Can dating more than one person be ok? Tell me about it
Is there a particular time when dating multiple people is excusable? Did I just hear a “HELL NO!�? Well, according to some people there are times when you can be excused.
One lady said that since she has always been the type of girl that gets into serious relationships a little too soon, she figured it was time to try NOT to jump into anything that quickly… taking it slow you know. So apparently, she found herself into a situation I dare not call a love triangle… This one is a love quadruple. She is dating three guys, all of whom she enjoys spending time with. Of course guilt has started catching up with her. And her main worry now is; dating multiple people may deter her from developing stronger feelings for any of them.
Considering this woman is suddenly feeling guilty, shows that she has realized that there is no excuse for multi-dating. Well I remember once having two girlfriends. I and the official one were having problems and the other one was like an escape for me. For a while there, I justified my actions but what we fear most happened… guilt, happened.
So since that didn’t work for me, does the decision to take things slow warrant having multiple partners so you can have a whole array of people to choose from, or should this be replaced with not dating at all? When did you multi-date and didn’t feel guilty about it? When is it excusable?
Tags: love triangle, multicultural dating, black white dating
Popularity: 2% [?]
July 10th, 2007 at 6:02 pm
what is the problem with dating more than one man. Now if you are sleeping with all of them. then that is a problem. I’m dating about 8 men right now. and it is hard. but it is fun. it helps me keep my emotions under control. like, out of the 8 men I like this one in particular the best. but he is really cute and hard to hold. if things do not work out with him. I will not fall as hard. cause I have 7 others to catch me. I want a real realtionship. if I waste my time focusing on one. I will have to start all over again to find another. and that is not easy. so, I date alot of men. when I have high sexal urges, I have a “special” friend for that. he takes care of that so meanwhile I will not be to fast with the men I’m dating and I can keep everything under control. in short I think dating alot of people is good. you do not get hurt as much, you have a better chance of finding “the one” in a short time, and you are having fun in the process. who is it hurting? guys do it all the time.
July 11th, 2007 at 9:45 am
i think the person who made the first comment has been hurt before in a relationship now thank about it it you had a daugther or son getting played like that you would be upset because you would not want them to get hurt so when are dating think about because no one want to get and really if you have more than one person talking to you you will never never ever get a emotional bond with none of them so if you love yourself as well as other you would take one at a time that way that person you are seeing get your full attention you feel me and you can bond if there is something there dating 3 or 5 person is sick im my book, that just saying i out here to play games and your not real all,and let me tell you this also for all those women out there that does this type of dating in no good and not for you because she has no respect for herself and the other person feeling it all about her and another she thinks in her head she got game but really what going to happen is one day it will catch up with her and that why you see women found missing or even dead and just why would you as a person would put your life on line because its fun with playing with people feeling thats just crazy ,in my book do it the right way one at a time,because dating two person at one time you may miss something the other has to offer and this goes for men also why because i been hurt in this way and i know how it feels and it donot feel good at all it really hurts being played with like this now this woman dating 8 men at one time she calls it fun i call it just out there trying to hurt people emotional and this person is no right at all and if this is going on this site this is bad because site is to get people to find love and not find the devil because that what these people are you feel and i just keeping just real ……………just think about it for real and stop saying woman and guy do it all the time thats not excuse to hurt anyone you never know you may get person hurt you or themself personally just really think about ,remember everyone do know think the same!
July 11th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
you are a black guy, I can tell, and as ususal, you did not really read my post. first of all. all the men know I’m dating them. they are dating other people to. I think the problem in the black community is that you really do not know what dating is. dating is going out on a social basis in hopes of more. it is like an interview. you go out with the person, do various things together, like bike riding, wine tasting, or even going to movies and dinner. after a couple of times. if you like one another, you will cease dating other people. and propose to one another that you want to persue the realationship to a deeper level. and when I do mean deeper level. I do not mean jumping into bed. both parties commit to only making time withone another in hopes of lasting commitment. I think you have never had a real datining experience. that is why I know you are black. that is why I do not date black men. you think that a woman is suppose to go out with you one time. and you are bonded forever! it does not go that way. that is why black relationships do not work. you move to fast!. I’m not hurting anyone.how do I not have respect for myself! what the hell do you mean by that! I’m not sleeping with anyone. I’m dating. the guys I’m dating are dating others to find the right person. and guess what! after dating these 8 men. I relized the one I really like. and he likes me. and we just planned to stop dating other people and focused one another. I knew five guys before him, and if I focused on one. I would not have met him. the other men will not be hurt why would they? we are not married, all we did was go out. they will continue to date others till they find, “the one” so your idea of dating is a cutural thing. that is why black men and black women cannot get it right. your priorities are all wrong
July 13th, 2007 at 1:22 am
im not a fan of dating more than one person myself… feelings get blurry and things can get nasty..my advice would not to do it at all..
July 18th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Yes, It is more than ok to date more than one person. Guilt should not be an issue unless you are sneaking behind someones back to date another person. That is the point of dating. To find the one you want to be with. Not to be trapped in a relationship that is going nowhere fast. Do please get your date on but make it very plain to all those involved there is someone else.
