, we all would be much happier.

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  27.   Member says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Dear Dr Niecy and Imarose You both make good points. As far as being black enough. I was treated the same way when I open my mouth. From my appearance I look like a thug. That was it so easy for me to go into the hood and projects and nobody bothered me. Yes, I have dated women in the "projects" and bad neighborhoods. Many of them smart women but their family is sort of dysfunctional. That is why it bothers me that people practice this black class warfare. At the same time, I understand why we do it. I don't go out of my way to go to the projects lol. If she is a nice girl I can't really judge on her that. When I met my fiancee she was in a bad neighborhood in Brooklyn NYC. I was sort of just hanging out with her because I was dating professional black women usually from the same neighborhood. The only difference was the professional black women were in a "better" part of Brooklyn. Yea it took me sometimes to overcome my own idea of "class" and status. I remember I went to a mixer with my ex lawyer girlfriend with her "sorority friends. Once in awhile, they would talk about "ghetto girls". They would say something like " Yea his baby mother is from the projects". They only talked about them in the context of dating and competition for men. They did talk about "ghetto men" too. More of just sleeping with them but nothing "serious". Yea we do go off our experiences in the dating game. I don't want people to think I just experience one side of black women dating. This idea I just mess with "ghetto women" is not true. From my experience, it is more difficult to date a college educated black woman. They try to approach relationships like they do a job or college class. You can't control everything. A friend of mine she is a lawyer said college educated black men want us to be submissive and have their cake and eat it too. I laughed like that might be true. At the end of the day, most college educated black men want a woman that is the equivalent to them but sexually freaky. Getto girls tend to provide that. Men are men at the end of the day. By the way, there is nothing wrong with being independent. The problem is some black women come off "too independent" and when things go bad for them. That man there with is reluctant to help them. For example, a woman I was messing with said this "black men rather help a bitch that has nothing" than a black woman that has "something". I thought that was partly true. Men do want to feel needed. That was the appeal to my fiancee. She is a good woman she is just not academically inclined. Plus, when I met her she sort of "homeless". After awhile, it turned into a Tyler Perry Madea goes to jail situation. My ex lawyer girlfriend was like why she always at your apartment? Things just fell apart from there. It was falling apart anyway because my spirit wasn't in it. If a person makes you happy I had to overlook MANY things. It was a hard decision to make at the time.

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  28.   drniecey2b says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    A lot of people would love to have the finer things in life and there is nothing wrong with that at all because they are pursuing what makes them happy and that is their right. Gold diggers may be up front and honest about what it is they want and I am as well. Some of those women go after men who drive the big fancy cars or wear the best designer gear and whatnot without even paying attention to how he treats her or how he was even able to purchase those types of things, but I can be content with just the simple things in life. I drive a Toyota Corolla. I don't feel that a guy is not worthy enough to date just because he doesn't drive a Benz or he doesn't wear Versache or whatever the latest name-brand trend is. To me the man's heart, how he treats me and our compatibility is what I tend to look at. And of course there has to be some degree of physical attraction there. If I get to the point in my life where I can afford those "finer things" and that's what I wanted for myself then I would splurge and spoil myself and/or family. I grew up in south central L.A. so it's not like I came from a rich family that stressed owning top-notch stuff. We survived with what we had. I just thank the Lord that I do have reliable transportation, a roof over my head, nice clothes to put on my back, my health and strength and a sound mind. And what's wrong with being independent? Why would you want to have to depend on someone else for all your needs and wants? Going around bragging about being independent is not something that I usually do but I don't necessarily need anyone to take care of me either. My mom pushed my brother and I to get a good education so we could be able to care for ourselves because we have cousins and other family members that have failed to do that and are now living in pitiful situations i.e. in and out of jail, on the verge of being evicted because they can't pay their rent, have kids but can't care for them, etc. It's all about just looking out for yourself because in the long run no one else is going to do that for you.

