Multicultural relationships and marriages is a topic that stirs heated debates as reflected in the numerous discussion threads on the Internet among Asian Americans. This is often a very touchy subject for both Asian American men and women.
Most Asian American multicultural marriages are those of a white husband married to an Asian wife. This combo makes up 14 percent of all mixed unions. Interestingly, in 75 percent of Asian-white marriages, the husband is white. No matter how different their personalities or backgrounds it seems like just about every Asian American woman I know is dating or married to a white guy. The good thing is that those who do, say they have nothing against their Asian men. It’s just that culturally they have embraced the American culture hence feeling very American.
“I have never dated an Asian guy, and will probably never date an Asian guy,�? says Michelle Phi, a student at Texas A&M University. . . “I’m a very Americanized Asian girl who needs a very Americanized male�? “I fear the potential acquisition of another Asian family.�? Another Vietnamese woman in her early 30s, says, “I think it is an issue of cultural assimilation. Overall, I have found Asian men too ‘Eastern’ in their thinking about women.�? According to her many Asian American men still have rather traditional and patriarchal attitudes about Asian American women.
As much as am pro multicultural relationships, does this mean that Asian American men aren’t Americanized enough? Is this the reason that leads Asian American women away from Asian American men?Don’t you think that these women also seem to be caught up in the exact same stereotypes about Asian American men – stereotypes that most of the minority cultures in the US are trying so hard to fight?
Clearly, the Asian American woman seems to be categorically rejecting any Asian American man available based on their belief that because he’s Asian, then it’s like automatically he’s not as Americanized or culturally ‘liberated’ as them. Like Phi above, she has vowed never to date an Asian guy. Its like she is not even willing to give any one of them a chance!
This is America yeah… people have the right to believe whatever they want to and date whoever they want. But does that mean that we use that freedom to express generalizations and stereotypes against Asian American men? Aren’t they real Americans just like their female counterparts?
Although not all Asian American women have these stereotypical opinions, it’s a pity when such cultural stereotypes are perpetuated by members of their own community.
Tags: multicultural dating, ethnicity, interracial dating
Popularity: 4% [?]
Comment by hiimsteph on 19 June 2007:
I personally like Asian men. Wish to find one that is open enough to dating (or try dating) a black woman. Its not bad at all. And quite frankly I think asian-whte couples when they have children they come out looking..pretty lame, with no profound characteristics at all.. am I lyin? Im not trying to knock AW dating but thats what I think. But a Blasian couple looks more full of character and varietized and just plain out of the ordinary, very unique.
Comment by Leon on 22 June 2007:
I’ve found that one of the insecurities that Asian women struggle with, is their eye appearance. When seeking cosmetic surgery, The eyes are the #1 thing they want to change. This may, Or may not be a reason for some of their preference toward white men. They desire a more American look, That would open more doors to their pursuits. They feel that slanted eyes limit
them somewhat, Of reaching their potential.
Comment by suiyoobi on 20 July 2007:
Personally, I feel kind of sorry for Asian women. They’re missing out. Our great big beautiful world is like an ice cream parlour filled with 100’s of different flavors. Sadly, they’ve been programed some what by our society to by pass all the flavors and go straight for the vanilla because it’s safer. Vanilla ice cream may be good, but how do you know what butter pecan, or rum raison, or pistachio tastes like…if your afraid to taste it?
Comment by suiyoobi on 22 July 2007:
Our world is like an ice cream parlour filled with hundreds of different flavors. Sadly, Asian women have been led to believe that with all these wonderful flavors…vanilla is the safest, best flavor in the shop. I’m not saying vanilla is a bad flavor, but how do you know if you like pistachio or rum raison or butter pecan…unless you take a risk and taste it. A band called Wild Cherry played soft rock in the 80’s to little success. It wasn’t until they did the funk flavored ” Play That Funky Music” that their career took off. If Asian women are comfortable in the asian-caucasian box. More power to them. But there’s a whole world out there that they’re missing out on
Comment by hiimsteph on 24 July 2007:
Hey I love your ice cream analogy, making me want some!
Comment by JohnLove on 30 November 2008:
Hello. I personally feel that asian women are the same as all women are. it is the tpye of thinking or fram of mind the have that meke them see things the way they do.the opposive is what attracts peoples to each other, it is awful nice to have so many differet flavors of ice cream to taste.and most interracial childrens are so beautiful or cute .when they are born.
