Interracial Dating Central Blog

In 1995, a pal of mine was vacationing in Hawaii. She met this African lady… love at first sight they call it. No words exchanged… just smiles across the table. Lucky enough both of them were staying in the same hotel so as fate would have it, they bumped into each other and that is how it all began. Let me press the fast forward button and get to the point

That night the dude called me and asked me to fax him as much info as I could about Kenya (Where the lady was coming from) coz apparently all he knew was the runners. I did. He spent hours on end trying to cram all the info I had faxed overnight. I was really impressed by him… having taken the time of his sleep just to learn and understand as much about where the lady was coming from.

As if that wasn’t enough embracing for a lifetime, they decided to get married after 5 years of dating. The guy agreed to have a traditional wedding for her in Kenya. And he was willing to do it as Kenyans do it. He paid dowry… LOL!!! What crossed my mind when he told me this was – wasn’t the engagement ring rock big enough!!!

These are the little things about the other person’s culture we need accommodate. These are the little things that prove you love someone enough to respect their culture. And even though the groom and his entourage were ignored when they went to pick up the bride on the wedding day (they weren’t even offered a cup of tea and it was freazing cold), it didn’t stop him. He had to say I DO!!!

Tell me… can you handle this?

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‘My imperfect couple’… this is what most multicultural couples turn out to be after a few years of marriage. The pushing and pulling begins. This is after realizing the once so perfect spouse, aint that perfect after all. This is after realizing that their cultures are totally different that it ends up putting a strain on their marriage. It is not easy having to deal with the differences and the pressure from family and friends.

The perfect couple… we all know them… the couple on almost every wedding cake… and the secret to their perfection is because their eyes don’t meet. They dont get to see the other person’s imperfection. (I got that one my favorite show - desperate housewives.) That is actually true. Everyone experiences their perfect moments in a relationship. That is when we have just met and we don’t know each other’s dirty little secrets or nasty behaviors. And once we start analyzing one another for who we truly are, then we turn into ‘my imperfect couple’ in no time.

If couples borrow the secret from ‘the perfect couple’, then we might just make it. Culture is just culture. It’s a way of life yes. But instead of having a tag-of-war competition about it, it’s easier not to analyze. And instead of doing the analyzing why cant two people just ignore the world and come up with their own way of life… their own culture? Wont it be easier to stop clinging on to our past cultures and come up with something that is acceptable to the both of you?

If we decide to be the couple that doesn’t look at each other on the wedding cake then maybe most multicultural relationships won’t suffer much… We’ll all get along…

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I put up this video today to prove a point.

Most online daters always say they are looking for someone with a great sense of humor… This you will see in most of the profiles people post. Question is, can you handle it? How much or to what extent should this humor extend? Are there quantifiers for this?

The video above is a real example of what am talking about. The lady might have found that funny. And the dude’s parents saying they have had chemistry with her…? Well that is humor too. One thing we always forget is that our sense of humor may be offensive to others. Some of us may find the above video funny and laugh their lungs out. On the other hand, this being a multicultural blog site, most of us will find the video inappropriate or even offensive.

Humor can be a potent or dismissive personality tool in dating. In a multicultural society, we need to tread carefully. We might meet people and tease them about their cultures. While a person may mean well, initial humor that lack any context, can easily be misinterpreted resulting in a false impression of someone! So while we are busy trying to find a person with a great sense of humor or being humorous ourselves, all we ought to remember is… within the context of a relationship, the most important thing is developing emotional intimacy, and this intimacy is what enables people to share a good laugh together. This is something that builds over time.

Is humor important in a relationship?

How much humor is acceptable?

Feel free to express your ideas and have a humorous weekend

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From different countries, united by love, the widow of former Mozambican President Samora Machel and Nobel Peace Prize laureate the then President seemed destined to fall in love. From different cultural backgrounds… aint that GRAND!!? According to Graça, Mandela “…is just a human being who is simple and gentle… and who is generous and keen to give love and so eager to receive it. This is what unites us�

This is the kind of relationship we should all emulate. To them having come from different countries and cultures didn’t really matter. They may have had their share of problems but they decided to stay together. Graça said she tried to spend as much time as possible with Madiba when the two were not dividing their time between their two countries.

Cultural boundaries is a notion that we create in our minds so that we step into the unknown with caution. Well its all part of being human. Don’t you guys think that we can erase these creations of our minds by just taking that first step? Easier said than done… how true that is. But does this mean that all the multicultural or interracial couples we see around us - from celebrities to the normal person - took the wrong step? Well… I beg to differ.

