We usually like to convince our selves that racial discrimination does not exist. But if you really want to know the truth about all this, try bringing up the subject of interracial dating – and not on an interracial dating blog platform.
So we say that race relations have come a long way … this may be true. But if you look at the romantic side of things, then I think we are slacking. The other day, I was going through this blog where the author says she will not change her stance on interracial dating. The blog went:
“I’ve never denied not being just a little racist. I’m sure it lies within me somewhere, as I believe it lies within all people … I just believe to deny the fact that there is more than the simple notion that “love is blind? when it comes to relationships makes me cringe. I do believe that Black men who have Black mothers and choose not to love a Black woman and bestow upon their children a Black mother suffer with some sort of self hatred. Racism is still alive.?
It is statements like these make me wonder if we really have changed.
Sometimes our parents claim that they love all races but try bringing a woman or man of another race from college … don’t be shocked at the face of disgust and a feeling of betrayal that they will wear. And of course there are those that truly don’t care about race but there we have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings that do care. And then there is society.
When you ask people whether they are racist, they will always say no. But when you ask them if they can date someone from a different race, that is when you realize that somehow, deep down people still have racial traces embedded in them. Or is it preference?
Our attitude has changed as polls and surveys say. But why is it that the number of actual interracial marriages doesn’t reflect the attitudes we portray in surveys? Why aren’t the numbers as high as we would expect? Has our attitude really changed or is the media and internet just blowing it out of proportion?
Tags: online dating, attitudes towards interracial dating, cross-cultural dating
Popularity: 7% [?]
Comment by Salome on 1 December 2007:
I don’t think that attitudes have changed; I think that they just went undercover. People have just chosen not to talk about issues of race anymore. People are complacent. But you’re right. I think that more people are willing to date outside their race but are pickier about it. For example, I’ve known some men (Black, White, Asian) who will not consider dating a woman outside of their race unless her looks or personality are so undeniable that you just have to go for it (i.e. she’d be totally out of their league even in their own race). I know a lot of women who are that way too. Also, there was a show done on ABC (one of those John Stossel reports) right around the time that the book Freakonomics came out (2006). They touched on the same topic. The results were basically the same as the one stated above. Here’s a link to the show: http://stosselintheclassroom.org/top_educ_titles.html. Scroll down and click on Freakonomics. Also, for a wrap up on the juicier parts of the show (as it relates to dating) then see this blog: http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2006/04/freakonomics-cost-of-interracial.html. It’s pretty much what I remember from the show.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating, who is attracted to them since they really aren’t represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation especially of classic bi-racial males tend to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males do.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
desz Says:
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
desz Says:
desz Says: Got it! Sorry for the severe typos earlier…
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial groups.
Comment by Jasmine on 14 February 2008:
I think that racism is very much alive but I also think that its gradually lessening. I personally have no reservations about other races or interracial dating. I’m a white girl and honestly, I find myself attracted to blacks and asians. If in the future I’m in love with someone of a different race, I’ll marry them regardless of what ANYONE thinks. To me, it shouldn’t matter what people think. Why should you sacrifice your happiness because someone else is uncomfortable with it?
Comment by blackeloquent on 14 April 2008:
Peace & Greetings,
As a woman of African descent, I am disturbed by the fact that people identify an individual as a racist merly because they choose to date and marry in their own racial or ethnic group and are opposed to doing so in other groups. Surely if an individual can show prefernce toward another group other than their own and not be considered racist, surely someone can have that same preference within a group. I believe that we have become so sensitive to the race issues in our country that now people can hardly celebrate the rich history, legacy, and cultural diversity within their own group without having to apologize for it. I am not interested in marrying outside of my race not because I hate other races but because I love my own. I believe it is perfectly healthy to support your lineage, heritage, and traditions of your own culture without people considering it hatred. Furthermore, on the flip side, internal racism in groups exists as well. Everyone who joins another race may not be doing it for harmonius reasons. Some people reject the men and women of their own race, and in my opinion, that clearly does not make the world a better place. You can accept, appreciate, respect, other groups and clearly you don’t have to join them to do so. More importantly, marrying other races does not exempt you from racism,both internal or external. Lastly, we should understand that many people get together for many reasons and we should not assume that interracial couples have a color blind heart and a higher level of acceptance of races, for no one knows why any 2 people get together. For some, it is because they reject their own and deem another group as superior to their own. Both ethnocentricsm and racism can go both ways. We need to celebrate and embrace ourselves and heal from self-hatred and then we can embrace and respect other races. I love my color and want all chidren to know, that it doesn’t have to be mixed to be accepted. This is not a time to be colorblind, it time to see!