Comment by mysteeq01 on 4 February 2009:
Well, this is what i know… The Asians (in particularly Indians) have a caste system, this means the darker the skin the lower the caste you are. In some societies, they would kill their own daughters, if they ever discovered she dated a blk guy, however they would more accept it if she dated a white guy, as the children are likely to be lighter skinned.
Try going to India, as a tourist and watch them, they have shelter everywhere not wanting to get tanned!
If you see an Indian man with a blk woman, he is most probably from the Caribbean Islands!… and you dont see many of those either!
Comment by guy on 6 February 2009:
Check out Hung Lo the first Chinese male porn star fucking white women at shelovesasiancock.com. I hope this website will bring awareness to white, black, hispanic, jewish, arab and native indian people in America that many asian men do have large penis size like Hung Lo and are not always shorter than white men. Look at Yao Ming he is the tallest basketball player in the NBA. Yao has better skills than any basketball player in the history of the NBA that was taller than 7′ 5″ that includes the likes of Mark Eaton, Shawn Bradley and Manute Bol.
There was this fear in the early 20th century in america by white men that asian men were animals, beasts and barbaric because they have large families, very horny and must fuck a lot. The white man then made a concerted effort to dehumanize the asian man to be sexless, unappealing, skinny with buck teeth, short in height with a small penis size so as to protect the white women from cross breeding and having mixed race kids. This disinformation has been constantly circulated in the media (movies, tv, radio, books, newspapers, and magazines) for the last 80 years.
How can so many white people believe these stereotypes for so many years. The late Bruce Lee the martial arts expert and actor is so macho, robust, masculine and is a stud with no buck teeth. Are we to believe that he is uglier than Kelsey Grammer, unappealing, feminine like all asian men, too soft, can’t fuck white women because he is asian, by the way his wife is white. Are we to believe that Yao Ming who is asian has a penis size smaller than Mini Me who is white from the Austin Powers movies. For all those asian men haters out there, wake up and smell the coffee, Porn star Hung Lo is not the only asian man in America fucking white women. Face the facts asian men haters, times have changed and an asian man/white woman couple will no longer be perceived as taboo, odd, a rarity or an aberration but will be seen as mainstream and ubiquitous. A black man is now the president of the U.S. and an asian president will happen in the future.
Keep it up Hung Lo at shelovesasiancock.com
Comment by JohnLove on 7 February 2009:
There will always be some peoples that will hate peoples just because of the color of their skin,God looks at our heart not the color of our skin, all of of our bodies is going back to the the dirt after we die.regardles of who we are or what status we might have had during our life time.love see no color, or knows no color.
Comment by globalnomad on 11 February 2009:
See what a professional writer andextremely well-traveled individual says in “Asian Women in Asia–A Dating and Marriage Guide for Westerners.” It’s the most extensive, comprehensive and helpful free article anywhere on this topic. http://www.asianwomeninasia.com
Comment by globalnomad on 11 February 2009:
See what a professional writer and extremely well-traveled individual says in “Asian Women in Asia–A Dating and Marriage Guide for Westerners.” It’s the most extensive, comprehensive and helpful free article anywhere on this topic. http://www.asianwomeninasia.com
Trackback by Katie and Jack on 5 June 2009:
Katie and Jack…
Been reading a while now, some good stuff around here….
Comment by Big nick on 22 June 2009:
Lol i just typed in that website for shits and giggles and those asian guys all have little asian 5 inchers and those are supposedly the “big” ones. I think a small factor is also because asian women like bigger penises, and studies show that caucasian are often multiple inches larger than asian males in penis size.
Comment by Tender on 15 July 2009:
As a woman of Eurasian ethnicity (Malaysian born Chinese mother and Anglo Saxon white Australian father), I find hiimsteph’s view of how Eurasians look offensive (though obviously, this is her opinion and in that sense, cannot be ‘wrong). I do not say this to be egotistical, but in no way could I ever be considered unattractive or ‘lame’, with ‘no profound characteristics’- I have olive green almond shaped eyes, full lips, curves in all the right places and am often referred to as a ‘little doll’. I have, however, experienced a lot of racism in my time, that runs the gamut from uneducated people assuming I am my father’s ‘mail order bride’ because I am young, pretty and they can see no obvious shared features between us, to out and out threats of rape and violence due to my mixed ethnicity. I have been called an ‘Ornamental’, a play on ‘Oriental’, as apparently Asian women make the best arm candy. I have many Eurasian friends, none of whom could be considered unattractive and all of whom are seen as exotic and appealing in general, due to the mix of Caucasian and Asian features.