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  29.   imarose says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens, Yeah, we women for the most part like for our men to share their hearts with us. If you've got a good one, then I thinks you should trust her with your heart. (Proverb 31:11) It sounds to me like you were dealt some blows and carry a few scars yourself and that is understandable, I would just encourage you to try and not have a knee jerk reaction based on your experience to some things people say and encourage others to do the same. Lumped all brother into one pile based on my experience, I would have cut off some great relationships and friendships. I am a cultured and diverse person and so brothers did think I was black enough or tried to put me in a box as to how I should act and for the most part didn't want to date me...I really had to fight reacting to people who approached me certain ways, because I felt like I was being judged, sometime I was, but most times that wasn't the case. I hope you have a great time in PA... I hope you take the time to share your heart with you fiance', I think it will be a great release for you and I can tell you from a woman's heart, that she will feel more loved and trusted if you do. Peace

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  30.   Member says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    LOL Imarose Nothing wrong with being traditional. If nappy headed black women lol didn't say they were independent all the damn time 70 percent of them wouldn't be single. I know that is simplistic when it deeper than that. When I was in undergrad getting my degree. Black women really wasn't interested in some black men going to college. I was a grown man when I was in college like 23. Anyway, they pretty much didn't pay them any consideration. I remember I was at graduation for college. That was the only time these nappy headed black girls started noticing us in "like a romantic serious way". By the time, I just wanted to work and live the life. As time went on, they had children with the "negros" that didn't go to college. They would drop them and be left with the baby. Meanwhile, I am building my resume up. I dated a couple of them but I just felt like I wanted my own kids. Many guys I went to college with felt the same way. It went from " I am too good for you". To you calling us at work asking what we are doing. Then these black women wonder why "black men dog them out". It is sad because many good black women make "bad decisions" but why should professional black men overlook that. Just like you wouldn't like twice at a black man with a felony record. A majority of black women just don't understand where black men come from. My fiancee says I never talk to her "about deep things". She also says I work to much and never spend "quality time". I decided I am going to take her on a trip to PA this weekend. I do need to relax and shut off my blackberry and all my other "laptops". I rather do my talking on my blog and other blogs. Most black men don't reveal their "true feelings" about relationships. Why you think black women read novels and like fags like "Neyo" and whatever R&B artist they like. Good day.

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  31.   imarose says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens, The difference between drniecey2b and a gold digger and forgive me for speaking for you sis... is the willingness of a who is looking for love and because she has been working on making herself the best she can be, she had drawn to herself someone who happens to be wealthy and she is willing to give she has and is to that relationship and wants the relationship above everything else and wealth is an added benefit. A gold digger may or may not put it out there that she is a gold digger, but she is in it only for herself and what she can get. She doesn't care about the person she is in the relationship with outside of what he can do for her. Now I may set womankind back a few years, but I'm speaking for myself right now. I want someone who can take care of me in every way shape and form, you don't have to be rich (to start), but financial stablity and a desire to build wealth is a desire of mine. Should I not marry, I will be wealthy and I want someone like minded. See I know how I put my all into my relationships, I take care of mine and expect nothing less. So do I knock the person who is a bus driver? know, but do you have the desire, the uction, the passion and courage to strive beyond that? If no, that is cool, but the direction I'm going, we'd probably grow apart. So, yeah, I want to be with someone who has the same passion I have and wants to be my man who takes care of me and knows I've got his back just the same. PERIOD! And to clear it up what I said earlier,because I thought I had stated it clearly...I speaking about black women, because that's who Mr. Tiggerfan dates, but that goes for everyone, including black men Mr. Queen. And stop saying napppy headed like it's a bad thing! lol joker!

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  32.   Member says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Dear Imarose I never thought about that. Now your giving me a perspective I never seen before. Most black women have low self esteem or some sort of insecurity. I am not saying that to be mean. The media outlets and BET makes black women believe they have to have a stripper body and be a Jezebel attract men. I will agree that assumptions have contributed to women being bothered by my comments here and (my personal life). Sometimes I am too brutally honest. If I just "sort of played" the game I would have had more women before I got engaged. All I am saying to Tigger is if his approach is not working for him. You have to alter your style. I will not lie to you many men pass over "average" black women. Then get mad when they don't get the black girl with the "big butt and pretty face". I would have to agree with you we draw that to us sometimes. Black women have more to overcome than any race of women when it comes to dating. I know I use to test them to see if their "weak". I am aware it is hard for them to stand their ground. All I can say is loyalty is everything to a man. I can't stress this enough. Your reputation is very important. I don't care if all your friends is whores. Just guard your reputation because it pays off in the end. Other than I got no more advice for these nappy headed black women. I hope they fail like Obama!