peace,
blackeloquent
Comment by poetlove on 12 July 2008:
blackeloquent,
well put you find it often if you have white friends tell them you’re going to an African heritage festival. There are some that will be interested in knowing, others will cringe like why you going to that. I don’t find it racist if you want to date within in your own. I am good friends with a few white people females included. But I love black women, tried to date a white girl once, didn’t work for me. I performed a poem dedicated black women she said it was harsh. It’s a two sidedness to the universal love thing. You can love universally but not your own. That’s insane thinking I’m not a racist because I love what I came from. A black woman
Comment by LKNGirl on 24 November 2008:
I live in the south. I wish attitudes would change, but unfortunately not. I’m a black woman that dates outside of my race. When I do meet a white man that is interested in dating me he seems to be very uncomfortable taking me out in public. Then there’s my fantasy theory where I believe there are some white men in the south that are only looking to fulfill their fantasy of having sex with black women. It’s disappointing to get more attention, even on this site, from men from across the country than in my own area. Maybe I should pack up my little doggies and move.
Comment by pt100m on 1 December 2008:
desz,
Why do you think someone of mixed race suffers from fewer dating options?!
Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial?
Do you devalue Obama?
Comment by desz on 2 December 2008:
…due to a lack of representation in pop culture.
Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not.
No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer’s eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make some many of us slap happy!
In other words, if bi-racial males ain’t seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame—that equates to fewer dating options.
Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized “First Black President” it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage. Hello Jim Crow…
Comment by desz on 2 December 2008:
…due to a lack of representation in pop culture.
Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not.
No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer’s eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make some many of us slap happy!
In other words, if bi-racial males ain’t seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame—that equates to fewer dating options.
Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized “First Black President” it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage. Hello Jim Crow?
Comment by desz on 2 December 2008:
You are making a generalization with the statement below:
You stated in your post:
“Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial?”
There is no point or comment made in either of my posts that posit that I devalue bi-racial people?
Choose words wisely and refrain from an ad hominem approach and generalizations without evidence.
Much Respect and overstanding…
Comment by desz on 2 December 2008:
…due to a lack of representation in pop culture.
Males are especially underrepresented through the media. Intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whethter we acknowledge this fact or not.
No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising the more consistencly present a product is placed in the the viewer’s eyeshot, the higher the and greater the recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make some many of us slap happy!
In other words, if bi-racial males ain’t seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual options for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment because of the lack of reference frame—that equates to fewer dating options.
Obama? He is referred to as the first Africa-American of Black president and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument for lack of representation spoke about in the article. Obama and his family are honorable, but again as the media empasized “First Black President” it might be difficult for some to understand his relationship to his biological mother. America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage.
Hello Jim Crow?!
Comment by desz on 2 December 2008:
Please disregard (several) earlier posts due to typos…IDC needs to invest in editing software so we can make corrections, no one is always perfect…
Comment by pt100m on 1 December 2008:
Why do you think someone of mixed race suffers from fewer dating options?!
Why would you devalue someone because they are bi-racial?
Do you devalue Obama?
…due to a lack of representation in pop culture.
(Bi-racial) males are especially underrepresented through the media AND intuitively culture learns to do “culture” through social networks such as the media whether we acknowledge this fact or not.
No man or woman is an island and as with any form of successful advertising, the more consistency present a product—as in is placed in the viewer’s eyeshot—the higher the greater its recognition value becomes. There is a reason the golden arches of Micky D’s make many of us slap happy! Get it?
