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Advice from 5 Women on What Divorce has Taught Them

Posted by Ria, 16 Sep

Divorce is not an easy thing for anyone to go through. But if it has happened multiple times, it probably becomes easier for one to decide to call the marriage quits and make a decision never to give marriage another chance. However, author of Divorced and Still Highly Favored, Janice R. Love says, "But even after divorcing two times, I still believed in marriage."

Love advises men and women who have gone through divorce more than once not to give up on themselves even if their previous marriages saying: "When I finally remarried, I was thankful for not only a second chance, but a third chance."

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In an article on MSN, we get advice from five women who have been through multiple divorces:

1. "You have to make decisions for you—not anyone else." - Michelle Poston Combs, divorced three times

Combs tells us that someone shouldn't stay in a bad marriage just because they have been divorced more than once and are afraid how it will look. Much as people may judge, this a decision that one needs to make on their own despite the expected judgement.

2. "You're not a failure." - Vicki Larson, divorced twice, co-author of The New "I Do"

According to Larson, people always blame themselves when their marriages don't work. They do it more if their marriages have failed more than once because the common denominator is 'you'. So you may start feeling that you probably didn't do enough, something is wrong with you. People around you might even point a finger at you.

She asks people not to believe this saying: "Longevity is not the only measure of a marriage's success. After all, haven't we all seen unions that last 'until death' but are devoid of love, sex, or respect, and full of anger, contempt, or passive-aggressiveness? Why would those marriages be considered successful?"

So if its a healthy, happy and fulfilling marriage, then divorce isn't something that one would consider.

3. "You can't fix anyone." - Dee Dee Marcelli, divorced three times, Hollywood makeup artist

Going into a new relationship hoping that you can change a person isn't healthy. If you a starting one, then make sure its what you want because people are who they are and we have to accept them as they are. She recommends doing a background check before jumping into something new because "... not everyone is who they say they are."

4. "Finding a way to embrace the experience changes everything." - Genise Shelton, divorced twice, reality star on BRAVO TV's Married to Medicine

Shelton is not ashamed that she has been through two divorces. Painful as they were, she sees those experiences as life lessons which have molded her into the woman she is today.

"In my first marriage, I simply married entirely too young, but from that union came my two beautiful boys. Throughout these experiences, I've become so attuned to myself, learning to embrace my strengths and humbly accept my flaws," she says.

5. "Forgiveness is essential." - Beverly Harris, divorced twice, blogs at Beverly Hills Insider

Harris' mantra is 'Everything has a season'. For her, forgiveness has helped her navigate those painful moments and eventually move on. And it's NOT about forgiving the ex. Its all about forgiving yourself. She says: "Healing is an inside job ... it's okay to be alone."