There are studies that indicate that Eurasians have the greatest appeal to both Caucasians and Asians, as we fall right in the middle of what is considered attractive to both cultures.
In Asia, the beauty market for ‘whitening’ products is HUGE. Culturally, pale skin has always been considered more appealing and Asians desire to look more ‘Western’. However, in Western culture, Caucasians want to look darker (the ridiculous obsession with tanning) and more exotic. So clearly, it is a case of wanting what you cannot/ do not have.
It has also been said to me that some white men like Asian women better as they are built ’smaller’ in all senses, thus making them ‘tighter’ - I found this explanation slightly offensive.
Culturally, Asian women are raised to be more submissive and subservient, another appealing factor for a particular type of man.
I have dated Asian guys, Italians, African Americans, Greeks but my fiance is Caucasian. Whether this is because my father is Caucasian or because I have been raised as ‘Western’ in a Western country, with very little exposure to Asian culture as my mother’s family still live in Malaysia, I do not know. I am undecided on the factors that have influenced and shaped who I date. But let it be said, that I do not date anyone purely on race alone.
Comment by Filipino on 30 July 2009:
If an Asian American rejects Asian guys, she is a racist and it’s as simple as that. Nobody has immunity to racism against their own race.
Comment by Calm and composed on 3 August 2009:
These things are emotional and personal. It’s impossible to draw conclusions, even if detailed and scientific studies were performed.
There is no scientific evidence to suggest that most asian mixed race relationships involve an asian woman and caucasian male.
Comment by green girl on 16 August 2009:
I am an average white American woman and I happen to LOVE LOVE LOVE Asian men. I also have a thing for men that are near my height or a little shorter than me. I am 5 ft 9 in. Asian men are HOT. Chinese, Japanese, Indian, etc. HOT. I don’t know why any woman would not want to date an Asian man.
Why do men always think that it has anything to do with penis size??? Seriously?? We don’t pick husbands based on size! Give us a little credit!
I have 2 friends that are married to Asian men. I don’t think it’s that uncommon.
Comment by Call me racist all you want but the stats speak for themselves on 23 August 2009:
I am a Hong Kong Chinese-American girl. Keep in mind, I’ve dated more than one, or even 3, guys from various cultures (no, I’m not a ho) and the majority fit into the same strerotype.
Asian cultures have always strongly leaned towards being able to marry up in wealth and class and being light skinned is considered more beautiful. Eurasian children are 95% of the time gorgeous and I’m sorry, Blasian children usually are not in my eyes and most other Asians’ eyes. The darkness and the hair texture is what puts us off. Even though I’ve dated Black men, I would NEVER have children with one because of how dark it would turn out. Harsh, but true.
As for Spanish men, the lighter, the better. In Hong Kong where my family is from, Filipinas are usually the maids. To have a child with a Spanish man would make my child look like that and it doesn’t sit well with my culture.
Asian-American men don’t usually like me because I’m usually taller than them (5′9″), very curvy (size 8 or so) and am not submissive.
Another harsh, but true, reality is that Asians tend to be more educated than Blacks and Hispanics. Call me racist all you want, but the statistics speak for themselves. Most Asian women don’t want to hear it from their family or experience it for themselves to marry beneath herself and have dark children. Family is very important in our society and if your spouse’s family is not up to par, we will talk shit about them, plain and simple. Do you want to be harrassed about how horrible your spouse’s family is everytime you see your parents?
If you insist on dating an Asian woman just to see how it is, go ahead. There are plenty of women who will date outside their race, regardless of skin color, hair texture and social standing. My cousin is dating a very dark Trini man. They’re happy. Please just realize that although, this is MY opinion, I would say about 80% of Asian-American women will agree with me.
Comment by usacala on 8 February 2010:
As far as I know , most of Asian Women are racists and snobs . they are so arrogant. Actually they are so poor in this country but they are really looking down at the poor and the weak .
Statistics show that most of asian american women have mental problems in this land because of cultural conflict between their parents tradition and american society. They just look for rich guys or guys from great family background to marry.
In short , don’t date and marry with Asian american woman. It is wasting your life . if you like asian women, You can go to China, Japan, Thai,…. , you can find many wonderful women over there. But don’t marry Asian American Women : racist and snob