In other words, if a bi-racial male isn’t seen regularly in a positive light as a viable romantic or sexual option for women, he is more likely to naturally warrant more discernment within the mating game because of the lack of reference frame available to prospective mates; that equates to fewer dating options!
Obama? He is referred to as the first African-American or Black President and not the first bi-racial president, which is the argument made in this article. In spite of it all Obama succeeded—one first generation bi-racial man among probably millions who may be equally successful in their own right but underacknowledged or publically seen.
Obama and his entire family are honorable yet the media emphasized “First Black President.” Did Obama’s mom play any role in his birth? How about his black and white grandparents? Is there a double standard here? It might be difficult for some folks to understand his relationship to his biological mother because she tends to be dismissed by many.
It is arguable, but probable that much of America devalues or at least overlooks Obama’s bi-racial heritage and that’s my point…Bi-racial males have little to no representation and where there is no representation, there is little to no frame of reference for relating to those from diverse backgrounds.
Thus, how far has America tossed Jim Crow, really?
Please forgive the typos and heed the message.
LikShot and Much Luv…From a proud Bi-racial Dude.
Comment by GETOVERIT on 22 July 2009:
Im still trying to figure out why it matters who dates who and if whos attracted to who. AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND ALL GODS CHILDREN! YOU DONT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE COLOR OF SOMES SKIN THE TEXTURE OF THE HAIR THEY HAVE! YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH WHOM THAT PERSON IS!!!
WE WILL NEVER OVER COME RACISM WITH WEBSITES LIKE THIS. BLACK WHITE BLACK WHITE IS ALL PEOPLE EVER SEE.
GET OVER IT!
Comment by Bi-racial girl dating a bi-racial guy on 26 July 2009:
I am a female of mixed ethnicity, African American, English and Scottish, and I am also the second generation of American citizens. I have a boyfriend that I intend to marry one day that is also Multi-racial, he is half Korean and a quarter Italian and Irish. Most recently his father, who is Italian and Irish looked me up online, because I am an athlete and am very involved at my university, and told him to break up with me from the pictures he saw of me online. I do have darker skin than many other people but I do not portray myself in any type of ill manner and have a good head on my shoulders. With that being said my boyfriend was still told to break up with me and if he should not then he will be cut off from his family financially and kicked out of the house. I thought this was cruel and hypocritical because his mother is a korean immigrant; and his mother and father are still together. I never thought that such a thing would ever happen to me because I was raised to be open minded, accepting and tolerant of others. Apparently, times have not changed as much as I thought they had. Apparently it is okay to be multi-racial in the minds of some…but unacceptable to be mixed with Black. That is okay, because my boyfriend has not broken up with me. We are still together and weathering the storm. This is why I love him, because he loves me for me.
Comment by wonka on 28 February 2010:
Well it goes back to topic of dating outside of ones
race,in some cases it’s exceptable in other cases it’s not.That’s the kind of world we live in.The father is a hippocrite too,his wife is korean,I mean
give me a freakin break,he’s Irish/Italian and I
guess he’s forgotten about his ancesters past and what they went through to be excepted in society.My
father is Irish-American himself and if he read this
he’d be pissed,ya see alot of people who are Racist/
prejudiced know about the history of what their
people went through when they came to this country.
However,because they have been excepted into society
they use it as a means to S#&* on other people
who are not of that race or who’m they feel should
NOT be excepted into society.I sucks,but,Irish and
Italians have ALOT of prejudice in them believe me
I know,they act funny towards blacks and in most
cases hispanics(among others)it’s a way of making
themselves feel better because they actually know
about their ancestors past.Many of them stereotype,
but,correct me if I’m wrong,if there’s any group
of people who are stereotyped,it’s the Irish and
Italians.I guess they see it more as a pride thing
then anythingelse,PLEASE give me a freakin break
most of them are a bunch of WANNABES anyway!.
Comment by wonka on 28 February 2010:
It SUCKS!!
Comment by wonka on 6 March 2010:
Mine hasn’t,it’s OVERRATED!!.