Do you hate on your own race?
Tyra Banks did a show on interracial dating… Ok, I admit it! I’ve always had a thing about the gorgeous Tyra and when I saw she was doing a show on interracial dating I just had to see which side of the fence she sat on! 
Anyway, as the show went on, one thing that interested me was a Korean lady by the name of Ja – she was young and very beautiful. This lady, (born in Korea then moved to the United States) had never dated an Asian guy. Well for a minute there I kinda understood why - damn! she had perfect English, no accent… true American. And she had only dated white men.
Dudes, I really wanted to change the channel but checking Tyra out is excuse enough. 
I also wanted to know why this Korean woman had never dated a Korean/Asian guy.
Having moved to the US at an early age (7 going on 12), an age when the lil’ girls start discovering themselves, and being in an almost all white school, I kind of empathized with her… she identifies with white people.
Then she burst my bubble with the stereotypes… Asian men are nerdy and feminine! So Tyra decided to send her on a date with an Asian man. And she went on… Asian men this… Asian men that. Even when the dude said he was doing Engineering, she went… Even the dude had to comment that all she just went on and on about Asian men and bringng her version of that stereotype in the mix.
I am pro-interracial dating but what I didn’t understand is why someone would be so judgmental about their own race without even giving people a chance to prove them wrong. Was it because she had been surrounded by people who are biased against Asian men? Is it that she didn’t want anyone white to stereotype her? Then it hit me… :idea:I have always been so judgmental about the Tyra Banks show… never gave it a chance (guy thing). But once I gave it a chance that day, I actually watched the whole show.
We are all judgmental. People will always judge. Just as Ja did her own race, so do some people in the case of interracial dating. But should we let our unproven assumptions deter us from falling in love with that ‘nerd’ as people put it?
Tags: black white dating, online dating, asian white dating
Popularity: 8% [?]
September 21st, 2007 at 9:29 am
I saw that Tyra segment myself. Interesting how people get these stereotypes in their heads and won’t give it up for anything. I love who I am and wouldn’t change anything for the world. But I do have to admit that its very nice being an attractive woman. I too might have considered plastic surgery if I thought there was something that could be done to improve a facial feature I wasn’t happy with (like the profiled eyelid surgery that many Asians are having). So why categorize it as trying to look Caucasian? Why not just say you’re having a little work done on a feature that you’re not exactly ecstatic about. Nothing wrong with that.
September 23rd, 2007 at 1:04 am
thats just tragic!
September 25th, 2007 at 10:24 am
I myself seen that Tyra episode. I have to admit, I have had a crush on her for a very long time. I catch myself hating on my own race as well at times. I just want to be happy and it seems that white women fall short of what I need on a spiritual and physical level. I have dated women of many different races and even though I don’t hate my own race, I don’t think that I can find happiness within my own race. I hope that my feeling this way doesn’t mean that I am a racist against my own race.
September 25th, 2007 at 11:11 am
I do not hate on my race. I just don’t date the men. Its been my experience that Caucasian men treat me very much like a lady - they open the door for me, hold out my chair for me, etc. I can certainly do these things for myself, however speaking as a woman, its very nice when a man shows his attention and takes the time to do those little (but not inconsequential) things for you.
To Sxylilbritt: There’s nothing tragic in having surgery to correct something you perceive as holding down your potential to be happy, to be pretty, whatever. If it boosts your confidence and self-esteem, why the heck not?
September 25th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
I myself also watched that episode, and did think that a lot of the asians were having an identity crisis. Now one woman did state that she wanted a western look, when it came to here eyes. When we assimilate ourselves into another culture, especially if that culture is the dominant one, then there is bound to be some reprecussion.
Also, just to touch on the topic itself. I also have dated mostly black men when i was in my twenties, and they walked all over me. It took me a long time to trust and open up. Now am in my late thirties and to tell u the truth, i have no desire to date black men regardless of where they are from. I still find them attractive, but not compatible for me and where i am in my life right now. There are a lot of strong black men out there, but am not going to wait around to find out if he is the one. Been there done that. And like foxfuzzy, i dont hate them, i just dont date them.
September 26th, 2007 at 8:07 am
To PhatKitty: You go girl!! I couldn’t have said it better myself!!