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  33.   imarose says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    ...What I mean by "a certain sista" Mr. Queen, is... If Mt. Tiggerfan gives the appearance of "a player" as you advised Mr. Tiggerfan to do, then he will draw a wounded woman with low self-esteem and ultimatly it will end up being a relationship in turmoil. This is not a woman who necessarily comes to you with her head hung low, but often times comes with MUCH MUCH vibrato. You've met these women and even men like this who over compensate and are pretty over the top and often times are full of attitude because they are hurt...all many of them are trying to do is get valided and show everybody they can get the one everyone else wants, but they can be a problem child in relationships. I'm not saying they aren't worthy of relationship, but they need to get healed before they can be in a healthy relationship and that goes for both genders! Hurt people just end up hurting other people and the cycle continues. I write this from experience and until I was willing to take a good look on the inside and ask God to help face the hurts and deal with them, I kept pick cheating jerks... Black Jerks, White Jerks, Bi-cultural Jerks and Asian Jerks! You often will draw to yourself what you believe you deserve and once I, with the help of the Lord fixed my thinking, I understood that I'm a good woman worthy of fidelity and I don't draw the same type of guy I use to. So I say again Mr. Tiggerfan, If you are trying to attract a certain type of sista, then you listen to what Mr. Queens is saying, but if you looking for a solid woman, you may want to try a different route. Just be yourself, I don’t get the impression you are having women issue.

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  34.   Member says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Dear Dr Niecy There is always is going to be a double standard when it comes to men and women. Society laughs at a man that is a virgin. Some women have told me they wouldn't be with a man that was a virgin and they are a virgin themselves! I never said you put anyone down. My thing is when people throw around the words "decent women" and "certain type of women". I want to know what exactly you are referring to. Since, I get to the point and never tap dance. I have dated church girls to ghetto girls. All of them had some type of flaw. One common theme they all seem to have was insecurity. Just my personal observation. Also,if a woman was a gold digger, what exactly makes her "different" from you for instance. At least she is up front about what she wants in life. Opposed to women who screen "selectively" and then turn around and lie about "not wanting those material things." This was an interesting discussion. I still don't like fake people. She knows who she is. Good day

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  35.   drniecey2b says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens, that is your idea of a "decent" woman. No one is perfect and never will be. Would a man have to be untouched to be considered decent as well? I don't feel that I'm better than anyone and I didn't put anyone down trying to make myself seem as such. I just don't like being stereotyped.

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  36.   Member says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Exactly Your not going to know. So why the certain "caliber of women" comment. Take your own advice you FAKE PHONY!

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  37. Posted: 14 Mar 09

    I AM TIRED OF SAD PEOPLE......FOR REAL!!!!!! to all those just seeking there own personal happiness (without trying to hurt anyone else....even if it means staying within your own culture, religion,etc)... Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  38. Posted: 14 Mar 09

    I know what I meant and I went a step further (not that I should have to) and explained it....(did you read????....probably NOT) and REALITY CHECK.....this is the internet. You are NEVER going to "really" know anyone from just a few typed sentences....if you think that is possible I don't know what to say for you. I really couldn't care less what anyone thinks of me personally here....I offer my opinions and push the hail on. Some people won't ever be satisfied therefore they will forever be miserable.

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  39.   Member says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Here we go Now, what could " certain caliber" of women mean? Some people are playing word games because they just realized what they "really" meant by that statement. Keep it real on here. Don't tap dance around it. I am tired of fake people for real!

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  40. Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Again....I state, Tiggerfan does not appear to be the sort that really needs help finding a woman that will suit him..(I am sure he has his own set of standards.) And before my words get twisted or misconstrued by ANYONE here (again)....when I said "certain caliber of women" that had nothing to do with race or even social class. That statement had roots in the things that I look for in a mate(regardless of race, social/financial status) as well; integrity, solid value system and so on. Having these things doesn't absolutely make someone better than the next but it certainly can make you more compatible.......PERIOD. All the snap judgements and assumptions are for the birds. GIVE UP YOU DEVISIVE AGENDA>>>>>>EVERY TOPIC DOES NOT CALL FOR IT.. Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  41.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Allright my last two messages were a test I was having a computer issue. First off respect is earned not given. As most white men already know. Its almost always a brother yelling across a room or parking lot to a sister. Stay black or don't sellout out. When shes seen out with a white man. When the inverse situation is seen most white men point and whisper. Why is it that a white man is showing off?? Why can't he just be flirting or being playful in love. Some people are turned on by public affection. I'm one of them for the record. If it was white couple or black couple would they have been showing off? I think not! Your closed mind and elevated testosterone levels, make anything you don't agree with a problem. This is why black men are an endangered species. If a fight would have broken out would there have ben any winners?? You know that awnser right? One less elegible black man to date. Maybe its time to re-evaluate how you see and treat black women. All they want is a strong secure man and most aren't gold diggers. Had it been me in the court house and I was insulted. I would have had no recourse but, to clown and let the chips fall where they may. No women wants a pussy. Fighting isn't always a solution. If I have no choice I will take or give a beating for my special somebody!! No pouting later win/lose. As I said sir respect is earned not given. I'm not a player and don't desire to be one. Call me what you want. I want one full service, goofy humored, extremely flexible, freak at home to explore and play with forever. As long as she has a job, is cute, smart, and a total lady in public. I say winner winner, chicken dinner!!

