If a someone is a former racist and was dating interracially, and later got married, would it be alright if he or she confessed to his partner of another race that he or used to have racial tendencies in the past or is this one of those things that are better left n the closet? Would this have an impact on your relationship if you suddenly realized the person you are in an interracial relationship with was once racist?
Tags: cross-cultural dating, interracial relationships, black white dating
Popularity: 71% [?]
Comment by happywithme on 20 May 2008:
It is a matter of honesty. remember…any omission of the truth is a lie. Because we all (hopefully) mature and become wiser with age it is possible for one to have a sincere change of heart.The trick here is would you want your partner to find out accidentally and have to defend yourself or be proactive? As I was guilty of this shameful behavior I would not want it to just come up. I make a point of being honest, about who I used to be as much as who I am now.
Comment by smtwngurl on 20 May 2008:
We can’t go back and change anything in our past. It would be best to upfront about it. People aren’t born racist it’s something they learn over a period of time. I’m not saying someone intentionally raised their son or daughter to be racist, although I personally know it happens, I’m saying maybe it’s was just the environment they grew up in. We tend to be like our parents and those around us. We have similar beliefs and traditions. Maybe the person grew up in an area where the people have always been racist and that is all they knew till the ventured beyond those boundaries and found out for themselves what people of other races are like. Sometimes it’s ignorance and or fear that causes us to hate without a cause. It’s always best to tell the truth to your mate. Even one lie or deception undermines what you are building and can destroy the trust you share. Without trust you have nothing.
Comment by evaafta on 22 May 2008:
i would want to know the who, why, what, and when. then we can go from there…as ambassadors to peace, we need the hate of what we may have once came from, brought forward. then we may grow as people…
Comment by luv4coco on 22 May 2008:
HONESTY!!!!!!!!! Is there any other way? Its ok to admit your faults to your significant other. Obviously, there has been a change of heart. We cannot control our upbringings, neighborhoods, etc., the things that shaped us in that manner originally. But, with that said, a change of heart occurred. One should be proud of the emotional gains made in this arena, or any other. Its just another phase of growth. Face the embarrassment of your shallow past. Embrace it. Acknowledge it. Then, bury it, where it belongs.
Comment by lynn on 23 May 2008:
To tell you the truth old habits die hard. I think this is serious. If the person was like they they should tell their partner. If they got mad at someone of a different race or was their partner race they could easily say things that may not be appropriate. I’m not saying that people can’t change. People can change and i’m no saying hold things over anyone head. We all sin and make mistakes. But things like this if not told can come back to bite you in the but or resurface in situations. For instance if someone use to know that the person was a racist before they may say wrong things to your partner that you may not like. Or they may try to be rude back to them. But if your partner already knows this they can be prepared for anything and won’t be hurt if people say bad things about them that are true that they didn’t know. But there are alot of other things that can happen as well. Long as both people feel comtorable with each other and love each other and you feel that person has changed for the better. Then I say that if they want to be with them they should. Who is anyone to question. And I leave you anyone with theses very words. Don’t critize anyone decisions. “Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.”
Comment by heidi on 26 May 2008:
honesty is the best policy! The past is the past as long as you can come clean about it! I completely agree with luv4coco’s comments.
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Comment by jowallace on 27 May 2008:
I think they should come clean. Not everyone is raised to be open-minded. We can’t control what we’re taught when we’re young. If I were dating someone with a racist past, I would respect him more now for knowing that his former type of thinking is wrong and actually having enough courage to abandon his beliefs and change his ways for the better.
Comment by phatkitty on 27 May 2008:
Am for honesty 100% always, even if it hurts, better to know and get it over with; the sooner the better. That is my take.
Comment by cocobaker813 on 1 June 2008:
I would definitely want to know if my hubby had a racist past, and I would like to know before we were married. To lie about something like that, especially married to a person whose race he was prejudiced against, or had violent interactions with, is huge. It is something that needs to be known, especially if his family members were still in that mindset, and he still interacts with those members.
Comment by poetlove on 29 June 2008:
This is very thought provoking, being that i’ve a been a member or supporter or Black power organizations. I now date a colorful spectrum of women I do find it important to let them know. The most embarassing thing is to be dating someone and that past. Walks right up to you to speak and you’ve got someone of another race on your arm…lol, but it’s all about growth and maturity. If you lived a certain way but woke up, God has forgiven you, be honest about your past and move on
Comment by BIG MAMA on 12 July 2008:
Yes, I think it should be brought up. Maybe not right away, but somewhere in the relationship it should come up., Now. How you handle it is a different thing.
Are you going to get disgusted and storm out of the restaurant or the apartment? Or are you going to sit there with your mouth shut and listen. Everyone deserves a second chance in life, a chance to put a wrong right. To set things straight.
It’s really depends on you. How do you choose to handle something that is ancient history! If you love him or her, then the decision shouldn’t be that hard to make.
Comment by Mo on 16 July 2008:
honesty is the best policy
Comment by SoRandom on 14 August 2008:
I realize this is an older article but…
I think it helps to be aware of the past if you are going to meet their friends/family members. In my past I had an interesting experience when a friend of a man I was dating mentioned he used to be a skin head. I didn’t make me adore him any less but for a few moments it created a tense situation.