July 18th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
sinsia vex,
What you said was racist. People as a whole have misconceptions as to what dating is. Not just one particular race. And another thing in some cultures you dont get a chance to date at all. Your mate is chosen for you. And last of all but not least. You learn your dating habits from the adults you live with or that surround you as you grow up. Men are territorial by nature. This is why they make the comments they do. Even though they date other people.
July 26th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
yep, what I said was racist, but true. I never back down from anything I say. and I was not talking about other cultures that do not have a choice to date. I was talking about the american culture, so lets not get off topic. men just want women in general to stay in a box. we are not supposed to date more than one man. we are supposed to focus on one man and if he plays us, then we are supposed to cry over him. I do not have that problem, I rule my board. And if one guy acts out of line. he is off my list. I’m on to the next one. at this time, one man has risen above the rest. he has earned my trust and I have axed the others. I plan to devote my time to him and start a relationship. but if he acts out of line to many times, out he goes.
July 26th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
yep, what I said was racist, but true. I never back down from anything I say. and I was not talking about other cultures that do not have a choice to date. I was talking about the american culture, so lets not get off topic. men just want women in general to stay in a box. we are not supposed to date more than one man. we are supposed to focus on one man and if he plays us, then we are supposed to cry over him. I do not have that problem, I rule my board. And if one guy acts out of line. he is off my list. I’m on to the next one. at this time, one man has risen above the rest. he has earned my trust and I have axed the others. I plan to devote my time to him and start a relationship. but if he acts out of line to many times, out he goes.
August 5th, 2007 at 12:07 am
…I think we are all forgetting one key component here- “DATING” is just that-”DATING”. There is no strings attached or committment in the “dating” phase. Its not a “relationship”. You are just getting to know the person and assessing them for long-term material. So, on that basis, what is wrong with dating more than one person???
August 25th, 2007 at 10:18 am
As I have a tendency to speak and even think in metaphors, I’ll use the “new car” metaphor. Would you go out, knowing generally what type of car you’d like to buy not test drive that car? And in driving that car, you find the seat is uncomfortable, the blindspots are too big, the trunk is too small, engine isn’t powerful enough. So too is dating, and I do mean “DATING”. Dating, to me is about narrowing the choices, not about jumping into a commitment. If one allows oneselvf to take a step back; get to know the person, see how they eat, see how they conduct themselves in public, see how they react to different locals and situations, then you can make better choices and have a better idea as to finding your commonalities and differences. Dating, to me, is NOT about notching your bedpost, and I don’t even want to kiss at least until the second or third date, even at that, if there even is a third date. I do date a lot and I do date multiple women, but I also keep it light and fluffy, like cotton candy, until I make a “mutually exclusive” dating commitment. Going back to the metaphor, it is like finding the type of car you like, now lets see if it is the “exact” car you want. Being mutually exclusive means for both the man and the woman that each has met the BASIC expectations of the other for being mate material. This is a precursor to engagement (or moving in together), without the formality. This is where you look to see if there is any underlying thing that would stop you from spending your life with that person. You get to learn the quirks, and yes we all have them, about the other person, and once discovered, can they be accepted or overcome? It is usually in the mutually exclusive phase of dating that I discover problem areas; alcoholism, drug abuse, co-dependence…, thus I’ve been able to get out relatively unscathed. Of course in the initial dating phase, signs might be there for something wrong, and I’ve discovered a lot, determining that person is not for me, or I’m not for that person. I’ve found that in the initail dating phase, I don’t get my feelings hurt if I’m “cast aside”, because I’ve not made that emotional commitment.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
I think dating more than one person is fine, it gives you a variety to choose from and i think that you have a better chance of the finding the one that you want and the emotional attachment is there in the meantime so you dont get hurt.
April 11th, 2008 at 12:32 am
I believe dating is about meeting people with whom you are both trying to decide whether your both compatable to take it to the next level…meaning a serious relationship. Dating is also a period of time when your finding out whether the other person is being honest and being real with you so you can build trust to move to the next level.
There are lots of factors that determine how fast or how slow each couple move in that direction. It depends on how you feel in that stage with that person. Just because your dating someone does it mean your having sex with them? Do we assume that because someones multiple dating their physically intimate with all of them?
The important thing is to be up front and honest with whomever your with and establish what it is you each want and expect right in the here and now.
While I do not actively seek multiple dates or make rules regarding such, I think while it is in the dating stage I am free to see whomever I like because no commitment has been made by either party, otherwise it would be a relationship.
As regards to the woman in the blog who felt guilty, its obvious she developed enough feelings to feel like she was doing the wrong thing. This would be my cue personally that I had become emotionally attached to that person, and needed to decide what those feelings were exactly.
If I came to the conclusion that I wanted something more from the other person then its up to me to discus that with them to see if they felt the same. If the response is positive you move into a relationship. If not well you have to make a decision but you are still free to date.
In essense its up to the individual what their feeling are and what their prepared to give and lets face it lose.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:03 am
I’m sure that there are people out there, Who like dancing close to the edge. But at what price? Is it really worth all the heart ache and the drama?
One MAN or WOMAN should be enough. Don’t write a check your ASS can’t cash!