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  42.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    P.S. I know some spelling is wrong. Eligible. I'm a closet perfectionist.

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  43.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Allright my last two messages were a test I was having a computer issue. First off respect is earned not given. As most white men already know. Its almost always a brother yelling across a room or parking lot to a sister. Stay black or don't sellout out. When shes seen out with a white man. When the inverse situation is seen most white men point and whisper. Why is it that a white man is showing off?? Why can't he just be flirting or being playful in love. Some people are turned on by public affection. I'm one of them for the record. If it was white couple or black couple would they have been showing off? I think not! Your closed mind and elevated testosterone levels, make anything you don't agree with a problem. This is why black men are an endangered species. If a fight would have broken out, would there have been any winners?? You know that awnser right? One less elegible black man to date. Maybe its time to re-evaluate how you see and treat black women. All they want is a strong secure man and most aren't gold diggers. Had it been me in the court house and I was insulted. I would have had no recourse but, to clown and let the chips fall where they may. No women wants a pussy. Fighting isn't always a solution. If I have no choice I will take or give a beating for my special somebody!! No pouting later win/lose. As I said sir respect is earned not given. I'm not a player and don't desire to be one. Call me what you want. I want one full service, goofy humored, extremely flexible, freak at home to explore and play with forever. As long as she has a job, is cute, smart, and a total lady in public. I say winner winner, chicken dinner!!

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  44.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens I do not share many of your views.

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  45.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Mr. Queens I do not share many of your views

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  46.   tigggerfan says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Man this guy is something out of horror story!!

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  47.   Member says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Let me address Dr Niecey I would agree with you that you should want a man that brings something to the table. Now the type of man you "consider" worthy is something else. There are plenty of bus drivers, mechanics, and other black men that work blue collar jobs that are available. So, if it was never about the money, many black women in your position would have a mate to settle down with. Then again, I have heard commentary that contradicts that notion. Things like " We have nothing in common" to other excuses. There is plenty of men that will love you for you. Instead, you stick your nose up at them. I have never been with a woman that has cheated on me. Prior to being engaged, I have dated many black women who were dating "other men." That never really bothered me because you have to keep your options open when it comes to dating. This whole idea of dating 'decent women" is a myth. What is the standard of being a "decent woman". If I applied my standards to what I define is a decent woman it would be a woman that is a "virgin" and goes to church and never compromised her values. That is rare to find. I guess it makes "some" black women feel good to think they are distinguishing themselves from the "rest."

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  48.   Member says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    Dear Tigger Listen, you have been dating black women since 1987 right? Obviously, there is a common theme you are seeing out there. Most of these women have a biased opinion because it is me saying this to you. If everything "they were" saying were true you wouldn't be having problem now would you? I stick to all my statements. This class warfare "some of these black women" are trying to do on the board is funny to me. It always the "elitist" black women looking down "on other black women". Yet, it's that segment of black female population having relationship problems. The nice guys like end up the "friendship" category carrying their bags at the mall or hearing them whine about men they like that treat them "supposedly" bad. Oh yea, I am engaged, and I didn't have to change who I was as a person. You don't conform to women; they conform to you. God Bless

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  49. Posted: 14 Mar 09

    I agree with Imarose....it really doesn't seem like tigger really needs any advice from anyone (especially someone that has undoubtedly been around a certain caliber of woman) Peace -tatted2death

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  50.   wildcat1976 says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 09

    I have the above articles on interacial dating. For me its not about race or the differences in culture its the individual man and the way he treats me. I will say I do prefer the brothers and that is only because I have had a hard life and they seem to understand and are able to b supportive in a way that someone who has not been thru it cant. The sex issue and all that not important as said above making generalities about such a private issue is just stupid because each individual has different needs. Its not determined by race or culture. I have found that it is hard to get acceptence from both sides of the issue if i like the brothers then im stealin a good man from the black woman and if i like the brothers then im dissen my own race hello wake up we all people skin color or culture shouldnt matter its the person that counts!!!

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