There is a hate that some African-American women voice and loudly! – they hate it when a black man becomes famous - he’s always quick to run to a caucasian woman to marry. Question is: Does success determine whom society thinks you will or should love? What does fame and success have to do with loving whoever the heart tells you to?
There has always been this notion that once a black man becomes successful in life he forgets about the sister that stayed with his a** when he had nothing and was a nobody. Is this entirely true? I don’t think so.
Much as there are a few brothas that marry someone of a different race once they became successful, there are also those that have married their beautiful black sistas. Plus there is one thing most of us fail to consider… COINCIDENCE! May be the dude just happened to meet the person they love after making it in life… and that person happened to be caucasian. Its sad to see how people get pissed over interracial marriages or dating and how they always dig up reasons to justify why you decided to date interracially.
Haven’t they ever heard of love and attraction?
I usually like to believe that it’s no one’s business whom I decide to date or marry. And people shouldn’t have to give reasons why. If one feels that a woman or man of another race is going to love them the way they want be loved, then that is their business don’t you think? Pouting and name calling is not going to make them change their mind. There are many successful black women who date interracially, Shar Jackson, Venus Williams etc. etc., Moreso, there are many successful black males married to lovely black females, Denzel Washington, Will Smith and Sidney Poiter come to mind. So, is it just because the media focus on an “interracial union” moreso or is it just that you yourself notice it more?
So he is not with a black woman. But does it really matter? Is this something to get an ulcer over? It is NOT WRITTEN that ‘Thou shall not date outside your race once you become successful’ and you don’t have to be any particular race to be a “trophy wife”
Another point is Black men, for example, are a minority group in America. So they would be surrounded by White, Hispanic, and Asian women. Common sense would seem to dictate that there would be interracial dating, marriages, and children between Whites and Blacks unless there were specific laws against or attacks on interracial couples.
It actually would be weird for some Black men NOT to choose to date White, Hispanic, or Asian women if that is what is also around them.
Statistics prove the majority of Black men, date and marry Black women. So, if some Black men (or women) date and marry other races what is the problem? By the way, the American group with the largest percentage of interracial marriages would be Asian American women. Why no focus on Asian American women that date outside of their “race”?
I know people tend to get mad even when they see a black woman with a white man. I was shocked to hear of a dude who refuses to watch Halle Berry films just coz she is pregnant by a white man. And you won’t believe his argument: “Out of all the successful black men she could have been with, she chooses to get pregnant by a white man!” Personally, I find it a little hard to watch Tom Cruise movies after what he did to Nicole 
Looking at Berry’s story, its not like she never dated successful black men, she did. But she has now moved on and found someone who loves her and wants to be with. She fell in love with a white man just as she would a black man.
Who cares if Cuba Gooding Jr. married a white woman? That would be his business. We wouldn’t even ever know about it if these people weren’t famous.
Not only do we judge the famous. We also form opinions about the random people walking down the street with their significant other. Turning our noses in disgust won’t make them love each other less.
It’s time to let our intelligence guide our thoughts and opinions and judge people for who they are as opposed to who they date or marry.
Tags: black white dating, cross-cultural dating, success and relationships
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Comment by phatkitty on 12 November 2007:
My only comment on this piece is, Halley has married 2 AA men and both marriages ended in divorce. In a previous relationship (while still dating) she was also physically abused by her boyfriend. So if she finds love in another color, who are we to judge. It’s hard enough to find the right one as it is. So if we can’t be happy for people, then let them be. Another thing, her mother is caucasian. A lot of AA people forget that side of her. Her AA father was also a deadbeat. She has never once claimed to be white; she has always claimed to be AA, she could have easily claimed to be bi-racial or multi-cultural or whatever. So please give her a break. If she is happy: am happy for her.
ps. Sidney Potier never married a black woman. His wife/wives have always been caucasian.
Comment by Darren on 20 November 2007:
Absolutely sexual anatomy or dating in general is a numbers game, just like Sales (as a profession is) and many other endeavors. Limiting your mates to a specific race only limits you. Getting rejected by any race or sex is tough, I used to take it personally, but then I began to realize some of the women I felt I was “doing them a favor” by even talking to them were flat out not interested…this is because of any number of reasons, not necessarily my looks or personality or the way I approached them….BOTTOM LINE IMPROVE YOUR NUMBERS AND IMPROVE YOUR ODDS…..more at
http://publicflirt.com
Comment by Mahogany_1974 on 16 December 2007:
I obviously don’t care (considering where I’m at). However, what I do care about is the attitude that comes along with it. If you’re going to date outside your race, be classy about it. Even if you’re not interested in someone at least smile and be graceful. I have seen lots of black men turn their noses at black women (an mind you, these were not ugly women either–I’m talking runway quality) and then smile like cheshire cats at white/latina/asian women. That’s not classy. What’s classy is being nice to people no matter how you feel. Take 5 minutes to talk to a woman and leave her in a good mood and with a positive impression of you.