Its never too late to take the first step. Mandela did it and his statement proves most of us wrong. Now he can proudly say… “Late in my life I am blossoming like a flower because of her love and supportâ€?. – Focus on the “Late”

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When I came I cross this video, I couldn’t help but notice the comment that came with it - ” guess that guy puts up with those beatings cause she’s so flexible “

Imagine having to put up with a culture where on the wedding day, instead of whisking your bride off to some secluded place, you must prove to the whole community that the lady is a virgin, by having sex with people surrounding you so they can carry around the white bloody sheet on which you consummated the marriage on. Or marrying into a culture where close family must sleep in the same room with the remains (corpse that is) of the deceased. You think that’s strange..? You have another think coming.

Well there is this couple that decided to take the phrase “till death do us partâ€? literally. Guess what?? They are to have their wedding in a graveyard. Amsler – the guy - proposed last June, affixing to the side of the 1965 hearse _ which the two call “Edgar” _ a plate with a simple message: “Will you marry me?” Seconds later, the ring slid onto a crying Patterson’s finger.

She received Edgar as an engagement gift and had only one stipulation: The wedding had to be outside, in a gazebo. Her worries were laid to rest while she and Amsler drove to her dad’s house. While traveling on Interstate 44, Patterson spotted a gazebo on a hilltop, only to find it was in a graveyard. No worries. more…

When it comes to cultural differences, most couples have to put up with so much s*** just to be with those they love. But then again when we look at the graveyard story, it has nothing to do with culture. It’s all about compromising in order to make the other person happy and that is what we should emulate. That is where she wants to get married and the dude supports her. He doesn’t care what people will think about it or whether people will think they are members of some cult. All he cares about is that is that they get married.

So you ask yourself, are cultural differences something to worry about? Aren’t these things we can learn to live with (Like putting up with the beatings coz the lady is flexible )? Just like the chocolate chip cookie in video clip above, our cultures may be different or even seem imperfect in the other person’s eyes but so long as we love each other, who gives a rats a**!!!

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The other day while doing the usual – having a mental block… thinking hard of what to write about, I received an email from a friend with the above video. So I watched it and it hit me as pretty powerful…that’s when it crossed me… What if this test were to be done on white children? Would it have elicited the same kind of results?

Come to think of it, the white doll might always appear beautiful to a lot of kids given the huge marketing campaigns to promote Barbie and other white dolls – the very long hair, flashy clothes and makeup (am sure you all have noticed the red lipstick). Is the mind of a child a clean slate… one that hasn’t yet been corrupted by racial discrimination?

So I wondered… if the test was be done on grown ups what would the results be like? For instance if I direct the question to you now, which doll would you have picked and why?

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Imagine life being this simple. Everything happening at the push of a button.

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When I was watching this video clip, a thought crossed my mind. If only we could just have a remote control like the one Adam Sandler had in the movie “Click”, then all the problems we face in the dating world would be history. I would have them customise one where interracial dating was acceptable to all and by all. Wouldn’t that be something?

In our multicultural world, we all need to have such remote controls in our minds. Live together as one as my pal Bob Marley (How I wish) would put it. And for those who are sceptical about interracial and cross-cultural dating, I would have just the medicine for them. I’d borrow me that guys button and puff!!! all gone!!!

I know people are entitled to their own opinion… it’s a Free country. But if someone dedicates their every breathe to making the lives of interracial couples a living hell, then I think we ought to borrow that button. Well that’s my opinion. What’s yours?

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Well I have decided to be a little serious today and give you all some fatherly advice. Well Jesus used to use parables in the Holy Book. Lemme give this a shot.

The Japanese are amazing people. They embrace other people’s cultures so well its amazing. A friend of mine in Kenya, told me how those people speak grammatically correct Swahili language… their Swahili is much better that that of most Kenyans. It’s really amazing how they do it. One Japanese lady went to Kenya 3 years ago, got assimilated into one of the ethnic groups - Luo community - and even got herself a Luo name - Anyango nyar Siaya (Anyango of Siaya). Well the lady now lives with a family in Siaya district and plays Kenyan lyre called Nyatiti and really enjoying herself and singing in Luo language while at it.

Now imagine a Japanese woman playing the lyre above.

You may be asking yourself “where the f*** is James going with all this crap?” Lemme get to the point and save you the thinking trouble. The thing is the Japanese are not afraid to try out new things, exploring the unknown. We should do the same for multicultural relationships - get ourselves naked and dive into the cold water. Allow each party to bring a little part of their heritage and culture into the relationship. Acknowledge the fact that both of you are different but united. Am sure with that in mind, once you are in the water, you won’t want to get out.

Did my parable work?

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This probably veers off my course. I couldn’t stop myself. I had to share. Its the adam in me

We may all be human yes… But what would you do??

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Hi all? Happy valentines. Now this is some video. Crude in a way but hey, lets have fun this valentines.

What do you think of this controversial video?

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