You are dating this pretty cool someone who is sweet and attentive. You like this someone a lot and can see yourselves becoming a solid couple …long-term. Much as everything is perfect, there is only one hitch … his or her friends.
Your almost perfect other always tells you “You’re just gonna love so-and-so”, and then when you meet the friend, they’re mildly offensive and nothing like your spouse. Even the one who is supposed to be the closest friend is either a self-proclaimed womanizer or lazy and opportunistic. You end up grinning and bearing your way through many nights of their company.
Does the company that your new catch keep an indicator of something wrong with them? Aren’t there any nicer people to hang with? It kinda makes you wonder if your new catch is just putting on a show for you. Will this company be some bad influence later?
What should one do about their spouse’s awful taste in friends? How do you raise your concerns without sounding b****y? Should one end the relationship while it’s early?
Tags: black white dating, asian white dating, spouse’s friends
Popularity: 32% [?]
Comment by HereIambaby on 28 February 2008:
Different person has different style.My black friends on the page, blackcentury. com , also have their own style.And they live a happy life .We can’t comment anyone because we are different.
Comment by Ruth7 on 29 February 2008:
While we have friends who are different in their approach to life & perhaps in their outlook, personally I have never been able to become really “tight” with someone who does not share my core values. While it can be restrictive in a sense, our core values are what makes us who we are. We tend to gravitate towards like-minded beings. If my significant others friends were really offensive, I would have to establish whether there are things about him I know nothing about. Based on that determination, I would move on if need be with no regrets.
Comment by SnehaSeeli on 4 March 2008:
I have friends that would try a saint. I don’t judge as long as they are respectful to me and those around me. If I find they don’t have the humanity required to function in my world, then I let them go. Some with regrets, others with a lesson learned.
Comment by MarBar22 on 30 March 2008:
I had a friend I was so fond of - thought she was the best friend a girl could want. My spouse wasn’t at all impressed. I could never figure out why - she seemed to really be a good friend to me so I was baffled that he didn’t see that in her too. He never said anything horrible, but would reluctantly agree to spend time with her, but always did because it was important to me. I’ve slowly learned over the past 9 months that she wasn’t as good a friend as I thought. As I figured out who she really was, and that her moral compass is askew, he started sharing with me the reasons why he didn’t like her and that he always suspected that I invested more in the friendship than she did, and hoped I wouldn’t end up hurt. So nearly 15 years later, she’s a stranger and no friend. My past boyfriends had the same things to say about her, but I never “got it” until now. The moral to my story is: Sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to see what’s really going on and if I had listened to their instincts a long time ago I wouldn’t have invested any additional time in a toxic friendship. My advice: If you really feel strongly about this person hang in there - eventually, if you’re getting the real deal, the friends will fallout and all will move on. Thankfully I did, and thankfully he saw more in me than the company I kept at the time.