October 1st, 2007 at 1:41 am
I have not thought about how I view my race until moving to the south. I don’t like the stereotypical mindset that STILL EXISTS! It’s old & tired! Your grandparents/greatgp’s went through crap so that your world would be easier. Open your eyes & get a clue! Make a man rspect you no matter what his color!Opening of doors, pulling out chairs doesn’t come exclusively from 1 race! I went on a date w/a caucsian guy tonight & we still got ‘the looks’! I loved it because it drew me closer to him! BOTTOM LINE….IF YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO BE THE MAN I NEED/DESERVE…STEP ASIDE & LET A BETTER MAN DO THE JOB YOU CAN’T OR WON’T!!
October 2nd, 2007 at 8:24 am
Get a grip, luvthenew. Yes, stereotypical views about interracial relationships still exist, especially in the south and other areas. You’re always going to get looks. And yes, your grandparents did go through crap. Did anything we said previously negate any of their achievements? Not!! What we did say is that we don’t hate on our race, we just don’t date men from our race. Finally, a lot of relationships start out with women thinking they could change the man they’re with. It never works - never! If he doesn’t have respect for you from the beginning, if it wasn’t an intrinsic part of his growing up and becoming a man, then there’s no way you’re going to teach him now, or force him to learn or, you can take sh** and hope he’s going to learn in the future. It just does not work that way.
February 17th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I may date interracially, but I don’t ignore the men of my race! I would really enjoy going out on a date with an African-American man, but it seems that I don’t get approached, or if I do, I’m already in a monogamous relationship. And luvthenew, it doesn’t matter what part of the country one lives in, the looks still come! I’m living in the so called “sophisticated and enlightened” Northeast(specifically outside NYC), and I received dirty looks in my area of NJ, in New York City, in Washington D.C. too. Those looks have no geographical exclusivity.
Here’s MY question…where are all of those cute Asian men, and why aren’t they approaching this very attractive, educated, intelligent African-American woman(ME)??? If Ja doesn’t want a attractive successful Asian guy, I’ll take him!
February 19th, 2008 at 2:21 am
My only question is. Why should anyone date you if you are not willing to date someone from your own ethnic group? I have had some issues with black men too, but I would never exclude them from dating. I guess to me some of you sound stupid, but this is my opinion. I could never take a man seriously if he can’t even date someone of his ethnic background, because he “thinks” he won’t find what he is looking for as if all the women are monolithic.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Culture, my dear Girlover, culture. You didn’t consider that aspect in reviewing your actions. You were being polite and respectful to the women in Tokyo, which in most American and European nations is the accepted thing to do. I’m just not sure its an aspect of Japanese culture…..
March 18th, 2008 at 9:42 am
No I would not say I hate my own race and a lot of men do that I know of. They wont talk to a black woman or give us the time of day and I had to ask myself why is that. So I did I ask a brother and it was sad. He told me that black woman are to loud and no class and he was just going on and on. I had to stop him and tell him that we are all not like that. He said we dont cater to their needs, support them love them the right way. I asked what is the right way. He said it is just something about a white women that makes him feel good. I dated black men and white men and asians. Some were good and some were very bad. I love my brothers but I prefer to date outside my race and find the one who will love me for me.
April 11th, 2008 at 2:08 am
I don’t hate my own race, I just have a preference for and 9 times out 10 a stronger attraction to black men more than my own race.
At the end of the day attraction is a personal individual thing. And like it or not attraction at first is physical no one sees someone at the end of the bar and goes… Damn Isn’t that a nice personality!! Each and every person has his or her own idea what makes someone attractive. Who cares why someone else likes what he or she likes, I mean isn’t that ultimately questioning diversity itself?
The other point to is everyone has their own set of experiences, and it varies from person to person depending on the demographic and how many people they’ve dated. And heaps of other past relationship issues thrown in the mix as well.
The point is if your using those experiences as absolute “truths” in your dating preferences then your only cheating yourself.
Heres a thought for all of us to consider, If we as individuals, no matter what race we come from, have to ask someone else why their attracted to us or not attracted to us. Aren’t we in extension, really asking for some kind confirmation of acceptance of our own belief of how we view ourselves?
I know what I love and I am not going to justify my reasons to someone who wants to find some sort of hidden agenda. Nor do I need approval from the masses to continue loving what I love.
Live and let live and celebrate diversity