Comment by phatkitty on 2 January 2008:
Just for my information, can someone please tell me what Tom Cruise did to Nicole Kidman. Because i seem to be the last clueless person on this top in the Western Hemisphere. I actually stop liking him after he started going bizurk over Katie, and turned into a complete fool.
Comment by CT on 20 February 2008:
I believe that Halle Berry has finally found someone with whom to share her life, someone who appreciates her and cherishes her. I also pray that she is with Gabriel, because she allowed herself to be open to love, and that she found it with him. That is really the only thing that matters.
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Comment by KDH on 27 February 2008:
I personally do not have any problem with Interracial Dating or marriage, but I do know a few that do in which I think is very sad. Like darren said that really does limit you. Not just in the dating world, but in the experiences that you would be passing up by limiting yourself. The sad part of celebrity relationships no matter what color it seems is that they dont last very long, and then it turns into an ugly public divorce. Child Custody
Comment by HereIambaby on 28 February 2008:
there is no guarantee on marriage. it’s something of a risk and something we have to prepare ourselves for. Maybe the problem of marriages not succeeding is because the people involved do not know themselves and the other person’s background enough. I mean, isn’t it important to have someone who suits you and your ways ? And that person might be from your culture or another one. At the same time, cultures do have dominant characteristics, like some cultures are quiet and gentle and others are a bit tough (in their ways) so if for example you’re a sensitive person you’d have to go for the person and the ‘culture’ that coincides with you.There are some good interracial dating sites, such as Blackcentury.com. Maybe you can have a try on it.
Comment by Rua on 29 February 2008:
I am a very strong and successful Black/Native American woman. “My experience” (and this is my experience only - not all inclusive) with AA men has been that they have viewed me as being someone they need to break, dominate and control. My earthly father raised me to be strong and independent, and that has helped me get where I am today. I have dated men of all ethnicities, and find that I have the most success with White men. They love the fact that I am strong and successful and treat me as an asset rather than a conquest.
One thing that many people overlook about Halle Berry is the obvious fact that she was looking for her father’s love when she was dating Black men. Since she had no real experience with Black men, she didn’t know how to handle herself. So she threw herself on them expecting to fill a void that only her father could. I remember hearing some of her interviews when she was with Justice and Benet, and I thought to myself, “Man, is she needy..” Yes, Halle Berry was very emotionally needy. I really felt sorry for her. But when she got herself together and realized that she could live without her father’s love as long as she knew and loved herself, she began to extend her boundaries and found love. I’m happy for her, and anyone else who knows themselves well enough to pursue what they truly desire.
The differences between people are cultural, not just racial. There are Black people on this planet that I have nothing in common with except the tone of my skin. Because when you check my DNA, I’ve barely got enough Black in me to check that box on an application. But most people don’t look at my features, just my skin. I embrace both my ethnicities equally and I love who I am. But the real me lies far beneath the skin. Just looking at my surface won’t tell you much.
Comment by Tanza on 29 February 2008:
What is with the blackcentury.com “ads” that are popping up all over this site????
Is no one else annoyed by them? This is spamming that is going unnoticed by the proprietor of this blog. This person is obviously not interested in contributing to the blog comments. Every post is an attempt to drum up business for that sorry website.
Comment by ChocolateGenius on 16 March 2008:
You made some excellent points Rua!
I am a young,beautiful, intelligent, motivated Black woman,and I am attracted to people who appreciate those qualities, and for me personally, I gravitate toward WM.
ps- where do you live? Because I don’t know what type of black folk you know, but at first glance I would DEFINITELY guess that you “barely got enough Black in [you] to check that box on an application” lol
Comment by SLOTZ on 5 July 2008:
I Don’t understand why our sisters are are so much attracted to interracial marriages.Our sisters use to say they date White males at the end because Black males choose White females or betray Black females.But what could prove that the real problem is the Kemit Man?the real problem could be the Kemit woman.They want to be with White males because they say that Brothers are too hard and not fRESH.They don’t like their brothers.Our people are not united.Some think that racism is over and also want to have mixed babies with blue eyes or green eyes.Our sisters want to date White males just to have mixed children.I think they don’t respect themselves first.They are lost.I know that most of African Americans date between themselves and that’s good .But in France,i think it’s not the case.Some think that mixing the races will be the future.I think those people are crazy.Brothers and sisters have to unite first before going with the rest of humanity.I don’t think of separite the ethnic group:African is African,Afro west indian is afro west indian or African American is African American.BUT BLACK IS BLACK:We all come from Africa and our ancestors were the Pharaos and the kings and Queens of the all african tribes through the continent.
Comment by poetlove on 6 July 2008:
Well mentioning Sidney Poitier is irrelevant he has mixed kids.Halle Berry beautiful yes, crazy probably. I don’t know if those get paid and get a white slogans still stabd up. But I see it alot, Alfre Woodard man I was surprised