We usually like to convince our selves that racial discrimination does not exist. But if you really want to know the truth about all this, try bringing up the subject of interracial dating – and not on an interracial dating blog platform.
So we say that race relations have come a long way … this may be true. But if you look at the romantic side of things, then I think we are slacking. The other day, I was going through this blog where the author says she will not change her stance on interracial dating. The blog went:
“I’ve never denied not being just a little racist. I’m sure it lies within me somewhere, as I believe it lies within all people … I just believe to deny the fact that there is more than the simple notion that “love is blind� when it comes to relationships makes me cringe. I do believe that Black men who have Black mothers and choose not to love a Black woman and bestow upon their children a Black mother suffer with some sort of self hatred. Racism is still alive.�
It is statements like these make me wonder if we really have changed.
Sometimes our parents claim that they love all races but try bringing a woman or man of another race from college … don’t be shocked at the face of disgust and a feeling of betrayal that they will wear. And of course there are those that truly don’t care about race but there we have grandparents, aunts, uncles, and siblings that do care. And then there is society.
When you ask people whether they are racist, they will always say no. But when you ask them if they can date someone from a different race, that is when you realize that somehow, deep down people still have racial traces embedded in them. Or is it preference?
Our attitude has changed as polls and surveys say. But why is it that the number of actual interracial marriages doesn’t reflect the attitudes we portray in surveys? Why aren’t the numbers as high as we would expect? Has our attitude really changed or is the media and internet just blowing it out of proportion?
Tags: cross-cultural dating, online dating, attitudes towards interracial dating
Popularity: 21% [?]
Comment by jayzgurl on 25 November 2007:
I am an african american female dating a caucasian male. We know that even the slightest hints of racism are instilled in everyone. Whether it be the looks of surprise when my boyfriend grabs my hand in public or the awkward pause when I told the car salesman to let me get my boyfriend. We’ve seen the obvious shock and awe and the not-so-obvious gasps and pearl clutches. Thankfully, we’re secure and it only makes our bond stronger…us against the world!!! To answer the question, hell yeah racism is alive! There’s no exaggeration. Whether it’s done on purpose or not. When me and my boyfriend got together, I was waiting for the N word to come up (I knew he HAD to think of me that way even if he didn’t say it…) in our first fight because he was gonna be every kind “cracker” I could think of!! But it didn’t and it hasn’t and it’s been 3 years. I had to lower my defenses because I thought that’s what ALL other ethnicities thought “secretly” that this is what black people are. I’ve had to stop being that way. It’s unfair. I can’t take my fear of being hurt by a word and justify hurting someone I love by doing the same.
Comment by Salome on 1 December 2007:
I don’t think that attitudes have changed; I think that they just went undercover. People have just chosen not to talk about issues of race anymore. People are complacent. But you’re right. I think that more people are willing to date outside their race but are pickier about it. For example, I’ve known some men (Black, White, Asian) who will not consider dating a woman outside of their race unless her looks or personality are so undeniable that you just have to go for it (i.e. she’d be totally out of their league even in their own race). I know a lot of women who are that way too. Also, there was a show done on ABC (one of those John Stossel reports) right around the time that the book Freakonomics came out (2006). They touched on the same topic. The results were basically the same as the one stated above. Here’s a link to the show: http://stosselintheclassroom.org/top_educ_titles.html. Scroll down and click on Freakonomics. Also, for a wrap up on the juicier parts of the show (as it relates to dating) then see this blog: http://theasianplayboy.blogspot.com/2006/04/freakonomics-cost-of-interracial.html. It’s pretty much what I remember from the show.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating, who is attracted to them since they really aren’t represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation especially of classic bi-racial males tend to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males do.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
desz Says:
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial males.
Comment by desz on 2 February 2008:
desz Says:
desz Says: Got it! Sorry for the severe typos earlier…
It would be interesting to get perspectives on interracial dating from the product of interracial unions…how do the offspring of mixed race unions view dating and who is attracted to them considering bi-racials are rarely represented and how do they (especially the males)cope with fewer dating choices due to there cultural defined racial ambiguity?
The scarce representation, especially of classic bi-racial males, tends to reduce their value among women of different racial groups making bi-racial males less likely of experiencing dating variety than males of non-biracial groups.
Comment by Jasmine on 14 February 2008:
I think that racism is very much alive but I also think that its gradually lessening. I personally have no reservations about other races or interracial dating. I’m a white girl and honestly, I find myself attracted to blacks and asians. If in the future I’m in love with someone of a different race, I’ll marry them regardless of what ANYONE thinks. To me, it shouldn’t matter what people think. Why should you sacrifice your happiness because someone else is uncomfortable with it?
Comment by blackeloquent on 14 April 2008:
Peace & Greetings,
As a woman of African descent, I am disturbed by the fact that people identify an individual as a racist merly because they choose to date and marry in their own racial or ethnic group and are opposed to doing so in other groups. Surely if an individual can show prefernce toward another group other than their own and not be considered racist, surely someone can have that same preference within a group. I believe that we have become so sensitive to the race issues in our country that now people can hardly celebrate the rich history, legacy, and cultural diversity within their own group without having to apologize for it. I am not interested in marrying outside of my race not because I hate other races but because I love my own. I believe it is perfectly healthy to support your lineage, heritage, and traditions of your own culture without people considering it hatred. Furthermore, on the flip side, internal racism in groups exists as well. Everyone who joins another race may not be doing it for harmonius reasons. Some people reject the men and women of their own race, and in my opinion, that clearly does not make the world a better place. You can accept, appreciate, respect, other groups and clearly you don’t have to join them to do so. More importantly, marrying other races does not exempt you from racism,both internal or external. Lastly, we should understand that many people get together for many reasons and we should not assume that interracial couples have a color blind heart and a higher level of acceptance of races, for no one knows why any 2 people get together. For some, it is because they reject their own and deem another group as superior to their own. Both ethnocentricsm and racism can go both ways. We need to celebrate and embrace ourselves and heal from self-hatred and then we can embrace and respect other races. I love my color and want all chidren to know, that it doesn’t have to be mixed to be accepted. This is not a time to be colorblind, it time to see!
peace,
blackeloquent
Comment by poetlove on 12 July 2008:
blackeloquent,
well put you find it often if you have white friends tell them you’re going to an African heritage festival. There are some that will be interested in knowing, others will cringe like why you going to that. I don’t find it racist if you want to date within in your own. I am good friends with a few white people females included. But I love black women, tried to date a white girl once, didn’t work for me. I performed a poem dedicated black women she said it was harsh. It’s a two sidedness to the universal love thing. You can love universally but not your own. That’s insane thinking I’m not a racist because I love what I came from. A black woman